by Raymond Bean
“Go on,” I said.
“We’re nearing completion of our awesome lion costumes. But without a Simba, we’re really just two lions,” Mindy said.
“Sure, we could simply carry a Simba stuffed animal, and everyone would know who we are, but having a real-life Simba would be way better,” Becky added.
“I already told you guys that I’m going to be a Clone Trooper.”
“Think about how cute you’d look as Simba,” Mindy continued. “I don’t care how much trouble you get yourself into, Mom will think you’re the most adorable thing in the world.”
“Not interested,” I said. “Now if you girls will excuse me, I’ve had a long day.”
“Think about it,” Becky said.
“Already did!” I said.
14
Calamity
The next day was Friday the nineteenth. Mrs. Cliff seemed a bit defeated. She must have gotten in a lot of trouble because of the Jenny situation. Jenny was absent. The principal came to our class right after the announcements and sat us all down.
“We have had a lot of dangerous behavior in this class recently, and I expect it to stop at once,” she said. “As you all know, a pregnant mouse named Myrtle was released from her tank a couple of weeks ago.” She shot me a look. “It appears that Myrtle has since given birth to a litter of baby mice and they’re beginning to explore their surroundings. The average number of babies in a litter is about twelve. So it appears that we have possibly a dozen mice loose in our school.”
Mark clapped, which was very awkward because no one else did. The principal gave him a look and said, “I don’t understand why you would clap for that, Mark, but it demonstrates the importance of my little chat. This is not a good thing. I am very concerned for everyone’s safety, including the mice, and so is Mrs. Cliff. The mice don’t pose any harm as long as we leave them alone. I’ve instructed the custodians to set safe traps in your class at night, and I’m quite certain we’ll catch them. If you see any mice during the day, you are to alert Mrs. Cliff immediately and stay away from them. Are there any questions?”
She realized immediately that she shouldn’t have opened it up to questions because almost every hand went up. We spent the next forty minutes answering every what-if question the class could think of. It seemed to go on forever.
After the principal left, Mrs. Cliff explained that she had convinced her to allow us to keep the mice for observation as long as we were extremely careful with the tank. Mrs. Cliff had even bought a new tank with a lid that had a latch on the top to make sure the mice couldn’t get out.
“No one is to go near this tank unless instructed by me, and no one may open the lid under any circumstance,” she ordered.
The rest of the day was completely boring. I couldn’t wait to get home for the weekend. At the end of the day, Mrs. Cliff announced, “We are not going to let the series of unfortunate events ruin our study of mammals. We will continue to study the baby mouse we caught yesterday.”
You mean the mouse I caught yesterday, I thought.
“I selected a name from the name jar earlier today, and Cameron was selected. I called his parents, and they will be in before the end of the day to take our new mouse home for the weekend. Every weekend for the next few weeks, a different member of the class will be chosen to take our tank home.”
May raised her hand. “What if we don’t want to?”
“It’s voluntary. If you don’t want to, I’ll pick another name. I told Cameron earlier today, and he agreed to take it for the weekend.”
I couldn’t believe it. Cameron didn’t deserve to take the mouse home for the weekend. I was clearly the only one in the class with any understanding of animals.
Then Mrs. Cliff said, “I’ve also named our newest mouse. Her name is Calamity. Does anyone know what a calamity is?”
No one raised a hand to answer.
“A calamity is an event that causes great and often sudden damage or distress. Yesterday was a calamity, and so that’s what we will call her.”
15
The Best Halloween Ever
All weekend I thought about how lucky Cameron was that he had gotten to take Calamity home. I played with Mr. Squeeze and Stanky most of the time because I was grounded. Mom and Dad wouldn’t even let me go to my soccer game on Saturday. My coach called after the game to tell me how disappointed he was in me, and that I’d better get my act together. It felt as though everyone I knew was mad at me.
