‘Brenda,’ Jennifer said patiently. ‘I didn’t stare, it would have been rude, but as far as I can remember she had fair hair, she had a nice figure and that’s all I can tell you.’
Brenda digested this information as her heart sank like lead.
‘I suppose you wouldn’t go to the shop for me and get me some chocolate?’
‘It’s too late. They’ll be closed.’
‘The chipper won’t.’
‘Brenda, you’re after losing weight, don’t go and start stuffing yourself with chocolate. You’ll put it all back on again.’
‘Who cares? I’ll go myself,’ she said in her best martyr voice.
‘Oh all right, give me the money,’ Jennifer said with bad grace.
‘And get something for yourself,’ Brenda ordered.
Twenty minutes later she was chomping her way through a packet of crisps, a large chocolate bar and a packet of biscuits. She ate them without tasting them and afterwards she was disgusted with herself for being such a pig. Brenda hardly slept that night. Her greatest fear had come true.
The following morning, while she was on her tea-break, she noticed Shay Hanley come into the canteen. Brenda smiled and waved at him. She watched him in the queue. Shay was nice enough, she supposed. If she wasn’t in love with Eddie, she would probably be interested. He was of medium height, with fair hair and nice brown eyes. He was a bit shy and he made her feel a most vivacious and amusing person. When Brenda was at one of the office dos she was very much the life and soul of the party. It made her feel good when people laughed at her jokes and she liked being popular. Shay was an electrician. He always bought her a drink when they were in the pub and he often stopped to have a chat with her. Brenda knew he liked her. In her eyes though, Shay had one big drawback. He wasn’t Eddie.
Nevertheless, she needed a man for Kathy’s wedding. She was damned if she was going to be a wallflower and watch her ex prancing around with his new girlfriend. Saving face was the name of the game. ‘Hi Shay.’ She smiled flirtily as he walked towards her table. ‘Sit down until I tell you Bugs Bunny’s latest.’
Chapter Forty-Two
‘You look lovely, Brenda,’ her mother assured her as she stood in her bridesmaid’s dress the night before the wedding.
‘I’ve put on so much weight,’ she moaned. It was soul-destroying. The dress, which had been made six weeks ago, had to be let out because she’d put on half a stone.
‘Well you would stuff yourself with chocolate,’ Jennifer murmured. Brenda glared at her. As did Kit.
‘Well it’s fine now, lovie, I only had to let it out an inch. It really suits you,’ her mother encouraged. ‘Come on upstairs and have a look at it in the mirror and see for yourself.’
‘Be the hokey, it’s Salami and the Seven Veils!’ Grandpa remarked cheerily as he encountered them at the foot of the stairs. Jennifer giggled.
‘Salome and the Seven Veils actually,’ Brenda retorted coldly. You daft old idiot, she would have liked to say but her mother was there so she restrained herself.
‘Salami, Salome, it don’t matter. You look nice,’ her grandfather grunted.
‘Oh!’ Brenda was taken aback. It wasn’t often she got a compliment from her grandfather. In fact as far as she could remember, this was the first time. ‘Thanks,’ she murmured.
‘In that rig-out, you should have no trouble getting another fella seeing as that Eddie yoke blew you out. That might put a smile on your face, it’s so long these days it’s a wonder you don’t trip over it. You should go out there and get a lad and go and get married like your friend there. You don’t want to be an old spinster now, do you?’ He eyed Brenda sternly.
‘For God’s sake!’ Kit exclaimed. ‘Would you go and sit down and read your paper and not be annoying the girl.’
‘I’m only giving her a bit of advice. And good advice at that. But if that’s your attitude, I’ll keep my good advice to myself, thank you very much.’ He stomped off in a huff.
‘Come on, Salami,’ grinned Jenny. ‘And don’t trip over your veils.’
Brenda eyed herself in the long mirror in the wardrobe. The dress was very pretty, she had to admit. The vivid turquoise brought out the colour of her eyes and the soft flowing style disguised her weight gain. She’d had her hair highlighted, and the rich chestnut glints were very flattering. All in all she was quite pleased with her appearance, she decided.
