Semblance

by Logan Patricks

  I was going to make a witty comeback, but decided to use my mouth for eating instead.

  After we were finished with our snack, we sat in the cool shade of the tut-tut while relaxing and sipping water; the two of us alone. Johnny had left to go find some lunch of his own.

  “Thanks again for bringing me here,” I said. “This trip has been incredible so far.”

  “There’s a lot of Cambodia left,” Shadow said. “This is only one of many temples to explore as well as more foods to taste. There’s deep fried spider if you’re feeling adventurous enough.”

  “You’re serious? They eat deep fried spider here?”

  “It’s more of a novelty for tourists than anything,” Shadow replied “It’s not considered one of the basic food groups for locals.”

  “I think I’ll pass on the deep fried spider. Everything else sounds amazing. For a fake date, you’ve really outdone yourself.”

  “Think nothing of it,” Shadow said. “I love this place too. My dad took me here when I was still a little kid. I remember how speechless I was when I saw the temples for the first time—though I was probably too busy complaining about the heat at the time to appreciate the serenity of Angkor Wat.”

  “Did your dad take you here for a trip?”

  Shadow shook his head. “Business,” he replied, as his thoughts seemed to trail off into the past. “Everywhere he took me was always for business.”

  “You never made the coming-of-age trip to Disneyland?” I teased.

  Though my words were meant to be a joke, they seemed to have touched Shadow deeply.

  “You know my dad never took me to a park, not once? Or played catch with me or read me any bedtime stories?”

  “You’re probably exaggerating,” I said. “He must have spent some quality time with you.”

  “Oh, don’t get me wrong, he did spend time with me, but most of that was spent teaching me about numbers, strategy, and business. I remember one afternoon going over to the Constantine house when I was eight and listening to Abraham read to Julia Where the Wild Things Are. I was captivated both by the story and the fact that Julia got to experience something fun with her father. I got home and my dad started drilling me on Gaussian distribution formulas. Did you know by the time I was seven, I could already do advanced Calculus equations? I was a freak.”

  “It sounds like you were quite the brainiac.”

  Shadow practically scoffed at what I said.

  “With all the neurological enhancement pills and vitamins I was taking at the time, I’m surprised I can’t read your thoughts right now.”

  I want you to fuck me until I can’t stand anymore.

  I turned away for a moment and faked a cough while breaking eye-contact with him just in case he did have some voodoo ability to read my thoughts.

  “Growing up, people always thought I had it easy. After all, I was the future of the Midnight Society; an anointed prince. They believed that anything I wanted came to me at the snap of my fingers. What bullshit,” Shadow’s jaw was clenched. “What they didn’t see was my father pushing me to my limits, both mentally and physically. I was never allowed to cry, since it was a sign of weakness. I was never allowed to complain because endurance was a way to build both strength and character. Even something that should have been fun like soccer matches were a point of stress for me. I always had to be the best player on the field and my team always had to win, otherwise I risked disappointing my father.”

  “That’s horrible. Every kid should be allowed to enjoy their childhood. Those memories are so very precious.” I paused. “Did your father push Calisto just as hard?”

  Shadow shook his head. “She got off easy, being a girl. While I was reading books about chaos theory and memorizing political platforms, she got to bake cookies, play with dolls, and go to the zoo.”

  “What about your mom? Did she agree with what your dad was doing?”

  “She worked me just as hard. After all, she bore the Tremaine last name and the prestige associated with it. Every Tremaine male was forced to live up to the family legacy; weakness was never allowed,” he sighed. “There’s a legend about our family. Back in the seventeen hundreds, there was one Tremaine baby boy born with a birth defect—something as trivial as a cleft lip. Because of this, the baby was a symbol of weakness, and because of this small defect, they delivered the baby to an orphanage and stripped all records of his birth from the history books.”

  “That’s awful. How can a mother carry a child for nine months in her stomach only to dump it away after first glance?”

