The soccer stadium was fresh, green cut grass. The goals on either end were already manned by men wearing similar colored practice jerseys, with the university of Iowa’s logo on the back, and black shorts. The bleachers were only occupied on one side, and like Wade said, they were all women. I immediately dubbed them The Soccer Wives. I clutched my Kindle to my chest, a shield between their hairspray and me.
Wade and I came through the metal gates out front manned by a guard, and onto the soft, green lawn. Whistles rang out across the field. The team ran toward a middle-aged man with a clipboard in his hand.
“I gotta go.” Wade pointed to the bleachers. “Pretend you’re happy being here.”
I put on a wide, hopefully happy smile.
He frowned. “You look like you’re holding in a fart.”
I let my smile go, leaving him to take the metal bleachers. I didn’t dare approach the soccer wives, but I could feel their eyes, and thankfully—not—I could hear their whispers.
“Who the hell is she?” someone sneered.
“Is it his girlfriend?”
One of the girls giggled. “I’ve been with Tanner for years. Been to every practice, game, and afterparty. Wade Wright has never had a girlfriend. It’s probably his, like, boys and girls club extra credit kid sister, or something.”
“Yeah, probably.”
First of all, I wasn’t twelve. I was twenty-freaking-one, and second of all, they were not going to get under my skin. What was it to them who Wade hung out with? I knew firsthand that he hadn’t made himself available to them. Hating me wouldn’t make him any more theirs. Wade was Wade’s.
Or Sabrina’s, the evil little troll in my head whispered.
I ground my teeth together.
“Is she, like, reading?”
They gasped, as though the words in my novel were demonic chants instead of strung together magic.
I frowned at my Kindle, trying to tune out the soccer wives and trying to read my book. It was a new-adult romance, with so much tension and drama I could hardly contain myself as the hero caught the heroine with another guy. Oh, misunderstandings in romance novels…
“You didn’t watch a second, did you?” a deep, familiar voice accused.
It was the only voice strong enough to pull me from my book… which was almost over. No! I looked up in irritation to find that the sun had begun to set in the sky, the field was empty; the team and the soccer wives were making their way toward the parking lot. Wade was on the bleacher below me, sweat dripping down his face, jersey off.
His chest and abs dripped with perspiration. A droplet fell from his chin onto his abs. I wanted to lean over and drag my tongue over his smooth, hard wet flesh. Savor the taste of his hot, salty body. My thighs pressed together, and I met his eyes, blushing furiously when he gave me a knowing grin.
“You just eye fucked the shit out of me.”
I gasped. “I did not!”
His eyes rolled. “Not only did you eye fuck me right now, it wasn’t even the first time. Let’s go. I need a shower.”
Unfortunately, we caught up with everyone near the parking lot gates. They were talking, laughing; the scent of musk and testosterone was thick in the air.
And I knew in my heart I didn’t belong.
Chapter Six
Wade
The hardest part of being around Esmaie wasn’t the memories she dredged up. I didn’t hate them as much as I thought I would. I hadn’t let myself think willingly of Sabrina in years. It hurt too much. Reminded me of too much. Taunted me of all that I had lost. When Esmaie did random things, like biting her bottom lip when she looked at me, or snuck glances at me when she thought I wouldn’t notice, those were the times when memories would pop up of Sabrina doing the complete opposite. Sabrina didn’t sneak glances, she stole them. She didn’t bite her lip, she bit mine.
It was one of the strangest feelings to like both sides of both women. I thought it was crazy endearing when Esmaie was checking me out when she pretended to hate me. When she bit her bottom lip, digging her bright white teeth into her soft, pink flesh, I wanted to lean over and do the same thing to it.
So, the hardest part of being around Esmaie wasn’t the memories. The hardest part was that I didn’t want those memories around.
That was horrible. To want to push Sabrina’s memory aside to have moments in the flesh. I’d been living in the past for years. I hadn’t been in the present for so long, reality had a different smell and flavor to it now. And it was crazy. To want moments with a woman I had just met.
