by K. D. Kinney
He leaned in close to whisper in my ear. “We should have some peace until Noah’s done. I told her I wouldn’t give the battery back until they announced the results. That should be enough time to embarrass her with the statuses I left. That is unless Rachel has any sense and lets Bree check Facebook on her phone.”
I didn’t want to watch what was playing out around me anymore. What Mom said was true. The stuff that was going on was silly. I wasn’t interested in the drama. I was interested in Noah as I pressed the palms of my hands together and watched him enter the arena. He wore a cowboy hat, a starched plaid western shirt, new jeans, and cowboy boots. If I had met him with the cowboy hat on, I probably wouldn’t have thought much of him at first. I wasn’t into the cowboy thing. But he was my Noah now and he looked sharp with his perfect posture on Ezra. He rested one hand on his thigh and looked as if he was raised in the saddle as Ezra trotted around the arena. The horse held her head high. He kicked her sides to canter around the ring. They crossed the arena diagonally. Then he had her do it again the other way. Her nose flared really big each time she exhaled and she chewed on her bit as if it was hard work. He looked confident when he glanced over at me.
A huge smile spread across my face as I clasped my hands tightly in my lap. When he stopped Ezra quick and then backed her up, turned her around and looked as if he’d finished, I whispered in Josh’s ear.
“How’d he do?” I grabbed his arm with both hands.
“I didn’t see anything wrong. He looked great. But so did Kelly. She was a little more confident. Actually, I thought she looked arrogant as she schmoozed the judges pretty good during the final marks. I don’t know what that does for her.”
“It looks like Noah is schmoozing too.” All of sudden I was worried .
“That’s not schmoozing, that’s Noah. That’s why everyone always loves him. Kelly has a manipulative charm. I’ve seen her get a lot of things she wasn’t entitled to because of it.”
I pulled out my phone to check the time. “I hope I don’t have to go before they do the results.”
“I’ll let you know what happens if you have to.”
A few more horses and riders did their thing. In the stands, the people whispered and clapped when the horses and riders left the arena.
“Dang it. I have to go. I can’t even watch you deal with Bree afterwards.”
“Just gives me an excuse to see you later.” He raised his eyebrows and gave me an endearing half-smile.
“Are you and Noah talking now?”
“Not yet. I’m not sure if I’m going to forgive him just yet.” He messed with his phone avoiding my eyes.
I nudged his side to make him look at me. He didn’t. I nudged him again.
“You’re making me feel bad about this whole thing,” I said.
“Well, did you kiss him?” He finally looked at me with narrowed eyes.
I slid down the bench to get off and pulled Josh’s shirt to make him follow.
“What?” Josh’s hands went to his hips and he glared at me once we were face to face. “You didn’t answer my question.”
“I have to go and help my mom, but I don’t want to leave stuff unsaid so you’ll screw up your friendship with Noah even more. I’m not worth it.” I stopped talking for a moment and studied the gravel “We didn’t kiss in that picture.”
“Noah already told me that.” He folded his arms.
“Then you kicked him out of the tent because you said you knew something was going on between me and Noah. Hardly anything was going on. I think you were upset because you knew you weren’t going to win. So where do you think he went?”
Josh didn’t say a word. His hands fell to his hips again. He dropped his gaze when the gravel was very interesting to him too.
“You pretty much guaranteed that we had some time alone together because of that. Yes, he kissed me.” I grabbed his arm when he started to walk away. “But he wasn’t going to when I was worried about you and said I was afraid I would ruin your friendship. Then I was selfish, I asked him to. He did and it’s my fault.” Josh tugged his arm from my grasp. I wouldn’t let go. “This morning I felt awful and I only thought about how much I didn’t want to hurt you and be the reason you and Noah aren’t friends anymore. So be mad at me. Not Noah.” I pleaded.
Josh jerked his arm out of my hand. He rubbed his face and walked away.
I could only watch him leave and wipe my eyes. It didn’t help anything that I was really late heading back to help Mom prepare for the show.