The following morning, Brenda awoke to the sound of thunder and rain. Poor Kathy, she thought in dismay. What a disaster of a day. Putting the Child of Prague statue in the garden overnight obviously hadn’t worked. So much for superstitions. She turned over and snuggled down. It was a treat not to have to get up for work. Not having to put up with Bugs Bunny gave her enormous pleasure. It was, Brenda reflected, a bit like mitching school.
‘See you at the hotel tonight, Paula and I’ll be there around seven,’ Jenny said, rooting for her umbrella in the wardrobe.
‘Paula Matthews is coming?’ Brenda was surprised.
‘Yeah, Beth asked Kathy if she could and she said yes. It’s only for the afters anyway. See you later,’ she said jauntily.
That Paula one had a hard neck, Brenda thought crossly. Imagine wangling an invitation to the evening part of Kathy’s reception. Miss Paula Matthews was far too big for her boots. Such confidence. Such style. And she from some little village in the back of beyonds. She acted as if she was someone. Paula’s perfect figure, big blue eyes and fabulous blond hair always made Brenda feel ungainly in comparison.
Brenda had overheard Paula telling Jenny that she was mad to allow her elder sister to order her around. ‘I wouldn’t run after my sisters like you do,’ Paula’d scoffed. ‘They run after me.’
Brenda was furious. The little biddy, just who did she think she was? She was giving Jenny ideas about herself. Brenda noticed that Jenny wasn’t half as obliging as she used to be. Between Brenda and Paula, there was no love lost. Not that anything was ever said, of course. Brenda always more or less ignored her. She pretended that she had far more important things on her mind than her sister’s country friend. The news that Paula was coming to the hotel later did not put her in a very good humour. She was going to have enough on her plate today coping with being with Eddie, without having Her Highness Matthews observing everything with her sharp blue eyes.
Brenda gave a soft groan. She almost wished she was going in to work after all. The thought of seeing Eddie and his girlfriend was giving her butterflies in her stomach. Please God, don’t let me make a disgrace of myself, she prayed silently under the bedclothes as a particularly loud crack of thunder sounded overhead. What would it be like when she looked into his eyes? How would she keep her voice normal when Eddie introduced his girlfriend? How would she be able to sit and watch as he danced around the floor with her? He who had told her she was the best jiver in Ireland. Eddie and she had always enjoyed dancing. They’d danced very well. Dancing was not Shay’s forte. Whenever the gang from work went to a disco, he sat nursing a pint unless Brenda dragged him onto the floor. Then he wiggled about stiffly with none of Eddie’s panache. It wasn’t fair to make comparisons. Shay was a nice bloke. He treated her like a lady and she never had to put her hand in her pocket when she was out with him. And he had accepted her invitation to the wedding.
It was a huge relief to her that she wouldn’t be manless at the wedding. She would be on an equal footing with Eddie. That was very important to her. Pride and face-saving was all. By acquiring a new girlfriend, he had shown very clearly that Brenda was past history. So today she was going to look her absolute best. Eddie’s new woman wasn’t going to outshine her, she told herself firmly. She treated herself to another ten minutes in bed and then she showered and dressed and went down to Kathy’s.
The Cleary household was in a state of pandemonium. Kathy was still in her dressing-gown in a state of near hysteria.
‘What’s wrong?’ Brenda asked.
‘Oh it’s Granny! She forgot to tu
rn off the hot water tap in the sink in the bathroom and now all the bloody hot water’s gone and it will take ages to heat and I haven’t even had a shower. I can’t wait to start living in my own house.’ She burst into tears.
‘Oh come on now, Kathy, it’s only pre-wedding nerves,’ Brenda soothed her. ‘Look, come and have a shower in my house, then we’ll go to the hairdressers as planned and after that it’s all plain sailing.’
‘Thanks Bren, you’re a great old buddy,’ sniffled the bride-to-be.
‘Don’t worry, I’ll get my own back.’ Kathy’s great old buddy smiled, giving her friend a comforting hug.
In the relative peace of the Myles household, Kathy had her shower, ate some toast and drank a cup of coffee and very soon regained her composure. By the time she’d had her hair styled, she was back in command and it was a composed and very pretty bride who arrived at the church only five minutes late.