The next week things were pretty calm at school. Jenny returned on Monday, and you couldn’t even tell she’d had a patch of hair cut out. But the rest of the kids and Mrs. Cliff treated her as if she’d survived a plane crash. No one seemed to remember that I’d gotten knocked off a desk trying to save her, and that I was the one who’d caught Calamity in the first place.
The custodians safely caught three more baby mice, for a total of four babies in the tank. They were super cute. Mrs. Cliff named them Miracle, Marvel, and Wonder.
I continued to visit classes during recess and realized how much better the rest of the school had it. The other classes seemed like so much fun compared to Mrs. Cliff’s class. Even Mrs. Sholden, who people say is the meanest teacher in the school, seemed like a sweetheart compared to Mrs. Cliff.
On Friday, I had to help out in Mrs. Fiesta’s class, which I was psyched about because she’s the coolest teacher in the whole school and most of my friends are in her class. I walked in and they were sitting in a circle on the floor.
“Hi, Justin,” she said. “I have a bunch of books on the back table that need to be sorted by reading level. Thank you for your help.”
“Okay,” I said, sitting in a chair at the table.
“So, class,” she continued, “our Halloween party is almost set. We only have the issue of food to decide. The food committee is going to give a few choices, and then we’ll take a vote. Remember, you can only vote once.”
Two girls with clipboards stood up, and one of them said, “Okay, we’ve narrowed the food down to pizza, hot dogs, or burgers.”
“How many people want pizza?” the second girl asked.
I could hardly believe my ears. The girl gave the class the other choices and tallied the votes.
“So that’s decided,” Mrs. Fiesta said. “We’ll have pizza on Halloween, so don’t bother bringing a lunch from home. We’ve already decided that we’ll have cupcakes, provided by Ted’s parents’ bakery, and I’ll have a bunch of fun games for us to play, along with the gross-out boxes I told you about.”
Mrs. Cliff’s punishment was finally working on me. It was torture listening to all the amazing things Mrs. Fiesta’s class was doing for Halloween.
When it was time to return to class, Mrs. Fiesta said, “Thank you, Justin, you may return to class now.”
“No thanks,” I said. “I’ll stay.”
“You can’t stay. Mrs. Cliff will be expecting you.”
“Please,” I pleaded. “Let me stay. I’ll do anything.”
It didn’t work. She sent me back. As I was walking out the door, they were deciding on what spooky Halloween music they’d use for the party. When I got back to Mrs. Cliff’s room, they were reading silently.
I sat down at my desk and took out the same book I’d been reading since the first day of school. Mrs. Cliff encouraged me to choose something else just about every day, but I wouldn’t. I usually just looked at the pictures, and sometimes just daydreamed and pretended to be reading.
I was deep in a daydream, and my eyes were about to close, when I heard Mrs. Cliff say, “Justin, please come over to my desk.”
Here we go, I thought. What now?
16
Can I Trust You?
“Justin, I wanted to tell you that you’ve done a very good job this week keeping out of trouble,” Mrs. Cliff said.
“Thanks, but I shouldn’t have been in trouble in the first place because Cameron—” I tried to explain.
“Let’s not relive the past,
” she said.
“While you were out at Mrs. Fiesta’s class, I selected the person who’ll be taking care of the mice over the weekend. Your name was selected, and against my better judgment, I’m going to let you take care of them for the weekend. This is a chance to redeem yourself. Can I trust you with this responsibility?”
“Yes, ma’am,” I said confidently. Mrs. Cliff surprised me. I couldn’t believe she would send the mice home with me after all that happened.
My parents picked me up after school, and we carried the tank out to the parking lot.
“This is a big responsibility,” Mom said once we were in the car.
“Please don’t make us regret this decision,” Dad said.
“I won’t. This is going to be a piece of cake. I take care of mice all the time,” I reminded them.
“You feed mice to your snakes,” Dad said. “There’s a difference.”
17
Don’t Tell Mom and Dad
Saturday, I asked Mom and Dad if Aaron could sleep over. They agreed since I’d had a good week at school and I’d been grounded the two weekends before. Aaron came over around four, and we played outside until dark. I was so glad that Mindy and Becky were putting the finishing touches on their costumes because if they weren’t, they would have been driving us crazy. Instead, it was as if they weren’t even home.
