Anger flashed in her yellow eyes. The irises narrowing to mere slits of black. She stepped up close to him and poked a finger in his chest. “Yeah, and you know what—it’s true—I am fucking sorry. I’m sorry that Janey and the Trog are dead. I’m sorry the goddamn Church killed Rico because that would have really pissed him off. I’m sorry that they still have Alex, and I’m really sorry that I’m dying.” She poked him again, harder this time, and he winced. “And now, I have to be sorry for you as well, because for once you’re not getting what you want. I bet that really hurts.”
As her words sank in, he saw himself for the first time as she must see him. They were all hurting, and all he could think of was how this affected him. Why would Tannis want to spend eternity with a selfish bastard like him? A wave of pain washed away the anger leaving him drained and empty. He looked from Tannis to Jon and Skylar and Daisy. He expected to see anger in their faces at his selfishness, but all he saw was understanding.
Pain squeezed his heart in a vice, and he spun on his heels and stalked from the bridge. He knew Tannis was behind him, but he kept on going, until she came up beside him and slipped her hand in his. They walked in silence, he didn’t notice where they were going, but when she pulled him to a halt, he found they were outside her cabin. She released her hold on him and he felt bereft.
He’d better get used to it.
Tannis pressed her palm to the panel and ushered him inside.
He stood hands shoved in his pockets. He didn’t want to talk. He was scared of what would come out.
There was such a maelstrom of emotions churning inside him.
Finally, he turned to her. “I don’t know what’s happening to me.
And I’m not sure I can take this. It hurts.”
“You’re becoming human.”
“What?”
“Rico told me that once. He said you might be kidding yourself that you were changing, becoming something else, but it was actually the human part of you that was causing the problems.”
“Problems?”
“You’ve closed yourself off for so long. I bet you’ve even convinced yourself that you’re turning into some sort of alien so the rules of being human don’t really apply to you anymore. But they do.”
He knew she was speaking the truth. He’d been fooling himself. Whenever he had to make a difficult decision, something his conscience whispered was wrong, he’d tell himself it was the Meridian, not him. He wasn’t responsible. He’d been a coward as well as a fool.
The knowledge of her coming death was eating into his soul.
If he still had one. If he’d ever had one, for that matter. Maybe this was God making him pay for all his sins. But why should Tannis pay as well?
“Look,” she said. “I’m tired. I just want to rest for a while.”
She didn’t want him here. Why should she? He must be a constant reminder of what she had lost. “I’ll go.”
“No.” The word was torn from her, and she reached out and laid her hand on his arm. “Please stay. I don’t want to be alone.
Just stay with me. Hold me. Forget for a while that I’m dying and just be with me.”
“I don’t think I can.”
She frowned, irritation flicking across her face. “Well, just freaking pretend!”
He forced a smile. “Let’s go to bed.”
He undressed her slowly, picked her up, and laid her gently between the sheets, before stripping off his own clothes and sliding in beside her. The lights dimmed and he rolled onto his side and pulled her close to him, wrapped his arms around her.
“We’re two great humans aren’t we?” he murmured into her hair.
Tannis raised her head and stared at him so he could see the glow of her eyes in the dark. “Yes, we are,” she said fiercely.
“Being human is as much about how you behave as what you are.
It’s looking out for the people you love.” She bit her lip. “Actually, there’s something I wanted to ask you.”
“Anything.”
A grin flashed across her face. “Don’t be so quick. After I’m gone, will you look after them? Just for a while. El Cazador will need a captain. I’m thinking maybe Skylar would like the job in the end, but she’s a mess right now. And Jon is no better. If we don’t get Alex back, I’m scared he’ll go back to the way he was.”
“We’ll get her back.”
“I know you’ll return to your old life, but just keep an eye on them until they’re over this.”
“I promise. Now sleep.”
He closed his eyes, sure he wouldn’t be able to sleep—he rarely slept these days. But as he lay in the darkness, listening to her slow steady breathing, finally, he drifted into sleep.
He woke in the darkness. For a moment, he thought her gone and panic clutched his heart, threatened to suck him under.
Then he felt her soft lips moving over his body. Her warm mouth engulfing him. They made love as though it might be the last time ever.
When he woke again, he was alone. This time he didn’t panic.
He’d gone over what she’d said, and he was determined that if she was going to die then it would be knowing that Alex and what was left of the crew was safe.
He didn’t know how, but he could forget the wallowing in self-pity at least for the present. The future would be soon enough for that.
Colonel?
For a moment, he thought he would get no answer.
Callum? We thought you might be dead.
He breathed a sigh of relief. He’d kept very quiet since Trakis Seven was destroyed, partly because he was totally pissed off with the Council and their part in the destruction of the planet, but also because if the Council believed there was a possibility he was dead, then they might free up the colonel. It was well known where the colonel’s loyalties lay. Well I’m not.
I’m glad.
So am I. What’s happening over there?
I’m still being treated as suspect, but they’ve eased up since Seven was destroyed. I get the distinct impression that this is all part of some plan. They don’t appear to have made any effort to break the siege, and there’s something else. Your new stealth ship is missing.
