She stopped. “Me?”
Everyone else stopped, as well.
“Aye, you.” He looked at her curiously. “’Twas clear enough you were worried about the rogue warriors. Did you feel anything specific when they first fled?”
“I did.” Surprise lit her eyes. “Curiosity about where they would go with so many pursuing them. What their fate would be.” She shook her head. “I didn’t think they deserved to die. They hadn't done anything wrong because they were likely possessed...” She trailed off, clearly chasing the sensation her words invoked before a peaceful expression softened her features. “You’re right, Aidan. I did make them vanish in hopes that whatever possessed them would release them before they were killed.”
“And it, they, did, giving the men a chance to redeem themselves for attacking without orders,” Julie said, impressed. “I think that sort of gift will come in handy.”
“’Twill certainly save lives,” Tiernan said.
“One has to wonder, though,” Cray said softly. His eyes suddenly hazed and flickered smoky blue. “If the number of men will matter.”
What was happening? Why were Cray's eyes that color?
“Madison?” Chloe whispered, peering at Cray, baffled. “Is that...you?”
“Pay attention to the number,” Cray replied, his voice a little off. “And be wary of how their possession made you vulnerable, Chloe.”
Before any of them could respond, Cray’s eyes returned to normal then flashed with fiery anger. Growling under his breath, he didn’t say another word but stomped off into the woodland. That in itself wasn't so unusual.
What happened next was another story.
Though still in human form, he strode off surrounded by the spirit of his dragon.
Cray literally walked away within his ethereal inner dragon.
Chapter Fifteen
“I CAN’T BELIEVE I saw an actual dragon,” she repeated for at least the fifth time that day. “Even if it was in ghost form.”
It had been monstrous. Terrifying. But at the same time, enthralling.
“Aye, ‘tis something to behold,” Aidan said. They had been riding half the day and just stopped to eat and rest the horses. “Wait until you see it in the flesh.”
As it turned out, by the time they caught up with him, Cray’s ethereal dragon had vanished, and he was in a fouler mood than ever. Roaring mad, actually. While he had been unaware of his inner beast appearing like that, because no dragon ever had, he was fully aware that he’d been possessed by another.
“Who is Madison?” he had growled, his dragon eyes flaring. “And how the bloody hell did she get inside my head!”
“Time will tell, Cousin,” Tiernan had replied, trying to calm him down. “For now, we need to try to figure out her message. What she meant by the number of possessed warriors being a potential issue. More importantly, why their possession made Chloe vulnerable.”
After much debate, they came to the conclusion that the number of warriors must have to do with the number of Stonehenges. They also surmised the monks might have gained access to Chloe when she influenced the men under their possession. To what degree that made her vulnerable and perhaps even Aidan through her was yet to be seen.
What hadn’t been said, though she sensed it, was that she needed to activate the power of the Claddagh ring to protect them. That, however, was easier said than done. While she and Aidan agreed they had seen the ring glow a few times, neither was quite ready to see it fully ignite. He, because he still warred with his devotion to Maeve and her, because well, it was a big step.
More than that, she realized, one she didn’t want to take unless his heart belonged to her.
She wasn’t precisely sure when she had come to that conclusion just that she had. Did she want him to forget Maeve? Of course not. She just didn’t want to be in love with a man who was still in love with another.
She wanted more. She deserved it.
“I feel the change in you,” he said softly. They had broken off from the others and walked through the trees. Rather than hunt, he had decided to show her which berries and plant life were edible, and what herbs flavored a stew well. “There is new confidence inside you.”
They had chatted plenty throughout day, him falling into the tour guide role once again. He also told her more about Goddess Étaín. How supposedly she had been reincarnated many times and was now known not just as a sun, but a moon goddess. Oddly, the more he spoke about her, the more accepting of all this she became. As if a flood gate opened in her mind. She felt a sense of camaraderie with the goddess. Familiarity.
Almost as if she had known Étaín well.
“Goddess Étaín shows us that we can overcome life’s most difficult circumstances,” she had murmured. “She teaches us that though beauty, wealth, and position might fade away, we can retain our shining light. She lights our way on the path of transformation, guiding us toward balance, wholeness, and rebirth.”
“Aye,” he had agreed. “So ‘tis said.”
She hadn’t mentioned it at the time, but she wondered about such a goddess helping them. How appropriate it seemed. Because maybe she had lost her way. Maybe he had too.
Though they had talked plenty as they traveled, they also enjoyed companionable silence, which she found remarkably peaceful. Whether it was his or her magic or maybe both, her inquisitive mind was finally able to quiet. Naturally, she was still curious, but it didn’t seem all-consuming like before.
“I do feel more confident,” she replied in answer to his comment. “Not that I wasn’t before...” She shrugged a shoulder. “Just not to this degree.” She glanced at him. “I suppose that’s what faery magic does for a girl.”
She had changed out of her fancy dress, but the lingering sensation of its beauty had stayed with her. Maybe, she supposed, even the self-confidence it lent.
“It wasnae the dress,” he murmured, catching her thoughts. “’Tis just who you are at heart coming to the surface. Who you were always meant to be.”
