by Jacki Kelly
I heard Ursula and Carla squealing in the dining room.
“Hey, you guys.” I breezed into the room and kissed each of them on the cheek. The two small pills that I popped on the way home had me feeling good. “Everything looks great.” I surveyed the room. “What are you two so excited about?”
“Did you see that ring on Ursula’s finger?” The excitement in Carla’s voice matched the look in her eyes, all glossy and happy. “It is huge! It is absolutely huge!” She held up Ursula’s hand for me to see.
“I know. It is, isn’t it?”
The three of us were quiet for a nanosecond. Then we hugged each other again. We all had tears in our eyes.
“Ahhhhh.” Ursula jumped around the room in her four-inch heels and pencil skirt. “I’m getting married and I’m so happy. I can’t believe this.”
Carla and I stood back and let her have her moment. I said a silent prayer that the joy she felt in that moment lasted her a lifetime. Someone deserved to be head-over-heels happy.
“Okay. Okay.” She shook her arms and jumped from one foot to the next. “Tonight is about Crystal and I will not steal her joy. So don’t say anything to her about this. She’ll be so excited about everything she’ll probably never notice the ring.” She looked to Carla and me for confirmation.
We nodded.
“Oh good, ’cause I can’t stand to take it off, even for a night.” She stomped her feet in quick succession as she pumped her fist in the air, like she was doing an African tap dance.
When she finally settled down, I said, “Everything looks so nice, you guys really outdid yourselves. The food in the kitchen smells so good I want to start sampling now.”
“Don’t you dare! Crystal called, she’s on her way. Toni, Keisha and Donna Lee are already upstairs changing into their pajamas.” Carla shook her hips. “How do you like mine?” She did a graceful pirouette so we could see her lacy outfit with her trademark plunging neckline that exposed her generous cleavage.
“Honey, your boobs are huge, look at you popping out of that top. You sure you aren’t lactating already?” Ursula teased.
Carla dropped her head. Pain filled her eyes.
“Carla I was only kidding,” Ursula said.
“Look, I might as well tell you this now. Today the doctor said my ovaries don’t release an egg every month.” She caught her breath. Making the statement must have been painful. “The likelihood that I’ll get pregnant is slim. That’s how she said it—slim.”
“Oh, Carla. Be strong honey,” I whispered in her ear. “She said slim chance. That means it could happen.”
“Tracy, I’m not gonna sit around and pine for something that might not happen. There are thousands of children out there waiting on a Mommy and a Daddy. I’m sad that Javier and I might not have our own child,” she drew a deep breath, “but we will keep on screwing like crazy and keep on trying to have our own. But we’ll adopt if we have to. It’s okay, really it is.” She shook her head. “I’m okay.” She wiped her nose on the back of her hand then smiled a sad grin. “Javier and I talked about what we’ll do next, and we’re okay. Really I am. If we have to adopt we will,” she said with forced cheerfulness.
“Carla, I wouldn’t have teased you if I’d known,” Ursula said.
She waved her hand to indicate she was finished with this topic for now. “Hey, somebody get me a tissue. Can’t you see the snot running from my nose?” She laughed.
I handed her the box.
“Did Walter tell you I saw him this morning?”
“No, we only talked for a few minutes this evening. Where?”
“At Dr. Johnson’s office, this morning.”
“Who is Dr. Johnson?”
“My ob-gyn. Javier and I go every week for testing and prodding and poking and torture. This morning, Walter was sitting in the waiting room just as pretty as you please. He said one of the secretaries got sick and he had to take her to the doctor.” Carla positioned her hands on her hip like I was supposed to have the right answer.
Fear inched down my spine until it settled in my gut, while my right eye twitched. I fought to keep my face neutral. Something stunk, but I didn’t know what.
Not one inch of me would allow this evening to turn into another soapy scene like the one I had dragged the three of us through a few weeks before. Walter wasn’t the type of person to do a good deed unless it benefited him. Maybe he was trying to impress his boss by trying to appear sympathetic.
I almost laughed at the thought. In the most chipper voice I used for Sunday morning welcome, I said, “I hope everything turned out okay.”
The two of them gave me doubtful looks that I ignored.
“I better get upstairs and change so we can get this soirée started.”
“Did you tell Carla about your special lunch today?” Ursula insinuated.
“A special lunch?”
“I had lunch with Marco. That’s all there is to it.”
“He hinted he more than just liked Tracy.”
“You’re playing with fire, honey.” Carla wagged her finger at me.
“I’m not playing anything with Marco. He’s just a co-worker. Nothing more. Since Ursula is in love, she enjoys wrapping her magic wand around everything within reach.” I strutted across the room and said over my shoulder, “I’m going to change.”
Upstairs, Crystal’s bedroom door was closed. Since she went away to school, we usually left it open, but I could hear girlfriends in there chatting. I should have stuck my head in the door and greeted them, but I needed to be alone.
I closed the master bedroom doors, went directly into the bathroom, and pushed those doors, too. I wanted to be as far away from everyone as possible. I picked up the phone and dialed Walter’s office.
No answer.
