by Max Henry
“Ready,” I say on a whisper, the pleasure overtaking the pain. “It feels okay again.”
Scott’s hips quicken pace, and I lift my legs in response, opening myself further to him and allowing him deeper. He drives into me with short, sharp breaths, eyes shut tight as he bites his bottom lip.
I match him, closing my eyes to focus again on the “what” and not the “who.” The giddy tingles spread again, but this time they’re relentless in their search, zapping to every inch of my body as I jolt with each hit of Scott’s hips. Tension builds in my gut, coiling like a snake ready to strike. My muscles twitch around his cock as he punishes me with hard, even strokes.
“I think... I think....” My thoughts are interrupted by Scott’s cries of pleasure as he stills and then jerks erratically inside of me. Well, that was a disappointment. I wait him out as warmth spreads inside of me— Wait, what? Why the hell is everything so sticky while he’s pulling out?
I jolt upright, staring at his naked cock with an accusatory stare. “What the hell, Scott?” I shriek. “Where the fuck is the condom?”
He stares down at his softening dick, and shrugs. “You’re on the pill, right? I’m clean. What’s the big deal?”
What’s the big deal? What’s the.... “I never said I was on the pill,” I holler. “I’m a fucking virgin—I have no reason to be!”
“You were a virgin,” he points out with a smug smile. “Go get the morning-after pill. Relax.”
I slip off the bed, cum trailing down my legs as I yank my shorts on to go clean up. “I could get pregnant, you moron.”
“It’s your first time, Belle. What are the chances?”
Yeah, I forget he has no idea how my mother got pregnant; she thought the same thing. “You’re a fucking arsehole, Scott. A fucking arsehole.” I tug my bra and shirt on with jerky movements. “I can’t believe I thought this might make me feel better.”
“Made me feel better.”
Fucking. Pig. I flick the lock on his bedroom door and fling it wide hard enough that it ricochets off the dresser behind.
I made the biggest mistake of my life and there isn’t a single fucking person I can talk to about it.
What’s new?
EIGHT
Zeus
The tyres dig into the gravel as I throw the car down a gear and twist the wheel hard left and then right to gain control of the slide. What the fuck is she doing? I just about ran her down.
My heart resides in my throat as I toss the door open and step out into the cloud of dust that drifts past where the car sits idling on the side of the road. “What the fuck, Belle?”
She looks up from where she now stands on the grass verge, her hands clearly shaking as she dusts herself off. We’re a kilometre at the very least from where John said she’d be.
“I’m sorry.”
“I almost ran you over. There aren’t any streetlights out here, for fuck’s sake.”
She nods furiously, swiping at her eyes with the backs of her hands as I advance. “I know.”
“Jesus Christ. You’re mostly wearing black.” My heart still hammers, but her tears calm me. She’s as frightened as I am by what just happened. “I could have killed you.”
Her hummed reply hiccups from deep in her chest as her tears strengthen.
I step toward her and take a firm hold of her shoulder to yank her into me. “I’m sorry, dove. You scared the fucking daylights out of me, though.”
“I thought I’d start walking,” she murmurs against my chest. Her slight hands fist in my shirt, and fuck it all if that right there isn’t the most perfect sensation ever. “Where’s Dad?”
“He got kept late at work. Had to cover for another guy.”
She pulls in a shaky breath, and nods against my chest. “Lewis. Apparently he’s always got an excuse.”
“Belle, tell me. Why are you so upset?” I know I lost my shit at her reckless behaviour, but hell, it wasn’t that unexpected, was it?
“No reason.” Her body quivers against mine.
“Are you cold?”
“No.”
I lean back, Belle still in my hold, to try and see her face. She tucks her chin down, staring at the road. “Why did you leave the party? It’s not safe out here on your own.”
“It’s not safe there, either,” she retorts bitterly. “I wanted to leave, okay, so can we leave?” She pulls away, brow furrowed as she looks up at me with her hands still on my chest.