  “This is the world I live in. The Midnight Society only cares about strength and power and they don’t mind deception in order to obtain it,” Shadow said.

  “Do you want to leave the Midnight Society?” I asked.

  Shadow shook his head. “Tell me about your father,” he said, abruptly changing the focus of topic. “What was he like?”

  A wide smile crept across my face as I thought about him. “He was everything to me,” I said. “He was my inspiration to become a classical pianist.”

  “Did he push you to have piano lessons when you were young?” Shadow asked. I shook my head.

  “No, I asked for them,” I replied. “I have pictures when I was still in diapers and my dad sat me on his lap in front of a piano, my whole fist trying to push down on the keys. I was inspired at a very early age.”

  “Did your dad play the piano?”

  “Occasionally he played a few rudimentary songs like Fur Else and a couple of Beethoven’s and Bachs,” I replied. “He taught me up to a certain level but when I got into the more complex pieces, we had to hire a piano teacher. The one my dad found was quite the piece of work. He was a Russian psychopath.”

  “How so?”

  “Well for one thing, he told me to start lifting weights so I could build strength in my puny little arms,” I laughed. “Keep in mind I was fourteen at the time. However he was a good teacher and many of his unconventional techniques got me to the level I’m at today. He didn’t come cheap though. My dad’s teacher’s salary couldn’t cover food, mortgage, and the Russian so he had to take a second job teaching night classes.”

  “Your dad sounds like a good man,” Shadow said. “I would have loved to meet him. I always have high regards for a man who takes care of his family.”

  “I’m sure your father did the same.”

  “My father worked hard to obtain power for our family name. Your father worked hard to make you happy.”

  “Do you resent your dad?”

  Shadow shook his head. “No, I loved him and respected him very much. But sometimes I wish…” his voice trailed off.

  “You wish what?”

  “Never mind, it sounds childish,” Shadow said.

  “I won’t laugh, I pinky swear,” I said, extending my finger out to him.

  “Now that’s childish,” Shadow smiled.

  “No it’s not. The pinky swear is the most sacred and holy of promises. One can never violate the sanctity of the pinky swear unless they wish to be cursed for the rest of eternity.”

  Shadow shook his head. “You’re pretty weird sometimes.”

  “And you’re not?”

  Shadow shrugged his shoulders, and then hooked his pinky finger into mine. “While my father was alive, I had to work my ass off and struggle to meet his expectations. And now with him dead, I’m working hard and struggling to fulfill his legacy. However Tristan Tremaine never once tried to make the slightest effort to fulfill the expectations I had for him as a father.”

  “And what was that?”

  “I would have loved for him to take me to a movie—just once. Or bring me to the park for an ice cream cone. I just wanted a dad I could hang out with,” he said. “Does that sound foolish?”

  I shook my head. “It sounds sad.”

  “When I was a kid, I kept thinking that once I was old enough and achieved all those goals he set out for me, he’ll finally be proud of me and then
we could finally sit down and watch a movie together and have an ice cream cone at the park,” he said. “But that’ll never happen. He’s dead now, murdered by some sick fuck who’s still roaming free out there. The killer stole away from me the only dream I ever had. The only thing I ever wanted.”

  “Oh Shadow, I’m so sorry,” I said.

  He shook his head. “I should apologize. Nobody wants to hear a grown man whine about his ghosts.”

  I wanted to take him in my arms and comfort him, to hold him and give him that safe feeling that my father had given me so many times.

  I summoned up the courage to make a move and provide him with a little bit of physical contact. Just as I leaned in closer, Johnny returned from his lunch break.

  Damn it.

  Johnny hopped onto the Vespa scooter that dragged the tut-tut and then turned to us. “Where to Mr. Shadow?” he asked.

  Shadow’s eyes, full of grey sadness, glossed over Angkor Wat. Outside he had the presence and physique of a lion, the ruler of this animal kingdom he called the Midnight Society. However in reality he was a wounded animal, seeking solace and affection.

