by Cindy Kirk
If I’d been there...
But he hadn’t been there. He’d been struggling with his own worries. He’d hoped clarity would come more easily if he wasn’t around Cassidy. When she was near, he wanted only one thing...her.
Though Tim had been firmly committed to remaining single until the girls were raised, there was now another child to consider...and a woman.
He wanted his child raised under the same roof with both a mother and a father. He wanted his daughters to grow up with their little brother or sister. He cared for Cassidy. He believed they could build a good life together.
Did he love her? It was much, much too soon to even think about love. But he cared about her and wanted her to be happy. If she married him, he would do his best to be a good husband.
“Keenan says I have the ability to do anything I set my mind to,” he heard Cassidy say.
Tim realized that while his mind had been traveling down unfamiliar roads, she’d continued to talk...about Keenan.
“And what did Mitzi think about you monopolizing her husband for the evening?”
He knew the words were a mistake the second they left his mouth. By then it was too late to pull them back.
Her eyes flashed blue fire. “Well, for starters I didn’t monopolize him. And Mitzi understands we’re old friends. He’s like my big brother.”
“Forget I said anything.” Tim waved a dismissive hand. “What did you say we’re having for dinner again?”
“Taco pizza,” she said.
“Sounds nutritious.”
Her blue eyes could have frozen boiling water. “Actually, I got the recipe from a children’s website.”
“Would this be the same place you got the recipe for donut kebabs?” he said in a flippant tone.
Tim wasn’t sure what was wrong with him. Why did he feel the urge to needle her? But when he thought of her and Keenan...
She laughed suddenly, a loud booming laugh. “You’re jealous.”
“I am not,” he said indignantly.
“Are, too.” She smirked. “You’re jealous of Keenan. A married man.”
Tim scowled. He almost retorted “am not” but thankfully pulled the words just in time, the retort too similar to what he heard when the girls bickered.
Cassidy’s expression turned serious and she took a step forward, resting her hand on his arm, her blue eyes warm. “Keenan is one of the few people on this planet who truly understands what it was like for me growing up. He knows the fears that come from such an upbringing. I trust him.”
The knife that had lodged in his heart twisted at her words.
“You can trust me, too, Cassidy.” He took a step closer. “Just like Keenan is there for you, I want to be someone you can come to with your fears and concerns.”
“I believe you mean that.”
“I do.”
When she smiled, an emotion Tim couldn’t quite identify shimmered in the air between them, warming his heart and dislodging the knife’s hold.
She patted his cheek. “Thanks.”
He pulled her to him, brushing his lips across hers, experiencing a surge of relief when she wound her arms around his neck.
“Forgive me for acting like a jerk?”
“I might need a little more convincing.” She lifted her face upward and her lips parted in invitation.
Tim lowered his head.
“The oven dinged,” Esther announced. “Can I get the pizza?”
He and Cassidy sprang apart.
“Thanks for offering, sweetie,” Cassidy said, sounding remarkably composed. “But that pan is monster heavy. I’d love some help, though.”
Tim watched his little girl’s face light up. He recalled the last time she’d offered to help at his mother’s house. Suzanne liked everything just so and had sent Esther and her sister out to play.
“Wash your hands.” Cassidy gave Tim a playful shove. “Then hurry back because dinner will be on the table pronto.”
“Yes, ma’am,” he said, then surprised them all by giving Cassidy a quick kiss before hurrying down the hall with a lift in his step.
Esi giggled. “Daddy kissed you.”
Puzzled, Cassidy brought her hand to her lips. “Yes, he did.”
“Silly Daddy.”
Cassidy smiled and took the child’s hand, swinging it between them. “Let’s get the pizza.”
“And the donuts,” Ellyn called out. “Those are my favorite.”
* * *
The next day Tim was able to leave the clinic right at five. The day was bright and sunny. He’d promised to take his daughters to the park for a picnic to make up for the missed bike ride yesterday.
When he’d had a break in patient appointments earlier, he’d tried to reach Cassidy. He hoped to convince her to change her mind about joining them for the picnic. But his call went straight to voice mail.
Yesterday, she’d mentioned her Monday was “crazy” busy but he recalled her last appointment was at five, so there was still hope. Once he picked up the girls, he’d try to reach her again. The possibility of seeing her tonight had him whistling as he strode up the sidewalk to the front porch of his parents’ home.
“Someone is in a good mood.” His dad straightened from where he’d been pruning a bush that needed no trimming. Ever since his father had retired last year, he’d been trying to find some rhythm to his life.
Steve Duggan golfed and played tennis with friends at the club but that only filled so many hours in a day. Though Tim sometimes felt guilty over his parents watching the girls, he knew they enjoyed it.
Tim paused at the bottom of the steps next to where his father stood. “It was a good day. How’s it been for you?”
An emotion Tim couldn’t immediately decipher darkened his dad’s eyes. “Difficult.”
Tim cocked his head.
His father ran a hand across the face that was an older version of his own. “Sarah.”