11
I was painfully distracted during the show. Noah, Josh, Noah, Josh. I couldn’t stop the guilt and the flashbacks of the night before. Mom noticed and dealt with it without complaining or making much fuss about my lack of attentiveness. Admittedly, the show was not our best. The next two shows were better even though I was still out of it.
“You’re in the middle of a mess, I can tell.” Mom handed me a tray of stuffed Millies to put away.
“Yeah.” I trudged across the stage. “I’m good at making a mess of things this week. You were right. All this nonsense is silly. I don’t know how I let myself get stirred in that pot so well.”
“You’re stewed, huh?”
“That was awful.” I rolled my eyes. “You shouldn’t try to crack jokes like that.”
“When you react that way, at least I know I have your attention. I’d ask what you’re gonna do about it. But I’m not sure I wanna get lost in all the teenage drama.”
“You’d better stay away.” I agreed.
“Are you meeting them tonight?”
“I don’t know. I haven’t heard how Noah did today. Josh was going to tell me. I wound up hurting his feelings.” I pulled out my phone again hoping a text would show. Nothing. Bummer.
“Well. I guess the best thing I can do is let you figure it out on your own.”
“Thanks a lot,” I said sarcastically.
“Anytime.” Mom disappeared into her turret to change. “I’m going out again. I won’t be out as late as last night. Francesca isn’t feeling well. If you stay here tonight, I’ll make it up to you tomorrow. You can have the tickets to the Weird Al concert and I’ll stay with your sister.”
“I didn’t have anything planned for tonight.” I sat on the bench and stared out the window. I could barely make out the arena. It was too far away to recognize anyone if they were still out there. Pressing my head against the glass, I traced the metal on the porthole with my finger. Maybe I should stay away from them both. Maybe I’d tell them I was sick if they bothered to ask. I checked my phone again. They should have texted me already if they wanted to do something. I guess I wasn’t all that resolved to quit those two just yet.
Mom left. I was breaking one of her rules as I stood on the roof and turned the ship’s wheel. If it wasn’t so late on a fair day, I would have brought Millie and Peppy up with me to play pirate. Mom had a pirate story she had been working on. We learned the hard way that being on the roof was too much stimulation for Millie. All she did was squawk and it was so freaking loud when she did that. I wasn’t looking for that kind of attention.
The fair was busy and people were checking out the Caravan even though there wasn’t a show. A few people hollered at me to ask questions. I was as polite as could be and when those people left, I ducked back in my room, climbing over Cessie.
“Are you feeling any better?” I turned on the A/C. The room was stifling.
Cessie leaned against the wall watching something on the tablet. “I guess so. I’m kind of tired of all the people.” She scrunched a little lower so I had to lean sideways to see her face.
“You know what? I am too.” I patted her leg. “I miss hanging around on a sofa at Uncle Rex’s house watching movies with you.”
“Yeah, sometimes these places are too noisy, and smelly, and all those things. I miss being in a house. The rides are boring now. Unless we are riding them with your friends.”
“They’re boring because you only rid
e the boring ones. But you’re right. The boys make everything more fun.” I left her alone and huddled with my tablet on the bench full of pillows. I picked up my phone to make sure it wasn’t dead.
Maybe Noah didn’t do well and he was upset. What an awful person I was. I should have texted him hours ago to ask if that was the case.
Me: U ok?
It seemed like forever before he replied.
Noah: Meh…
Me: Want to come over? Cess is sick. Can’t go anywhere.
Noah: K
It took a while for Noah to show up. I jumped when he knocked. I was so engrossed in a movie on my tablet. Millie and Peppy chattered as I crossed the room. I wondered if the smell would bother him.
I pressed my finger against my lips so he’d be quiet when I opened the door. Noah ducked in the doorway and stood uncomfortably inside the entry. He chewed on his upper lip when he took off his hat. Looking as if he might get in trouble for being inside, he bent the brim with both hands as he looked around the inside of the Caravan. Mille and Peppy quieted down.
“Mom isn’t here. Cessie’s watching a movie in our room.”
