Jennifer got up and went out to the kitchen. She’d made sure the freezer was full for Ronan. She’d prepared lasagnes and bologneses and beef casseroles and chicken chasseurs. All Ronan would have to do was to stick them in the microwave. She decided to bake him a rhubarb tart, his favourite. Maybe while she was at it, she’d make him a Banofi pie as well as a special treat. Happier now that she was doing something for Ronan, Jennifer started to sieve her flour.
Rachel parked her car in the ILAC car park and took the lift down to Dunnes Stores. She wanted to buy another bikini and a beach bag. She caught a glimpse of her reflection in a mirror. It was taking a while to get used to it but she was very pleased with her new image. She must remember to live up to it. Rachel straightened her shoulders and lifted her chin as she strode into Dunnes. When she’d bought her bits and pieces, she walked up Henry Street to one of the chemists. She wanted to buy some throat lozenges. Her throat was still a bit iffy and she didn’t want to take any chances. She was standing at the counter waiting to be served when her glance alighted on a selection of packets of condoms. A madness came over her. She picked up a packet and handed it to the assistant.
‘And a packet of Strepsils as well, please,’ she said red-faced. The assistant went on chatting to her colleague as she rang up the purchase on the till. She took not the slightest bit of notice of Rachel or her condoms. Rachel stuffed the bag into her handbag and scurried out of the shop. What had possessed her?
‘Better to be prepared just in case,’ she told herself as she sat in the car. After all, she was going on her first holiday abroad. Lots of people had affairs on holidays. She might even have one herself. And unlikely though it was, at least she’d have taken responsibility for her protection. It was sensible to buy a packet of condoms if she was even thinking such thoughts.
She took the packet out and studied it. Twelve Durex Elite Condoms, she read. Ultimate sensitivity. Ultimate protection. Spermicidally lubricated. They even had a little leaflet showing you how to put it on. That was handy, Rachel thought, stuffing the packet back in her bag. She’d buy a cucumber in Corfu and practise putting one on it, she decided. She didn’t want to look like a right eejit should the occasion arise.
Two hours later, she pulled into the car park of the Bon Secours Hospital in Glasnevin. Her Aunt Imelda, Theresa’s elder sister, was recovering from a gall bladder operation. Rachel didn’t know her aunt very well. She lived in Navan. The sisters had not been that close. Rachel could only remember her aunt visiting four or five times, and Theresa had visited Navan even less. After her mother died, Rachel lost contact except for sending Christmas cards. Ronan kept in touch, he was friendly with his cousin Mick. Because she was in Dublin during her aunt’s hospitalisation, Rachel visited her. She decided to pop in for a few minutes to say goodbye to her before she went on holidays.
Her aunt was delighted to see her and was very impressed with her niece’s new hairstyle. ‘You must come and visit me when you get home,’ Imelda invited.
‘I will,’ promised Rachel. She stayed for a half an hour chatting. She was running down the wide wooden hospital stairs when she saw a straight-backed, bespectacled familiar figure walking up the stairs. Oh God! Rachel thought in dismay as she recognized her father. He looked as sprightly as ever, his carriage upright. She’d seen him less than half a dozen times since she’d left home. She’d never gone home for Christmas, she’d stayed in Bray on her own rather than go back to her father. The only time they did meet was on Theresa’s anniversary, when she and Ronan went home to attend Mass for their mother. Her father more or less ignored her. He’d never forgiven her for not attending his retirement do and for leaving home and not coming back. She had nothing to say to him, she felt nothing for him. His absence from her life was a blessing.
‘Hello,’ she said politely.
William raised his hat. ‘Hello,’ he said with a puzzled look on his face and carried on up the stairs. He doesn’t recognize me, Rachel thought in shock. Her father turned around, and stared at her.
‘Good God!’ he exclaimed and stood looking down at her. ‘What have you done to your hair?’
‘I got it cut,’ Rachel said.
‘You look like a trollop with your skirt up around your buttocks,’ William said in disgust. Some things never change, Rachel thought as she turned away and continued down the stairs. She had no intention of standing on the stairs of the Bon Secours Hospital, listening to her father lecturing her about the length of her skirt. She was wearing one of her new lycra minis. She wasn’t going to let him make her feel self-conscious about it. She ran quickly down the stairs feeling more light-hearted with every step. Rachel never looked back. William had no power over her any more. He couldn’t wound and hurt her with his sarcasm. She was free of him, she thought exuberantly. She’d a good mind to go back and wave the packet of condoms in his face. It might shut him up.
