Relief washed over Paula. Thank you, God, she sent up the heartfelt prayer. ‘I was pretty emotional myself. I think I drowned Nick,’ she said lightly. ‘That will teach me to drink brandy as a nightcap.’ Helen held out her arms. Paula rushed into them and hugged her aunt tightly. She was consumed with guilt. But that would be her punishment. Anything was worth Helen’s peace of mind. Over Helen’s shoulder Paula saw Nick stop short as he saw them embracing. His blue eyes met Paula’s. There was no warmth in them. Things would never be the same between them again. She had effectively quenched the affection he’d felt for her ever since they’d known each other. Paula took a deep breath. She’d ruined everything and destroyed Nick’s friendship. She had to live with the consequences.
‘What would you like for breakfast?’ she asked quietly.
‘We won’t have anything, Paula. We’ve to collect Nicola early, Barbara has visitors coming and I don’t want to impose,’ Helen said.
‘Won’t you even have coffee?’ she asked, looking directly at Nick.
‘No thanks, Paula. I’ll make something when we get home. Unless Nick wants a cup?’
‘No, I’ll wait, thanks,’ he said evenly.
‘Why don’t you go back to bed, you look exhausted?’ Helen suggested.
‘Yeah, I’ll do that.’ Paula sighed.
They got their coats and Paula stood at the door watching them as they walked down the carpeted landing. Helen turned to wave. Nick didn’t look back.
Helen had made the bed in her bedroom. Paula slid in between the sheets and tried not to think that Nick had slept between them the night before. She was completely drained and too tired to think. She fell asleep cuddling a pillow against her.
The chimes of the doorbell woke her from a deep sleep. For a minute, she didn’t know where she was. Memories returned. The burden descended on her shoulders.
It was Kieran. Paula pressed the buzzer and let him in. She knew she looked a sight, she was too dispirited to care.
‘God, you look rough,’ he said. Tears came to her eyes. She turned away so he wouldn’t see them.
‘Hey, I didn’t mean to upset you, Paula. Don’t mind me and my big mouth,’ he apologized.
‘I did something awful last night,’ she blurted out. ‘I told Nick I loved him, I tried to get him to make love to me. Helen nearly caught us and now he hates me.’ Paula covered her face and wept bitter tears. Kieran looked at her, an expression of pain and pity in his eyes.
‘Come here,’ he said gently and led her to the sofa. He held her until she stopped crying. ‘Tell me about it from the beginning.’ Paula told him and blushed as she confessed that she’d used him as a scapegoat.
‘That’s OK,’ he said quietly. ‘I just came by to tell you that what I said last night doesn’t affect our business relationship as far as I’m concerned.’
‘I don’t know, Kieran, I don’t know. I’ve got to get away. I’ve got to take a good long look at myself and see where I’m going and what I’m doing. I don’t know if I’m going to stay in Ireland.’
‘Don’t do anything hasty,’ he advised. ‘Look, why don’t you think about taking off for a week or two somewhere? Take Jennifer with you. She needs a break. Use any of the company facilities and just go away and relax and put things in perspective. Then make your decisions,’ he said firmly.
Paula nodded. The thought of running away for a week or so was just what she needed.
‘I’ll speak to Jenny and see if she’s interested,’ she agreed.
‘Good.’
‘You’re very good to me, Kieran,’ Paula murmured.
‘I’m a sucker for a damsel in distress,’ he said lightly. ‘And I’ll never give up hope.’
‘Oh Kieran—’
‘Don’t say anything. I just want you to know it. Now go and have a look through the brochures and decide where you want to go. We’ll fix something up tomorrow.’ Kieran stood up, kissed her on the cheek and walked out of the sitting-room. Paula heard the front door close. He was a good man. Could she ever fall in love with him? The memory of Nick kissing her crowded her mind.
‘Stop it,’ she gritted. She picked up the current edition of the Holiday Villa brochure and began to flick through it. Anything to take her mind off the events of the night before. With grim determination, Paula began the task of selecting her holiday location.