I wipe away what remains of her smudged make-up with my thumbs and sigh. “Talk to me. What happened?”
Belle’s frown deepens, and she looks at the hand over my heart. “I can feel your heartbeat. It’s so strong.”
“Because I’m fucking angry.”
“At me?”
“At whoever upset you and made you think walking out here on a fucking country road was a smart idea.” I settle a hand over hers and trap it to my chest to remind her how serious this is. “A name, Belle. Give it to me.”
“No. Let’s go home, okay?” She tears her hand away and takes an unsteady step toward the car.
“You’re drunk.”
“Not as much as I was.” She laughs.
I lift my gaze to the horizon, to the glow of lights in the distance. She fumbles with the door of the GTO, giggling as she finally gets it open to climb inside. The gravel crunches beneath my boots as I stride up to my still open door and lean down.
“Name.”
“No.” She closes her eyes as she rests her head back on the seat.
“Name, or I go and ask somebody else at the party.”
That grabs her attention. Stormy eyes snap open onto mine. “Leave it.” The quiver of her chin shreds any resolve I had at keeping this civil.
“Stay here.” I slam the door and start toward where music ebbs and flows on the night breeze.
“Zeus!” Her panicked cry erupts behind me. “Stop.”
I keep walking, even as her frantic footfalls catch up.
Eyes wide, Belle steps in my path and sets both hands on my chest. Her boots dig into the loose road as she anchors herself and pushes against me. “Just take me home. Please?”
“Not until you tell me what the fuck happened to make you so goddamn upset.” Fuck. I want to kiss it all away, make her forget.
Right after I murder some punk-arse motherfucker.
So wrong. And yet, for some goddamn reason it feels as though I’d be the only one who could make her happy, solve this for her.
“Okay,” she whispers.
“Okay?”
“If it stops you marching up there to crack heads together, then sure.” She forces a smile.
Red rings her puffy eyes. “Not promising a thing.”
“Please?”
“You’re hurt.”
“I’m always hurt,” she bites out, slapping me with the force of her words. “What’s new?”
“Dove….”
“Stop calling me that.” She yanks her hands from my chest and takes a step back.
“Why?” Why the fuck do women have to be so confusing?
Belle’s eyes close, her long hair drifting side to side as she slowly shakes her head. “Because… because I can’t deal with how it makes me feel.”
“I can’t deal with the thought of somebody upsetting you.”
“You upset me.” Her eyes narrow. “So what now, Zeus? What are you going to do to tell yourself off?”
Fuck it. “When did I upset you?” I ask softly, careful not to spook her.
“When you went away.” She marches past, feet thumping the ground the whole way to the car.
I take a deep breath and look toward the flickering lights again. Fuck. I’m in the mood for a fight now, the adrenaline still fresh in my veins at the thought of putting some little fuck in his place. Because of course it would be a guy. With a girl as stunning as Belle, it’ll always be a guy.
“Are you coming?” she calls from behind her open door.
I stride back to
the GTO and drop into the driver seat without a word. She closes her door and buckles up seconds before I drop the hammer and tear the grass out as I spin the car around.
“Talk to me.” My breaths come even and slow, in and out my nose, while I work on tempering myself just like the prison shrink taught me.
“I got punked.”
“Punked?”
“You know? Made a fool of?” She glares from where she’s leaning against the door.
“I know what punked means, Belle. I meant how? Tell me more.”
“I don’t want to.” Her words are a mere whisper as she gives me her shoulder and shuts down.
No. Nope. She doesn’t get to do that. Not tonight.
Her back goes ramrod straight, shooting her up in the seat as I shift down the gears and pull to the side of the road. “What are you doing?”
“Turning around.”
“Why?”
“To ask somebody at the party why I picked up a crying, upset Belle who was walking down a dark fucking road on her own when she’s supposed to be at a fucking party.” On her own…. “Where’s your mate, Kate?”
