by Lissa Kasey
Kaine leapt at him, trying to grab him by the throat like he was fierce and deadly, but Seiran let him hold on. The baby teeth unable to do much more than cling to fur. He began to groom Kaine’s fluffy tail. He didn’t have one of his own, his was more of a stub, and was somewhat grateful because they always got covered in dirt.
Kaine wriggled against him until he could curl up against Seiran, until their hearts beat together. Seiran wrapped himself around his cub, cleaning, keeping him warm. And wondering where that sudden annoying beeping sound was coming from.
He tried to ignore it. His baby was sleepy. They could both use a nap. But it didn’t stop. Seiran snarled in the direction of the noise. Near the door. Not to the outside, but the mortal dwelling. Not willing to leave his baby unprotected, he picked Kaine up by the scruff and headed to investigate. He needed to at least stop the noise.
Near the step leading up to the house a little metal thing danced and beeped, buzzing and shaking, with painful noise. Seiran set Kaine down and batted at the box. It flopped over, but continued to writhe and scream. He started grumbling at it while Kaine curled around him half dozing.
The door opened and a human man stood there. He didn’t move for a moment after the door was closed, not even after Seiran smacked the noisy thing a couple more times, unable to shut it up. He finally looked up at the man with hope that human hands could turn it off.
Oh, right… he could be human. He’d forgotten for a bit there. The change rolled over him, and he barely noticed Jamie walk past him, retrieve their clothes from the bench, and set them down beside him. Only then did Jamie turn off the damn alarm clock.
Seiran’s skin and nerves were still raw. Kaine remained a cat, nestled in Seiran’s arms, barely rousing even when Seiran dressed.
“Bunnies?” Seiran asked, his voice still a veritable growl from the change.
“Were already mostly gone,” Jamie said. “Told them to leave the babies, and called it in this morning. The rescue center is backlogged, and said maybe tomorrow? The kids,” Jamie shrugged. “The internet makes everyone feel like superheroes sometimes. But they were already mostly gone. Kaine released them. Thought that if they weren’t tied to their weak, mortal forms, they could thrive and dance like he does. Life is sometimes cruel.”
“Ki and Kura?” Seiran asked. He understood the release of souls from a living form well enough. Had done it innumerable times for those who’d been sentenced to capital punishment by the Dominion. They refused to change their rules, so he’d shown up to as many as he could to ease the passing of each witch. It was a simple severing of the metaphysical cord that bound mortal flesh to the essence of a person. He tried to explain to all of his kids how it worked, so when he couldn’t shield them from life’s horrors down the road, they would understand the experience.
“Cried a little, but okay. They get it. I’d have buried the bunnies if I could have gotten the kids inside. Tried to explain to Kaine, but he insisted he could save them. But plants and bunnies aren’t the same thing. Bunnies might not have big souls like people, but they still have something that needed to be bound to their mortal form. Maybe it’s different across the veil?”
It was. But Seiran only nodded. The fae world wasn’t built on the same rules as the mortal one. And trying to define all the nuances was best left for philosophers.
“The twins are sleeping. I checked on them again when I heard the alarm.” He picked up the clock and they both entered the kitchen. The clock went back in its place on a shelf beside the door. It was a way to bring him back, one of the few that worked every time. A set allotment of time he could play, but beyond that, it was hard to return. Even if he wanted to be with his kids.
Seiran had to fight through the fog of the lynx resettling inside his head and wondered if that was how Gabe felt. It was almost midnight. He sighed. Who needed sleep?
His baby obviously. Seiran didn’t try to move Kaine from the crook of his arm, curled up like the cutest little baby kitten anyone had ever seen. On the counter was a normal spread of bowls and ingredients. An array of options to help Seiran soothe his mind and reorient himself in his human side.
“I’m off tomorrow,” Jamie said as he headed to the counter. “Link will be back from California midday.”
“What is your kid’s favorite?” Seiran asked, seeming to have lost that memory. Though he could sort of recall Lincoln’s face. It had been Solstice when he’d seen Jamie and Kelly’s little boy, as he was off in witch training camp. Link’s powers of water and earth had started very early. A rare mix of the two that had everyone worried. Everyone except Seiran, Kelly, and Jamie. Link was a good kid. Smart and sweet, and only a year younger than Kaine.
