Chapter Sixty-Six
‘Paula, I’m ringing from the hospital. Helen’s started the baby.’ Nick sounded agitated.
‘I’m on my way,’ she said, coming instantly awake. A glance at her alarm clock showed her that it was just gone three-thirty a.m. She dressed quickly and let herself out of the flat. She’d moved in over two months ago, but she’d been so busy that half her stuff was still in boxes. Soon, she promised herself. Soon, she and Beth and Jenny would organize it. It was a nice roomy flat on the first floor in a double-fronted redbrick house on Griffith Avenue. It was self-contained, and she was pleased enough with it. Not that she spent much time there, she thought wryly as she unlocked her newly acquired Corolla and sped off down Griffith Avenue. The roads were deserted and the traffic lights at the junction opposite the Garda Station were green. Minutes later, she was passing the Skylon, and the Bishop’s Palace.
‘Let me see, Holies Street,’ she muttered to herself, planning her route in her head. The best plan was to go via the Five Lamps, down along the quays and turn right at the road before the road for the gasometer. As far as she could remember that road led directly to the hospital. It took her about five minutes to get to the quays. The moon shone on the glassy river. On the opposite quay the Isle of Man ferry, The Lady of Man, floated serenely at anchor in her berth. TransCon did an Isle of Man package holiday brochure, maybe she should look into the villa holiday idea there, Paula reflected. ‘Forget work,’ she muttered as the huge bulk of the gasometer loomed into view. She peered anxiously to her right looking for Lime Street. She almost overshot and had to jam on the brakes.
Was this the right road? It was eerily quiet, she thought as she drove past silent dark blocks of flats. In the distance she saw the façade of the hospital. Spot-on, Paula thought with satisfaction. She saw Nick’s Volvo, and parked behind it. The porter rang upstairs to tell Nick she had arrived and minutes later he walked through the swing doors, looking tired and worried.
‘Paula, thanks for coming,’ he hugged her. ‘She’s having a very difficult time. They’re concerned. They might have to do a Caesarean. If anything happens to Helen I’ll never forgive myself. She’s too old to have a first baby.’ He rubbed his hand along his jaw.
‘Stop it, Nick. She’ll be fine. She’s in the best place. There’s expert care and all the equipment. Stop worrying,’ Paula said sternly. ‘Go back up to her. I’ll be down here.’
‘You’re the best in the world, Paula, you should have seen Helen’s face when I told her you were downstairs.’ Nick smiled.
‘Tell her we’re all in this together and to hurry on, the suspense is killing me,’ Paula ordered. ‘If you hear anything let me know.’
‘I’ll be up and down,’ Nick promised. ‘I’m not allowed to stay while they’re examining her.’
It was a long night. Nick looked more haggard and worried each time he came down to her. If he looked this bad, God help Helen, Paula thought in dismay. She could hardly imagine what her aunt was going through. The wait seemed interminable. Every time the doors swung open her heart leapt, as she hoped it was Nick with good news. Each time he made an appearance she knew by the expression on his face that the ordeal was not over. He urged her to go home and go to bed. She refused.
The dark night gave way to a golden sunrise. Paula watched the pink-tinted sky through the window and heard the sound of a milkman’s lorry with its clattering jangle of bottles. At seven-thirty, Nick appeared briefly to tell her that Helen was having a Caesarean. At least something was being done, Paula reassured him. Helen’s ordeal would soon be over. An hour later he appeared again, his face wreathed in smiles.
‘It’s a little girl,’ he exclaimed. ‘We’ve got a little girl. She’s beautiful. The two of them are fine, now.’ Paula burst into tears.
‘It’s all right, Paula. It’s over.’ Nick hugged her tightly.
‘I’m so happy for Helen.’ She sobbed against his shoulder. ‘I’m really glad it’s a little girl. I know she was dying for one.’
‘Me too,’ Nick murmured against her hair. ‘Me too. I can’t believe it. I can’t believe I’m a father.’
‘You’ll be a great father.’ Paula wiped her cheeks, and rooted for a handkerchief.