Mom said we could play with the snakes as long as we kept the mouse tank safely on my desk and the lid secure. Aaron’s parents don’t let him have any pets, so he loves playing with the snakes when he comes over.
“Your sisters’ costumes are pretty amazing,” Aaron said, draping Mr. Squeeze over his shoulders. “You still haven’t told me what you’re going to be for Halloween.”
“I’m not being a part of their costume this year,” I said, “if that’s what you’re wondering. I’m going to be something cool enough that I think I might win that contest at school.”
“What is it?” he asked.
“I’m not saying. It should have come in the mail weeks ago. My mom’s been trying to track down the shipment, but it seems to be lost in the mail or something.”
“I’m going to be a zombie,” Aaron said. “It’s going to be awesome. You’re going to come home on the bus to my house so we can trick-ortreat immediately after school, right?”
“That’s the plan,” I said, putting Stanky back in his tank.
My dad knocked on the door and came in. “You guys can stay up until about ten, and then you have to hit the hay. Aaron’s parents are picking him up bright and early tomorrow morning.”
“We will, Dad.”
Aaron and I played video games for a while, ate pizza in my room, and then put on Night of the Deadsies 7. The movie was about an hour too long, and the second half was just boring and ridiculous. We must have both fallen asleep because the next thing I knew, Mom was calling from downstairs that Aaron’s parents had arrived. Aaron quickly gathered up his things and we went downstairs.
I grabbed a cup of orange juice from the fridge and went back up to my room to play video games. Becky walked in a few minutes later and sat at my desk.
“Can I use your computer?” she asked. “Mine’s acting funny.”
“Sure.”
She opened my computer and then said, “Didn’t you say there were four mice in that tank?”
“Yeah, why?”
“Because I only see three.”
“The fourth one is probably hiding behind something,” I assured her.
“I don’t think so. I think there are only three in there.”
My heart immediately beat triple time. I ran to my closet. Mr. Squeeze wasn’t in his tank. Aaron and I must have fallen asleep before we could lock him back up.
Becky appeared next to me. “No way!” she said, looking at the empty tank. “You left your snake out overnight!”
“Please, Becky,” I begged. “Don’t tell Mom and Dad. Give me a minute to find him and figure this out.”
“Don’t tell Mom and Dad what?” Mom said from outside the closet.
18
Calamity’s Calamity
“How could you be so irresponsible?” Mom asked after I explained that Mr. Squeeze was missing.
“It wasn’t my fault,” I said. “I put Stanky back in his tank while we were watching the movie. Aaron must have forgotten to put Mr. Squeeze back in his tank.”
“I can’t believe you’re trying to blame this on your friend!”
“Seriously,” Becky said, grinning. “You’re messed up.”
“Becky!” Mom said. “Go get your father.”
“You got it, Mom. Should I tell him that one of the mice is missing too?” she asked, knowing this would set Mom off.
“Excuse me?” Mom said.
“He had four mice on Friday, and now there are only three,” Becky said.
“Go get your father, please,” Mom said, looking as if she might explode.
I tried to look as cute as I could, given the situation, but even I knew there wasn’t enough cute in the world to get me out of this one.
It took me about fifteen minutes to find Mr. Squeeze. He was wrapped around the heater under my desk. It took me a few minutes to untangle him. Mom, Dad, and the girls stood nervously waiting for me to get him free. They were all thinking what I already knew: Mr. Squeeze had eaten the missing mouse.
When I finally got him free, Becky said, “Is that lump in his belly…”
“Yep,” I said. “That’s Calamity.”
The rest of the day was pretty quiet at my house. Mom and Dad didn’t say much to me about it. I think they were shocked and confused about how to explain it to Mrs. Cliff.