Brenda and Beth were waiting to help her out of the car. Fortunately the rain had stopped, although it was a rather blustery day and Kathy’s veil and flowing dress swirled around her. ‘Is Kenny here?’ Kathy asked breathlessly, trying to unwrap the veil from around her neck.
‘Yes he is,’ Brenda assured her, as she ushered her friend into the porch and fussed around making her presentable.
‘Is Eddie here?’ Kathy murmured.
‘He’s here.’
‘Were you talking to him?’
Brenda shook her head. ‘They were here before Beth and I came. Beth went up to them. I didn’t bother.’
‘Are you OK?’ Kathy gave her arm a squeeze.
‘I’m fine so let’s get going,’ Brenda said with feigned cheeriness. To tell the truth, she was dreading the moment of seeing Eddie. Her insides were quivering with nerves. Her mouth was dry. She felt a bit sick. Imagine if she did something awful like fainting.
‘I suppose we’d better get this blasted photograph taken,’ Kathy said, quite unaware of her friend’s angst. The photographer fiddled around with his lens, arranged Kathy and her father in a pose and clicked away. Then it was time for the walk up the aisle. As the notes of the wedding march filled the church, Kathy and Mr Cleary walked slowly up the aisle with Brenda and Beth in step behind them. As Brenda followed her best friend up the long aisle of Our Mother of Divine Grace Church, she was beset with conflicting emotions. She was happy for Kathy. She was envious of her. The pain in her heart was unbearable at the thought of Eddie waiting at the altar rails with Kenny. This should have been their dream too. They too should have been standing at the foot of the altar waiting to be married by the parish priest. Instead, Eddie was parted from her, and among the throng who were gazing at the bridal procession was his new girlfriend.
They passed the half-way mark, where the aisle extended to the two side doors, and for one brief panic-stricken moment Brenda had the crazy urge to race out the side door to her left and run past the prefabs and across The Green to the safety of home and her bed. She swallowed hard. Then it was too late. They were in the top half of the church. Kenny and Eddie turned to greet them.
When they reached the altar, Brenda took a deep breath and helped Kathy arrange her veil before taking her bouquet from her. Only then did she permit herself to look in Eddie’s direction. He smiled at her, that old familiar much-loved smile, and she saw him give a tiny wink. Brenda’s heart lifted, soared to the heavens. There was still something between them. She just knew it. It was as if there wasn’t another soul in the universe, let alone the church, when she met his eyes. She went through the ceremony of her friend’s wedding holding tightly to the tiny sliver of happiness which his wink and smile had given her. When Kenny put the plain gold band on Kathy’s finger, the pang of jealousy that stabbed her made Brenda feel ashamed. She hated herself, but she couldn’t help it. Please, please God let that be me and Eddie sometime, she silently implored as she stood at the foot of the altar beside her best friend and the fella she loved more than anyone else in the world.
Brenda raised her eyes to see if he was looking at her, but Eddie’s gaze was firmly on the bridal pair as they made their marriage vows and he refused to glance in her direction. Her little sliver of happiness shattered. If he’d met her eyes at the moment when their best friends became man and wife, Brenda would have felt his thoughts were the same as hers. But he’d distanced himself by keeping his eyes averted from her during that part of the ceremony. All these thoughts raced round her brain and, although she tried hard to concentrate on the Mass booklet in her hand, it was impossible.
Walking down the aisle with Eddie at her side, behind the new Mrs Lyons and her husband, was the most bittersweet experience of Brenda’s life.
Kit watched her daughter walk out of the sacristy behind the bride and groom with her arm in Eddie Fagan’s and pitied her from the bottom of her heart. She knew this wedding was an ordeal for her. Brenda still had her heart set on marrying Eddie. She’d watched Brenda mope around the house in the months following their split and hoped that the hurt would wear off and Brenda would see that life could be fun if she gave it a chance.
Why was her daughter so intent on getting married when she had a good job and a chance to live an independent life? It mystified Kit.
