Molly shook her head.
‘I mean it—you are so strong. Others might have crumbled with the disappointment of being left and the struggle that followed but you chose to fight on.’
‘Everything I did, I did for Tommy. I could never walk away from him.’
‘And when you came to work for me, despite what you were going through, you found a way to make improvements to the running of my practice.’
‘Clearly I wasn’t doing that well... I turned up looking like I’d been caught in a monsoon, not to mention the odd shoes...’
‘But you turned up to a job that was not using your skills and well beneath your pay grade to put food on the table and be here at home at the right time to keep Tommy feeling secure. Some women walk away from anything that hard. And they feel nothing for those left empty and hurt by their actions.’
Molly turned her face towards Ryan. The conversation had taken a detour to a place that confused her. It was a side of him that seemed quite dark. ‘That sounds like you’re speaking from experience.’
‘You’re more than just a pretty face...’
Molly brushed aside the joke he tried to use to cover up his feelings. ‘I’m serious, Ryan. What happened to you?’
Ryan drew a deep breath and pulled away slightly from Molly. She could feel him retreating but knew he needed the space.
‘You know Lizzy’s my daughter but what you don’t know is that I only found out that I had a daughter seven years ago. Lizzy was twelve when I discovered I was her father.’
‘Lizzy was twelve before you knew?’ Molly asked, her confusion at his announcement not hidden.
‘I only found out that I had a daughter when her adoptive parents both passed away within three months of each other. They say that her adoptive mother had a stroke and passed, and her adoptive father died of a broken heart.’
‘You must have been quite young when she was born.’
‘Two months short of twenty. Lizzy was born on the third of May and I was born on July third but I didn’t find out until I was almost thirty-two. I dated a girl, Madeline, in my hometown of Port Lincoln and we broke up when I was nineteen. We’d started going out in high school and dated for close to three years. I would travel back every few weeks from Adelaide where I was in my first year of medicine and call every day but it wasn’t enough. She didn’t like the long-distance relationship and I wasn’t prepared to throw in my studies to live in a tiny town and work for her father’s prawn-trawling business. We came to a stalemate and she gave me an ultimatum that I needed to move back home and marry her or she would end it. She was calling my bluff, thinking I would move back, but I was young and decided I needed to stay in Adelaide, finish my studies and think about marriage down the track. We broke up. It was inevitable when two people can’t compromise. We were too young to really understand what compromise even meant.’
‘Even though you were young, it still must have hurt. Three years is a long time.’
‘It was hard for a while, but again I was so young and my focus was on getting my medical degree and then deciding where I wanted to live. Maybe it would be a country doctor, but I hadn’t lived anywhere but Port Lincoln so I wanted to spread my wings before I nested.’
‘That was a sensible idea. Nineteen is so very young to get married and settle down for life.’
‘She clearly didn’t think so,’ Ryan said, glancing back at Molly and then back to the black television screen. ‘It was about three months after we ended it, Madeline discovered she was pregnant. She decided not to tell me as she was already seeing a local lad and she decided that he would probably marry her and they could live happily ever after with no one the wiser.’
‘Three months...then could the other young man have been the baby’s father.’
‘No, they had only been seeing each other for about six weeks and as she’d irregular periods she hadn’t paid much attention to being late. She thought it must have been the upset of the break-up and teenage hormones and we’d always been careful, as much as teenagers could be, so she had no reason to think she was pregnant, but the doctor told her she was already close to three months. So, she decided it was going to be her secret.’
‘But how did she think she could keep that kind of secret?’
‘She planned on telling everyone the baby was premature.’
Molly was shocked by the level of deception at such a young age. ‘But that’s wrong in so many ways.’
‘She was young, angry with me and wanted to get married and settle down and thought that the baby would cement things with her new boyfriend. She was scared I wouldn’t come back to live there and she’d be raising the baby alone.’
‘I’m sure she was wrong. Even only knowing you for a week, I think you would have done the right thing.’
‘I’ve thought about that over the years, and I say now that I would but I can’t say with any certainty what I would have done at nineteen. Perhaps I would have married her, perhaps not, but I know that I would’ve taken care of my child financially.’
‘I don’t believe for a moment that, at nineteen or any age, you would have left her to raise the baby alone.’
‘I appreciate your belief in me,’ he told her and, pulling her close, he kissed the top of her head.
‘How could I not believe in you? I’ve seen how much you love Lizzy. You would give her the world if you could and I doubt that’s just because you’re older and wiser. I think it’s because of who you are as a man. And the way you relate to Tommy after only just meeting him.’
Ryan said nothing but Molly could see the past was preoccupying his thoughts. She drew her legs up underneath her body as she faced him.
‘If you don’t mind me asking, how did her new boyfriend take the news of the baby?’
‘He apparently was surprised, very surprised, but at Madeline’s request her father offered him a job with the family business and he took it. He was a local farmhand so it was a step up for him. They planned on getting married after the baby was born. She wanted her figure back to walk down the aisle and felt secure, with the new boyfriend on the payroll and a baby on the way, that he wouldn’t leave her.’