The Holiday
Chapter Eighty-Eight
Paula closed the Holiday Villa file on her computer terminal and sat back in her chair with a thoughtful expression on her face. With Easter coming up, many of the villas were booked. There were two vacancies in Majorca, one in Lanzarote and one in Corfu. She didn’t care where they went. Jennifer could take her pick. Kieran had planted the idea in her mind and now she was anxious to get away. She needed a holiday to try and get her thoughts together. As soon as he’d left her, Paula showered and dressed and drove over to the office to see what was available. She was running away but she didn’t care. The way she felt, she wanted to get as far away as possible and never stop running.
She lifted the phone and dialled Jennifer’s number. Jennifer answered and Paula knew from the tone in her friend’s voice that she was making a huge effort to be cheerful. The miscarriage had hit her badly.
‘Hi, it’s me,’ Paula said. ‘I was wondering if you’ll be at home for the next hour or so, I wanted to pop in and ask you something.’
‘Ask me what?’ Jennifer wanted to know.
‘I can’t talk to you here,’ Paula said hastily. ‘I’m in the office.’
‘Paula Matthews, you’ll end up a workaholic!’ Jennifer remonstrated. ‘Going in to the office on Saturday. Are you mad? I thought you’d be wrecked after last night.’
‘I am. Jenny, something happened after you left. It was horrible. I’ll tell you all about it when I see you,’ Paula replied. ‘I don’t want to go into it on the phone. Will we be able to have a bit of privacy? I know Rachel’s staying to look after you for the few days. But it’s too private to talk to anyone else about it, except you.’
‘I’m here on my own. An aunt of theirs is in hospital and they’ve gone to visit her so I’ll have the kettle on for you. Hurry on,’ Jennifer instructed.
‘I’m on my way,’ Paula promised.
What on earth was wrong with Paula, Jennifer wondered as she went out to the kitchen to put on the kettle. Everything had gone very well at the party the previous night. The only people who’d stayed were Helen, Nick and Kieran. Paula’d said something horrible had happened. Jennifer couldn’t figure it out at all. She stretched up to one of the presses for a packet of biscuits, and winced at the pain in her ribs. She had a lot of bruising still, although ugly purple and black had faded to a dull yellow.
Jennifer sighed. She’d tried to get into the spirit of the party last night, not wanting to be a party-pooper with a long face. It was an effort to put on a brave front. She knew Ronan was worried about her. He watched her like a hawk. It wasn’t fair to him to be always crying and down in the dumps. He was as upset as she was about losing the baby, but he tried to keep cheerful for her. The least she could do was to make the same effort for him. Kieran had been his usual kind self. She was off work for as long as she wanted, on full sick pay.
And Rachel had been a topper. She’d been on a Cert with a bad dose of tonsillitis and laryngitis but once she’d heard of Jennifer’s accident, she’d arrived up to Dublin to help out while Jennifer was confined to bed for the first few days home from the hospital. Rachel couldn’t do enough for her. She wouldn’t let Jennifer do a tap, even though she wasn’t well herself. Rachel was unsettled too, knowing that she was going to have to leave the house she was living in and get a place of her own. Everybody had their own little problems, Jennifer thought ruefully as she set out the cups. She wondered what was up with Paula. A half an hour later, Jennifer was hearing all about it.
‘I can’t believe I did it. I can’t believe I told Nick I loved him. I begged him to make love to me, Je
nny, and then Helen walked in on top of us. I still feel sick when I think about it.’ Paula put her hand up to her quivering lip and tried to control herself.
‘Oh, Paula.’ Jennifer put her arms around her friend and pitied her from the bottom of her heart. ‘Maybe Nick will blame it on the few drinks you had,’ she said.
‘No, I don’t think so. You should have seen the way he looked at me this morning. He thinks I’m the lowest of the low. And he’s right. If he’d wanted me I would have made love with him there and then. Knowing that Helen was in my bedroom.’
‘You were drunk, Paula,’ Jennifer said firmly.
‘I wasn’t that drunk,’ Paula groaned. ‘I behaved very badly. And the awful thing is I still love him, I still want him. I don’t know how to get him out of my head.’ She started to cry. Jennifer stroked her hair. Everyone always thought Paula was such a strong, controlled, on-top-of-things type of person. They should see her now, crying her eyes out, frantic and unsure. Jennifer knew how difficult it had been for her to discover that Nick and Helen were lovers. That Helen was pregnant. She knew Paula had battled against her attraction to Nick. Her moment of weakness had cost her much.