The Endeavor?
That’s the one. I would have expected her to be here trying to break the siege. But she’s not around. I think maybe the Council aren’t as stupid as they seem.
Callum thought for a moment. Hmm—get the Church to destroy Trakis Seven so they get the blame for eliminating the only source of Meridian. Then they destroy the Church, and it looks like self-defense.
How could he use this? So what’s their next move? Where is the Endeavor?
I don’t know, and I doubt they’ll tell me. But if it were me planning this, then I’d be on my way to Trakis Four. Destroy the Church’s base. Then come back and break the siege when they’re leaderless and in chaos.
It did make sense, but Callum needed some confirmation, before he passed the information on to Tannis. He didn’t see yet how they could use this. But if The Endeavor was planning on destroying the Church’s base on Trakis Four then maybe that could provide the distraction they needed to allow them to slip in, get Alex and kill that bastard Hatcher.
On the other hand, The Endeavor could succeed before they got there and Alex would be blown to bits with the rest of the Church. He needed some idea of the time frame.
Thanks, colonel. Let me know if you find out anything else.
Callum?
Yes?
I know you went to Trakis Seven. Did you find anything?
Yeah, I found something. And if I get out of this, I’ll tell you.
He closed off the link.
Tyler? He met with some resistance and pushed harder.
TYLER!
Callum.
I want to come back in. Can you send a ship to pick me up?
You’ve given up on the crazy hunt?
Well, there’s not much point in going on now the Church have destroyed the pl
anet.
No, that was a tragedy. Look, Callum, I know you wanted to discover the truth, but maybe some things are best not known.
Callum gritted his teeth, then forced his face to relax, so his emotions wouldn’t come through the link. You’re right. I know that now. Besides, if there had been anything to find on Trakis Seven no doubt we would have found it already.
I’m glad you’re being sensible.
Yeah, he was being sensible, and if he ever got out of this, he was going after Tyler and the rest of his weasely Council. So when and where?
Where are you now?
Callum gave his coordinates and waited while Tyler looked them up.
You can get a ride on The Endeavor. She has a small job to do over in that area, but she can pick you up before heading back here.
A little job?
Just a clean-up. We’re going after the Church’s Headquarters on Trakis Four. We have to be seen to retaliate. But I’ll inform Captain Harris that he’s to rendezvous with you afterwards.
That was no good. Afterwards would be too late. He needed to find a way to stop the ship or somehow use the attack to their benefit. Okay. But make it before they reach Trakis Four. I want to see The Endeavor in action, and I want to see that piece of shit Hatcher blown to bits.
No problem. If you set your course to intercept, I’ll tell him to expect you.
Good. You seem to have everything in hand. I’ll see you soon.
He closed off the link and sat on the edge of the bed, thinking for a minute. Then he closed his eyes. If he went to a certain place in his mind, he could sense the other members of the Collective.
All of them were there, he just had to sift through the individual minds and find the one he wanted. He found Captain Harris easily, but didn’t make contact. He needed to talk to Tannis first.
He found her in the galley with the rest of the crew. They all looked marginally better—he guessed that came from at least having a purpose. He grabbed a coffee and sat down next to Tannis. He leaned in and kissed her lips.
“I just found out that the Collective have sent The Endeavor to destroy the Church’s headquarters on Trakis Four.
“The Endeavor? Wasn’t that the prototype stealth ship we ran into after we picked you up?”
“That’s the one. So we need to either find a way to stop it before it blows Alex to pieces. Or we need to find a way we can use it as a distraction so we can slip in and get her out. Though there is the danger with that option that we’ll all get blown to pieces in the crossfire.”
“No,” Tannis said. “We don’t need to do either of those things.”
“We don’t?” Callum looked into her face. She was fizzing with the old energy and purpose.
“No. What we need to do, is steal her.”
Chapter 22
Tannis decided to wait until Devlin arrived before they discussed the plan in any more detail. He expected to intersect within a couple of hours.
Daisy was doing her best to watch for anyone coming after them and also gather whatever intel they could find on Trakis Four, but they missed Janey’s expertise.
Jon was not doing well, but Tannis was sure that once they had a decent plan, he would pull himself together. Callum was confident he could take the ship, and she trusted him, besides she had the worst goddamn headache of her life. She had a feeling that time was running out, and just hoped that she would hang on until she was sure what was left of her crew was safe. After that anything would be a bonus.
She took herself of to the medical center—at least she could treat the symptoms. After dosing herself on the strongest painkillers she could find, she followed with a couple of anti-nausea pills, because she felt sick, and she never reacted well to drugs so chances were she was going to feel sicker any moment soon.
Lying down on the high cot, she closed her eyes and waited for everything to work. She supposed things could be worse. If she’d gone ahead with the treatment on Trakis Seven, her whole crew would probably be dead, and she’d be facing an eternity of feeling guilty instead of what she was beginning to realize was going to be days rather than months or years. She could almost sense the poison in her system, eating away at her. It was moving too fast. At the back of her mind, she’d had this hope that they would rescue Alex and there would be time. Time enough… she cut off the thought; it was unlikely now. She was dying.