It was all he needed to say. Tim wondered how he could have forgotten the anniversary of his sister’s death from leukemia. She’d been stricken her freshman year and the doctors had never been able to get her into remission.
Though it had been over a decade since his beautiful, vibrant sister had passed, he still missed her sunny smile. She’d had the same love of life he so admired in Cassidy.
“I wish I’d remembered.” Guilt sluiced through Tim. “I’d have made other arrangements for the girls today.”
“Then I’m glad you didn’t,” Steve said. “I enjoy having them here. They’re like two rays of sunshine.”
“What about mother? How’s she doing?”
His dad hesitated.
Though their mother had borne three children, Sarah had always been their mother’s favorite. The favoritism hadn’t bothered Tim, but living in Sarah’s shadow had been hard on Lindsey. Only in recent years had his younger sister found happiness and contentment in her life.
Tim focused on his father. “What kind of mood is she in?”
His dad’s lips tipped in a slight smile. “Loaded for bear.”
Tim grimaced. “That bad?”
His dad nodded. “My advice. Grab the girls and get the hell out of Dodge.”
“Appreciate the warning.”
Still, making a quick getaway proved impossible. The twins were in the middle of an art project on the dining room table, which his mother said would only take fifteen more minutes to complete. In the meantime, she requested he speak with her on the back patio.
Tim followed her outside, refusing her offer of a glass of iced tea. Just gazing at her set jaw and tight lips, he knew loaded for bear had been too mild. His mother was spoiling for a fight.
She crossed her arms across her chest and turned to face him, lifting he
r chin. “You might be angry with me when I tell you, but I don’t care. I did what I thought was best.”
“Well, that certainly gets my attention.” Tim kept his tone easy even as a feeling of dread rose inside him.
“I went to see that woman today.”
His blood turned to ice. “What woman would that be?”
She waved her hand in an agitated motion. “That Cassidy creature.”
Tim glanced at her hair. Though he was no expert, it looked pretty much the same as it had that morning. “You needed a haircut?”
“I went to voice my displeasure over how she took care of my granddaughters yesterday.” Suzanne shot Tim an accusing glance. “I would have changed my plans if I’d known you needed someone to watch them. But you didn’t call.”
Ignoring the last part of her diatribe, Tim focused on the first section. “What did you say to Cassidy?”
If Suzanne noticed the sudden chill in his tone it didn’t show.
“I told her that taco pizza and donut kebabs were totally inappropriate for a growing child’s nutrition. Then—” his mother exhaled a frustrated breath “—I moved on to the hair and nails. My granddaughters are not strumpets. They are growing up in a decent, God-fearing home. I made it clear I won’t have them looking like white trash.”
Tim’s gut constricted. “Tell me you’re joking.”
Suzanne looked affronted. “I most certainly am not. If you don’t care how your daughters eat and—”
“Taco pizza,” Tim interrupted, “that the girls made themselves. You used to make pizza, though God knows we were never allowed to help.”
His mother flinched as if he’d slapped her.
“The pizza I could have overlooked.” She lifted her chin even higher. “But donut kebabs? The girls rattled on and on about how good they were. They didn’t even care about the blueberry muffins I’d made them this morning.”
And that, no doubt, was part of this. “Did you ask the girls what was in the donut kebabs?”
She sniffed. “I believe the name is self-explanatory.”
“Actually, they contain only very small bites of donut.” Tim fought to hold on to his temper. “Most of the kebab is fruit on a skewer. Blackberries and strawberries primarily. And did the twins tell you about the salad in a mason jar they made? Ellyn, who doesn’t even like lettuce, ate all of hers last night.”
“She should have told me.”
“I’m sure either of the twins would have told you if you’d asked. They—”
“I’m not talking about them,” his mother said dismissively. “I’m referring to the woman you kissed in front of your daughters.”
Ah, now we’re getting down to it, Tim thought with a resigned sigh. “I’m an adult, Mother. I don’t have to have your approval to kiss a woman.”
“Oh, Tim, what were you—”
“My actions aren’t on trial here, Mother. Tell me what you said to Cassidy.” His tone brooked no argument.
“I hardly think—”
“Tell me what you said.”
“That I was shocked you would let someone like her, so obviously incapable of taking care of children, be in charge.” Suzanne hesitated, her eyes searching Tim’s. “She dyed their hair.”
“It washes out,” he said flatly.
“I believe it’s entirely inappropriate for girls that age to wear nail polish.” Suzanne lifted her chin. “I didn’t let Sarah wear nail polish until...”
Tears filled his mother’s eyes, but Tim was too angry to care. “What did Cassidy say to you?”
“She told me to leave.” His mother gave a disbelieving laugh. “Looked me right in the eye and told me she was glad she wasn’t part of my family. Can you believe the nerve?”
Tim’s heart sank. If Cassidy was glad she wasn’t part of his mother’s family, that could mean only one thing.
She wouldn’t want to ever be part of his family, either. At this moment, he didn’t blame her.