“You have a room?” he whispered.
“Well, it’s more like a turret. Our bed is up there, it is level with the roof where we were last night.” I flushed when I realized I was not only talking about the place where he kissed me, but I was talking about beds with a boy I liked. “Below the bed is our closet. Not much of a room really.” I shrugged.
There was no missing the smile that turned up the corner of his mouth when I mentioned the night before.
“I’m afraid to ask how you did.” I walked over to the bench, pulling the pillows off and dropping them to the floor. I plopped down on one and waited for Noah.
He sat beside me and crossed his legs. Noah pressed his fists on the floor in between his legs and leaned on them. Looking totally vulnerable, he shook his head. “I knew Kelly would be tough to beat. I couldn’t have done any better. Ezra was spot on and there was not a thing she did wrong. Not one. I saw Kelly’s horse trip up once and then when she changed directions, her horse made the same mistake again. I thought for sure I had it. But in Kelly fashion, she took first and I took second. When I saw our scores, it was so close, it made my stomach turn. I know how she won. It’s not right.” Noah pressed his palms against his eyelids and sighed. “It’s not over. We have more to do. Honestly, I don’t stand a chance if she can make mistakes and win. I’m just discouraged.” He leaned back against the bench and looked at my tablet. “You have wi-fi?”
“Yes. You wanna watch this?”
He shrugged and leaned against my shoulder. We were quiet for a while. Noah ran a finger over my knee before he reached for my hand. He rubbed his thumb over the back of my fingers. I scooted down a little more so I could rest my head on his shoulder.
“Did Josh talk to you today?” I asked.
“Only to tell me I was robbed. Bree was furious with him for some reason and he took off. When I saw him later, he didn’t say much. He knows, doesn’t he?”
“Last night you acted like he already knew what was going to happen.” I scowled at him.
“He does that, acts like he knows everything and then later he’s surprised to hear the news about the very thing he was so sure about earlier. I don’t think he keeps track of what runs through his mind and what he says.” Noah let go of my hand and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. He ran his fingers through my hair and kissed the side of my head. His head rested against mine. “I wanted to be with you so bad this afternoon. I was afraid you wouldn’t want to hang out with me once you had to deal with Josh’s fury while I was busy.”
“I told him it was my fault.” I paused the movie and set the tablet down. His knee was beside mine and I bumped it against his.
“Why would you say that?”
“Because I told you, I don’t want to be the reason you two aren’t friends. I’ll be gone in a few days, I can take the blame. Besides, I told you to kiss me.”
He reached for my face, and closed his eyes. He didn’t kiss me, though. “I can’t tell you how much I liked that.” His voice got even softer. “I have to tell you something. I’ve thought a lot about everything since last night. You keep reminding me that you’ll be gone at the end of the fair and then I realized that we haven’t even known each other that long. I can’t help feeling like I’ve known you forever.” He swallowed hard before he went on. “Recently I’ve been wondering if I didn’t like girls. Not that I liked boys, I just didn’t like anyone. I only told Josh. Maybe that’s why he’s so mad. He thought he had a shot for once. I know now that I hadn’t met the right girl. I needed to find someone that wasn’t trying so hard to fit into a group. A girl that could be herself. Like how I am. And how Josh is. You’re lucky you aren’t stuck into a group like we have at school. All these stupid people categories. The jocks, they call us the cowboys. But we aren’t. They give us such a hard time. I hate it. They do their thing and I leave them alone, they need to just leave me alone and let us horse kids do our thing. The girls are worse. I thought Bree and Rachel weren’t like that and this week they proved they’re shallow like the rest of them.” He kissed my forehead. “Then there’s you. So worried about not messing things up.”
“I always want to make friends. Apparently I can foul up a friendship no matter what I do. Usually when someone meets me it’s when I’m dressed normal. Once they see me in gypsy dress, they either go away or latch onto me thinking I’m what Kelly said I was. I’m not like that. I’m just a girl that performs and acts like a gypsy for a few hours each day. I haven’t grown up with a bunch of kids like you guys. No one bothers to get to know the real me. If they give me chance, we leave not long after. So it’s pretty lonely.”