  “Take us somewhere beautiful,” he finally said. “Take us somewhere where we can forget all our worries.

  Chapter Seventeen

  We visited four more temple ruins that afternoon. Though not as extravagant as Angkor Wat, each one was just as haunting and beautiful. The one that touched me profoundly was Ta Prohm, where an ancient looking tree seeped through the ruin’s walls creating a harmonious union between stone and root.

  Two different elements of nature, fused into one to form one of the most breathtaking things I’ve ever seen.

  I turned around and looked at Shadow, who was too busy examining the carvings on the stone walls to notice that I was staring at him.

  We were two distinct entities in this vast universe ourselves—Shadow living in a world of money, power, and a haunting past which suffocates him daily. Meanwhile I was a simple girl whose life blood was filled with impossible dreams and musical sonatas. My future terrified me and my past was filled with bittersweet memories.

  A week ago, the thought of being in a relationship with this provocative, but ridiculously handsome man was the last thing I wanted. Seeing the symbiotic union between the tree and the temple made me wonder if a love between Shadow and I could be just as beautiful and spellbinding?

  I wanted him. God, I wanted him so badly.

  I wanted these dates to be more than just a façade.

  I wanted these moments we had together to mean just as much to Shadow as they did to me. I wanted him to look at me as I looked at him—as the person who captured his heart.

  Who was I kidding? He wanted me as his fake lover, just so he didn’t have to commit himself to anyone.

  Perhaps this entire date in Cambodia was an elaborate sham, something that the Midnight Society could watch or read about.

  Face it Aria, you’re just a simplistic girl with a piano, chasing another one of your impossible dreams. To Shadow, I was probably just another news article for the tabloids.

  “Are you hungry?” Shadow asked as we left Ta Prohm.

  The thought of food made my stomach howl like a wolf, enthralled by a full moon. We had spent almost twelve solid hours hiking, and I’d loved nothing more than to strip naked from the wet clothes that clung to my skin and indulge in a delicious Cambodian meal.

  “Let’s go back to the hotel and clean up?” I suggested.

  “You got it.”

  It took me about an hour to transform myself from a sweaty, untamed mess into a presentable woman, worthy to take out to dinner. A shower and a glass of wine had me feeling more relaxed, as I waited for Shadow in the hotel lobby.

  Outside, the streets were alive with locals running about, wide smiles on their faces as they went about their business.

  I turned to Johnny.

  “Is it always this busy on the streets at night?” I asked.

  “It’s the Cambodian New Year Ms. Aria,” he replied. “Tonight, there is a big celebration on the streets.”

  “Oh wow. Shouldn’t you be at home with your wife then?”

  “I spend time with her yesterday and day before,” he said. “Cambodian New Year lasts for three days. She tired from two nights of dancing.”

  “So you’re going to spend the night watching us eat?”

  “Depends on what you eat,” Johnny joked.

  I couldn’t help but laugh at his innocent humor. I was going to miss him when I had to return home tomorrow.

  “Aria, you look stunning as usual.”

  I turned around to see Shadow standing behind me, dressed in shorts and sandals and a navy blue short-sleeved collared shirt.

  “Fuck,” I said. “I’m overdressed, aren’t I?” I looked down at my evening gown.

  “Of course not,” Shadow said. “I’m just underdressed, that’s all.”

  “I had this crazy expectation that you were going to take me to some fancy, over-priced restaurant where they’ll judge me for my unscrupulous cheap looks.”

  “The one thing I love about Cambodia, no one knows who I am,” Shadow said. “I don’t have to worry about maintaining my appearance. You have no idea how many times back home, I just wanted to walk into a grimy Mexican joint and enjoy a plate of fish tacos and a bottle of Corona.”

  He licked the top of his full lips. “Anyways, I’m going to take advantage of no one knowing who I am here. I’m going to wear comfortable clothes, eat local foods, and enjoy the street-level atmosphere of the Cambodian New Year.”

  “Can I change then? I have a casual summer dress back in my room,” I said.