I still couldn’t wrap my head around her spewing her guts to me, a complete stranger. How lonely and messed up inside did she have to be to do something that stupid? That brave? I thought her loneliness couldn’t hold a candle to mine, but in some ways, maybe it did. Because when she was trying to shove her heart down my throat, all I had wanted to do was swallow it.
I was so tired of being alone.
I was so drained from living in the aftermath of losing Sabrina.
I was a human body and nothing else. No love, no emotion.
What could it hurt giving this strange girl a chance? In the end, we wouldn’t make it. I’d never betray Sab. What I had with her was all that I deserved.
I sighed, running a hand over my face as Esmaie and I approached my teammates. Bank, one of the few people I was still close to, gave me a knowing look and then wiggled his brows at Esmaie. I shot him a look, so he’d shut the fuck up. He’d given me nothing but shit the entire practice. I wouldn’t mind punching in that shit-eating grin that marred his face.
It felt like everyone was looking at us. Trying to figure out who she was. I didn’t blame them. I hadn’t brought a girl to anything all four years of college. I couldn’t exactly tell them that she wore her heart on her sleeve and I got to hold it for a month. They wouldn’t understand. They weren’t lonely.
Not like Esmaie and I were.
“Am I that interesting?” she whispered, sticking close to my side.
I didn’t know if it was her shampoo or body wash, but she’d smelled the same since she’d showered this morning. Like sweet, tart strawberries. I tried not to breathe her in. “Nope,” I assured her, smiling a little.
She rolled her eyes.
“They’re shocked, that’s all. It’ll wear off.”
“Yo, Wade!” Bank called.
Shit. I stopped walking and turned around. “What?” I growled.
He chuckled. “We’re all heading to the lake tonight. You and your girl should come.”
I rose a brow. Why was I only now hearing about that? Oh, because he’d been riding my ass all practice about Esmaie instead. I glanced at her. “What do you say? You want to meet the team?”
She bit her bottom lip, rolling the soft pink flesh between her teeth. Fucking hell, she made my cock hard. It would be so much easier, honestly, if she didn’t look so damn perfect… Tall, curvy body. Long legs that would look perfect wrapped around my waist. Her tits were heavy and round; I ached to push them together and slide my cock between them. Her eyes were the color of the fresh cut grass on the soccer field. I loved being on the field, and every time I looked into her eyes I felt the same feeling of peace as I did when my cleats penetrated the soil. Her hair reminded me of honey. Blonde with hints of ochre, creating a rich golden curtain. She had it in a bun now, but I could still remember what she looked like peeking through the golden curtain.
But the real kicker was the shred of innocence in her eyes. She could spew all the dirty jokes at me she wanted—those were a defense mechanism. She was innocent. Broken. She wanted to be loved so badly, she’d given her heart to a stranger. The thought gripped my heart and I wanted to wrap her in my arms. Which was the exact moment a memory of doing the same thing to Sab popped into my mind, only she’d been comforting me after I’d lost a game.
I shook the memory aside, waiting for her answer.
“I don’t know them.” She brought her Kindle to her chest, like it would block anything that
might hurt her.
I put my hands on her shoulders, bending a little to put us at eye level. “You’ll know me.”
Her pupils dilated staring into mine. I felt that aggravating sense of peace, like my aching soul could finally take a breath without it hurting. That was dangerous. This entire weird, relationship was dangerous for me. If I got used to it, I’d never have it. If I didn’t get used to it, I’d know she already had.
My hands, on their own, slid up her slender neck. Her pulse pounded against my touch, thrumming as I slid them higher until I was grasping her face between them. “We both have to give what we get. Tomorrow, we’ll do what you want, and then we’ll switch. Thirty days, fifteen each. Let’s go hang with my team, for me.”
Her eyes fluttered, but they didn’t close. “Okay,” she whispered, in her sweet, soft voice.
I wanted to kiss her, so I didn’t. Wanting to kiss her was the beginning to the end. I hadn’t wanted to kiss another woman in a brutally long time. Guilt crashed into me, but I didn’t release her. I gave her a smile.