I sat on the vanity chair with the phone in my hand. If I waited long enough, the curtain would part and reveal Walter’s secrets. If I waited long enough, whatever was dragging me down would give up and let me breathe. If I waited long enough, I’d be numb enough to walk away.
Chapter Sixteen – Walter
I drummed my pen on the desk. For the moment the fire burning my ass wasn’t extinguished, it had just move up to the middle of my chest and continued to simmer. There wasn’t a single soul I could share my mess with. Even Jay wouldn’t believe this big pile of shit I was in now.
I was back in the office just in time for the afternoon meeting. My team sat around the table in the same formation from earlier.
“Why the grim expressions, gentlemen? This is why we get paid the big bucks. We have to make the difficult decisions.” I placed my palms on the table. “So let’s get started.”
With a lime green marker, Thompson wrote the names of the under-performing employees on a large white-board. By six-thirty we were able to construct the list of one hundred and fifty employees worldwide to let go.
Afterwards, the room was silent as we eyeballed the final list. Some of the names were people I’d befriended over the years.
“I don’t know how we’re going to break this to the employees. Can you imagine the chaos?” one manager spoke up.
“I know we should be relieved this part of the process is over. But this is only the beginning,” I said.
“Now that we’ve cut our staffs, what about our jobs? We all know the senior VPs are going through this same exercise. How many of us are going to lose our jobs?” Thompson placed the lime marker on the table. His eyes met mine.
“We’ve got a lot of meetings planned. As soon as I know something, I’ll let you know. Try to stay focused. We’ll make this as painless as possible.” I looked around the room hoping my speech was convincing. “It’s late. Let’s call it a day. Thanks everyone.”
I strolled out of the conference room behind everyone else. I was pretty confident my job was secure. Nobody worked harder or made more sacrifices. My wreck of a life was an example of the sacrifices I made for the company.
I cleared the papers off my desk
, shoving them into them into the top drawer. My phone vibrated.
“Did you change your mind about coming over tonight? I’m sorry I was such a bear today. It’s just hard, you know—”
“I’m leaving the office in a few minutes. My meeting ran longer because…” Sasha’s sigh cut me short. She didn’t want to hear about my problems and I didn’t want to share them with her. That was something I talked to Tracy about. “I’ll be there shortly. Just be ready for me.”
“Oh, you can count on me.” She used her voice like a weapon.
Before I could get out of the office, the senior vice president walked in. Joe Johnson was still in his suit and tie, and wore his authority like amour. We all tried to emulate the tall, lean man. We dressed like him. Came in early like him, worked late like him and some of us even talked like him.
Even though I tried to be a clone, too, I hated him. I didn’t trust him.
“You’re around mighty late tonight, Joe. You must have had a day similar to mine,” I said as he sat down.
“I imagine. How did your meetings go today?” Joe crossed his legs and even though he tried to look casual, his stiff back said otherwise.
“We have a list. We’ll turn it in tomorrow morning. It was painful, but we got it done.”
“Good.” He drummed his fingers on the table. “Walter, I want to warn you some vice presidents will be offered packages. Your name is being batted about.” He avoided direct eye contact with me.
My chest constricted. I hid my discomfort as best I could. I placed my hand on the top of my desk to steady myself. “What…when? When? Joe, you’ve gotta be kidding me. I’ve been working my ass off around here. My performance has been stellar. You’ve said so yourself. Batted about…what does bat about really mean?”
“We’re still reviewing the list and won’t have a final decision until the end of the week. I’m doing everything I can for you, but I wanted to give you a heads-up.”
“Does this have anything to do with the incident a few weeks ago?” The words clogged in my throat, sounding more desperate than I wanted.
Joe re-crossed his legs and cleared his throat. I knew the answer even before he spoke.
“There are several factors that we’re taking into consideration.” He continued to look down at his expensive shoes.
“Is there anything I can do to improve my chances?”
“Sit tight and focus on bringing in the second quarter earnings.”
“With my direction, my team has exceeded their profit objectives in the last six quarters. I’ve made this team what it is. How can you even consider letting me go?”
“We’re thinking about taking the company in a new direction.” He stood and shoved his hands in his pocket, still without making eye contact with me.
“Good night, Joe.”
“You too.” He eased out the door as quietly as he had entered.
I grabbed my briefcase, threw my laptop inside on top of the mounds of paper and slammed it shut. “Bastard,” I muttered. “This company would have tanked years ago without me.”
I sped down the interstate with the music blaring to drown out the pain in my chest and the pressure building in my head. Darting from lane to lane. I even flashed my lights on a late model station wagon driven by a gray-haired couple holding up traffic in the left lane.
I pulled into Sasha’s driveway and sat in the car for several minutes taking deep breaths. Through the windshield, the little house that used to bring me so much joy didn’t look the same. Tonight the light calming sensation that usually comes over me when I pulled in the drive was noticeably absent.
Other than the constant pain burning in my chest, nothing else registered. I was a man on a constant mission for satisfaction even though I knew it didn’t exist.
The implications of Joe’s words flashed in my head. What would happen if I were forced to take an exit package? An attractive financial package would mean nothing. I was only forty-two years old—too young to go fishing every day. Now I had another child to put through college.
Shit.
