‘I wish it’d been in existence twenty years ago but it wasn’t, and perhaps it wouldn’t have changed every baby’s fate, nor should it as there are wonderful couples who want to adopt.’ He shifted in his seat as he spoke and then reached for the glass of wine that the waiter had filled moments before. ‘And there’s no point wanting to change the past. It’s quite pointless.’
‘Cheers to that,’ Molly answered, watching him throw back his drink and raising her water glass in response. She didn’t want Ryan to know just how much she agreed with his sentiment although from a very different perspective. She had not faced being a single mother. But as the carer of her brother, she was a single sister, she thought, and at times she had struggled and still did and on so many occasions she thought she could and should have done so much better.
And on her choice of a fiancé, she definitely wished she could change the past but knew it was pointless to waste time dwelling on that disaster. But it still seemed to find its way into her every waking moment.
‘The food is always lovely here,’ a voice whispered as Molly had turned in the woman’s direction, snapping Molly out of her melancholy and back to the wonderful evening that lay ahead. She was there to support Ryan and make Lizzy happy that her father would collect his award. An award that Molly now assumed had something to do with a generous donation to St Clara’s.
Molly was seated at a table filled with VIPs of the medical profession and she quickly reminded herself just how honoured she felt to be there.
And equally honoured to be Ryan’s guest, although by the minute he was making her feel far more like his date. And past mistakes deserved no headspace tonight. She intended to enjoy herself and forget everything else for just a few hours.
* * *
The evening was perfect, the food and wine delicious and Molly could not possibly finish each course. There was a neonatologist keynote speaker from the Netherlands, and as the applause finished Ryan leant in towards Molly. ‘With your background that must have been quite informative. The surgical intervention, I mean.’
‘Yes, Dr Swinton is brilliant and the new methods are revolutionary. It will change the outcome for many neonatals.’
‘Do you miss it? Theatre, I mean.’
‘I guess, hearing about progressive procedures does make me excited and a little sad not to be a part of it, but—’ she turned to meet Ryan’s gaze ‘—I wouldn’t risk Tommy’s peace of mind for my career. Not now or ever.’
‘You’re an amazingly selfless and beautiful woman, Molly Murphy.’
‘I don’t think so...’
Without warning, she felt Ryan’s mouth drawing closer to hers, cutting short her words as her own lips instinctively reached up to accept his kiss. Then she stopped. She froze and moved away.
‘I’m sorry,’ Ryan said, moving away. ‘I overstepped the line. Please forgive me, Molly.’
Molly couldn’t speak for a moment. She wanted to kiss him but she couldn’t. Something was holding her back. And that something was her past.
‘There’s nothing to forgive, Ryan. It’s difficult to explain...but please believe me, it’s not you.’
Molly could see that Ryan wasn’t convinced.
‘Would you like to dance?’ she asked as the band began to play.
‘Perhaps later,’ he said, putting distance between them as he pushed his chair back from the table and she could see him preparing to stand. ‘I might just step outside and make a call. I’d like to check up on Lizzy if you don’t mind. I won’t be long.’
Molly nodded. ‘Absolutely.’
Molly wasn’t sure what to think as she watched his broad suited shoulders disappear into the crowd. She wanted so badly to give into the feelings Ryan was stirring but she wasn’t sure if she was ready. She felt as if they were moving so fast and, while it was wonderful and unexpected, it was like standing on a precipice and suddenly looking down when all the while she wanted to look up to what might be.
* * *
‘I would like to present the Australian Medical Association lifetime achievement award to Dr Ryan McFetridge, the founder of St Clara’s Respite Hub for Single Mothers.’
Molly’s mouth dropped open a little. Ryan was not purely a supporter of St Clara’s. He had single-handedly founded the initiative. As she watched him stand and button his tuxedo, then make his way to the stage, she suddenly felt her eyes lift upwards a little more. Perhaps she was right to feel the way she did. Perhaps it was time to let go of the fear. At least a little.