‘Free, free, free,’ she sang to herself as she got into her car and drove back to Jennifer’s house. In another couple of hours she’d be on the plane to Corfu. She was going to have a ball.
‘Carol, just make sure to give John a dry Weetabix at night. It stops him wetting the bed. You can put them to bed as early as you like. Shay’ll look after himself in the evenings. The kids love chips and beans and sausages. You don’t have to go to too much trouble cooking dinners. It won’t kill them for ten days. I have the Easter eggs bought, they’re on top of my wardrobe. Just make sure they don’t eat too much chocolate and sicken themselves.’
‘No problem.’ Carol laughed.
‘Are you sure you don’t mind looking after them for the ten days?’ Brenda asked, knowing that it was too late for her sister-in-law to back out.
‘The money’ll come in handy,’ Carol said. ‘And I like looking at videos. It’s a treat. We don’t have a video at home.’
‘Oh, I must give you my video card,’ Brenda said, rooting in her bag. ‘Tell Shay to pay for them. I’d better say goodbye to the kids. Shay, put my case in the car, will you?’ she called. Brenda was very anxious to get going. She wouldn’t relax until they were on the plane. She didn’t want anything to go wrong. Shay was bringing her to the airport, where she was going to meet up with the others. She was leaving home an hour earlier than the girls. She wanted to have a drink with Shay, she told Carol.
Brenda peered around the sitting-room door. The children were glued to the video of The Little Mermaid. ‘Bye, kids.’
John rushed over to give her a hug. Claudia and Lauren continued to be mesmerized by Ariel singing about her prince.
‘Bye, Claudia.’ Brenda bent down to kiss her daughter.
‘Sure you won’t forget my present?’ Claudia said anxiously.
‘No, I won’t,’ Brenda promised as she kissed Lauren. ‘Be good for Carol and do what she tells you and as a special treat . . .’ She took three Cadbury’s creme eggs out of her handbag and handed them to her delighted children.
‘I’ll miss you, Mammy,’ John said.
‘I know, pet. It’s only for a few days. I’ll be home soon.’ Brenda felt a guilty tug at her maternal heart strings.
‘I’d better go,’ she said hastily, not wishing to be troubled by such feelings.
Shay had put her bag in the car. ‘Come on, let’s go while they’re looking at the video,’ she said.
A wave of relief washed over Brenda as Shay drove down Collins Avenue to the motorway that led to the airport. So far so good. Only a few hours left and she’d be on her way to ten days of bliss.
‘I hope you have a lovely time.’ Helen hugged Paula. ‘I’ll be thinking of you when we’re in St Margaret’s Bay on Easter Sunday.’
‘Oh, you’re going to go,’ Paula said in surprise. She’d been under the impression that they were staying at home this year.
‘Nick asked me if I’d like to go. I think the break would do us good,’ Helen said quietly. ‘I haven’t been in very good form lately. I went to the doctor on Monday and she’s put me on HRT. I’
m beginning to feel better already. I want to make it up to Nick, I’ve been a bit of a drip the last few months. Friday night showed just how paranoid I was getting.’
‘Forget it,’ Paula said hastily, cringing inside. She felt very uncomfortable and tense. She and Helen were in the kitchen. Nick and Kieran were in the sitting-room. All she wanted to do was to get away. But she knew she had to call and say goodbye to Helen. Jennifer was right. She must act as if things were normal.
Kieran called her in to his office earlier that day and told her to try to enjoy her holiday.
‘Have you seen Helen and Nick since?’ he asked her in his direct way.
‘No,’ Paula said shortly.
‘Are you going to say goodbye to them?’
‘God, you’re worse than Jennifer,’ she burst out.
‘If you stay away from Helen, you’re going to give her reason to think that you’re avoiding her. She’ll start wondering about what happened the night of the party. She’ll start worrying. She’ll start jumping to conclusions.’ Kieran gave her a steady look. ‘Don’t make your aunt unhappy, Paula. I’ll give you a lift to the airport and we can drop in and you can say goodbye to her.’