The way he said it warmed her heart. He truly meant it. Thought it.
She liked that about him. His inherent kindness. How supportive he was by nature. He was the sort of man she could see herself developing more with. Something substantial and lasting. Which led her to what had been weighing on her mind.
While tempted to remain quiet about it, she refused to let her ex have any more sway over how she looked at herself. What she feared might happen by making herself vulnerable to a man again. More than that, she didn’t want Aidan to merely catch her thoughts. She wanted to control the narrative and tell him exactly how she felt. She wasn’t in this to give him ultimatums, but she was in this. So said their ever growing connection.
He needed to understand what that meant.
“I need to be honest with you, Aidan,” she said softly.
“I know,” he said just as softly, evidently sensing what was coming.
“Do you?” She stopped and cocked her head, hardly believing she was saying this to someone she’d just met. But then, strangely, it felt like she had known him so much longer. As if she knew him better than anyone else.
“I understand that you still love Maeve, and a part of you always will,” she continued, “but sooner or later, you’ll have to decide what kind of love that is.” She wanted to touch him but held back. “While still feeling platonic love is fine, natural, I won’t be with a guy who’s still in love with the woman he lost.” She shook her head. “It’s not fair to me, and honestly, it’s not fair to you either.”
“’Tis not about fairness when it comes to protecting my country.” He hesitated, clearly undecided if he wanted to go on. Yet he did. “And whilst I assume you mean two people should not be forced together like this, I remain curious. Why do you think ‘tis not fair to me?”
While forced together sounded a little harsh, in essence, that’s exactly what had happened. It still hurt, though, mainly because she didn’t feel forced. Not at all. And she shoul
d. She should be upset that she’d been thrust through time and destined for a stranger, but she wasn’t. Because Aidan didn’t feel like a stranger. He felt like a friend. Like someone she wanted to spend a whole lot more time with.
“This isn’t fair to you because you deserve to truly love who you’re with.” This time she did touch him, squeezing his hand, saying words she never thought she’d say. “Magical Claddagh ring or not, you shouldn’t be with someone you don’t love with your whole heart.” She shook her head. “Nobody should. Simple as that.”
Aidan considered her for a moment before he, in essence, bared his deepest fears. “What if I didnae love another with my whole heart?”
When she frowned in confusion, he continued.
“I sometimes wonder, what if I didnae love Maeve as deeply as I should have, and she somehow sensed it?” He sighed, clearly perplexed, seeking a deeper understanding. “What if that’s why she loved Cray too? Because deep down, she saw something in me that gave her pause?”
With his concern came his thoughts and the truth behind his words.
“You loved her deeply,” she said softly, sure of it. “And she didn’t doubt that.”
She searched his truth, understanding what he wasn’t saying. She herself had been a point of contention. An unknown woman across time.
“You think because of your family’s fated connection to us Brouns that some part of you already belonged to another,” she went on. “That you couldn’t possibly love her with all your heart. That’s why she strayed. Why she loved another.”
“Aye,” he murmured. “’Tis not such a far-fetched idea.”
“It’s not,” she agreed, preferring to be truthful. “Any woman might feel that way. I mean, who wants to hook up with a guy that’s destined for another? That no matter how much he claims to love her, his family history says he’ll ultimately love someone else?”
“Aye,” he said. “Because of that, her actions were understandable.”
She didn’t find anyone’s actions understandable if they hurt him, but that wasn’t the point of the conversation. And definitely not what she wanted to convey.
“There’s only one catch to your theory.” This probably wasn’t what he wanted to hear, but it was telling. “If some small part of her worried that you would someday love another, why fall for another guy with the same family lineage? Why risk getting hurt not once but twice?”
“I would not have hurt her,” he swore, but she saw something flicker in his eyes that might be doubt.
Rather than respond right away, he continued walking and picked various plants, all the while describing how they tasted and what they could be used for. She waited him out because she knew he was a contemplative sort by nature. He needed to find clarity through thought and reason. Whatever his ultimate conclusions, though, one thing was certain. Something had shifted in him. Changed. She felt it like she felt her heart beating in her chest.
Eventually, in a roundabout way, he returned to their conversation.
“I apologize for my behavior this morn.” He urged her to sit beside him on a log and handed her berries, assuring her they were safe to eat. “’Twas verra out of character for me to attack Cray when he was only trying to protect you.”
She knew that but preferred to act clueless for now.
“Protect me?” She sampled a berry, surprised by its sweetness.
“Aye, Cray was protecting you from being hurt by my love for Maeve the only way he knows how to lately. With anger.” He sighed. “Essentially, he was telling me I was a fool for holding onto her when I had you.”
“Had me?” she said softly, not sure what to make of that. She intended to stick to her guns. “You don’t have me, Aidan. Not yet.” She met his eyes. “Maybe never.”
Destined love or not, she refused to share him with a ghost.
His pupils flared, but he offered no response to that. Instead, he refocused on their earlier conversation.
“I have given a great deal of thought to our discussion about Maeve meeting Cray before me,” he said. “That they might have found love first.”