‘Do you think you could ever feel anything for Kieran?’ Jennifer asked gently.
Paula wiped her eyes. ‘I wish I could, Jenny. I’ve never thought of him like that. Kieran’s just Kieran. Someone to plan strategies with, someone to argue and fight with, someone to have laughs with—’
‘You could be describing many a marriage there,’ Jennifer interjected, smiling. When Paula told Jennifer that Kieran was in love with her it was as if something had clicked into place. She should have seen it straight away. It was sticking out a mile. Thinking back, Jennifer remembered how Kieran always wanted to talk about Paula and would steer the conversation in that direction. When the Scullys had been acting up, threatening legal action, Jennifer had heard Kieran tell their legal advisor, ‘We back Paula the whole way on this, I don’t care what money we lose.’ It hadn’t gone to court. The Scullys backed down and made an out-of-court settlement. Paula was away at the time and when she’d come back from her trip, Kieran sent her a huge bouquet with a note of congratulations. When Paula was in the office, Kieran was always making excuses to go and sit on her desk and chat despite Paula’s protests that she had work to do. They were very alike in some ways. Full of enthusiasm for their ventures, attractive charismatic people. Both extremely hard workers. If Paula hadn’t been so besotted with Nick she might have looked at Kieran in a different light. It was ironic, thought Jennifer as she poured the coffee, Kieran was going through the same pain Paula was. He was in love with her and she wasn’t in love with him. It was all very depressing.
Paula took the Holiday Villa brochure out of her bag. ‘How would you fancy a week, ten days or a fortnight away?’ She gave a wry grin. ‘Kieran got such a shock when I said I might leave the country and go abroad that he suggested I go on holidays, have a good think and then make a decision.’
‘That’s a good idea,’ Jennifer said firmly. ‘There’s no point in you haring off just because you’re upset now. Kieran’s a very sensible guy.’
‘I know. He’s very generous too, it was he who suggested you come on holidays as well. He thinks you could do with the break.’
‘Did he?’ Jennifer was pleased by her employer’s thoughtfulness.
‘We can use any of the company facilities. I’ve checked out the availability of villas. Majorca, Lanzarote and Corfu are available. Would you be interested?’ Paula asked, hopefully.
‘It sounds lovely,’ Jennifer said regretfully. ‘I know Ronan would think it’s a great idea but I have Rachel staying with me for her Easter holidays. Even though she was sick herself, she came up to Dublin to look after me when I came out of hospital. It would be very rude to turn around and say, I’m taking off on holidays with Paula. Bye, bye.’
‘Ask her to come along. They’re all three-bedroom luxury villas, there’ll be more than enough room for three of us.’
‘Are you serious?’ Jennifer looked at Paula in surprise.
‘Sure, why not? Rachel’s easy to get on with. She might enjoy it.’
‘Oh, she would,’ Jennifer enthused. ‘She’s never been on a foreign holiday and she adores the sun. It would do her all the good in the world. Are you sure you wouldn’t mind if she came along? I know you’re not in good form.’
‘I don’t mind at all if it means you’ll come away for a few days with me. It would be a bit like old times, wouldn’t it?’
Jennifer grinned. ‘You can say that again.’
‘Right, where are we going, and for how long?’ Paula opened the brochure and showed Jennifer the choices available.
They decided to take the villa in Corfu. Paula said it was a beautiful villa set in an olive grove just yards from the beach. It had its own pool, Jacuzzi and sauna. A housekeeper who came from the nearby village would live in, if required. Of their four choices it was the most luxurious and the one Paula recommended.
‘Sounds gorgeous, I love the part that says “set in an olive grove and yards from a sandy tree-fringed beach.”’
Paula smiled. ‘Are we on then?’
‘I think so.’ Jennifer smiled back. ‘I’ll see what Ronan and Rachel have to say when they get home.’
‘Let me know, and I’ll make the arrangements on Monday morning. I’ll give the office a call and tell them to reserve Villa Athena, for ten days, from Holy Thursday. How’s that?’
‘Are you sure ten days is enough? Only I’d feel a bit mean going off on two weeks’ holidays without Ronan. And Rachel would have to be back at school before the fortnight was out,’ Jennifer said.