‘Congratulations, Ryan. I had no idea,’ Molly said when Ryan returned to the table, his stunning blue-crystal award in hand. It was etched in gold and standing on a base of black marble and clearly heavy as he placed it on the table with a slight thud.
‘Thank you,’ he returned with a half-smile, but still Molly could feel there was a distance between them. A distance she had put there by rejecting his kiss. His banter was light-hearted but he was no longer leaning into her. His body language was telling her where she now stood. And she couldn’t blame him. She had set the boundaries by moving away from his lips.
She had never felt so torn. There were moments when the man she had only known for five days made her feel as if she had known him all her life. Or perhaps she had been looking for him all her life. He was an amazing human being but she was scared. He was so humble in downplaying his involvement in a cause and yet the medical association thought it deserved a lifetime award.
She was so proud as she watched Ryan’s peers give him the congratulations he deserved. They all knew him or of him. He was the man of the moment in the room, being swept up by the throngs of people wanting to connect, and she felt overwhelmed just watching him manage the conversations. Now and then he took time out between handshakes to look in her direction. To check in with her. But when she caught his glance he looked away. As if he didn’t want to be watching out for her and didn’t want her to know he had been.
‘Nurse Murphy...’ a voice broke into her thoughts. ‘Well, you certainly look very different without a Theatre cap. Perhaps they should change the dress code in Theatre—that gown is so much nicer. Not at all practical, but so much nicer.’
Molly turned to see Dr Victor Rodriguez. He was one of the state’s leading vascular surgeons and Molly had been in the operating theatre with him on more than a dozen occasions.
‘Dr Rodriguez,’ she replied, not masking her genuine elation at seeing him again. It had been over a year since she had been at the Eastern Memorial Hospital.
‘Please, you make me feel so old—call me Victor.’
‘Of course.’ She smiled as she stood and extended her hand to greet him.
Victor stood and, ignoring her hand, gave a hearty laugh and a gentle bear hug.
‘How long has it been since I’ve seen you?’ he asked. ‘Actually, I know exactly how long. It would be close to a year since you left the Eastern Memorial. That’s when Gertrude came on staff as your replacement. Good God, that woman can talk, and has an opinion on everything that she insists on sharing.’
‘Are you talking about Gertrude Rodriguez? Your daughter?’
‘Yes, one and the same, and, yes, she’s my daughter but she takes after her mother. Drives me mad with that incessant chatter.’
‘I studied with Gertrude, Victor. She’s so lovely and a great anaesthetic nurse.’
‘I’d never debate her skills. It’s the non-stop talking. She could talk underwater, a bit like that ex-fiancé of yours, what was his name, Norman? No, that’s right, Nigel. I always struggled with his name on the few occasions that I met him. Anyway, he was quite the talker, and a bit pretentious.’
Molly suddenly felt violently ill. Her stomach dropped and her heart felt heavy. The lightness of the evening was quickly disappearing.
‘I guess...’ she replied, feeling disturbed with the direction of the conversation.
As much as she had been happy to see Victor Rodriguez, she did not want to talk about the past right now. It had been a wonderful night and she wanted to stay in the moment and not be drawn back into sadness or regret.
‘So how is everyone at the hospital?’ she asked, hoping to steer the conversation away from her personal life. She wasn’t sure where she wanted it to land but it wasn’t on her failed relationship.
‘Everyone’s great, a few newbies on the roster.’ He paused as he ran his fingers through his silver beard, then continued, ‘You know, we’d love to have you back there. You’re one of the finest anaesthetic nurses, hands down, and we miss that level of expertise—’
‘I’m sure you have other anaesthetic nurses, including Gertrude,’ Molly cut in, trying to end the conversation without appearing rude.
‘They’re all very competent, including Gerty, but still not close to your skill. I mean it, Molly, just mention you’re interested and you’d be back on staff within a heartbeat.’