Someone cleared their throat, tearing through the moment. I looked over at Bank, hating the cheesy grin on his face. “We’ll meet you there,” I grunted, grabbing Esmaie’s hand and leading her to the truck.
We stopped at home, so I could shower. Through the bathroom door, I heard her fist rap against it. “Should I wear a bathing suit under my clothes?”
I thought about it. The lake was a well-visited spot on the edge of town in the woods. It was a place to break free and chill in nature. Most, if not all, of the girls would be in the water, teasing every male within reach in their tiny bikinis. Suddenly, I really wanted to see what my little dreamer looked like wearing practically nothing.
When my cock hardened, the guilt did, too.
“Up to you,” I called back, washing my hair roughly.
I shut the water off, wrapping the towel around my waist before stepping out of the bathroom. The hall was clear, her bedroom shut. I got dressed quickly, throwing on jeans over my briefs and plunging an Iowa State soccer jersey over my head, my team, The Iowa Wolves’ logo on my chest. I plunged a handful of gel into my hair and then finished off with cologne.
Esmaie was on the couch with Bri when I came out. It startled me when both women looked up. Bri had interest in her gaze the same way her friend did, but it was empty. I realized why I preferred Esmaie’s interest over Bri’s, over everyone else’s. Esmaie’s interest was real.
The way Sabrina’s had been.
I cleared my throat and grabbed my keys where I left them on the counter. “You ready?”
“Can Bri come?”
“Of course,” I mumbled, glad she’d have a familiar face, but irritated I’d have to deal with Bri all night. I didn’t think Esmaie truly knew who her friend was at all.
Bri squealed. “Just let me put my bikini on and I’ll meet you guys in the truck.”
I met Esmaie’s eyes. She smiled. I glared, and she laughed.
All three of us piled into my truck. With Bri in the middle. Esmaie’s strawberry scent was overpowered by the scent of Bri’s vanilla. I hated vanilla. It was too strong; my stomach turned, and I rolled down the window.
“Who’s all going to be at this lake party?” Bri spoke up.
“I don’t know everyone there, but we’ll be hanging with my team and their girlfriends.”
Her hand settled on my thigh. “That’s an honor, isn’t it?”
Esmaie hadn’t told her we were trying to see where this went, which made me think she hadn’t told Bri anything at all about her feelings. I wondered why she’d kept her feelings a secret to her best friend, but had no problem telling me.
I shifted uncomfortably. “Is what an honor?”
“To be a girlfriend for one of the Wolves.’ You guys are like royalty on campus.”
Hardly. Soccer wasn’t an Iowa thing. Football and baseball, yes. But soccer had made its debut at the university a year before I enrolled, and the only ones who took is seriously were the players and our coach. I hadn’t planned on going to school here. Sab and I always had UCLA in mind. After her, Iowa was the only place I couldn’t see myself. So that’s exactly where I went.
“Ask Esmaie,” I grumbled, reaching down to move her hand from my thigh.
She put it on hers instead. “What do you mean, ask Esmaie?”
“Why wolves?” Esmaie asked.
I wished it was just us. She’d kept her outfit the same. I wouldn’t mind taking my eyes off the road to study her long legs in my truck. “Coach wanted something that signified camaraderie. Wolves travel in packs.” I shrugged. “Sounds cool to me.”
She snorted.
It made me smile.
“Like you know what cool is. The closest you get to it is by hanging out with me,” she teased.
Now it was my turn to snort. “You read a book during my two-hour practice. You’re further from cool than me.”
“You went to his practice?” Bri asked, tone dark.
“Yeah… what’s the big deal?”
“The big deal is that you two have been hanging out a lot lately. I thought he didn’t date?”
I saved Es from answering. “Well, now I do.”
“Whoa, whoa,” Bri spat, “you two really are dating? You chose her over what, me?”
“Whoa your fucking self,” Es cut in. “What does that mean?”
She sighed. “I didn’t mean it like that.”