She had gone from her parents’ house to living with her husband. She envied young girls today who set up home for themselves in flats. They had fun and freedom. Her niece Pamela was living in a flat in Ranelagh with two other girls and they were having a whale of a time. Why couldn’t Brenda go and do something like that? She was earning good money and Kit wouldn’t stand in her way if she announced one day that she was leaving home to share a flat with some of the girls from work. It would be good for her daughter to get out there and stand on her own two feet. There was no doubt about it, getting married and having children meant that you never had time to do what you wanted until they were reared. Much and all as she loved her brood, Kit decided she wouldn’t be one bit sorry when the days of cooking dinners day in, day out, washing and ironing clothes, and all the rest of it, were finished.
It amazed her that Brenda, who’d seen what her mother had to put up with, was still totally in love with the idea of getting married to Eddie. Oh sure, Kit mused as she watched Kathy gliding radiantly down the aisle, it all looked very romantic and desirable. The white dress, the ring, the red carpet and all the palaver. A honeymoon in Benidorm. That was all Brenda could see. But that wasn’t marriage, Kit thought crossly as she glanced at her husband, who was stifling a yawn. She had, over the past few months, tried gently to point all this out to Brenda. Marriage consisted of disappointments and suppressed anger and bills and mortgages and a thousand and one slings and arrows. Of course there had been moments of happiness and fun, especially when she and Jim were newly-weds. But if anyone thought that such bliss lasted, they were living in a fool’s paradise. Her daughter could not be told. Even though she was seeing this nice lad, Shay, Kit knew she was still hankering after Eddie and her rose-tinted dream.
Kit thought Kathy and Kenny were ridiculously young to marry. Not of course that she’d been much older herself, but neither she nor her husband had ever had the opportunities that were available to today’s young people. Kathy’s mother was ecstatic to have a daughter getting married. She’d given Kit a sly dig about things not working out between Brenda and Eddie.
‘You must have been looking forward to a wedding yourself,’ she’d said with an air of smug superiority. As if to say my daughter’s made it. Yours hasn’t!
Kit had wanted to tell her not to be so bloody stupid. Marriage wasn’t the be-all or end-all these days. For God’s sake, Lizzie Cleary was in even worse circumstances than Kit, with sons and daughters and a grandmother and an illegitimate grandchild and a husband who was as lazy as sin, all living in the same house. And this she considered better than being single.
If I’d had my time over again I might have done it all differently. If I’d known what was in store for me, Kit thought a trifle glumly. There’s worse things
than being free and single.
‘That was a nice wedding,’ Jim murmured. ‘Do you remember ours?’ Kit’s eyes softened as she looked at her husband. His hair was quite grey now, the lean trim figure of his youth had gone soft and a bit paunchy. He looked very middle-aged. She sighed and slipped her hand in his. It wasn’t a bed of roses for him either. No doubt marriage wasn’t the idyll he’d anticipated either. He couldn’t have foretold that his father would end up living with them.
The last year or so hadn’t been as bad as before, Kit conceded. Grandpa Myles was a bit more in awe of her since she’d drowned him with milk several years ago. And then she’d gone out and made herself join clubs and the like in an effort to have some interests outside the home. She had trained herself to ignore her father-in-law’s diatribes. Most of the time now it went in one ear and out the other. And she didn’t lose her temper or get hot under the collar as much as she had before. Kit had learned that the only person she was really upsetting when she did that was herself. It was a pointless exercise.
She felt Jim give her hand a squeeze. Compared to many, the marriages of her dead mother-in-law and Lizzie Cleary being the two examples that sprang readily to mind, Kit supposed she and Jim weren’t doing too badly.
‘Of course I remember.’ She smiled. ‘And just look at us now.’
‘You’re a fine-looking woman, Kit. I was a lucky man.’ Jim smiled down at her and for a brief moment all the sorrows and disappointments disappeared and it was as if they were young again. Her spirits lifted. Today was a rare day out for herself and Jim. No Grandpa Myles for an entire day. She was looking forward immensely to sitting down to a dinner she didn’t have to prepare or wash up after.
‘I didn’t do too badly myself,’ she said fondly, much to Jim’s pleasure. Was it a lie, or did she really mean it? Kit wasn’t too sure. She pushed the thought to the back of her head, unwilling to confront it, and concentrated on keeping her spirits high. She was going to enjoy the day. And if her daughter had any sense she’d do likewise.
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