“He loves brownies,” Jamie said.
“Blondies,” Kelly corrected appearing from the stairway leading upward. “The cookie ones with the peanut butter chips in them.”
“You should be sleeping,” Jamie grumbled at him.
“Not if we’re baking for my kid. He loves that triple fudge cake you do too.” Kelly said and smiled as he peered down at Kaine. “What a sweet baby.”
“He’s had a rough day,” Seiran said as he rubbed Kaine’s little belly and scratched under his chin, being rewarded with a tiny kitten smile.
“Do you want me to take him, or measure ingredients?” Kelly volunteered.
“Ingredients?” Seiran asked, as he didn’t want to give up his baby so soon. He planned to hold on to all of them as long as he could.
Chapter 16
Seiran tucked Kaine into bed, and snuck down to the kitchen to shave off a second piece of cake. He’d already had a jumbo slice. But stress set his sweet tooth on fire. And he’d filled the house with the scent of baked goods, prepped and ready for the next day, so the temptation was irresistible. The kids would love it, even if they all tried to limit how much sugar they ate.
He’d have to be sure to hit the gym soon, or at least do a hardcore sparring match with Sam to work off some of the calories. Seiran told himself that it didn’t much matter anyway if he put on a few pounds, no one saw him naked anyway. Well, other than his brother to check for bruising and broken bones. And that was too weird to spend much energy worrying about.
But Seiran ate the slice with slow reflection, savoring the fudgy cake and the bittersweet ganache. Kelly’s last-minute thought to adding cherries to the cake batter had been divine. It had only been the pie filling stuff, not even anything he’d made from scratch, but it added so much fluffy moisture to the cake, and a bite of tart and sweet cherry, that Seiran was certain to be baking this again.
Everyone else had gone to bed. He had insisted, taking his time to clean the kitchen and put everything away. Even packing up lunches for the kids for school tomorrow. They’d be thrilled to find blondies in their bento boxes. He still put little affirmation notes in them every day. It probably wasn’t cool to get notes from your dad when you were in high school, but they hadn’t complained.
Seiran was tired. He knew he couldn’t sleep, and didn’t bother trying. His mind clouded with anxiety over Gabe. He hadn’t meant to shut the bond down. It had been an instant reaction to the idea of Gabe feeding on other people. Jealousy, fear of renewed pain, and way too many memories made it impossible to unclench that fist. If Gabe went nuts, would it be his fault? Would someone even call him? Could he tell through their tie as faded and weak as it was?
He hadn’t felt any changes to the bond. Not any sort of tugging from Gabe, or awakening of it that might indicate he was more himself. Seiran swallowed a laugh. Himself. Who was Gabe? He didn’t think he knew. And that was the heartbreaking part.
He angrily stabbed another bite of cake. It was an exercise in mindfulness for him to pick out the flavors and define the texture. It helped soothe his anger, but not his frustration. Should he be worried? Should Gabe be back? What if he went crazy, and Mike had to put him down? How much damage could Gabe do? Seiran wondered if he should have gone with. Wasn’t that part of his responsibility a
s a vampire Focus? Only now did he realize how young he’d been to make that decision. Realistically, he had sort of forced the decision on Gabe. A life-or-death situation. Though Gabe hadn’t really been in danger of dying, had he? Vampires were far from physically fragile.
Seiran growled at himself. Dwelling on the past had never given him anything but pain. He cut the last bites of cake up smaller, counting bites, and trying to find clarity in the racing of his mind. He wasn’t a kid anymore. He should be able to handle anything. Like being a grown-up meant he somehow had all the answers. What a joke.
The front door opened. Seiran tensed, knowing there was only one person it could be. He’d have to remember to have Jamie oil that door since the hinges squeaked. It could be Sam, he supposed. And that was likely how Gabe had gotten the key. Had probably even been dropped off at the front door by Sam, who was still Gabe’s fledgling, even if Gabe had severed their tie before he’d gone to ground.
