by Colley, Ryan
The second reason was, even though I wasn’t sleeping, it provided me with rest. My body was able to recover from the daily struggles and exertion. All the aches and pains started to subside and my body would repair. On a chemical level, the toxins and chemicals were dispersing and I was feeling better – bit by bit.
The third and final reason was just being able to finally have some time alone. It wasn’t much with the others being a few feet away, but it was needed. I could finally be me. All of me. Not just the part that existed in front of others. It was liberating! I’m not saying I was able to go and feast on the blood of the innocent, but I could drop the mask I so desperately tried to hold in place. Being able to just sit there and breathe. It was something I’d needed for so long. I wasn’t a hero. I wasn’t a survivor. I was just Sam. I smiled. It was so–
“What are you smiling about?” a voice asked. My body involuntarily sagged and I looked to Keith.
“How can you see when it’s so dark?” I asked with frustration, all illusion of being alone shattered.
“Years of practice,” he said absentmindedly.
“What did you used to do?” I finally asked, latching onto the first piece of information I officially knew about his past.
“You gonna let me out of these binds?” he replied nonchalantly.
“No, no I’m not,” I said shaking my head. It was mostly an instinctual thing to do, shaking my head, but I suppose he probably saw it anyway. I heard him laugh, although more of a laugh where you exhale loudly out your nose – like you’d seen something funny online.
“Thought not,” he said, barely above a whisper. There was a few moments of silence between us, both comfortable in the quietness of the night.
“Do you hate me?” I asked Keith after a while. I turned to him again. “Like, I understand if you do. We’re holding you prisoner after all. I just never thought about it before.”
Keith snorted and said, “What are we, in school?”
Slightly taken aback, I said, “No, it’s just I–”
“No, I don’t hate you,” Keith interrupted. “I’m not happy with the situation. I don’t like being bound. I‘m not happy waking up and needing permission to piss. Yet, I understand the necessity. You’re not keen on keeping me like it, but you’re also looking out for the group. I get it. I can see that. I don’t agree with your decisions all the time either, but it doesn’t mean I dislike you.”
That was good to know. I didn’t owe him anything, but I was glad he didn’t hate me. What he was saying made sense, but it did little to ease my guilt.
Then I fully registered his words and asked indignantly, “What decisions don’t you agree with?”
“For one, being exposed sleeping outside,” he replied instantly.
“Because it’s end times and the dead are roaming the earth,” I replied like he was an idiot. What sort of question was that?
“Even more reason for me to ask, why are we sleeping out here like this? The dead are walking and we sleep outside like we’re a roadkill buffet for them. What part of that makes sense?” Keith replied, imitating a tone that suggested I was the stupid one.
“Well, bless me with your knowledge, oh great King of the Zombies and Sleeping Arrangements?” I asked angrily, waving a dismissive hand at him. I struggled daily with decisions, and there Keith was being critical with little input of his own. How dare he!
“Well, why don’t we sleep in some actual beds?” he said, finally revealing his grand idea. I stared at him in the darkness in disbelief. Was he messing with me? Was he being serious with his suggestion? I scoffed, to which he sighed and added, “Think back to our time working with Boss. There are houses everywhere. Empty houses. With a bed and walls. Let’s use one.”
I continued staring at him, no longer in anger, but in disbelief of my stupidity. He was right. There were houses everywhere. Sure a few probably still had people hiding in them, and others probably had undead waiting inside, but the majority had to be empty. I just couldn’t believe that I’d missed such a simple solution.
“That might just work,” I said nodding slowly.
“Glad you agree. Now, what was that about me being King?” he laughed.
“Of shush. Don’t be a sore winner,” I huffed in a way that even Stephanie would have been proud of. “Plus you’re distracting me from keeping watch. Go back to sleep.”
“Whatever, you idiot,” Keith laughed and laid back down. And, true to his nature, his breathing relaxed and he was asleep within seconds again.
Interlude Five – Kirsty
One day, Kirsty came home and found her husband sleeping with someone else. She’d left something at home, so she came back in her lunch break to get the paperwork she needed and that’s when she saw them. It couldn’t have been more cliché.
Clothes were strewn across the stairs and moans came from upstairs. It was just so similar to something out of a movie that she almost couldn’t believe it.
She crept up the stairs and went to her bedroom door. Their bedroom. She knew what she was about to see. She was hoped it would be a trick or a joke. Everything felt so surreal, like each step didn’t even feel like she was making them. She felt like she was watching someone else act them out. A voyeur of her own life.
She opened the door and saw her husband in bed with his partner on duty. It was then it dawned on her that he’d never mentioned that his partner was female. She became instantly aware he’d never used a gender-specific pronoun to describe her. Kirsty didn’t care about the reasoning, or why it had happened. She left him. She didn’t need an explanation.
When her thirtieth birthday hit, she decided she didn’t want to mope about anymore – she’d been doing that for such a long time. She’d spent, what felt like, an eternity wasting her life. She didn’t trust people. She didn’t even want to trust people. She could only rely on herself. But that attitude changed when she realised she was alone on her birthday.