‘Ten days is fine,’ Paula assured her. ‘You know me, I’ll probably start to get itchy feet after a week.’
‘Paula, I’m warning you, you’d want to start taking things a bit easier or you’re going to get burnt out. You never give yourself a minute. You don’t know how to relax any more. I’m telling you, when we get to Corfu, you’re going to flop, or I’ll want to know the reason why,’ Jennifer scolded.
‘OK, OK,’ Paula laughed. ‘It’s a deal.’ She stood up and gave Jennifer a hug. ‘Thanks for everything. Thanks for being a great pal. It really helps.’
‘That’s what friends are for and you’ve done the same for me when I needed it.’ Jennifer hugged her back.
It would be nice going away with Paula for a holiday. They hadn’t been on one together since Jennifer’s marriage. She wouldn’t have to put on an act with Paula. She wouldn’t have to pretend to feel cheerful when she was feeling sad. Paula wouldn’t expect her to gad about like they’d done when they’d been in Spain together. She was pretty down in the dumps herself. She wouldn’t want to be out discoing and partying. Rachel certainly wasn’t into the hectic social life either. It could be ten days of relaxation and coming to terms with their own problems. Maybe it would do them all the good in the world. Jennifer’s spirits lifted for the first time since the accident. She was dying for Rachel to come home to see what she’d say about the idea.
‘I’d love to come,’ Rachel said ecstatically. ‘Are you sure, though? Would you not prefer to go off with Paula on your own?’
‘It was Paula’s idea and I think it’s great. We’d love you to come,’ Jennifer said warmly.
‘I’ve no passport,’ Rachel exclaimed.
‘We can organize that first thing Monday morning,’ Jennifer assured her.
‘I’ll have to go home to get clothes and things.’ Rachel frowned.
‘Listen to me, Rachel Stapleton.’ Jennifer seized her opportunity. ‘You and I are going in to town on Monday and you’re going to buy a whole new summer wardrobe. You don’t need to go home. You have a case up here with you. You have your toiletries and make-up. Anything else you need, we can buy.’
‘I should be saving, Jenny, especially now as I’m going to have to get a place of my own.’
‘Bugger saving,’ Jennifer retorted. ‘You�
��ve been saving for years, you must have a small fortune saved. You never treat yourself. You never go anywhere. You never do anything. All you have to pay for is the flight, the accommodation’s taken care of. You badly need some new clothes. And I’m just the woman to go on a spending spree with. Isn’t that right, Ronan?’ She grinned at her husband, who was delighted to see a bit of her old spark.
‘Absolutely, Rach, you’ll be in the hands of an expert and you won’t know what’s hit you. But it’ll be fun,’ he promised. He was very pleased that Paula had suggested Rachel go on holidays with her and Jenny. It was just what his sister needed.
‘Oh, all right!’ Rachel threw caution to the winds. ‘Will you be up to going into town?’
‘Try and stop me.’ Jennifer laughed.
‘Try on these culottes, I’ve a pair of Bermudas here as well,’ Jennifer instructed. They were in adjoining changing cubicles in Marks & Spencers. Rachel didn’t know whether she was on her head or her heels. She’d spent the morning shopping with Jennifer. They’d bought bags of clothes in Dunnes. Swimwear, sandals, espadrilles, shorts, T-shirts. They’d been to Roches and bought two beautiful sundresses and a gorgeous Michael H summer suit. Now they were in Marks & Spencers and she was trying on trousers and leggings, Jennifer was passing in more clothes that she’d selected and Rachel felt on an absolute high. She’d gone beyond worrying about the price of things. She was now in the exhilaration stage of a spree, when everything she saw, she wanted. Jennifer was no help in urging caution. All she’d said that morning was, ‘Buy it.’
‘Let’s see the culottes.’ Jennifer poked her head through the curtains. ‘They’re gorgeous,’ she exclaimed, staring in admiration at the khaki culottes with matching jacket and white T-shirt. ‘Buy it,’ she instructed.
Rachel laughed. She’d every intention of buying it.
‘You know, you’ve a really good figure, you should make the most of it,’ Jennifer observed as they sat, an hour later, having lunch in Flanagans. ‘Those lycra miniskirts look fabulous on you.’
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