Seiran felt the bond tighten, Gabe close. He forced himself to let his hold on it relax; it was a bit like a flower blooming. A slow opening of something delicate, still weak, but slowly filling.
He braced his hands on the counter, trying to not imagine terrible things and offer judgment when it wasn’t his place. Sam had reminded him that they didn’t have to be anything anymore. Nothing more than a partnership. He could manage that, right? The kids didn’t need to see Gabe as a parental figure. They had plenty of that without a vampire ex-lover added to the mix. Seiran didn’t need a partner. Had spent almost a decade and a half making his way without one. He had friends he trusted to have his back if necessary, he worked hard to be a good father, and a good witch. Those were some of the few things in his power. Being a good lover? He wasn’t sure that was ever in the cards for him. His wild days in his youth, the many incidences in the past, and losing the man he thought he had truly loved. They left an impression.
Not broken, he reminded himself. Resolved, resilient, and able to handle just about anything. Except maybe losing that love a second time?
The sound of footsteps drew closer. Seiran’s heart sped up. He worried Gabe would look like he’d been seducing and feeding people all night. That was what vampires did, right? How would he react? A jealous rage? Tears? Stunned silence?
Gabe had always been good at keeping his feelings and memories locked down. It had always been one of the things that annoyed Seiran most in their relationship. Seiran was the out of control one that felt too much. But maybe it was more that he was the only one of them willing to share it.
Not anymore. He kept his own memories and emotions locked away as best he could. An invisible barrier between them that didn’t close the bond, but kept the tide of his internal chaos to himself.
When Gabe stepped into the kitchen, he didn’t look debauched at all. He didn’t really look any different than when he’d left. Though his skin had a bit of a tan tone to it, and his eyes were a vibrant green when Gabe’s gaze fell on Seiran. Like life had been added to him. Seiran had thought he’d looked good before, but now, that last edge of waxy paleness gone, he was breathtaking.
Had that been the draw? Maybe it was just a physical thing, Seiran thought. Attracted to a beautiful man. But there had been plenty of offers over the years, beautiful men a plenty. And even trying to convince himself it hadn’t really been love, Seiran knew it was, and still tried to recall what it felt like all these years later.
Was it supposed to be raw? Almost sharp? A need to touch and be touched, while fearing both at the same time?
“Shouldn’t you be sleeping?” Gabe asked quietly.
“Probably,” Seiran admitted.
“Your baby is okay?” Gabe remained standing in the doorway keeping his distance, but looking casual, leaning against the wall, hands in his pockets.
“Yes,” Seiran said. “He’s a kid, and sometimes the world is hard.”
Gabe chuckled lightly. “Understatement of the year.”
The sound brought memories to the surface for Seiran, even making his body react, as he’d heard that laugh before. Had it really been so long ago? It wasn’t fair that Gabe was so beautiful still. Seiran remembered his younger days and the handsome man in a suit, perfectly trimmed hair, and clean shaven. Poise and polish had been Gabe back then, rock solid. Almost too good to be true, but as in life, that was never reality. This version of him was a bit wilder. Less contained to a role of the perfect businessman, and Seiran wondered which was the truth? Neither? Both? Would he evolve each time he had to go to ground? And would that be the short trip each year like Sam, or something worse like a lifetime of long stretches of loneliness for Seiran?
“You don’t look like you were partying,” Seiran said.
“Not really that kind of party. But I smell like the bar. Even if it’s just food and alcohol. Sounds like I’ll have to do this sort of thing periodically as my people come in to visit over the next few months? Might take up to a year for everyone to stop by. It was good to reconnect though.”
“Your flock was there? I know Mike has quite a lot of them in town now.”
“About two dozen?” Gabe said, seeming to think about it. “Not even a drop in the bucket of those who are actually mine. But that would be way too many to fit in even a stadium. Not sure how many are still in this world. Not when you count those I created, and those they created.” He fell silent for a minute, staring into the distance as though lost in thought. “Good though. Mike picked those who sort of space large chunks of time.”