“You think that’s why we’re drawn to each other? We are surrounded by people but are still pretty alone?”
“Maybe. Or you are just the most sweet, amazing boy ever and no one knows how to treat you the way you treat everyone. The best way to treat someone that kind is to be just as kind back. There aren’t enough people in the world that understand that.” I wanted to kiss him but I was scared he was holding back for Josh’s sake. I didn’t need to wait long. He held my face and kissed me hard.
My heart jumped all over in my chest when he did. His lips lingered on mine. He was so tender and kissed me as if he wanted it to last a long time so we could remember it for even longer. If only that was something we could think about. That brought tears to my eyes. It wasn’t going to last.
He pulled my legs over his. His hand slid up the back of my shirt. He lightly touched the skin on my lower back. I gripped his shirt and leaned back on the pillows so he was on top of me. We kissed until my mouth was sore but I didn’t care.
Cessie opened the door. “I have to pee.” She rubbed her eyes.
Noah scrambled off me and sat up.
“Oh crap.” I was on my feet, rubbing my mouth with the back of my hand.
“Noah’s here? What were you guys doing?” Cessie asked.
“We were watching a movie,” I said looking for my shoes. “You want to wait here, Noah? Or do you want to come with?”
“I’ll wait,” Noah said and placed a pillow on his lap with the tablet on top. He ran his hand through his hair and bit his bottom lip before he smiled.
Cessie waited so long that she was frantic to get to the bathroom. The closest one had a long line out the door. It was too late to head back for her to use the tiny port-a-potty Mom forbid us to use after we parked. The other closest bathroom was in the kiddie part of the carnival rides. Usually that one wasn’t so bad at night.
“Hey, Gypsy Girl, where’s your boyfriends?” A young grubby stringy-haired carnie called as we walked by. I ignored him as we made our way to the bathroom.
When I walked out, the carnie was leaning against the wall waiting for us.
“I wasn’t sure you heard me, Gypsy Girl. I was wondering what you did with your boyfriends. You had t
wo of them.” The carnie was only a few years older than me. His oily shoulder length hair complimented the scraggly scruff on his jaw. He was so gross. A large stuffed fish from one of the games was tucked under his arm. He stepped in my way so I couldn’t leave. “Cause if you’re off them fellas, I would like to show ya around.” He reached for my hair.
I batted his hand away. “Um. No thank you. I still have a boyfriend and he’s waiting for me.” I placed my hands on Cessie’s shoulders and guided her to walk around the carnie. He stepped in our way again. I looked for the closest game carnie.
“Hey. Hey, goldfish boy,” I yelled and waved to get the attention of any of the other carnies. Scruffy boy stepped aside.
“Just remember, ya know where I am.”
“Uh-huh.” I navigated Cessie as fast and as far away from the creepy carnie as I could get. “Don’t say nothing about that creep to Noah,” I said once we were clear of the carnival rides.
“Why?”
“I don’t want Noah to get mad or anything.”
“What were you two doing?”
“We were watching a show.”
“How? You looked like you were wrestling.”
“He wanted to watch something I didn’t want to watch. So yeah, he was teasing me by wrestling. He wasn’t being mean at all.” My face burned. I kept my hands on Cessie’s shoulders so she couldn’t see me.
“I didn’t know you could wrestle with your mouth,” Cessie said. “That’s gross. Mom would think so too.”
“Well, don’t tell her then. I don’t want Noah to get in trouble. He might not be allowed to show us his horse anymore if mom finds out. You wouldn’t want that, would you?”
“Oh, no. I won’t tell.”
When we finally returned to the Caravan, I plopped down on the floor next to Noah. He was playing a game on my tablet. I waited for Cessie to disappear before I said anything and pressed my fingers against my swelling bottom lip. I crawled the short distance over to the freezer to get popsicles. I held it against my lip and handed one to Noah. “You need this?”