Like a flash of lightning, she realised she wanted to do something with her time on Earth! She employed a temporary manager at her restaurant, something that had long been overdue. She took all the money she’d been keeping for an emergency and started doing all the things she wanted to.
Kirsty took kickboxing lessons. She started camping and took survival courses. She learned first-aid and basic nursing. She learned to ride a horse and how to fix a car. Her thirtieth year on the planet was spent on self-improvement – both mentally and physically. She broadened her horizons and, for the first time in a long time, she was happy. Not happy because of someone else, but happy in her life.
Kirsty kept up the self-improvement for a couple of years, even taking a few extra college courses to help improve the running of her restaurant! All was going to plan again. A new plan. Her plan. And then the dead started to walk.
CHAPTER 24
My watch was uneventful and, the moment first light hit, I was looking over our maps. I’d woke Stephanie up in the process of collecting them, although I suspected she’d never been asleep to begin with. In fact, she looked like she hadn’t slept for days – weeks even. I gave her an apologetic smile and disappeared back outside with the maps. I couldn’t unwake her after all.
Keith’s words had resonated with me, and I was looking at the route forward and any stops we could make along the way. I circled any potential accommodation. Not that finding them was a struggle, England was littered with housing estates. High rises. Lonely little houses here and there. The occasional motel dotted on the side of a motorway. I’d stayed in one of those service station stops on the way to Scotland with my granddad once – was almost completely empty besides a bored woman behind the reception desk. That was pre-apocalypse, so I hoped post-apocalypse would be the same. I liked the idea of the motel, mainly because of the isolation it offered. Isolation would mean less undead and other humans. So, that was where we were heading. I didn’t feel the need to consult the group – my van, my rules. Besides, I doubted I would meet much resistance
if I mentioned the possibility of a bed for the night! And what I was going to offer also meant I felt less guilty about waking my companions earlier than normal.
“Rise and shine!” I called, far too merrily for that early in the morning.
“No!” Stephanie shouted in reply. I laughed. Keith was up with no complaints, and Stephanie soon followed – albeit with complaints. Kirsty caught up, although sluggishly, and joined the others sat on the edge of the van.
“Right everyone, it’s time for food and vitamins, and then I have grand news!” I said obnoxiously loud, partly driven by the innate need to be a little bit annoying and partly driven by the madness which came from lack of sleep. Everyone stared daggers at me and grumbled.
Once everyone had eaten their breakfast, taken a multi-vitamin and done their morning business, I made the announcement.
“Today, we’re really pushing ourselves in terms of travel,” I said to them all. Stephanie groaned, Keith said nothing, and Kirsty stared at me with annoyance. “After a lovely discussion between Keith and me, we are heading to a motel! That’s right, we’ll have a bed for the night!”
“Yeah, discussion,” Keith laughed, using air quotes around the final word. He grinned when I tried to stare him down.
“Anyway,” I continued, dismissing his insubordination, “we’re pushing ahead to have a decent night sleep in actual beds for once. So, turn those frown upside down!”
That certainly did it. Kirsty and Stephanie were grinning happily. Keith nodded with approval.
“That sounds amazing!” Kirsty said, involuntarily clapping her hands.
“Glad you approve!” I said, smiling back at her.
“Well, as much as I appreciate it, we need to stop by another shop or something soon,” Kirsty said simply.
“Why?” I asked, climbing into the driver’s seat and pulling away.
“I need a few bits and pieces,” Kirsty replied casually.
“Don’t we have enough in the back?” I replied dismissively.
“No, we don’t. Can we just head to a shop or something?” Kirsty reiterated, annoyance now creeping into her voice. What was she on about?
“We’re on a tight schedule, can’t your Oreo craving wait?” I said, frowning but not taking my eyes off the road.
“I need tampons, okay?” Kirsty snapped, rolling her eyes. I felt myself go red with embarrassment – she did not.
“Oh … okay,” I responded with awkward surprise.
“I was trying to spare your poor male sensibilities from dealing with the realities of the natural world, so deal with it,” Kirsty laughed, shaking her head with exasperation.
Desperate not to feel stupid, I began to jokingly say, “Can’t you make one out of–”
“Firstly, before you go any further, shut up,” Kirsty warned. “Secondly, we’re going to a shop, or someone’s house, and we are getting some. No ‘ifs’ or ‘buts’ or stupid comments.”
“I think you should listen to her,” Keith said – I could hear the smile plastered to his face without even looking at him. I said nothing and sat in silence.
“Sam,” Kirsty said suddenly, sounding concerned, “Are you okay?”
“Of course I am,” I scoffed. I turned to look at her and saw the worried expression on her face, “Uh, why?”
She suddenly grinned wickedly and said, “Because you’re so red!”
“Right, screw you guys, you can all walk,” I said and began pulling over. They all stared at me in shock, probably remembering when I kicked Stephanie out in anger. I then veered back onto the road and carried on driving, grinning to myself.
“You’re all mad,” Stephanie finally said, shaking her head at us. Maybe it was nothing, but I couldn’t help but feel she was distancing herself from the group. I didn’t think anything more of it – it was just a comment on our weird sense of humour after all. But a lot of things make sense in retrospect.