‘Here,’ he said, offering his. ‘I begged the nurses to let you come up and see them and they said you could come for a minute. Helen’s a bit groggy.’
‘Oh Nick.’ She started to blubber again.
‘Stop it or I’ll be crying too,’ he said, taking her by the hand. Holding his hand gave her a moment of happiness.
‘Only for a minute, mind,’ the nurse said.
Helen lay propped against her pillows. Her face was grey, her eyes were bloodshot but she smiled radiantly when she saw Nick and Paula.
‘Look, darling,’ she murmured as Paula bent to kiss her. ‘Isn’t she beautiful? I’m the happiest person alive.’ Paula’s eyes brimmed again as she saw the tiny baby nestled in Helen’s arms. She stared in awe at the perfect little face with the rosebud mouth and the little nose. Her skin wasn’t red and wrinkled because she hadn’t had a normal birth. She’d just been lifted out of the womb. She had a little head of black hair but when she opened her eyes and stared up, Paula knew she would have eyes like her father’s.
‘She’s exquisite, Helen. She’s beautiful. Congratulations.’
‘Darling, you’ve been so good to me. I’ll never be able to repay you,’ Helen said gratefully, her own eyes sparkling with tears. ‘We’re going to call her Nicola Paula. Will you be her godmother?’
‘Of course I will, Helen. Now get your rest and I’ll see you later,’ Paula urged, as the nurse appeared, ready to evict her. ‘I’ll phone Mam and let her know the news.’
‘Thanks, pet.’ Helen squeezed her hand.
‘I’ll see you later, Nick,’ Paula said. ‘If you need anything doing, let me know.’
‘Sure, thanks.’ Nick hugged her again, but his eyes were on Helen and their baby. Paula slipped away to let them share their joyful intimate moments.
She was right into the rush hour traffic so she decided not to go back home. She could have a shower and breakfast at the office. There was no point in going back to bed, she just wouldn’t sleep. Her mind was racing. Her emotions in turmoil. Helen, Nick and the baby were a family now. She felt such a mixture of emotions when she saw the baby. Happiness for Helen, sadness for herself. The pride and love in Nick’s eyes as he looked at Helen were painful for her to watch. She hated herself for feeling as she did. She felt mean. She wanted to be happy for Helen. If only she’d fallen in love with another man.
Paula sighed as she swung on to Pearse Street. Life was full of ‘if only’s.’ There was nothing she could do except grit her teeth and get on with it. At least she had her job to keep her going. She’d been out to Majorca and the Costa viewing villas. She was going out again the following week to make a final selection and to get them photographed. After that, Portugal. Life was hectic and that was just what she needed.
Six weeks later, Paula stood in church holding her precious goddaughter. Her tiny little fingers curled tightly around Paula’s thumb. She was fast asleep. She hadn’t made a sound all through her christening ceremony. Paula gazed in wonder at her perfect little features. Her eyelashes were so long. Her little nose was adorable. Her mouth, the prettiest one Paula had ever seen.
‘My little precious,’ she crooned.
Helen came and stood beside her and gazed proudly at her daughter. ‘Isn’t she the best baby?’
‘Yeah.’ Paula smiled, bending her lips to Nicola’s cheek. ‘She’s the best baby in the world.’
‘And you’re the best niece.’ Helen slipped an arm around Paula’s waist and hugged her.
Don’t say that, Paula wanted to cry. She’d spent the morning trying not to think of how attractive Nick looked. And how blue his eyes were and how kind he was being to Helen. She’d watched them together cooing to the baby and hated them for their happiness. Then she’d hate
d herself for that and spent the rest of the morning telling herself that she was a disloyal bitch for having these thoughts.
Forget him, she told herself over and over again. But how could she forget him when her life was so closely entwined with his? She couldn’t stop visiting Helen and the baby or being part of their lives. Helen would be devastated if she did. She wouldn’t understand at all. And why should she? Helen had no idea that her beloved niece loved and lusted after her partner and father of her child. Nick didn’t even know it. The only person who knew was Jenny. She had to tell someone. And she was closer to Jenny than anyone.