“Who cares?” She leans forward in her seat, alarm in her eyes. “You’re actually turning around.”
I pull the wheel straight and nod. “Told you I would. I figure you have less than a minute to start talking.”
“Shit,” she whispers, eyes glued to the road.
“Down to thirty seconds, baby girl.” I catch the reflection of the number on the mailbox—we’re close.
“Okay! Just stop.”
“Don’t believe you.” I kill the gas, letting the engine slow the car.
“I slept with a guy, okay?” She cowers in her seat as I punch the pedal and tear past the party. “I slept with a guy because I thought it would be the right thing to do.”
She’s drunk, and I want to vomit. “Why?”
“I just did.” The resignation in her voice tells me she doesn’t really know.
What the fuck did you do, Belle? I want to yell at her, ask her how she could be so fucking reckless. But what would that achieve? She’s confided something pretty serious in me, and one glance at her sullen face as we leave the party behind tells me she’s beaten herself up about it enough already. No point making her feel lower.
“Do you think I’m disgusting now?” Her quiet question shakes me to the core.
“What? No.”
“I feel disgusting.”
Jesus, this girl. “Well don’t. You’re old enough to do what you want with your body, Belle. You have been for two years.” As much as it pains me to admit so.
“He doesn’t like me.”
“My first fuck didn’t like me either.” God knows why I told her that, but shit, anything to make her feel less stupid about what she did.
We all make mistakes. Don’t I know that?
“Really?”
I glance over and find her looking up at me, hopeful. “Really. She was a cousin of a guy I played rugby with. Long story, but clearly you know how it ends.”
She snorts a bitter laugh. “Clearly.”
Silence hangs in the air between us as I turn onto the next road that leads back to town. It’s the long way back—the quicker route is the way I came—but something tells me she needs this time.
I need this time with her.
“Why did you get upset when I left?”
The spill of the dash illuminates her face in a soft glow as she stares out at the dark fields. “I missed you.”
“Why?”
“Am I not allowed to?” She chooses not to face me, hiding behind her hair as she tips her chin down.
“I just don’t understand why.” Fuck—this conversation was so much easier in my head. “You miss all your dad’s mates when they leave?”
“You were the only one that mattered.”
“Why, Belle? Tell me why.”
She huffs, shaking her head gently. “Because you were the only one I saw. The only one who saw me, too.”
NINE
Belle
The ride into town takes nineteen minutes. Nineteen tense, awkward, agonising minutes where all I can do is sit as rigid as rock in the passenger seat of the GTO as it flies along the straight roads. I stare out my window at the passing scenery as it morphs from dark shadowy shapes into buildings with lights on, and then into the lit suburban streets of Longdale. Zeus sighs beside me, but I don’t have the guts to face him. I stare instead at the darkened houses we pass while I sober up, creating profiles for the people inside based on how tidy their garden is and how many vehicles they have parked in the yard—all the small things that can tell you so much about a person. The houses eventually spread out, becoming semi-residential before we hit the agricultural hub of the town. Instead of muted lights through curtains, I’m staring at tractors that sit idle in sales yards, and large signage that announces this week’s special on stock feed. All staples of a mostly farming orientated community.
Zeus slows the car to take a left, the revs high as he uses the natural braking of the engine to bring the beast to a crawl around the intersection. I focus on the inside of the McDonalds building situated on the corner as we enter the driveway, casing out how many other partygoers have decided on a feed to soak up the alcohol in their gut. As harmless as his seemingly impromptu idea is, the gossipmongers would have a field day if they spotted me here with him, more than likely sprouting rumours that I’m sleeping with Zeus. As if that would happen. My lurid thoughts drift to what sex with him might be like… a man that muscular, the way he’d move…. Damn it. I slam my eyes closed and frown at the wash of shame that envelops me. I’ve just fantasised about a man twenty-odd years my senior. What the fuck is wrong with me? How can I even think like that after what happened with Scott tonight?
Because it’s easier than worrying about the fact the insensitive jerk came in you without protection.