‘But didn’t she worry the baby wouldn’t look like her boyfriend?’
‘She had a type. He pretty much had my height and colouring. It seemed like a flawless plan to her.’
Molly was stunned by everything she was hearing. For a teenager to be so calculating and cover all her bases to get the outcome she wanted disturbed Molly. She also worried how Madeline’s personality had evolved over the years. She hoped she might have looked inside and discovered a moral compass but she had her doubts.
‘Unfortunately for Madeline, it didn’t work out the way it was planned,’ Ryan continued. ‘Elizabeth was born on her due date and with Down’s syndrome. The young man then made enquiries with the doctor if the prematurity had anything to do with Lizzy’s condition and the doctor told him that Lizzy had been born on the date she was expected.’
‘She didn’t have antenatal check-ups and discover Lizzy’s condition before she was born?’
‘The chances of Down’s syndrome in a woman under thirty are about one in twelve hundred and there was no one in the family with the condition so no one thought that would be a consideration that justified the testing.’
‘So, what happened?’
‘Well, the relationship went south after he discovered she had been lying to him. He left Madeline and the family business. Her father was close to disowning her for lying to everyone as they were good people. They quickly realised it was my baby.’
‘Did they contact you?’
‘I wish they had but they didn’t. They put Lizzy up for adoption. The couple who adopted Lizzy were a couple in the country. They were childless and in their late forties. Bob and Laura Jones knew Lizzy would have special needs but Laura had nur
sing experience and they were prepared to provide her with whatever she needed and more. Madeline’s mother, Ann, had wanted to raise the baby but her husband, while a good man, was practical and said it was not in anyone’s best interest to hold on to Lizzy. He said it was too much to take on. Their daughter’s life had fallen apart after the lies were exposed and Madeline wanted nothing to do with the child, so Ann had no choice but to agree that the baby be put up for private adoption.’
‘Ann who’s now called Sooty?’
‘Yes, one and the same. She would send birthday and Christmas presents along with money to the agency to be forwarded on. The adoptive parents were not wealthy and they accepted the gifts on behalf of their daughter. Ann felt it would be disruptive to meet Lizzy so she never asked for the new parents’ details, but she left hers if they ever asked for them. While it was a strange relationship, it allowed Ann to keep her sanity and Bob and Laura Jones had the additional financial assistance to raise their much-loved daughter.’
‘So that is why Lizzy’s surname is Jones.’
‘Yes. I didn’t change it when she came to live with me. By twelve, she had learnt her name. While coming to live with me brought a lot of challenges, as you could certainly well understand, changing her name would have been very confusing and unnecessary.’
‘What happened after her adoptive parents died, before she came to live with you?’
‘Ann received a letter from the agency telling her that Bob had passed a few months after his wife.’
‘That’s so sad. And poor Lizzy.’
‘Well, Lizzy had been taken in by the neighbours but they were unable to offer her a home long-term as they had five children of their own. They offered a month so a new family could be found to adopt or foster Lizzy. This broke Ann’s heart and she didn’t want Lizzy to ever live in foster care. She genuinely loved the child she had never met but her circumstances had changed. In the twelve years since Lizzy was born, her husband had died and she was getting older and worried if something happened to her then Lizzy might once again be facing fostering.
‘If she had been ten years younger, I know she would have taken Lizzy into her home. Anyway, in desperation she reached out to me. She tracked me down through networks on the Eyre Peninsula who knew where I was practising in Adelaide. I received a call out of the blue asking if I could travel to Port Lincoln urgently. While I had no clue what to think, I flew over there. I thought perhaps something had happened to Madeline, but I quickly found out that she had long moved away and forgotten everyone and everything that had been a part of her life in Port Lincoln. Ann poured out everything to me.’
‘That must have been such a shock for you. Trying to absorb everything at once. I can’t imagine what you went through that day.’
‘It was devastating in so many ways and I felt so many emotions that day. A bit like I had been run over by a bus. Twelve years of deceit came undone and I felt enormous pressure, as if I was just supposed to ride in and sort it out. I left Ann’s home not sure what to think or do. I was angry beyond belief, and hurt and disappointed, but the next day the concern I had for the daughter I never knew became the strongest emotion and driving force behind my decision. I called the agency, undertook a paternity test to prove I was Lizzy’s father to the authorities and began the process of bringing Lizzy to live with me.’
Molly did not know how to react, except to reach for Ryan’s hand and gently squeeze it. He didn’t pull away.
‘I guess the rest is history and I have spent the last seven years getting to know Lizzy. I struggle every day with the years I lost, the years I was shut out of Lizzy’s life, and for that I guess it’s no surprise that I have little time for anyone who’s not upfront with me. I can deal with anything, bad news, horrific news, but not secrets. It does my head in.’
‘And Lizzy’s mother?’
‘Last I heard she’s living in the US, married to a marine she met while he was on shore leave in Australia and they have three boys. Sending Lizzy to live over there would have been wrong on so many levels, including the fact the life of a military family has no stability and we both know that a child with Down’s syndrome needs routine. Quite apart from the fact that Madeline didn’t want her daughter.’