Jenny offered to come and spend the christening night with her. She knew today would be an ordeal. She knew Paula wanted to get it off her chest. Tonight, Paula promised herself, was the last night she would talk or think about Nick. That was the end of it now, she decided as she stood watching him chatting and laughing with Maura and Pete. The best way of forgetting Nick was to find another man to fall in love with. Instead of staying in, moping. She’d ask Jenny to go out on the town with her. The city was full of eligible bachelors, she’d have no trouble finding a man.
But I don’t want a man. I only want Nick, her inner voice said.
Well you can’t have him, so tough bloody luck, she argued back. Get off your ass and cop on to yourself, Paula Matthews, or you’re going to be miserable for the rest of your life. It’s entirely up to you.
Chapter Sixty-Seven
Relief, that was what she felt most, Brenda decided, as Shay slid the wedding ring on to the third finger of her left hand. Not happiness, not excitement, just a deep, deep sense of relief that she was finally married. Rescued from the lonely isolation of her spinster’s shelf. Even if Shay were to drop down dead beside her she’d have the comfort of being a Mrs now that the ring was finally on her finger. Now she was just like Kathy, and all her married friends. She was part of that special club. A married woman and not some waif peering longingly through the windows, like the beggar at the banquet. Brenda rejoiced. Now she no longer felt threatened by Jenny’s engagement. Another thought struck her as she knelt for the priest’s blessing. She was a Mrs, and Paula Matthews, for all her sophisticated glamour, was still only a Miss. Brenda felt exhilarated, invincible. She could face anything. Her fear of being left on the shelf could never haunt her now. She had achieved her greatest ambition.
Brenda could live with the fact that Shay was only second best. It was far preferable to be married to Shay than never to be married at all. When Eddie had got married her dreams had crumbled into dust. Wallowing in heartbreak was not what she wanted to spend her life doing. Brenda was nothing if not pragmatic. Eddie was her past, Shay was her future. He loved her. He wanted to provide for her. She was perfectly happy to let him do so. Shay was a nice man. She was lucky.
Brenda smiled at her new husband. He looked very nice in his suit. And the new moustache he sported made him look a little like Tom Selleck. It was a pity he didn’t possess Tom Selleck’s build. Shay barely topped her. He didn’t tower over her like Eddie had.
Stop that! she ordered herself crossly. Here she was only minutes married and she was making comparisons. She was not going to live her life like that. She was very grateful to Shay for proposing. He had no idea of the huge favour he’d done her by saving her from spinsterhood. From now on, she would never allow the memory of Eddie to enter her mind again. If she did, she’d only be unhappy. Brenda had no intention of being unhappy. She intended to savour every moment of this new life. Shay and herself had agreed that she would leave her job whenever she got pregnant. She’d be getting a nice big gratuity.
There’d been a marriage bar when she’d started working. Married women had to leave work. That was all changed and women no longer had to resign on marriage. Brenda had the option of forgoing her gratuity and staying on at work. An option she hadn’t considered for a second. She couldn’t wait to escape. The idea of not having to suffer Bugs Bunny’s sarcastic barbs for much longer was another great source of joy. Brenda looked down at her wedding ring. She’d picked a wide one. She didn’t like those wishy-washy thin ones that were all the rage now. A good wide wedding band made her feel nice and married. A warm contented glow enfolded her. Brenda knelt for the remainder of her wedding ceremony, admiring her wedding ring, and feeling utterly contented.
Shay surreptitiously loosened the knot in his tie, as he sat in his chair watching the rest of the guests receive Holy Communion. It was hard to believe he was a married man. He felt slightly dazed by it all. Everything had happened so fast in the last few months. The engagement, buying the house, planning the wedding. It was all a blur. To tell the truth he felt a bit of an onlooker in all of it. Brenda had done most of the organizing and he had merely followed instructions. She was a great organizer, was his Bren, Shay thought admiringly. From the minute he’d impulsively asked her to marry him, Brenda had arranged everything.