“You okay?” Zeus asks as the GTO rolls to a stop in the parking lot. The vehicle gives one last shudder as he kills the engine.
“No, but I will be.”
“Did he hurt you?” Zeus’s eyes roam my body, but with none of the unwanted lust I got from Scott. He looks over me with care, as though I’m a fragile keepsake that’s fallen from the shelf.
“Not physically.”
He reaches out and straightens my oversized T-shirt so it sits on both my shoulders. “Sorry I lost my temper, dove.” I flinch at his pet name for me, and he sighs out his nose. “Habit.”
A beat passes where neither of us appears to know what to say. The engine ticks as it cools, the gentle rush of his breath as Zeus sits beside me almost calming.
“Belle,” Zeus offers, low and quiet. “Are you sure you’re okay? We don’t have to get a sundae. I just thought it might cheer you up and give you something in your stomach other than alcohol.”
The first tears fall and run a path over my flaming cheeks. I’m too embarrassed to admit to him the truth of it, that what burns more than what Scott did is the fact that my agreeing to it, the fact that I went along with it, only cements how immature I am.
I’ve got so much to learn. So far to go before Zeus could ever look at me as an equal. Why do I keep on with the fantasy? He’s never going to want me, especially now.
“Don’t cry,” he pleads. “I don’t know what to do when you cry.”
“Neither do I.” A jaded laugh falls from my lips as I wipe the depth of my pain from my cheeks.
I’m a complete idiot for making it through five years of high school without a single legitimate boyfriend. Sure, it’s not the be-all and end-all of life, but fuck, I’m a teenage girl and hormones are doing a number on me. Probably why I went through with it. I’m only human; I lust after people, too. But when the biggest object of my affection doesn’t return the feeling, it’s only natural that I seek out the affirmation I miss from somebody else.
I need to know I’m enough. I need to know I can be who somebody wants.
As much as I
make out I’m happy hanging out on my own, I’d do anything for a boy who gives enough of a shit about me to hold my hand in front of my peers, a boy who is proud to call me his despite the lies that follow everywhere behind me like a burnt black veil.
A boy who treats me like more than an item on his high school bucket list.
“Belle?”
“I’m okay. Are we doing drive-through, or what?” I wipe my eyes once more and give him my full attention—a decision that turns out to be detrimental to my mental health.
He talks, but my focus is on the sharp line of his jaw as it moves, contrasting with the soft pout of his lips slightly hidden by his goatee. His cheekbones are high, leading to eyes that are dark and framed with the blackest of lashes, adding another touch of softness to an otherwise harsh face. He’s so confident in himself, so sure, and I find myself wanting that. I want a bit of him to rub off on me.
I want him, full stop.
“...and you can kick back for a while before we get you home.” I come around to his words, realising how much I’ve missed while in my daze.
“Sorry, I... I drifted for a bit there. What did you say?”
His eyebrows pinch together for a beat. “I said we’d go inside so you can chill out for a bit. If your dad sees you like this you can kiss goodbye to being let out again while you’re under his roof.”
Just another reason why I love Zeus: he gives a shit about the people in his life. He could take me home, throw me under the bus, and leave me to explain to Dad what happened. But he doesn’t. Instead, he brings us here and spends time he doesn’t have to waste on me making sure I’m okay before I walk through the door.
“You’re too good to me.” I avert my gaze.
“Hardly. This kind of shit is what you do for the ones you love,” he remarks casually as he stares out the windscreen.
Heat rushes to my cheeks and I fidget with my hands. Zeus has known me since I was born, in the background when Mum and Dad were still together as a familiar face but nothing more than the guy who’d drop Dad off after a “boys’ night out.” After Mum left, he came around more; he was there for Dad while I was too young to help, too young to understand what it was that my father needed to process his heartache because I was only just coming to terms with my own. This whole situation here, now, sitting in his car while I wonder if he could ever love me in a non-platonic way—it’s insane.