“Look, there are houses everywhere, can we do this quickly?” I asked Kirsty as we pulled into a cul-de-sac. I turned the van around so that we were facing the way we’d come, in case we needed to make a quick getaway. I still felt trapped. Houses on all sides with only one exit? It sounded like a bad move.
“Of course, of course,” Kirsty said, waving away my warnings. “You do realise I may need to go into more than one house, don’t you?”
“I know, but still,” I said with gritted teeth.
“I’ll grab you some as well,” Kirsty asked, turning to Stephanie.
“I’m fine thanks,” Stephanie said with a faraway look.
“Sure?” Kirsty asked, taken aback. “I can easily grab you something.”
“I’ll be fine, seriously. I will deal with it when we stop for the night. Okay?” Stephanie said, a little more firmly.
“Ok … I’ll grab extra just in case,” Kirsty said with a quizzical look, stepping out of the van. She gave Stephanie one last glance before continuing to the first house. She had the SA80 and machete with her – the latter being the one she held defensively.
I watched as Kirsty tried the first door – it was locked and didn’t open. That wasn’t a surprise – doors were either left open and or locked in the apocalypse. However, the more I looked around, the more I realised how untouched everything was. The owners had probably locked up before they ran to wherever they were trying to get to. Kirsty tapped the windows a few times, either testing the sturdiness or trying to draw out any undead inside. I looked around at the rest of the houses. In fact, the houses still looked lived in. There were curtains drawn, cars still on the drive – couldn’t have gone very far without their cars. I watched as Kirsty tried to force the door open, using her shoulder at first and then with the machete pushed into the seam like a crowbar. I suddenly saw movement. Not around us, but from the house behind Kirsty. The top floor window flew open and a figure leaned out.
“Leave him alone!” a teenage girl shouted fearlessly. Kirsty spun and I watched the colour drain from the teenagers face when she saw the weapons Kirsty had. She didn’t back down though.
“Uh, what?” Kirsty said, stunned to see another living person.
“You heard me! The man who lives in that house has done nothing to you!” the girl continued. “He lives alone and he’s scared!”
“I’m sorry,” Kirsty said, unsure of what to do as she stepped away from the house. “I thought they were empty.”
“And that makes it ok to rob them?” the girl shouted, gaining more confidence.
“Fine, okay,” Kirsty winced and looked around. “But can you keep it down, you’ll attract the dead.”
“Those things? They don’t give me any trouble at all,” the girl said bravely. “As long as I can hide and run, I’ll be fine!”
“How have you been surviving?” Kirsty asked in disbelief, taking a different approach. More people appeared in other windows, watching the confrontation.
“Nearby shop, and we’re doing just fine!” the girl shouted arrogantly.
“Don’t tell them about the shop!” someone else shouted from another window but darted back inside when Kirsty looked at them.
“Look,” Kirsty began, trying another approach. “I need a few things. Maybe you can help me?”
“Maybe I can,” the girl replied, squinting at Kirsty.
“I need, uh, some tampons,” Kirsty said to the girl. “Can you get me some for me and my friend? Or even tell us where to go?”
The girl disappeared inside.
“I think you scared her off,” I jokingly called to Kirsty. She flashed me a look that I was all too familiar with at that point. With that, the front door to the girl’s house opened and she strode out with confidence. She held a carrier bag with a few things in. She handed them to Kirsty, uttered a few words, and returned to the house. I could see two elderly adults stood in the shadows of the house watching the exchange. All the curtains in the cul-de-sac began to re-close, leaving just the teenage girl watching us.
Kirsty climbed into the van
, bag in hand.
“Just drive away,” Kirsty said, slightly stunned, and I did just that. I could see the girl watching us all the way out of their street.
“Well that was strange,” I said quizzically while Kirsty looked through the bag smiling. “What is it?”
“Tampons, sanitary towels, and new underwear. She went above and beyond,” Kirsty said, shaking her head with a wry smile.
“What did she say to you?” I asked curiously. Kirsty’s smile was contagious and I could feel it tugging at the corners of my mouth too.
Kirsty carried on smiling and quoted the girl simply, “Take this and piss off.”
CHAPTER 25
After the odd encounter with the survivors in the cul-de-sac, our hopes were higher than they’d been in a long time. Well, everyone except for Stephanie who seemed to be sinking lower and lower into whatever dark pit she was in. I needed to sit her down and talk to her before it went any further – I just needed a few moments alone …
Nonetheless, our hopes had soared skyward. We’d spoken to actual human beings who weren’t trying to kill us. People who were surviving and doing well. Every time we saw someone friendly … it seemed to rejuvenate us. It was refreshing. Plus, the weather was great and we had somewhere to be! Feeling that good seemed insane. You travel as a group for long enough, with encounters being infrequent and often negative, you forget there are others just like you. Just people looking after each other and that was so important in a dying world. Maybe civilisation did have a chance at rebirth in the future. Maybe, just maybe, they weren’t all as bad as I’d imagined. I couldn’t help but smile, which was infectious, because at least two others with me were soon smiling. Life was good, or it would be again.