Her head ache faded and she must have dosed off, because when her lids flickered open, it was to find Callum perched on the edge of the cot beside her.
“I didn’t want to wake you, but Devlin’s just boarding, and I thought you’d want to know.”
She sat up and ran a hand through her hair—at least the headache was gone. “Hey,” she said, “there’s time enough to sleep when you’re dead.”
Pain flashed across his face, and she wished she could bite the words back. Callum was trying hard to get over his bout of self-pity, and she should be helping, not making wise-ass comments about dying. But in a second, the expression was gone. He appeared to have regained his composure, and she was glad. He needed to be strong and focused right now.
She swung her legs over the side of the cot and stood up, swaying so she had the balance herself. Callum put out a hand to help her, but she shrugged it off and straightened.
“Are you feeling worse?” he asked.
“No, actually I feel better,” she said. “I’m just drugged up to the eyeballs. Go see if you can get me a stimulant. They should be in that drawer over there.”
“Are you sure you should take more drugs?”
She just looked at him and he went to get her drugs. It was a real pity they didn’t have more time—if only she had him around longer, she might have got him trained.
“Pills or needle.”
Tannis shuddered, she hated needles—they reminded her too much of her childhood and all the tests and experiments, but she needed this to work fast. “Needle,” she said.
Callum handed her a syringe. Without allowing herself to think about it, she jabbed the needle into the muscle of her upper thigh. The effect was almost instantaneous, and she closed her eyes as energy flooded her body.
She crossed over to the small sink and ran the water, splashing her face, then patting it dry. For a second she stared at herself in the mirror, but she looked the same, and she turned away.
“Come on. Let’s go save the day, one last time.”
Devlin was already in the meeting room when they entered, sitting beside Skylar, his head leaning in close, talking to her in a low voice. He glanced up as Tannis entered with Callum close behind, then rose to his feet. A small frown played across his face as he stepped toward her. Tannis studied him, he appeared no different until you looked closely, then the signs of grief were obvious—his eyes shadowed, the scar a vivid slash down his cheek, lines bracketing his grim mouth.
“I’m sorry,” she said, as he came to a halt in front of her.
He shrugged. “Not your fault.”
Well, that wasn’t exactly the truth. She glanced behind him at Skylar who gave a small shake of her head. Tannis presumed that meant Devlin was unaware of Tannis’s part in the Trog’s death.
“What have they told you?”
“Not much, just that he was shot trying to save Janey.” He considered her, his head cocked to one side. “Snake Lady, did you know you look like shit?”
“She’s fine,” Callum said, resting a hand on her shoulder and drawing her back against him. She thought about pulling away, but the solid strength of him behind her felt too good.
“No, she’s not. So are you going to tell me what it is I don’t know?”
Tannis sighed. She really didn’t want to go into this right now, but maybe Devlin deserved to know. If it wasn’t for her, then his brother would in all likelihood still be alive. She just hoped that by the end of this conversation, he still wanted revenge on the Church more than he wanted revenge on her. She wouldn’t blame him for hating her.
“Let�
��s sit down.” She gestured to the chair he’d just vacated and followed him across, sinking into the seat opposite with the low table between them. Staring over his shoulder for a minute, she considered what to say.
“So?” Devlin prompted.
She licked her lips. “The crew was taken hostage to make Callum and me destroy Trakis Seven.”
“I know, and you destroyed the planet—it’s been on all the waves.” He looked at her and his eyes narrowed. “You didn’t get the treatment.”
She shook her head. “We were on the planet and heading there when we received the comm.”
“So that’s what’s the matter with you—you have the Meridian poisoning.” His eyes filled with pity, and she clenched her teeth.
“Yes.” She took a deep breath. “They called us, and at that point Janey and your brother were still alive. I thought I had time, and I kept going. And they killed Janey.”
Devlin pinched the bridge of his nose. Finally, he looked at her. “It makes no difference. He’s still dead. And you’re dying.
What do you expect me to do? Kill you? Not a lot of point.” He sat back for a moment, his expression bleak. “You know, we used to talk about it, Tris and me, about how with the lives we lived, there was never much hope we’d die in out beds. Tris was never cut out for this life, but at least he died for someone he cared about. Now, I have no intention of killing you, but that bastard, Hatcher, is going to die.”
Daisy appeared at that moment, waving a bottle in her hand.
They all looked away and some of the tension seeped from the atmosphere. “I got this from Rico’s cabin. It’s almost the last.” She placed it on the table, then leaned across she kissed Devlin on the cheek. “I’m sorry about the Trog. He was really brave.”
“Thank you.”
She nodded, then moved away to fetch glasses from the cabinet at the edge of the room. After pouring the drinks, she perched on the seat on the other side of Skylar, twirling a stand of long green hair. Her skin was a pale, sickly green; she was taking this hard, but then she had hero-worshipped Rico.
“Where’s Jon?” Tannis asked.
“Still in his cabin.”
Nina Croft Page 25