‘Why are you doing this for me, Kieran?’ Paula asked heatedly. ‘You know I’ve nothing to give you in return. Why are you putting yourself through misery? Wouldn’t it be better all round if I resigned from TransCon and went to London or New York?’
‘You can’t run away from it, Paula. Not if you don’t want to cut yourself off from Helen and Nicola . . . and Nick.’ Kieran’s tone was grim.
‘Why are you doing this, Kieran?’ Paula repeated.
‘Because you’re a mate, Paula. As well as everything else. We’ve been through a lot together. And I don’t want to lose the best director the company’s got. So get your ass in gear and let’s get home and get your stuff and get you to the airport. Ring Jenny and tell her I’m bringing you to the airport.’
Paula stood, uncharacteristically unsure of what to do.
‘Get your skates on, woman,’ Kieran ordered.
‘If you say so,’ she murmured.
‘I do say so,’ Kieran retorted firmly.
‘Are you and Kieran going to be an item?’ Helen interrupted her train of thought.
‘I don’t know, Helen,’ Paula said truthfully. ‘He’s a very special man.’
‘And you’re a very special woman,’ her aunt said fondly.
Guilt scorched through her. ‘Can I run upstairs and give Nicola a kiss, I won’t wake her?’
‘Of course you can. Are you sure you won’t have coffee?’
‘No thanks, Helen, we’re running late,’ Paula said quickly. As she passed the sitting-room she could hear Nick and Kieran talking. At least there weren’t any strained silences. She hadn’t been able to meet Nick’s eyes but he’d greeted her courteously for Helen and Kieran’s benefit.
Her goddaughter was fast asleep, her long black lashes sweeping down over her cheeks and a half-smile on her face. She was beautiful. Paula stood looking at her, and had an overwhelming urge to wake her up and shower her with kisses. Oh to be that innocent and untroubled, she thought enviously. She slipped quietly from the room and closed the door gently behind her.
Nick was coming out of the sitting-room as she got to the bottom of the stairs. Their eyes met. The tension between them was palpable. He went to walk past her.
‘Don’t walk away from me, Nick,’ Paula pleaded.
He stopped and turned to look at her. He looked tired and troubled. ‘I have to, Paula. For my own peace of mind. I don’t want to be alone with you.’
‘For God’s sake, Nick. I won’t throw myself at you again,’ she said angrily.
‘It’s not you I’m worried about . . .’ he retorted. Paula was stunned. It was the last reaction she’d expected. The enormity of what he’d said made her realize just what she’d put Nick through. Her selfish act had caused the man she loved pain, confusion and unhappiness.
‘I’m sorry, Nick,’ she said quietly. ‘I never meant any of this to happen. The last thing I wanted to do was to hurt you or Helen.’ Paula turned away from him, afraid he’d see the tears sparkling in her eyes. She took a deep breath and another and heard him walk into the kitchen. As soon as she was composed, she walked into the sitting-room, where Helen and Kieran were laughing at some remark he’d made. Kieran took one look at her and stood up.
‘We’d better get moving,’ he said briskly. ‘Time’s running short.’
‘Bye, darling.’ Helen hugged her. ‘Where’s Nick? I’ll tell him you’re leaving.’
‘I’m here,’ Paula heard Nick say with forced cheeriness. ‘Have a good holiday, Paula. See you when you get back.’ He put his arms around her as he usually would and gave her a hug. Before, it would have been an affectionate bear hug. Now, it was just something done to reassure Helen that everything was normal.
They stood at the door waving as Kieran opened the car door for her. Paula’s face felt like cracking at the effort it took to keep her smile in place. Before they got to the end of the road, she was in tears.
Kieran kept driving. He said nothing. He let her cry.
‘I’m sorry,’ she said a while later, after she’d composed herself.
‘You might as well get it out of your system, there’s no point in bottling things up,’ he said despondently.
‘Kieran, we can’t go on like this either. It’s not fair to you.’ Paula groaned. ‘I’m going to resign.’
‘Who said life’s fair?’ Kieran retorted. ‘And if you resign, I’ll never speak to you again.’
‘Is that a threat or a promise?’ Paula gave a shaky smile.
