by Jacki Kelly
“Does Crystal know?” she asked.
“No.”
“That poor girl goes away on a honeymoon and comes back to a totally different world.”
“This wasn’t part of my planning. But Crystal will be fine. You and I will see to it.”
I hung up and pushed out of the chair. In the garage I found the box of extra-large trash bags and carried them under my arms as I managed the stairs. I went straight to Walter’s closet and pulled his starched white shirts from the hangers and stuffed them into one of the bags.
I ignored the cell phone when it rang. When the house phone rang, I let it to go to the recorder. I continued stuffing his clothes into the trash bags. Each handful I shoved in the bag shored up my resolve. For once, I was doing something instead of having something done to me.
My body ached, but I refused to take a pain reliever. By the time Carla walked into the bedroom, I had eleven bags lined against the wall.
“Girl, what are you doing?” Carla looked around the room, her hands on her hips.
“Something I should have done the very first time he cheated on me.”
“Girl, please let me help.” Carla threw her purse on the bed.
“Those are his drawers, just take everything out and put it in a bag. When that’s empty, just move to the next one.”
“All right, this is up my alley.” Carla yanked Walter’s underwear out of the dresser and shoved them into the bag like she was trying to win an Olympic medal. She made me laugh.
The sound of rustling bags filled the room for thirty minutes. We used hand signals to indicate where we could find more of his belongings. When the bags were all gone, we fell on the bed to catch our breath.
“Now what? Should we drag this shit outside and burn it in the driveway ‘Waiting to Exhale’ style?”
“No, Carla. I’m going to call someone to pick all his stuff up and take it to his new home. If I give him absolutely everything, then he will have no reason to come back to this house or near me.”
The phone rang again. “Want me to get that for you?”
“No, let the recorder get it. Walter’s been calling all morning. But Carla…I’m telling you, I don’t want to see him and I don’t want to talk to him.” I put my hands behind my head and crossed my feet at the ankles.
“What will my life look like once I’m divorced?”
“You’ll go back to being that fun person I met in college. The girl who laughed a lot and smiled all the time.” She cradled her head in her hand, too.
“I didn’t stay here last night. I stayed at Marco’s.”
“Marco’s house?” Carla turned over on her stomach, her mouth slightly opened. “You barely get one man out of your life and you invite another one in?”
“It wasn’t like that, Carla. I just couldn’t stay here. I’m not sure I’ll ever spend another night in this house. Ursula’s in Philly, you and Javier are busy. Besides, could you really say Walter was in my life? I think I was hanging on to the fringes of his life.”
“Girl, you know I’m always there for you no matter what.” She reached across the bed and touched my hand.
My eyes locked with hers. “How are you doing, Carla?” I hoped she knew I was asking about the whole baby business.
Her mouth opened like trying to form an answer to my question was exhausting. I wanted to retract the question, but it lingered between us.
“I’m trying to accept the idea that maybe it won’t happen. And even though he’s been very supportive and would never say otherwise, I’m sure when Javier thinks I’m not paying attention he has a sad, distant look in his eye.”
I squeezed her hand and wondered if it was the same look I saw in her eyes.
I climbed off the bed. “It’s time to change the scenery. Ready to hit his office? I’m sure we’ll find lots of good incriminating stuff down there.”
“Yeah, you’re calling the shots and I’m your girl.” She jumped off the bed and any traces of sadness fell away. “There may be some stuff you want to hold on to. It could be useful if he decides to act crazy later on.”
I snapped my fingers. “Good idea.” I nodded remembering the cell phone bills I found in his desk drawer. “Very good idea.”
Chapter Twenty-Eight – Tracy
“I think I hate this house.” We made our way to Walter’s office. Everything was neatly organized and pristine, except for the paper I’d scattered on the floor the night before.
“Will you be able to live here, you know…after? Carla asked.
“When I first saw this house, I begged Walter to buy it because I loved it so much…”
“Where should we start?” Carla glanced around the immaculate space.
“I’ll take this bottom drawer. The important stuff is in here. You take the rest.
I found enough evidence to indict Walter for being a lousy husband.
Receipts for expensive jewelry I never received.
Hotel bills for rooms I never stayed in.
Statements for an investment account I knew nothing about.
His betrayal ran deep, and I’d allowed him free range to lie to me. With a hefty sum.
“Have you told Ms. Frances or Crystal what you’re planning?” Carla heaved a sandwich bag full of pen refills into the trashcan.
“I told Mom today. I’ll tell Crystal when she gets home. I haven’t spoken to Ursula since I left the hospital. So when you get home tonight, before you jump Javier’s bones, call her and tell her.”
“I’m on it.” Carla laughed.
“My body’s screaming for a rest.”
“Okay, I’ll get us something to drink.”
“Water for me,” I said.
In the family room, Carla sipped wine. I drank water.
The house phone rang again.
“Sooner or later, you’re going to have to talk with Walter. He’s been blowing up your phone all day. Get it over with.” Carla held the receiver out to me.
“I’m not ready yet. I’m still so angry and can’t say anything constructive. This anger gives me an edge and I like it.”
