“It obviously made a difference,” she said. “You still have the ranch.”
“Yeah. The ranch,” he said bitterly. “It’s always been all about the ranch. I saved the place and I resent the hell out of the price I paid. Between the practice and the ranch, I didn’t have any time at all for Rachel. She’d set her sights on finding a PR job in the city. Had we gone east, she probably could have found something to make her feel more fulfilled, but there was nothing for her back here.
“She was bored and lonely, and started pressing me to start a family. I wasn’t ready for that. I already carried such a load and I resented her for pressuring me. When my hours in Bozeman got even longer I suggested she spend more time at the ranch. It kept her busy and seemed like a good solution…until Dirk came home, a situation that had trouble written all over it.”
“Yeah. I can see why.”
“Dirk was a real train wreck. Pushed us all away and spent a lot of time alone in that little shack up on the mountain. Maybe I thought his injuries and pissy attitude would put her off, but the harder Dirk pushed Rae away, the more I think she wanted him. I should have seen it coming.”
Nikki felt his pain. “They betrayed you?”
“I’ve got no proof,” he replied. “And Dirk still denies it, but Rachel wanted out of the marriage within a couple months of his coming back. What was I to make of that?”
“But you said she was already unhappy before. Maybe you’re jumping to conclusions. She and Dirk aren’t together, right? So what happened? Where is she now?”
“She’s gone,” he answered woodenly.
“Gone? She left you both?”
“You might say that… She’s dead.”
A cold shiver ran up Nikki’s spine. “Dead?”
“It was an accident.”
Nikki suddenly remembered Iris’s reference to an accident and the warning look Wade had given her. “How?” Nikki asked. “She didn’t…”
“I don’t think it was suicide…but we’ll never know for certain. She showed up at my office late one afternoon. Said she wanted a divorce. There was an ugly scene. I didn’t go home that night, but neither did she. Next morning the cops knocked on my door saying they pulled her car out of the river.”
“Dear God, I can’t even imagine what that must have been like for you.”
“Hell, I barely even remember it now. That’s how hard and fast I hit the bottle. But the worst part was getting the autopsy report a week later showing elevated levels of HCG.”
Nikki lips suddenly went dry. “HCG? She was pregnant?”
“Yeah…she hadn’t told me that part. It was early enough that maybe she didn’t even know. To this day I don’t know if it was mine or not. We hadn’t had much of a love life for months, but I couldn’t bring myself to ask for a DNA test. The whole thing—Dirk’s leg, her death, and the baby… It was all too much. The guilt hit me. Hard. I didn’t know how to deal with any of it. I went on an eighteen-month bender that nearly killed me.”
“How could you blame yourself? It wasn’t your fault!”
“Wasn’t it? Deep down, I always knew she was still his and being honest, that’s probably why I wanted her so bad. And Dirk probably wouldn’t have reenlisted—wouldn’t have lost his leg, if I hadn’t married her. I might not carry all the blame, but a good chunk of it sits rightfully on my shoulders.”
They pulled into the motel parking lot. Wade cut the engine. They sat in silence.
“How did you quit drinking?” she finally asked. “Family intervention?”
“Intervention?” Wade laughed outright. “Yeah, I guess you could call it that since Dirk’s fist intervened with my body—multiple times. He laid me out flat for a week with three cracked ribs, a punctured lung, and a busted-up face.”
“That was why he broke your nose?”
Her question seemed to break the tension.
Wade rubbed the hump with a laugh. “Yeah. It’s a bad idea to piss off a Marine, even one missing a leg. On the bright side, the time I spent in the hospital dried me out. Shortly after that incident, my father had his heart attack. My brother and I have had a tenuous truce ever since.”
“It doesn’t look much like a truce.”
“No,” he agreed. “Not lately. The problems started up again when I decided to try and unload the ranch. I don’t want it and the folks can’t handle it anymore, but Dirk, stubborn ass that he is, won’t give in. That’s why Allie came today, Nikki. She has an offer—a very respectable offer. It was also the reason I was in Denver a few days ago, but it all came apart at the last minute. Allie blamed me and we had a major falling out over it.”
“So you were romantically involved with Allie?”
“Romantically? No. There was nothing remotely ‘romantic’ about our relationship. Ever. We were always business associates first and occasional bedmates second. That’s how it was. Always. It was convenient, but it was never more than sex.”
“Maybe that’s how it was for you, but I think it’s more than that where she’s concerned.”
“Regardless of what she may have insinuated, it’s exactly how I told you it is, Nikki. I was OK with that for a long time—emotionally detached sex. Maybe it was what I needed at the time, or maybe I just didn’t know any better. But now I do. And now you have the whole ugly truth.”
Nikki sat there stunned, barely able to digest all he’d told her. His story—the pain and guilt he carried, placing his own desires second to his family’s needs. She couldn’t believe how wrong she’d been about him, about everything.
“I’m so sorry,” she whispered. “I had no idea about any of this.”
“How could you? But I’m not looking for your pity, Nicole. I just thought you needed to know.” He paused. “No. Let me rephrase that, I needed you to know.”