“Do you remember more?” Seiran wondered if he was there at all in Gabe’s memories, or ever would be.
“A lot, yes. Not all, but it’s coming back.” Gabe moved away from the door, crossing the room in movements that felt more like a tiger than a man drunk on blood would look. “You’re familiar with the reconnection ceremony?”
“Read about it a long time ago. You take blood from their cibos?” Seiran couldn’t help the hitch in his voice. “Maybe negotiate for some of them to become your cibos.”
“I think we’ll save that part for you. The negotiation and choosing cibos,” Gabe said. He stopped at the other side of the counter, keeping the space between them, but his gaze intense.
“I’m not sure how that would work.”
Gabe shrugged. “We have time. That smells good.”
“I love cake,” Seiran said lamely. “Chocolate the most.”
“Maybe that’s why the small taste of you I had,” he glanced at his phone, “yesterday now, tasted like chocolate cake?”
Seiran thought about that. Did blood taste different to vampires? He’d read some poetic stuff like that, but thought it all conjecture to sound flowery and less brutal. Sam never mentioned it, but his eating habits weren’t something Seiran ever tried to pry into.
“I haven’t had cake in a couple weeks…” He tried to recall the last sweet he’d eaten before Gabe had that leftover drop from the knife. “Mostly been eating fresh fruit and real cream. The kids have a half dozen wild berry bushes on the property. They all go crazy this time of year. Blueberries and raspberries mostly.”
“But you tasted of chocolate and strawberries,” Gabe said mildly.
“I think you’re imagining things. Does everyone’s blood taste like something?” Were all the cibos so alluring that way?
“Yes. Not all good. Some blood is sour, or bitter, some sweet. Some spicy. Some a mix. Doesn’t seem to be related to the food they eat as much as their personality.”
“I am not a chocolate covered strawberry.”
“Not moist and sweet?” Gabe asked, sounding amused.
Seiran licked his lips and wondered why his body responded to those words. Thoughts and images filling his head with so many sexual innuendos. It had probably been too long since he’d had sex, even by his own hand. And Gabe was hot. No way around that. “More tart and bitter.”
Gabe nodded, “A bit of bite on the chocolate end, less sweet and more decadent, fudgy and rich.”
This was not g
oing in the direction Seiran had hoped. He didn’t want to feel drawn to reconnect. Desire and longing. Though that was a lie too, since he’d felt the pull the minute he’d set eyes on the vampire again. Time hadn’t severed the Focus bond or his emotional ones. No matter how much he might wish it would have.
“I should go shower,” Gabe said, turning toward the door to the basement.
“We should probably get the sharing the blood thing over with,” Seiran said quietly, feeling some giant knife tearing into his guts with a thousand worries.
“Over with…” Gabe muttered. “Well, come down then. Let me get the bar smell off. I had forgotten how much it can linger.”
“I like the bar,” Seiran said. “Even if it stinks sometimes. Food sometimes smells, but it’s always good.”
“Do we serve that cake at the bar?” Gabe nodded to the last dredges on Seiran’s plate.
“No. This is something new. With cherries. Didn’t know if I’d like it, but it’s just enough to keep the cake from being too over the top with chocolate. The bar keeps things easy. Basics like brownies with ice cream.”
“Not much of a bar anymore though, right?” Gabe said. “More a posh drinking spot, known for good food. Smoking no longer allowed.”
“Yeah, that started ages ago, before you went to ground really. I tried to fix up the menu and suddenly it became a place to eat.”
“And Mike ran with the concept. Three locations now? Bloody Bar and Grill? A menu with bite.”
“It was kind of a funny logo idea, but people like it. We sell T-shirts and stuff. Sometimes even host weddings. Each location has a rolling menu based on the area it’s in.” Seiran knew they all did well, but it felt strange to be discussing food. He got up and rinsed the plate before putting it in the dishwasher. “Cupcakes decorated like a vampire bite…” It sounded cheesy, but was a big requested item.
“The cherries would be a good touch to that, a bit of red tartness inside?” Gabe said, a brow raised as he stood near the door to the basement. He opened the door, “Coming?”