‘I have family priorities, Victor, so, as much as I appreciate your offer, I won’t be thinking about returning for quite a while.’ Her tone was kind but firm. She really did not want to travel back in time that night or have her decision to change the direction of her career questioned. That chapter was closed. For now, at least. She wanted to get back on track without causing any further disruptions to Tommy’s life. It had been difficult for Tommy when Nigel had left their lives so abruptly and, while Molly knew he was a bad man, in fact the worst, she felt immensely sorry for Tommy as he too felt the sadness of losing someone.
‘Is your family commitment your brother? Is he all right?’
‘Yes, on both counts,’ she answered quickly, disappointed that Victor was delving into her personal life and not leaving well enough alone. She had never remembered him to be so intrusive but it hadn’t bothered her before the break-up. Previously she hadn’t had too much to have embarrassingly unpacked by others the way Victor was doing at that moment. Her life had not been without the usual sadness along the way but there had been no scandal prior to Nigel.
Hoping she could bring the conversation to an end she added, ‘Tommy likes me to be home every night at a set time, so as I said it will be a while before I can return to the hours of an anaesthetic nurse in a busy teaching hospital.’
‘I understand but take or leave this fatherly advice. I heard you lost the house when Nigel left your life and the Eastern Memorial is yours for the asking...and the remuneration of the position would get you back on your feet quite quickly. I don’t want to see you struggle, Molly. It’s no secret you lost your home because of him.’
At the exact moment that Victor’s inappropriate and unexpected words poured from his mouth, Ryan returned.
Molly felt her heart sink and her body stiffen. She couldn’t believe that Victor would speak so openly about her personal life in a public forum. She suspected she looked like a deer in headlights with the shock of his announcement to all and sundry. Up to that point the evening had been a fairy tale but it had just ended. The whole ugly episode in her life that she had somehow managed to forget for a few wonderful hours came rushing back...and it had happened at the moment Ryan had come back.
She had hoped the wonderful evening might have continued but suddenly the clock had just struck twelve.
CHAPTER EIGHT
‘CONGRATULATIONS, RYAN. IT’S been a while. Well deserved on the award.’
Molly couldn’t believe her luck or lack thereof. Not only had Victor, with his fatherly intentions, emptied her dirty laundry onto the floor of the elegant event for everyone within earshot, including Ryan, to hear, he also knew Ryan. She suddenly wanted to run from the room. But she didn’t want to lose a slipper along the way. She didn’t want Ryan to feel obligated to hunt her down. She didn’t want or need his pity. Her Cinderella moment was well and truly over. She just wanted to be alone as quickly as possible. She edged away from the two men, her finger absent-mindedly tracing a line on the table, listening intently to the conversation but not really wanting to hear very much. She hoped against all hope her name would be left out of any further discussion between them.
‘Thank you, Victor. It has been quite a while since we’ve caught up. How are you?’
‘Good, very good, just trying to convince this young lady to return to the Eastern. We miss her and her skill set terribly.’
Molly froze as two pairs of eyes looked in her direction. She shrugged in response and attempted to smile politely, but it was more like a slight curling of her lips that quickly fell flat again. She felt at risk of breaking down and wasn’t sure how long she might be able to delay the welling tears. It didn’t seem to matter how much she tried to move past everything that had happened, it seemed to be only two steps behind.
‘Best damned anaesthetic nurse I’ve worked with hands down.’
Ryan shot Molly a knowing look. ‘I told you, Molly, there would be offers to take you away from...my practice.’
‘So, you know each other?’ Victor enquired curiously, obviously unaware they had been seated next to each other the entire evening.
‘Yes, Molly’s temping in admin at my practice.’
‘Well, young lady,’ Victor continued, as all the while Molly hoped more than ever that the surgeon and his pearls of wisdom would just leave, ‘it would appear that you’re in demand. I’m not surprised but, at the risk of sounding disrespectful to you, Ryan, Molly runs the risk of being wasted and losing her skills if she doesn’t use them.’