“Why?”
“Why? Because we’re damn good together.”
Her chest tightened until it was hard to breathe. But then she mentally corrected him by filling in the two words he’d obviously left out—In. Bed.
In her heart she wanted to believe this was really turning into something special, but how could it be anything more than infatuation? He was smart, successful, responsible, and self-sacrificing to a fault. His love and affection for his family were obvious and genuine, and his charm and sex appeal were off the meter. Wade was so far out of her league that she couldn’t even fathom what he saw in her—which also meant it couldn’t possibly work.
Moments later he walked her to the door with a long and lingering goodnight kiss, a kiss that promised more that she’d ever dreamed, but she reminded herself it was only a dream. As wonderful as this felt right now, she knew not to trust it. They’d only know each other a few days. How many times had she thrown herself into a relationship only to live with regret later? Besides that, they lived two thousand miles apart. Nikki swore not to torture herself with impossible hopes, and to accept this thing with Wade for the short-term fling that it inevitably was.
* * *
With reluctance, Wade left Nikki alone at the motel. It was damned hard not to coerce her back into bed when he’d walked her to the door. Maybe if he’d brought a change of clothes he would have stayed, but they both needed sleep, and he sure as hell needed some perspective.
He’d already lost his head over her. He didn’t know what had possessed him to walk out on Allie when she’d brought a multimillion dollar deal with her. He’d never done anything so irresponsible—at least not since he’d sobered up. But for the first time in years he’d shoved his responsibilities and worries aside in single-minded pursuit of what he wanted.
He’d been so wrapped up in Nikki that he’d forgotten everything else, but now he worried about the repercussions as he drove back to the ranch. He hoped to hell Allie was still waiting there. Maybe he’d pissed her off so bad she’d gone back to Denver. Any other wom
an probably would have after the way he’d left her standing there, but then again this was Allie, and Allie was all about business. It was the biggest reason he’d never entertained the thought of marriage with her.
If he ever did remarry—not that he’d given any thought to ever taking that step again—he wanted a soul mate, not a business partner, a woman to complement, rather than compete with him. He wanted the yin to his yang, someone spontaneous and genuine, someone like Nikki, who warmed his insides as well as his bed.
Nikki seemed his match in almost every way that mattered. She was smart and sexy as hell but most importantly, she made him laugh. Made him forget. He loved her smile and her Southern sass. Not that he could ever forget her sweet womanly ass or the way she gazed up at him with her beautiful passion-filled eyes, with her silky brown hair splayed out on the pillow as he drove into her. He wanted to go to bed with her and wake up and make love to her all the hours in between. Hell, he was getting hard again just thinking about her. He didn’t recall any other woman who’d ever affected him this way.
When he drove into the yard, he saw Allie’s Escalade. He was filled with relief that the deal was still on the table but dreaded having to smooth her ruffled feathers after walking out on her. Not wanting to wake anyone, Wade pulled off his boots at the door and crept up the stairs to his room, scowling at the crack of light shining under his door. She wouldn’t. He turned the knob and pushed the door open. Hell yeah, she would. Allie was in his bed.
She threw down her copy of Cosmo and cocked a brow. “Fun night?”
“What the hell are you doing here?”
“You said we’d talk when you got back.” She flashed an overbright smile. “Well, now you’re back.”
“It’s one a.m.”
“You walked out on me today. I didn’t appreciate that, Wade. Are you just eager to score a new piece of ass or is all this just payback because I was pissed and wouldn’t let you stay the other night? Either way, you didn’t have to take it that far. All you really had to do was ask me nicely.”
“I shouldn’t have to beg for favors like a lapdog, Allie.”
“All right, maybe I took a few things for granted,” she conceded. “But now that we’ve cleared the air, let’s just put all this behind us. Come to bed now, baby.” She patted the space beside her. “I’m willing to kiss and make up now. And make-up sex is always the best kind.”
“I don’t think so.”
“What do you mean?” Her eyes flickered with disbelief.
“C’mon, Allie. You and I both know this is going nowhere and that’s no good for either of us.”
“What do you mean going nowhere? We have an ideal alliance, Wade. Daddy’s retiring soon and—”
“If I ever marry again, it’ll be for a wife, not an alliance, and if I take over the firm, it’ll be by merit not nepotism.”
She licked her lips with a nervous laugh. “But what is marriage if not the ultimate partnership?”
Wade shook his head. “Look, Allie, you’re a beautiful woman. I respect your intelligence and your drive, but those aren’t the qualities I want in a long-term relationship.”
She rose naked from the bed, approaching him with a sway of her lithe hips. “You never complained about our kind of relationship before. You’re not thinking clearly, Wade. You have your future to consider. Once you’ve unloaded this money-sucking ranch and move back to Denver—”
“But that’s just it, Allie. I am thinking about my future now. For the first time in a long while I’m thinking about what I want from life.”
“And you’ll have it all. In Denver. With me.”
“I’m not sure that’s what I want.”
