Tales From a Second Hand Wand Shop- Book 1: They Were the Best of Gnomes. They Were the Worst of Gnomes.

by Robert P. Wills

Chapter Twenty-Two

  Wherein Grimbledung Takes the Sign

  to the Haberdashery15

  Drimblerod was waiting with the Haberdashery owner when Grimbledung came through the door, sign in tow. “What took you so long? We’ve been waiting forever!” Scolded Drimblerod. “I was explaining to Pozzuoli here about our generous offer of an enchanted broom. Even though it’s our last one, I think Mister Pozz here really deserves it.”

  Grimbledung examined the shop owner, a haggard looking Dwarf who was twice his age if he were a day. Dressed in mismatched clothes and no shoes, he looked more like a prospector Dwarf in desperate need of a claim than a successful, respectable, shop owner. Of course, of the shops on the block, the Haberdashery was easily the most profitable. “Sorry about that. I had some trouble getting the sign out of the shop. I had to get a Levitator to help me move it.”

  Pozzuoli eyed the large sign. “I dinna know it would a-be so big. That’s a lotta floor space I’m a-giving up.” He rubbed his hands together in consternation. “The losses I will-a see. They will-a keep me up at a night,” he lamented.

  “Relax Pozz, at least you won’t be up late sweeping your floors.” Drimblerod nudged him in the ribs, “eh?”

  Pozzuoli scowled. He hated having to pretend to be from the wrong side of the volcano but the advantage it gave him over his business partners was substantial. Fretting and complaining, wringing his hands kept adversaries - which was what he considered business partners- believing he was slow witted when he would have wagered 100 gold coins that there wasn’t a creature smarter than him in all of Aution. “That is true, Mister Drimblerod. Say, whatta kind of a name is that? You are of the high country, no?” He asked innocently, knowing full well that with his accent, Drimblerod was from the lowlands, within two leagues of the Mostly Green Bog with how some of his endings dropped off when he was agitated. Nowhere near any sort of learning institution most likely. In any case, he had decided the novelty of a talking sign would bring in foot traffic so he agreed. “A talking sign? Ohhh, that would be amazing to a-see!” Was all he said in reply.

  “Hey, Pozzi, you awake or daydreaming during business dealings like my Partner does?” Drimblerod nudged him again. “So, where would you like us to put the sign?”

  “How about the Rectum?” Pozzuoli deadpanned without his accent as he moved to his cashbox. He quickly recovered, “How does that a-sound?” He pointed beside the counter.

  “Fine, fine. That works for me,” agreed Drimblerod. “Grim, move that sign over there by the Rectum.”

  “The what?” Grimbledung asked. He knew he had heard that word before but never when talking about things in a store. “Isn’t that the thing in that limerick? Grimbledung lowered the sign and assumed a poetic stance, hands clasped in front of him. He began to recite

  There once was a Gnomess from Windom,

  who had an unusually large...”

  Drimblerod bounded over and slapped Grimbledung’s ear. “Gads! What is wrong with you? We’re in the middle of a business deal and you’re going to spout tawdry poems?” He slapped Grimbledung’s ear again. “This Dwarf’s not from around here,” he whispered harshly.” It’s got be Dwarfish or something. Just get that sign over there before he changes his mind.” As he turned, he slapped Grimbledung’s ear again. “That’s for that silly pose you’re in!”

  Grimbledung rubbed his ear as he raised the wand. He aimed at the sign and maneuvered it behind the counter and against the wall. After a quick appraisal of his work, he nudged it away from the counter far enough that it did not keep someone from stepping behind the cash box. “How’s that?”

  “Say, that’s amazing! How you move-a that a sign with that little a-stick?” Pozzuoli said as he clapped his hands. A Levitation wand would sweeten the deal above and beyond the enchanted broom. Time to bait the hook, he thought slyly. “Hey, I justhaddathought. But what happens when Pozzuoli needs to sweep behind the sign? I cannot-a pick it up with my bad a-back. And the mamma, she cannot-a pick it up because of the bad front. This won’t work at all.” He sighed loudly, wringing his hands. “I do not think the sign will a work there. No. It will-a not a work there at all.” He frowned as he leaned in to examine the sign. And the hook goes in the water he mused. “This is a good built sign. It can go in the street in front-a my store. The rain, she will not hurt this sign. Then I donna have to worry to sweep behind it. Yes?” And the hook dangles.

  Grimbledung smiled. “Mister Pots Wally....”

  “Pozzuoli” corrected the Dwarf.

  “Pozz volley,” Grimbledung tried again.

  “You a-makin’ fun of-a my name?” Pozzuoli narrowed his eyes at the Gnome. And a little chum to get the fish to bite.

  “No, no!” groveled Grimbledung, “Not at all. I was hit in the head last week, you see. I wasn’t trying to make fun of your name” he considered making another attempt at the Dwarf’s name. With how red Drimblerod’s face was, he decided to cut his losses and spare his ear another whacking. “Mister Dwarf,” continued Grimbledung, “we could just leave you this wand and then you can move the sign whenever you like. How does that sound?”

  And the hook was set. “You will-a leave the wand with me? No!” And then we’ll get that fish on the dock.

  “Sure thing. You can use it to move the sign any time you want. And ...” Grimbledung faltered as he tried to come up with another use for the wand. “...and you can even use it to get stuff off the top shelves without using the ladder! That’s how accidents happen you know.”

  “That is a-very nice of you Grimbledung. A-very nice!” He reached out and took the wand from Grimbledung. “Then the deal, she is set. The sign it a-stays in the store and the wand, it moves the sign.” He shook Grimbledung’s hand before the Gnome had a chance to backpedal. “She is a good deal.”