I was going to be sixty years old when the baby was ready to start college. I’d be an old man attending a high school graduation; everyone would think I was the grandfather.
I hung my head.
Who was going to pull my balls out of the fire this time?
I climbed out of the car, straightened my back, and headed inside. Sasha walked out of the kitchen wearing a pair of tiny shorts and a fitted top. Her breasts pushed at the fabric. The sight was almost enough to make me forget all the other stuff. I could be happy, for a while, between the beautiful mounds.
“Are you hungry?” She leaned against the door frame.
“Yeah, but not for food.” I kissed her mouth.
“That’s what I figured. After a long day at work, you’re always horny Do you want dinner first or me first?” She put the spoon down.
“I’ll need my stamina, let’s eat, then I’ll do you.”
She pushed her lips into a perfect pout. “I’ve never come in second before.”
“It’s been a trying day.”
She placed the plates on the tables. “I’m having tea for dinner, but there’s some wine in the chiller if you want.”
I need the whole bottle after the day I’ve had.”
“Let’s enjoy dinner without talking about work.”
Relief ran through my veins. I didn’t have to relive the lousy details again.
“Are you okay after that little run-in?” she asked between bites of grilled chicken.
“Carla caught me by surprise. I didn’t know what to say to her.”
“That was obvious. That was really a lame excuse you gave her. Of all the doctors in town, what’s the likelihood that I’d have the same doctor as your wife’s best friend?” Sasha looked at me as if she expected me to provide the statistical odds. “By my next appointment, Tracy will know about me, so you won’t have to keep making excuses.” Sasha spoke the words like rapid gunfire, making sure she hit her mark.
Trouble brewed behind her pretty brown eyes. She wanted me to co-sign her statement, tell her what she wanted to her. I nodded instead.
“Crystal’s bridal shower thingy is tonight. I need to stay out of the way. I won’t be missed.”
Her eyes lit up. She got up from the table and came to sit on my lap.
Ahh. That makes you happy, huh? I put down my fork and cupped her breast.
“I’m always happy when I don’t have to share you with Tracy.” She grabbed my chin between her fingers and kissed me hard on the lips. I dropped my hand inside the band of her shorts. “Why are you wearing panties?”
“You think I walk around with nothing on under my clothes all the time?”
“A man can hope.”
“Later. I’ll take them off and you can put them in your pocket and take them with you. How’s that?”
“How about you take everything off right now?”
She slipped her tongue in my mouth. The forceful drill of her tongue warmed my whole body. “God, you’re good at getting my attention.”
When she moved to stand up, I held her in place. “Are we okay?”
“We’re okay if you make an honest woman out of me.”
“You’re an honest woman and I love you. Everything is going to turn out just fine.” The hole I dug got bigger and bigger but I couldn’t stop. I had to tell her what she wanted to hear.
She stroked my penis through my pants. Her long, even caresses made my breath catch. I found her soft mouth and assaulted her tongue. The sweet taste enveloped me. The more she gave me, the more I wanted. She was like an addiction, a habit I didn’t want to break. In a perfect world, I would screw her every day before going home to Tracy and acting like a sensible adult male.
“You and I could go on like this forever, screwing in the afternoon, flying around taking expensive vacations, and hiding out in my house. But now things are different.”
“What do you need, Sasha?
A father for the baby or someone to share your life?” I pulled her closer and tried to kiss her.
She wrenched out of my grip and shook her finger at me. “Don’t spin this around and make me the bad guy. I love you, you know what I want.” She rolled off my lap, her feet hitting the floor like a cat landing on all fours.
In the middle of the kitchen she took off her pants and whirled her seductive hips. “So come upstairs and give it to me.” She laughed, back to her youthful playful self.
“I’ll be right up.”
She turned to go upstairs, then stopped. “Hey, Walter, thanks for the bracelet.” She held out her arm towards me. It sparkled on her wrist.
Alone in the kitchen, I pulled my phone off my hip and called Tracy. Joe’s comments still burned in my head. The thought of losing my livelihood was incomprehensible. I could find another place to work, but at my age, the thought of peddling my skills was frightening.
I dialed Tracy. “Is it okay if I sleep in the office tonight?” I asked, wanting to sound as if I was making a great sacrifice for the benefit of my family.
“Sure, Walter. Why don’t you stay there?” She sounded guarded.
I’m not feeling so good. I feel tight, so I’m going to just stay at the office and relax.”
“Are you okay? What’s tight?”
“It was a rough day. After spending all day cutting my staff, Joe told me my job may be in jeopardy. And you know I don’t trust that weasel. But I’m fine, don’t start worrying about me.”
“If you’re in the office, why did you call me on your cell phone?”
I had to think fast.
“Damn, Tracy, I had to step out of the office long enough to get something to eat. I thought we had this shit all figured out. Did you hear a damn thing I told you the other night? So why are you giving me the drill? I just told you how hard my day was, now you’re grinding my nuts.”
“Walter, chill. Every time I ask a question, it’s not a drill. If you don’t have anything to hide, quit acting like it. You know you can always come home. Ursula and Carla were just kidding about you not showing up. I’m sure you can slip upstairs without being seen.”