‘Just go on holidays and relax. Things won’t look as bad when you get back.’
I wish I could believe that, Paula thought ruefully as the twinkling lights of the control tower and airport building came into view.
‘You’d better fix your make-up,’ Kieran said drily. ‘It’s jolly holiday time.’
He pulled in along the hard shoulder and switched on the interior light. Paula took out her make-up and did a quick repair job.
‘Even Mzzz Johnson, the Colossus of the Couriers, couldn’t find fault with you if she was here,’ Kieran assured her as she turned her face to him for his approval.
Paula took a deep breath. ‘Drive on, Macduff,’ she ordered.
Minutes later, Kieran pulled up outside the set-down area.
‘Are you not coming in for a drink?’ Paula asked in surprise.
‘No. Long goodbyes aren’t good for my arthritis,’ he said flippantly. He got out of the car, got a trolley and unloaded her case onto it.
‘Thanks, Kieran,’ she said gratefully.
‘Take care, Paula,’ he said quietly.
She put her arms around him and he hugged her tightly.
‘Go on,’ he said. ‘The girls are waiting. Tell Jenny to take things easy.’
‘I will. Thanks for everything.’ She waved until the car was out of sight and went to join the girls.
Brenda felt a pang of envy when she saw Paula swanning up to the check-in desk in a pair of tight-fitting 501s and a white T-shirt that showed off her tan to perfection and clung to every curve. A pink Lacoste sweater that looked as if it had cost a fortune was casually draped over her shoulders. She looked superb. Brenda pulled her stomach muscles in tight. She’d felt quite satisfied with her appearance until she saw Paula.
Brenda was wearing floral leggings and a loose white cotton jumper. She’d thought she looked casually elegant until she saw Paula. It was a pity Paula was coming on the holiday, she thought crossly. She was a real fly in the ointment. It would have been perfect otherwise.
‘Hi, Brenda,’ Paula greeted her. ‘Where are the others?’
‘They’ve gone to the loo. Rachel has the runs, she’s nervous about flying.’
‘She’ll be fine once she gets a brandy inside her.’ Paula manoeuvred her trolley beside Brenda’s. Shay and Ronan were standi
ng guard beside Jennifer and Rachel’s.
‘Hi, Paula. You look terrific,’ Ronan greeted her.
Ronan hadn’t said that about her and he was her brother-in-law, Brenda thought in annoyance.
‘Hiya.’ Jennifer and Rachel arrived. ‘Are we all set to go?’
‘Sure thing.’ Paula made a determined effort to get in the holiday mood.
After a few drinks up in the bar it wasn’t hard to pretend she was looking forward to the holiday.
Jennifer sat holding Ronan’s hand. She wished they were on their way. She felt a bit mean leaving him on his own. Paula sensed what her friend was feeling and suggested casually, ‘Maybe we should go, I want to have a browse around the duty-free.’
‘Good idea,’ Jennifer agreed. Rachel, who had drunk two brandies, was smiling happily and amenable to anything.
Jennifer hugged Ronan at the departure gate. ‘I love you,’ she whispered.
‘I love you too, now relax and enjoy it,’ he said firmly. Then he turned and hugged Rachel. ‘Have a ball.’ He grinned.
‘I will.’ Rachel gave a little giggle.
‘See you, Brenda, enjoy yourself.’ Shay kissed Brenda. He was dying to get home to watch the snooker.
‘Would the lot of you come on? We’re only going for ten days, not ten years!’ Paula mocked.
‘Husbands are hard to leave,’ Brenda said smugly.
Oh piss off, Brenda, you couldn’t leave yours fast enough, Paula was sorely tempted to retort. But she restrained herself. They hadn’t even got on the plane yet. The last thing everyone needed was a tiff.
The flight was delayed by two hours. Brenda was driving Paula mad. Rachel was pissed after another brandy and Jennifer was wondering if this holiday was such a good idea after all.
‘It will all seem better in the morning,’ Paula muttered wryly as Brenda moaned and Rachel snored.
‘That’s my friend Paula, the eternal optimist.’ Jennifer smiled as the boarding crew arrived and the passengers began to embark.
Twenty minutes later they were airborne. Jennifer looked at Rachel, who was drowsy-eyed beside her.
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