Chapter Fourteen
The bike ride with Tim and the twins to Snow King Mountain and back to Jackson gave Cassidy plenty of time to reflect on the past weeks.
Last Sunday had been a good day. She’d enjoyed having the twins over. After the “color” party, she’d looked up some kid-friendly recipes on the internet.
The twins had been hesitant when she’d first invited them to help her. It was almost as if they feared doing something wrong. But they quickly realized in her kitchen there was no wrong, only interesting twists and turns.
Dinner had been fun and Tim had seemed pleased by the girls’ happiness. Cassidy had begun to feel that maybe she didn’t suck at this mother thing after all. Then, on Monday, when she was still riding a high, Suzanne had stopped by the shop.
White trash. The woman didn’t want her granddaughters to be white trash.
Cassidy hadn’t let her see she’d drawn blood. In fact, when she’d ordered Tim’s mother from her shop in a low, pleasant voice, she’d felt immensely proud of herself for keeping her cool.
But she’d be lying if she didn’t admit to herself that the words had cut to the heart of her fears. At the time, contacting Tim didn’t even occur to her. What would be the point? Suzanne was his mother and, worst of all, she was right.
Country club and white trash didn’t mix.
She could only imagine what Suzanne would think when she found out that this piece of white trash was carrying her grandchild.
Tim had apologized profusely for his mother’s behavior. Cassidy had told him it was no big deal and brushed aside his concern. After all, she’d been dealing with this kind of thing all her life.
There had been a time, a very short time, when she’d first opened her salon that she’d considered trying to be country club. But she knew it would be futile. She liked wild hair and flashy clothes. What was that saying? You could take the girl out of the trailer park but you couldn’t take the trailer park out of the girl.
Besides, she refused to live her life simply to please someone else. After she’d graduated from high school and had been free of her mother once and for all, she’d been determined to live life on her own terms. That was what she’d done, and quite successfully, for over a decade.
She’d gotten her degree in business through online courses and become a success. She hadn’t stumbled. Not once.
Until Tim Duggan.
Getting pregnant had been a serious detour in the wrong direction. Though she’d never been tempted to do anything but continue the pregnancy, she had to admit she’d railed against God for letting something like this happen to her.
They’d used protection. Why did it have to be her that got caught?
Still, she’d learned long ago she’d never get ahead by wishing things were different. It was what it was.
Suzanne had made Cassidy realize that she’d been foolishly hoping for more in terms of Tim and the girls. There had been a moment on Sunday when she’d actually found herself wondering what it would be like if they were a family. What it would be like to have Tim come home every night...
Because she’d been angry—and hurt—by his mother’s behavior, Cassidy had been tempted to break off all contact with Tim. But that would have been an emotion-driven decision. He was not his mother’s keeper, and more important, Tim was her baby’s father. As he’d said on more than one occasion, it would be easier for everyone if they got to know each other better before the baby was born.
So, they’d agreed that she’d have dinner with Tim and the twins a couple of times during the week. The Saturdays that she didn’t have a wedding, they’d spend time with the girls during the day, then she and Tim would go out at night.
The twelve-week mark loomed before her. A date Cassidy approached with both relief and dread.
Relief because i
t meant the chance of a miscarriage dropped to less than 5 percent. Dread because it meant choosing a doctor and telling the world she’d gotten herself knocked up.
Though the twins continued to beg, Cassidy didn’t put color in their hair or paint their nails. Still, she enjoyed the girls and felt a bond with them that surprised her.
Today they’d decided on a bike ride. Tim hadn’t thought the girls could keep up, but Cassidy had assured him the girls were stronger than he thought.
Now, after parking their bikes, they strolled the downtown sidewalks looking for a place to eat. The fact that they were dressed for biking limited their options but there were still plenty of choices.
“Can we eat at Hill of Beans, please?” Esther begged when the popular eatery came into view.
“Sounds good to me.” Cassidy slanted a glance at Tim.
His girls. His choice.
“Works for me.” Tim opened the door.
They ordered at the counter and were looking for a place to sit when Jayne and her mother walked in. From the bags in their hands, it appeared the two women had spent their morning shopping.
“Paula. Jayne.” Tim’s smile was warm and friendly. “Nice to see you both.”
“Why don’t we all sit together?” Paula paused as if noticing Cassidy for the first time.
Before responding, Tim caught Cassidy’s eye.
She gave a noncommittal shrug.
“Sounds good.” Tim glanced around the dining room. “The large table in the corner should work.”
Cassidy sat between the girls and watched Jayne hesitantly take a seat next to Tim.
“I was telling my mother that the task force is making real progress.” Jayne took a dainty sip of her Italian soda. “Cassidy is a terrific leader. She keeps us focused. Though I’m sure it sometimes feels like herding cats.”
Before Tim could say a word, Paula jumped into the conversation. “Did you know Jayne is in the running for an award given to top media specialists?”
Tim glanced at Jayne. “I didn’t. Congratulations.”