He’d had a few pints on him the night he proposed, he thought wryly. He’d surprised himself as much as Brenda. And now here he was, sitting beside his wife at their wedding. It was a nice feeling. He was looking forward to their honeymoon and then to coming home to live in their own house. It was going to be very pleasant to come home to a wife after work. Much nicer than going home to an empty flat with fish and chips for his dinner. Brenda was a good cook. She was good at everything. She was very outgoing and loved socializing. What she saw in an old stick-in-the-mud like him, he didn’t know. But she’d been delighted when he’d asked her to marry him and had hugged him ecstatically. Shay had felt very proud at that moment.
The day after he’d proposed she’d booked the church and hotel and made him take the day off work to go and buy an engagement ring. The speed of it all took him by surprise, and he hadn’t time to draw breath since. He was certainly going to flop on his honeymoon, he decided. Brenda could wind down and relax, now that all the fuss was over. And then they could come home to their new house and start enjoying married life. He rubbed his thumb against his wedding ring. It felt strange. Slightly irritating actually, Shay mused. No doubt he would get used to it.
Kit slipped her left foot out of her shoe. Her bunion was killing her and the shoes she’d got to match her outfit, although very decorative and fashionable, were much too narrow for her. Still, it was all in a good cause. As mother of the bride she had to look her best.
Kit smiled fondly at the sight of her two daughters up at the altar. One engaged, one married. People often said that when one went the rest would soon follow. To say she’d been surprised when Brenda had arrived in that evening last July to announce that she was engaged, was an understatement. You could have knocked her down with a feather. When she declared that she was getting married the following February, there was a stunned silence. Although they hadn’t named the exact date, it was generally understood that Jenny and Ronan were getting married that year. It had been a bit hard on Jenny, who felt she had to postpone her wedding so that Kit and Jim wouldn’t have the expense of two weddings in the one year.
Still, Kit hadn’t seen Brenda as excited and full of anticipation in a long time. It was a joy to watch her making plans and decorating her house. Kit was very happy for her daughter. It was a great relief to know that Brenda had got what she had so long desired. And Shay was a very nice lad. As was Ronan. She was a lucky woman to be getting two fine sons-in-law.
Jennifer tried to quell the surge of resentment she felt as she followed Brenda and Shay down the aisle. It wasn’t that she wasn’t glad for her sister. She was, of course. But because of Brenda’s surprise naming of the wedding day, she and Ronan, who’d planned to marry in May, felt they had to put it off. Even though they were going to pay for their own reception, Jennifer didn’t think it was fair on her mother to have to plan two weddings so soon after each other. Kit had suggested a double wedding but Jennifer and Ronan decided against it. Brenda would want her own way too much and they could foresee mighty rows. Besides, they wanted their own day to be very speci
al and personal.
Brenda had apologized for upsetting her plans, but had made no suggestion of rearranging her own. She was intent on getting down the aisle as fast as she could and nothing and no-one was going to stand in her way.
Jennifer caught sight of Ronan as she passed his pew. He looked rightly pissed off, she thought glumly. She couldn’t blame him. She felt exactly the same. Forcing herself to smile, Jennifer followed her sister out the door of the church to where the photographer was waiting to record the happy day.
Brenda stood in front of the mirror in the hotel bedroom and delayed the moment when she would have to take off her bridal gown to change into her going-away outfit. It was such a beautiful dress. White taffeta, that rustled every time she moved, was fashioned into a full-skirted creation that would have graced any princess. Her white veil fell in pristine folds over her recently body-waved hair. Brenda knew, looking at her radiant image in the mirror, that she had never looked so well. She hated to take off the dress that meant so much to her. She hated to leave her reception, which was great fun. She would have liked for the day never to end.
It had been a wonderful success. Even Grandpa Myles had enjoyed himself and sung his party-piece, Red Sails in the Sunset. Then, for an encore, he sang The Red River Valley. She’d been a bit worried that he wouldn’t shut up, but Jim bought him a double brandy and he was quite happy to sit in at the table for the rest of the evening commenting on everything. He’d given them a hideous barometer with a clock in it as a wedding present. Brenda was certainly not going to put it anywhere it could be seen. You’d think it was the eighth wonder of the world, he was so proud of it. It had cost a tidy sum but it was still hideous and Brenda would have far preferred money.
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