“But it’s all we’ve talked about for years,” she insisted.
“No,” he said. “It’s all you’ve talked about. I was always ambivalent about the idea at best.”
“But Wade. Baby,” she was almost pleading. “It only makes sense for us to be together. Imagine what you could achieve with Daddy’s connections. A few years in Denver and you could even pursue the political career you’ve talked about.”
Shit. How he hated this. Although she had her faults, Allie had been a friend when friends were scarce. He took her gently by the shoulders. “Allie, I’m sorry. It was never my intent to hurt you—”
Her green eyes flashed. “Then don’t!”
“—but we both just need to move on now.” Even as he apologized, he knew it was only stung pride. She didn’t love him any more than he loved her.
“You’ll regret this big-time once she’s gone and you aren’t thinking with your prick anymore.”
“This goes much deeper than just Nikki and you know it.”
“I don’t think so,” she said. “Everything was fine before. C’mon, Wade, I’ve accepted your punitive damages with grace.” She came closer, wrapping her arms around his neck. “Can’t we just start over?”
He gently uncoiled her arms. “No, Allie. We’re going in different directions. We don’t want the same things.”
“What things? Success? Financial freedom? Tell me who doesn’t want those things? Especially these days?”
“How about love…affection…family?”
Her gaze wavered. For the first time in their acquaintance she looked unsure of herself.
“Family? You mean kids? Is that what this is about? That I don’t want kids?” She gave a sigh of capitulation. “If I’d known that was a deal-breaker for you—”
“Deal-breaker? You just don’t get it at all.”
“Oh, I get it all right.” She retreated a step, hugging herself. “I just thought you were more intelligent. Three days ago Little Miss Peaches comes along and suddenly you have visions of the stay-at-home wife and one-point-five kids? I had no idea you clung to such ridiculous fantasies of domestic bliss—especially given how things worked out for you the first time.”
“You don’t want to go there,” he growled. “Please just accept that we’re done, Allie.”
“Fine,” she answered tightly. “Have it your way.” She snatched up her robe from the foot of the bed, jerked her arms into it, and then stood with her back to him for several minutes. Thank God, no false tears materialized. After a protracted silence she asked, “What about the deal?”
Wade shook his head. This was Allie after all. The woman was hard as nails. “I think we should take the deal and run,” he said. “I don’t expect Dirk will change his mind, but I’ll talk to the ol’ man in the morning.”
“Good.” She made her exit with a tight smile. “I’m glad to know you’re still capable of thinking with your brain.”
Chapter 15
Nikki awoke to a sharp thump on the door. She rolled over to look at the clock and groaned. Nine a.m.? She never slept that late! Damn. She should have been up hours ago. FedEx might even have delivered her license by now. She hauled herself out of bed and peered through the peep hole. There was Wade holding two steaming cups of coffee and balancing on one leg as he prepared to thump the door with his boot again.
She raked her hands through her hair, knowing it was a futile effort. At least he’d already seen her at her worst. She pulled the chain, flipped the dead bolt, and opened the door.
“Did I wake you? Sorry about that,” he said with a sheepish look. “My hands were full.” He handed her a coffee and stared disparagingly at her Bulldogs T-shirt. “Sweetheart, that ugly-ass bulldog’s gotta go.”
“Doesn’t do it for you?” She gave him a coy look. “Should I just take it off?”
“Not if you want to get anything done today.” He set the coffee down to nuzzle her neck.
“Why’s that?” she asked already growing breathless with lust. “You’d hold me hostage here?”
“Something like that.” He smirked. “I have rope in the truck.”
Her brows pulled together. “Rope?”
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His grin broadened. “Yeah. It comes in handy from time to time. There’s all kinds of interesting things I can do with rope, but I guess it’ll have to wait till another time. I’ve got some business to take care of today, and so do you.”
“Lemme just shower. I’ll be quick,” she said, and slipped into the bathroom. She opened the door again, just wide enough to toss the T-shirt at him.
He caught it with one hand. “I’ll probably burn this, you know.”
“Then what will I sleep in?”
“Nothing’s fine with me, but if that doesn’t suit I’ll get you anything you like from Victoria’s Secret. I’ll take you when we go back to Bozeman.”
Toothbrush in mouth, she stuck her head out again. “While I appreciate your generosity, when I return to Bozeman, it’ll more than likely be to the airport, not to the mall.”
“Speaking of that…” He suddenly stood in the doorway, she caught his gaze in the mirror as it slid down to linger on her ass with a wistful look, before sliding back up to meet her face in the mirror. “Are you sure you want to be in such a hurry to go back to Georgia?”
She stole another look at him and their gazes caught in the mirror. She swallowed hard, almost choking on toothpaste when he flashed that heart-stopping grin. Wade’s smile warmed her to the core. His laugh sent ripples to her belly. Dear God, the things he did with his mouth. It was all she could do to keep herself in check every time he looked at her.
I’ve got it bad.
This was infatuation of the worst possible kind—the kind that could be so easily mistaken for something deeper, the kind that had the power to devastate her.
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