She swallowed a berry and eyed him, interested in what sort of conclusion he had come to. “And?”
“And I believe now it could have happened,” he replied. “That they formed a connection that quickly.” His voice dropped an octave. “That mayhap my frustration with Cray has been misplaced.”
“Just frustration, eh?” She gave him a look. “I’d say it was a bit more than that. You’ve just been good at hiding it until now.”
“’Twas for the best,” he replied. “And...”
When he trailed off, she realized he struggled with something he had never shared with anyone.
“And, what, Aidan?”
“I made Maeve a promise on her deathbed.” His eyes grew turbulent. “A promise that I see now I never should have made.”
Chapter Sixteen
EVEN AS HE said it, he knew he was opening himself up to Chloe in a way he hadn’t intended. But a part of him was ready. He needed to get out from under the weight of losing Maeve. Doing that meant letting go of anger he was never allowed to show.
“She made me promise I would never confront Cray with anger over what had happened,” he revealed. “That it would drive a wedge betwixt us that might not mend.” He shook his head. “I realize now I never should have agreed to such.”
“No, you shouldn’t have,” Chloe replied softly, understanding what he alluded to. “It’s not healthy holding in that kind of anger. And while I get that she was trying to keep you and Cray from hating each other, not confronting things can be just as harmful.”
“Aye, ‘tis becoming clear on this journey.” They started back in the direction of the others. “Though I realize now that Cray didnae steal Maeve from me, that he might have even tried turning her away, it doesnae lessen the pain.”
“I don’t imagine it does,” she said gently.
Chloe almost appeared angelic when her kind eyes met his. Sunlight streamed down through the moss-covered trees, illuminating her red highlights. A soft breeze made her heavy curls dance about.
“This, though,” she continued, “finally talking about it with me and maybe even Cray when you’re ready, will help tremendously.” She tilted her head in question. “Have you ever talked to Cray about it? Heard things from his viewpoint? Maeve only asked you not to confront him with anger. She never said you shouldn’t talk to him about it at all.”
“Nay, we havenae spoken about it,” he replied. “It’s only come up the past few days for obvious reasons.”
“That would be me, then?”
“Aye,” he said softly. “That would be you.”
He watched her out of the corner of his eye as they continued walking, more taken with her by the moment. Not just her beauty, but what blossomed inside her. Who she really was. Who she was always supposed to be.
He respected her request about wanting to be with someone who loved her and her alone. More than that, he liked that she desired the same for him. She genuinely wanted him to experience the sort of love he had shared with Maeve again.
But could true love happen twice?
“Maeve made me promise something else.” Needing to confess, he stopped, took her hand, and opened himself up in a way he never thought he would again. Or at least took a step in that direction. “She made me promise I would love again.”
Though he sensed Chloe was startled by his admission, more so the implication he might be ready to open his heart to her, she kept a level expression. While she blushed prettily enough, her words remained logical, her self-confidence growing with her magic. With her ability to see herself clearly rather than through the eyes of a man who had been nowhere near good enough for her.
“Why did you promise Maeve such a thing when you had no intention of seeing it through?” she asked. “Because when you and I first crossed paths, you were determined to remain devoted to her. Heck, just this morning, you were.”
She was right. He had been.
Not for the first time, it caught him off guard how swiftly his feelings for Chloe were progressing. Aye, it could very well be the magic of the Claddagh ring at work, but it almost felt like something more. As if in some strange way, his life had been a dream up to this point.
Now he was finally waking up.
“This morning, I was fooling myself,” he said bluntly. “This morning was before I experienced what ‘twould feel like with distance betwixt us.” He shook his head. “I didnae like it nor the sensation I felt when your life was in danger. ‘Twas...” Heart-wrenching? Soul-draining? Or mayhap so much more. “Near crippling.”
Her eyes widened a little at that, and she inhaled a shaky breath but didn’t act on her emotions. Rather, she remained focused and stood her ground.
“I get it. I felt the connection between us, as well.” She swallowed hard. “But was it enough to let Maeve go?” She searched his eyes. “To move on?” Her gaze narrowed as she thought about it, putting voice to what he’d been thinking moments before. “I guess the question is, do you believe true love can happen twice?”
“Do you?” He was curious where she stood because he sensed she had never felt love. Not the way she should have by now. “More so, do you think it can happen once?”
“I hope so,” she whispered, her voice cracking with emotion. She cleared her throat and continued. “Honestly, if you’d asked me last week, I probably would’ve said no but now...”
When she trailed off, he reeled her a little closer without realizing he was doing it.
“Now?” he prompted.
“Now, I do believe it exists,” she murmured. “That it can happen.” She didn't fight him when he reeled her closer still. “Not just once but twice.”
Fully aware he was on dangerous ground, but eager to feel her skin again, he cupped her cheek, taken in by its incredible softness. Enchanted by how round her sparkling eyes could grow. How even before he kissed her, her lips pinkened as if in anticipation.
A Scot's Devotion (The MacLomain Series: End of an Era, #2) Page 10