‘How can a mother not want her own child?’
‘Apparently, it was relatively easy for Madeline,’ Ryan said, shrugging his shoulders. ‘But I have to admit the disaster she left behind wasn’t easy for anyone. It was a daily challenge for Lizzy to settle with me but we worked very hard over a long time and Ann helped when I finally let her back into our lives. She felt guilty for not reaching out to me, but to be honest, with all the deception from their daughter, neither Ann nor her husband had been thinking clearly. He’d just wanted what was best for Lizzy and I think to have the scandal fade away by Lizzy not being there. And Ann knew their daughter was not the type to provide the care that Lizzy needed. And they were right.’
‘What do you mean by “finally let her back into our lives”?’
‘I blamed her for the longest time. About a year, actually. I didn’t respond to her calls or emails after Lizzy came to live with me. I told the agency to return any gifts that were sent to them and I returned anything sent to my practice. I wanted to punish someone for what had happened and I couldn’t punish Madeline or Madeline’s father so I took it out on Ann. In hindsight, it wasn’t fair but Lizzy didn’t know her grandmother and at the time I was not thinking logically.’
Molly feared her judgement of his actions would be evident on her face but she couldn’t prevent it. It was understandable but still harsh.
‘I finally realised that I was punishing the wrong person. If she hadn’t kept in contact with Lizzy’s adoptive family over the years, and also reached out to me and risked my wrath, then Lizzy would be God knows where now. It just took me a while to accept that I needed to let go of the blame and move forward, so I reached out and apologised for what I then saw as cruel. Ann had no family in Port Lincoln as Madeline was in the US and Ann’s husband was gone, so I suggested she move down to Adelaide so she could be closer to Lizzy and myself.’
‘Well, that was pretty wonderful of you.’
‘I don’t know about wonderful, but I thought it was the right thing to do. We all needed each other. And I wanted her to finally get to know her granddaughter. Now Ann is a patient at the practice and for her age has very little to be worried about. She’s in great health.’
‘I don’t know what to say. It’s an incredible story...with a happy ending.’
‘It’s better than it could have been, but not as good as it should have been if everyone had just told the truth nineteen years ago. We’ve all come through it, but I can’t say unscathed and it could have been avoided.’
Molly had never expected Ryan to talk about his past to her so openly and honestly. She had never met a man so willing to share his thoughts and his experiences, good and bad. Each word brought him closer to her.
But it also cast a dark shadow over the two of them.
Sitting there holding the hand of a man who had been deceived by so many, she suddenly realised that she might be doing the same. While she had not taken Lizzy’s secret boyfriend too seriously at the time, knowing now how Ryan felt about his daughter dating, would he find her silence on the matter as betrayal? But if she came clean about it, then she would be breaking her promise to Lizzy.
And could she ever win Lizzy’s trust again?
Molly sat wrapped in the warmth of a wonderful man’s embrace, silently debating her options. She quickly realised they were limited. She had to pray Lizzy’s infatuation ended quickly and, when it did, swear to herself that she would never again make a promise she couldn’t keep.
Because she knew in keeping her promise to Lizzy she might be taking a huge risk in having a future with Ryan.
CHAPTER TWELVE
IT WAS SATURDAY
morning and the weather had eased a little with no rain scheduled for the day. The breeze was still bitter and the dark clouds hung low in the sky like a dull canvas. Molly wasn’t sure if the bureau of meteorology had it right or not, but she dressed in jeans and a sweater.
She wasn’t planning to go out until late in the day so it didn’t much matter what was happening outside. There was so much happening inside her own head she would deal with rain if and when it eventuated. Molly had just cooked a hearty breakfast of bacon and eggs to share with Tommy. It was a Saturday morning ritual to relax and eat a nice breakfast because the rest of the week they would be rushing to get to work.
Molly had not seen Ryan outside the practice all week as he had late-night rounds and spent three evenings consulting at St Clara’s, but the time they spent at work he did not hide his feelings for her. When they were alone at the end of the day, he pulled her close and his kisses were as passionate as the night they’d spent together. She melted in his arms and couldn’t wait to spend another night in his bed. But they were both very professional in front of patients and his nurse Stacy when she was rostered on. Molly liked Stacy but they were both so busy they didn’t have much time for social chit-chat, which was probably for the best because Molly didn’t like her chances of hiding how she felt about Ryan if questioned by her colleague.
They’d made plans to have dinner that night. Ryan was going to pick Molly up at seven o’clock. He had asked her out on the Monday morning, so with plenty of notice she had managed to find a lovely little black dress on sale at a department store in town. She would wear the same nude patent shoes and bag. And while she wanted to look nice, she wasn’t stressing about impressing him—he had seen her in her flannelette pyjamas and hadn’t bolted so she felt a little more secure about her appearance.
But while she was excited and so looking forward to being alone with Ryan again, Molly felt torn between keeping Lizzy’s confidence and being honest and open with Ryan. She made a promise to herself that she would give Lizzy one week to tell her father. After that she would have to take it into her own hands. She wasn’t entirely sure how she would manage the situation but she would find a way.
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