Sounded that way to me, I thought, but didn’t dare get in the middle of women and their drama. I had a sister and I knew better. I used years of experience to tune them out, carving out some peace. All the while, they bickered. Over me. A man they didn’t know. It astounded me, the workings of women’s hearts. How could they want mine, when it wasn’t even intact?
Chapter Seven
Wade
Night settled amongst the trees.
The lake was busy tonight, the tinge of rebellion in the air. It was hard, sometimes, not to want to inhale it. Keep it in my lungs, find some strength to keep going. I peered over at Esmaie as she walked alongside me, face pinched in anger. The moment we’d gotten here, Bri had ordered an Uber to leave.
I draped my arm over her shoulders and brought her close. “Don’t let the things she said bother you.”
“How can I not? This whole time she’s never seen me as a threat because I’m, quote, safe, nerdy, and boring? She doesn’t even know you enough to want you.”
When I didn’t comment, she pinched my side hard.
“I’m not doing the same thing.”
“No, you’re relying on a feeling to dictate your entire life,” I muttered, with all the disbelief I could muster. And you’re letting her, a little voice whispered. Why?
I didn’t have an answer, that or I didn’t like the answer. I pushed it aside and pulled her even closer to me, so her arm had to go around my waist. I enjoyed touching her. Maybe I missed sharing skin with someone who wanted to do the same. I didn’t know.
“Feels like you’re doing the same thing,” she mumbled back.
“I’ll be the DD tonight,” I said instead, steering this conversation away from the instability of dreaming that brought us together.
“Really? I wasn’t planning on drinking. You can if you want.”
I dropped my arm down to her waist and skimmed it along her lower back to find her elbow, pulling it forward to wrap my fingers around hers. Together, we broached the edge of the lake. It wasn’t huge, as far as lakes go, but it was beautiful. Esmaie gasped beside me. It was the color of aqua stones, clear, cool turquoise, surrounded by trees and wildflowers. Battery-powered lanterns had been strung to the trees and we were all pretty good at not trashing the place. Summer still clung to the air; the water was probably the perfect temperature.
And like I’d assumed, half-naked women were bouncing in the lake, breasts shoved to the surface in tiny bikinis.
“I feel like I’m at the Playboy mansion.”
I smirked. �
��I think Hef screened his girls first. Statistically, at least a few of these girls have an STD.”
She scrunched up her nose. “I already hate it here. Can we go home?” She looked innocent, uncomfortable and scared. Her wide green eyes were full of apprehension.
It struck me, and I wondered if it were the people that worried her, or the lack of control in the air. “It’s my day, remember.”
She sighed rudely, crossing her arms over her chest. I took it as her acquiescence and led her over to the team. The guys were on the edge of the lake spread out amongst three of the picnic tables. They were all cool guys to me, but for the first time I feared their behavior.
They all had their Wolves jerseys on, and it felt like I was leading Esmaie into a pack of untamed, wild animals.
***
Esmaie
I wasn’t good with strangers.
The moment I was out in the public, I remembered how weird and unlikeable I was. It was different around Ren and Bri—even if she was being the biggest snatch in the history of snatches right now—but the moment I was around ‘normal,’ regular people, I felt every ounce of my oddness float to the tip of my tongue.
I felt like… my mother.
My obsessive-compulsive mother. Not the nice kind of OCD where you have everything organized, but the real kind of OCD when you spend years checking the same lock because the doubt in your soul turns into a monster in your brain set to torture you. The OCD that made her miss holidays because she had to get her compulsions just right. The kind of OCD that made a good person lost.
Dad had me tested a million times. I was fine, they said. Which meant Mom’s illness had rubbed off on me in other ways. Like brushing arms with someone who had the chicken pox. I was a carrier, even though I’d never caught the disease.
Years and years of growing up in the disease had made me into who I was today, a person I didn’t even know, at least not until I wasn’t myself.
Things were too unstable right now. I needed to stand on solid ground for a second. Get my footing, just to know I could.
The Jock and the Dreamer Page 5