“Let me tell him to stop calling, it’s driving me crazy.”
When the phone stopped ringing, Carla hit the message play button. “Let’s hear what he’s got to say, the poor bastard.” She depressed the speaker button and Walter’s voice permeated the room.
“Tracy, I know you’re upset and you have every right to be. But baby, we can get past this.”
“Did he call me baby?” I whispered.
Carla put her index finger to her lips to quiet me.
“I know I messed up pretty bad this time, but I love you. I really love you and I know you need a little time to calm down. Listen, I’m going to my office tonight, so please call me there. I’m sorry, Tracy…I never meant for things to get this far. Baby, I can make this up to you. I’ll spend the rest of my life making this up to you. Give me a chance.”
The phone beeped, cutting him off. I sat back against the sofa and laced my fingers together.
Walter’s third message played. “Tracy, if you’re there please pick up. We can talk about this. It’s not what you think. Let me come home. I’ll be different, you’ll see. Think about what this will do to Crystal.”
“That sucker hasn’t talked that nice to me in probably five or six years. I don’t believe he called me baby. You know, if he was here right now I’d gash his eyes out.”
“No, you wouldn’t, Tracy. You’re not like that.” She sat next to me and placed her hand on my back. “You’ve got to have faith in what you’re doing.”
“I know I’m doing the right thing, but it doesn’t lessen my anger.”
My cell phone rang. I expelled a heavy sigh. The ringing phones exhausted me. Carla picked up my cell phone and glanced at it quickly then handed it to me. “It’s Marco,” she sang.
“How’s it going?” His smooth baritone voice eased my tension. I flipped my hand at Carla, but she refused to leave the room.
“Hey. Carla and I are cleaning house.”
“Are you ready for me to pick you up?”
“I’ll drive over to your place this evening. I need my car.” I stretched my legs out in front of me.
“How ’bout dinner tonight?”
“I…um…okay. I guess we can,” I stuttered. “Sooner or later I have to go out in public.”
“Is that the only reason you’re saying yes?” he asked.
“Certainly not. I’d love to have dinner with you,” I replied.
“Good. You have the key I gave you. I’ll be there at six.”
Carla’s eyes grew large and she placed a hand on her hip.
We agreed to meet at his place at seven and ended the call.
Carla crossed her arms over her chest and stared at me. “What was that all about?”
“Girl, you need to quit. You’re acting like we’re still in college and trying to decide which guy to take to the dance.”
“Anyway.” She rolled her eyes. “Dinner, tonight?”
“I feel like I’ve been living under a shoe. Maybe getting out in public will pull me up.”
She nodded in agreement.
“Between my father’s death and this, my life has been all red lights. I’m so tired of being sad and crying and wanting something more but settling for less.”
“Then go out tonight and enjoy your dinner with Marco. Have rambunctious sex with him if that’s what you feel like doing.”
“What does rambunctious sex feel like?”
“If you don’t know then you really need it.”
***
Marco walked in the house. “Wow! You look fantastic.” He held my hand above my head and spun me around.
“You’re being nice,” I said.
“Cha, bella.” He leaned in so close I thought he was going to kiss me. Instead, he extended his elbow for me. “We’re going to have dinner at restaurant at Penn’s Landing in Philly. Not because we needed to hide, but because this dinner is to be special.
“What makes it so special?”
“You’re going to be a single woman and I don’t have to pretend I want to be your friend anymore.”
“I…I—What…?”
“Shh. Don’t say anything. I’m willing to wait as long as it takes, or two weeks, whichever comes first.”
I jabbed his arm and laughed.
“See, my plan is working, already. You’re laughing.” He helped me in the car, walked to the driver side and started the engine. Chatting with Marco during the drive to Philly was easy.
Once we were seated in the restaurant I said, “Okay, tell me what they’re saying about me at work.”
“It’s ugly, you know how gossip is. Sono davvero spiacente.”
“Don’t be sorry. It’s my life. Tell me.”
He shared the details.
“It sounds like the gossip mills have my story about right. My husband cheated, his mistress confronted me at work, I snapped. That’s pretty much my story.” I took a sip of water and swirled the liquid in the glass.
He rearranged the salt and pepper grinders on the table. “Does that bother you?”
“Not as much as I thought it would.”
When the server arrived at our table Marco ordered a bottle of wine, then sat back in his chair. “You know I can’t be objective here. I think you should have left Walter a long time ago. So you’ll understand if I don’t try to give you any guidance as you go through this thing. If it frees you up and makes room for me, then I’m all for it.”
“I need somebody to listen.”
“I’ll always listen. You can even lay your head on my shoulder.” He reached for my hand and caressed my fingers. The warmth from his palm penetrated my heart. The ice around my heart melted. Was it cheating to want Marco so much when I had unfinished business with Walter?
We lingered over dinner, stretching it out until I released a string of uncontrollable yawns. Even though I didn’t want the night to end, I couldn’t keep my eyes open.
“Time to get you home.” He paid the check and led me out of the restaurant.