‘I will take that under advisement, Victor,’ Ryan replied. ‘However, there’s somewhere Molly needs to be so I’ll have to steal her away.’
Molly sensed that Ryan had seen how anxious she had become. She was unsure if he’d heard anything but appreciated him coming to her rescue.
‘I’m hoping you don’t mind me taking you away from Dr Rodriguez, aka the best-meaning but most times inappropriate advice provider of the Eastern Memorial,’ Ryan said as they walked away.
‘Not at all. I’m relieved, to be honest, but where do I need to be exactly?’
‘I’d say anywhere but with Victor.’
Molly’s lips curved into a smile that remained without any hint of fading. ‘Would you like to go somewhere else for a quiet drink?’
His voice was deep and husky and his eyes intense and focussed just on her.
‘That sounds wonderful.’
Suddenly the memories that Victor had stirred began to fade. She was aware the evening would end in a few hours but she didn’t want to dwell on that. She felt more special than she had in a very long time and she felt protected. And it was the best feeling in the world.
Taking off his jacket, Ryan draped it over Molly’s shoulders and they left the event without any goodbyes or further ceremony and made their way down North Terrace to the large hotel that had a quiet coffee lounge and bar.
The concierge greeted them both with a nod. ‘Are you guests staying with us or are you just looking for a quiet late-night drink?’
Molly was taken aback by the question and she could see that Ryan was equally confused by the remark.
‘Just a drink...or coffee... I’m not sure we’ve decided yet,’ he answered, looking at Molly for confirmation.
‘I’m fine with either.’
‘It’s just that there’s a visiting rugby team celebrating in the hotel tonight and if you’re looking for a quiet place, I’ll be honest, it might not be in the bar,’ the concierge told them with a concerned expression.
‘Thanks for the heads up,’ Ryan said with a grin as he directed Molly inside. ‘We might settle for a coffee, then, in the lobby.’
Ryan stepped into the warm lobby and quickly settled Molly into a chair near the large water feature that reached up into the four-floor-high atrium. Molly craned her neck to see the flow of water gently running over the copper backdrop from suc
h a height. It was strikingly beautiful.
Scooping up his tuxedo jacket that Molly had placed over the arm of her chair, he placed it on the back of his own chair and was just about to seat himself when another elegantly dressed man approached them. He had a clean-shaven head and a neatly trimmed beard and Molly hadn’t noticed the man at the event but suspected, with his tuxedo and polished appearance, that there was a good chance he too had been at the AMA dinner.
‘Ryan, good to see you.’
‘Brian, great to see you too,’ Ryan responded, then, standing again, he turned his attention back to Molly. ‘I’d like to introduce Molly Murphy. Molly, this is Brian Chesterman. Brian’s a GP practising not too far from me in Erindale. To be honest, I’m not sure how long we’ve known each other but it’s been a damn long time.’
‘Pleased to meet you, Molly,’ the man responded and extended his hand to Molly.
‘Pleased to meet you too,’ she replied, meeting his hand politely.
‘So, Ryan, how’s Lizzy?’
‘She’s good. In fact Molly took her shopping today to buy a dress to wear this evening, but then she wasn’t feeling well so Molly graciously accepted my invitation to attend in her place.’
‘That was very kind of you, Molly,’ Brain remarked with a smile in Molly’s direction before returning his attention to Ryan. With a frown dressing his brow, he continued. ‘Nothing serious with Lizzy, I hope.’
‘No, just the usual problem she suffers every month, but she’ll pick up in a day or so and be back to her happy self. We’re seriously considering our options as each month she experiences heightened anxiety and chronic pain. It’s a difficult choice. I don’t want to rush into it but nor do I want to see her suffer every month the way she does.’
‘Of course, the myriad changes that girls face as they become young women...and the choices we all need to make. On that topic, any boyfriends on the horizon? I remember how I dreaded the thought as both of our girls were growing up. They’re both married now, the youngest only three weeks ago, but the very word boyfriend strikes fear into the core of every father at some stage.’
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