  Shadow shook his head.

  “No.” His eyes scanned me from head to toe. “You look very sexy…and very appetizing,” he added.

  I felt the color of my cheeks flush into bright shades of red. “Okay, I’ll keep it on, just for you,” I said, my mind floating aimlessly in a sea of his sensual talk.

  Once inside the tut-tut, Shadow instructed Johnny to drive us to Pub Street, a popular tourist hang out where they served local food and also housed several westernized bars.

  The entire ride over, we sat in comfortable silence. No words needed to be spoken; just sitting next to Shadow was more than enough to make me happy.

  Eventually the tut-tut ride came to an end, stopping in front of a two-story restaurant. Instead of the typical four walls you’d see back home, this restaurant was completely open to the outside.

  “Call me when finished,” Johnny said cheerfully before speeding off like the road runner.

  We were greeted by friendly waiters in white dress shirts, who led us up the stairs and seated us close to the main street. With a roof over our heads and the open air, I felt as if I was eating on a veranda.

  “You ate here before?” I asked.

  Shadow nodded. “I recommend the Khmer curry. It’ll blow your mind.”

  “Is that what you’re having?”

  “There’s this baked fish I’ve been dying to try here. They wrap it in banana leaves and steam it,” Shadow said, glancing over the menu. “As much as I love the curry, I also enjoy a little variety here and there.”

  The waiter returned with a bottle of chilled white wine and two wine glasses.

  “The usual sir?” he asked as he set the glasses on the table and carefully poured the white into them.

  Shadow nodded, pulling a twenty dollar bill out of his pocket and handing it over to the waiter as a tip. The waiter smiled graciously and then took our food order.

  It had cooled down significantly, though the heat still radiated off my body from the intense afternoon sun. A gentle breeze glazed over my body and I closed my eyes, enjoying every second of it.

  “It was a good day,” I said, my eyes still closed.

  “I’m glad you had fun,” Shadow said. “This country has a way of mesmerizing a person’s heart.”

  So do you, I thought.

  I opened my eyes a
nd reached for my glass, taking a polite sip from the sweet wine. “So do you think Abraham can succeed in stimulating Cambodia’s economy?”

  “I hope so. He’s found the brightest minds in Cambodia already. While Siem Riep thrives on tourism, the other parts of Cambodia suffer from extreme poverty. They’re still trying to recover from Pol Pot’s madness.”

  “All it takes is one person to lead a country into its destruction,” I sighed.

  Shadow nodded. “Funny, I’ve heard some members of the Midnight Society say that of me.”

  I saw the opening I needed to inquire more about the organization.

  “Tell me more about the Midnight Society,” I said, more of a demand than a request.

  “Curiosity killed the cat,” Shadow said, echoing Senator Donald Huff’s warning.

  “You never heard that a cat has nine lives?” I replied.

  Shadow laughed. “Touche.”

  “Hey, if I’m supposed to be your Midnight Princess, the least you can do is tell me a little bit about your work.”

  “You’re not my princess anymore after tonight,” Shadow said. “Your contract’s fulfilled.”

  My heart sank from his statement, but I hid my disappointment. “I want to know,” I said. “I don’t like secrets.”

  “I guess you don’t like me then,” Shadow said. “I’m full of secrets.”

  “Let’s hear some.”

  Shadow sighed. “You’re relentless.”

  “Don’t you trust me to keep your secrets?”

  “The secrets I have aren’t trivial, like housewives gossiping about who’s sleeping with the pool boy. The secrets I have will get a person killed.”

  “Try me. I need some excitement in my life anyway.”

  Shadow reached for his glass of wine, took a big gulp, and set it down again. He licked his full lips and gave me an apprehensive look.

  For a moment, I thought he was going to give in and tell me what I wanted to know.

  “I can’t,” he finally said.

  “Didn’t your mom know your father’s business with the Midnight Society?” I asked.

  “They also slept in the same bed together,” Shadow pointed out.