During the drive I tried to stay awake. I realized I hadn’t made it when Marco shook my shoulder.
“Time to wake up sleepy-head.”
We were at his house, in the garage.
“I’m sorry. I guess I wasn’t very good company on the way here, was I?”
“You were great company.” He leaned over, his mouth inches away from mine. I focused on his lip, wishing and wanting. My heart picked up speed, accelerating beyond my control. Placing his mouth over mine. His warm, thick tongue immediately woke me up. My body came to life at the core as I placed my hand on the back of his neck to draw him closer. Suddenly the interior of the car felt warm.
After a full minute he pulled away. “I couldn’t wait another minute.” His eyes searched my face. “You get it, don’t you?”
“I get it.” My voice sounded thick and sweet.
“If not now, Tracy, then when? Haven’t you been living on hold long enough?”
“I need to be fair to you, but I need to be fair to myself this time too. I need to make sure I’m not with you because I’m sad, depressed rebounding, or just plain stupid.”
“If that’s important to you, I’ll wait. But I’d want you even if you were doing it for any of those three reasons. You know that, don’t you?” His eyes held a warm yearning.
“I know, and that’s what makes you so incredibly sweet.”
“I think we’d better get you to bed before…” He got out of the car and walked around to open my door.
“Thank you for dinner, it was a lovely evening.” He held my hand and searched my eyes. This couldn’t be happening. I should have been broken up over my failed marriage. Instead, I wanted to fall into Marco’s arms. When he released my hand, I rushed off to my room. Leaning against the closed door, I took a deep breath. My mouth watered. My body screamed for attention.
The light knock on the door startled me. “Can I come in?”
I stepped back, closed my eyes and bit my lip. “Marco, if I open that door I can’t be responsible for anything I say or do.”
He cracked the door and slipped inside. “I’ll responsible enough for the both of us.”
He pressed his tongue between my lips. My heart fluttered and threatened to stop as he gathered me in his arms.
Chapter Twenty-Nine – Walter
The narrow couch dug into my back. A sharp pain slid across my chest, forcing me to sit upright. I rubbed my breastbone with my fingertips, coaxing the spasm to release me.
After trying to fall asleep for several hours, and dialing Tracy’s phones though the night, I gave up. I swung my legs off the couch. My shoes sat side by side next to the couch like mates are supposed to.
I dropped my head and rubbed my face hard, much harder than I intended. The discomfort was a distraction.
A thin film of perspiration covered my body. This was bad. The anger in Tracy’s voice and eyes were new to me. Even after the second time I cheated, she cried, never had she yelled. I wrung my hands then stared into my empty palms.
Without my permission everything was changing. My personal belongings from my desk were packed in boxes and stacked at the door. The office was hardly recognizable after all my years of employment. Beverly needed to be thanked for packing up my items. She would be glad to see me go. Another woman I failed to please.
I had to start over again, find another job. It wouldn’t be easy at my age. But Tracy was patient. She’d give me time to look around until I found the right fit.
I shrugged and stood up on stiff legs. I felt old, like a grizzly senior.
It wasn’t like Tracy not to answer the phone. Her voice and the directness of her eyes made me believe she was capable of getting through the night without me. Waiting for her to change her mind was my best plan of action.
I woke Sasha while my anger festered.
“Why are you calling in the middle of the night, Walter?”<
br />
“Why didn’t you pick up when I called earlier?”
“Where are you? I thought you’d be coming here.”
“I’ll bet you did.”
We fell silent. Exhaustion and anger circled my brain like sharks.
“Why, Sasha?” I asked when she didn’t volunteer any information.
“Because you wouldn’t. Because you couldn’t,” she hissed.
“Dammit, Sasha. I don’t fucking believe you did this. You had no right. What the hell were you thinking going to Tracy like that?” I walked around the room, making sure to avoid the boxes.
“I was thinking about our child. I was thinking about getting… getting this done, over. Don’t you see…it’s really better now that it’s out in the open? I—we don’t have to sneak around anymore. We can go out in public, have a meal in a restaurant.” She paused. “What choice did I have, Walter? What choice did you leave me? I’m different from Tracy. I can’t live on promises.”
“You were only thinking about yourself and what you wanted,” I shouted.
“Is that what you think?” Before I could respond she rushed on. “If I was thinking only of myself, then who were you thinking about? Who were you thinking about?”
I bit my tongue. I didn’t know what to say to make her see the damage she caused. The fight drained out of me. For a moment neither of us said anything. It was an uncomfortable silence.
“It’s late, Walter and I’m tired. Let’s talk in the morning.”
“Sasha, do you ever think about anyone other than yourself?”
“Yeah, I think about the baby on the way. I want you to do the same.”
Outside, someone lay on their car horn and tires screeched. Even in this early morning hour, life moved on.
In a voice that was more conciliatory, Sasha asked again, “Where are you?”
“In my office.”
“Why are you there so late?”
“Tracy put me out.”
“Why didn’t you come here? I don’t understand—why would you go there and not here?”
“Sasha, I—”
“Walter, why didn’t you come here? What’s going on?”