I woke Monday morning and was surprised by how numb I felt. It was as if all the fear had somehow been scared right out of me. Dad carried the tank with the three mice out to the car, and I followed. Mom and the girls were already in the car. I buckled into my spot in the middle between the girls. It was so quiet it was painful.
I had to break the silence, and the only thing I could think to say was, “So, do you think my costume will come today?”
19
You Win
When my parents and I told Mrs. Cliff what happened to Calamity, she cried. When she told the rest of the class later that morning, they cried. I had fed about a hundred mice to my snakes, but somehow, I felt like crying too. The principal sent the counselor to our class to talk to the kids about death, which I thought was a little over the top.
The rest of the day went by really slow. I felt terrible. I hadn’t meant for the mouse to get eaten, but I certainly was getting blamed for it. No one in the class would talk to me.
Tuesday, things didn’t get any better. That night, Mom came into my room and sat on my bed next to me. “Justin, your costume came the other day in the mail, but I’m afraid you can’t wear it tomorrow.”
“I know,” I said. “Can I at least see it?”
“No,” she said. “I’ll hold on to it for you for next year.”
“That’s fair,” I said. “I’m sorry I’ve caused so much trouble lately.”
“I know you are. I also know it hasn’t all been your fault, but you need to learn to be more careful so you don’t get yourself into these situations.”
“Can I go trick-or-treating with Aaron tomorrow?”
“I’m afraid not.”
“All right,” I said. I didn’t like it, but my fate was sealed.
Mom walked out, and Becky and Mindy walked in. Mindy held out a Simba costume.
“You win,” I said. “I’ll be Simba.”
20
Simba, the Halloween Monster
Halloween in Mrs. Cliff’s class wasn’t as bad as I thought. Sure I was dressed like Simba, but she brought in a bunch of snacks and even played spooky Halloween music as we all shared our research reports. I shared my report on werewolves and listened to reports on vampires, zombies, and Frankenstein. When they were all over, I felt pretty sorry for vampires, zombies, werewol
ves, and every other kind of monster because I knew how they felt—in my class, I was the worst monster of them all.
The only positive was that Becky, Mindy, and I won the best costume award, even though no one in my class voted for us. The girls were so excited they let me keep the hundred-dollar gift card to Game Slam we’d won.
Instead of trick-or-treating after school with Aaron like I planned, I spent the rest of the day dressed as Simba from the Lion King handing out candy to other kids. It was a perfectly awful end to a perfectly awful Halloween. Hopefully I’ll still fit into my Clone Trooper costume next Halloween.
1
The Silent Treatment
Thanksgiving is kind of a non-holiday. You get a few days off from school, which is awesome, but there’s nothing really special about it. Everyone eats turkey, which is kind of gross for me because I don’t like it. A lot of people get all excited about pigging out on pie on Thanksgiving, but eating pie isn’t really holiday-level excitement for me because my mom and sisters are basically addicted to pies. In the fall, we go through about two a week.
I was feeling pretty bummed out because I’d been looking forward to Halloween all of October, and then it was pretty much my worst Halloween ever. When I went to school on the day after Halloween, the kids in my class were still mad at me for a bunch of stuff that had happened.
It’s a long story, but basically, our class pet, Myrtle the mouse, escaped a few weeks before Halloween. I took her out of the tank on a dare from this kid Cameron and dropped her by mistake. Before I could grab her and put her back in the tank, she scurried off and hid. If that wasn’t bad enough, Myrtle was pregnant! She was missing for weeks, and by the time we caught her, she’d already had her babies.
The weekend before Halloween, my teacher, Mrs. Cliff, let me take Myrtle and her four babies home for the weekend. Unfortunately, my boa constrictor, Mr. Squeeze, got out of his tank and ate one of Myrtle’s baby mice, the one named Calamity. It was a total accident. My friend Aaron and I were having a sleepover and left Mr. Squeeze out of his cage overnight. When we woke in the morning, Calamity was gone. I’m just thankful Mr. Squeeze didn’t eat all of the mice. By the time Halloween rolled around, kids were looking at me as if I were a Halloween monster.