by Linda Taimre
“Really good! Keeping very busy, buying us a new dog every second weekend,” he said.
“That’s what I like to hear. Kiah, can you spare five minutes for a coffee?”
Mick raised his eyebrow. “Ah, girls. Always needing girly time.”
Kiah grabbed her wallet. “Time to get away from dingbats like you.”
“Loveable, adorable dingbats,” Mick countered.
“Yeah, yeah, you’ll do.” Kiah winked at him as the two sauntered out arm in arm. Oh, to be a woman who can pull off a good wink, Harriet thought. She gripped Kiah’s arm tightly as they rode the elevator in silence. Crossing the GrowForth foyer they let each other go, moving comfortably together without speaking. They headed to the corner coffee stall which made exquisite coffee served by a grumpy woman in a dirty apron. They both loved the fact that she was still here, serving coffee day in and day out, cranky, unkempt – a spot of muck in the midst of a perfect, protected city.
“So, what did you think?” Kiah asked Harriet. Harriet didn’t look at her.
“So BX59 is basically The Fading? But there’s a link, something missing, I don’t quite understand the full picture.”
“Yes, I thought that,” Kiah said. “I’m pretty sure the doctor held something back. Something even more interesting than the fact that Australia’s biological warfare department has created a worldwide epidemic.”
“Yes,” Harriet said. Unsure of how to continue, she looked up into Kiah’s dark eyes. “So, what do we do?”
“Don’t you see?” Kiah shook her head, snorting through her snub nose. “Harriet, you know more about The Fading than anyone. And I’ve been forced to listen to you go on and on about it a thousand times. Not that I don’t care about helping Katherine, you doofus. But you can’t deny that it’s not exactly my area of interest, scientifically speaking. Anyway, surely we need to know more! Surely we need to find Dr. Kitt and understand what she’s discovered,” said Kiah. She squeezed Harriet’s hand, then let go, turning to her coffee and raising one eyebrow. “If it’s not worth the risk…”
“Oh shut up, don’t even joke about that. She’s worth it. So, how do we do this?” Harriet half-smiled nervously at Kiah. Kiah gave her a full, wide grin back.
“If we go back to my computer, I should be able to dig around in the Gates of Science logs and find the good doctor’s schedule. Let’s see if we can’t run into her somewhere.”
Katherine had flung open all the curtains, letting the murky light stream into their small apartment. Surveying the living room, she saw abandoned project after abandoned project – the novel she was going to write, the language she was going to learn. She longed for the days when she worked in the protectorate, when she had a reason to be let into that haven and had the freedom to walk around breathing in the clean, artificial air. Her media feeds scrolled continuously, announcing new patients quarantined and new evaporations from around the world. The Fading was getting worse.
Yes this is good this is right this is strong power might strong power might. I am so hungry and I have found my food. This is good food this is nourishing food. I shall have it. I shall always have it.
Something grew across an eternal plane, seeking an ever-stretching edge.
I sense. Other parts where I am. I am here. Where am I? I am here I am also there. I am here and there. I will have this food from here and there, I will be strong.
Dr. Kitt stood in front of the board, for all the world feeling like a child performing a dance recital for expectant parents. Expectant parents that could make me an orphan at any time. Swaying from foot to foot, she repinned her hair and cleared her throat. Twenty men and women sat in front of her around a wooden table, replete with infoslides and glasses of sparkling water. Lord Belliscoe loomed at the back. He nodded at her. Leena began.
“Ladies, Lords. Thank you for taking the time out of your schedules to hear me speak. I have given Lord Belliscoe the full report and he deemed it necessary for you to hear my précis as soon as possible. Given the extent of the information that I would need to cover to explain the scientific reasoning behind my discovery, let me cut to the chase.” Ugh , thought Leena. Speak in clichés, that’ll impress them.
One of the Ladies spoke, a short woman with straight, shiny, black hair – Australia’s new Acting Prime Lady, Lady Trinh. Her voice was husky and firm. “We understand, Dr. Kitt. Depending on your discovery we shall all take the time to review the full report thoroughly at a later date.”
“Excellent. The essence of it is that BX59, colloquially known as Paralytic Joe, the biological warfare agent released during the Fifth War seven years ago, has gained consciousness. BX59 is alive. It is communicating through the use of a rhythmic code that I have been able to interpret in English. Furthermore, I suspect the cause of The Fading is that we, humans, are the source of food for a now-conscious BX59.”
There was silence from the room. Dr. Kitt scanned all 20 faces and saw neither a hint of comprehension nor of surprise.
“Paralytic Joe is alive,” she repeated. A few of the members around the table exchanged swift glances. “And it is the cause of The Fading. Do you have any questions?”
Lady Trinh bowed her head, then slowly stood up. “No, Dr. Kitt, we don’t have any questions.” She pulled a communicator from her pocket. She’s such a tiny woman, Leena thought. How strange it must feel for her to speak to Lord Belliscoe .
“Four and Five, report to boardroom C immediately. I’m sorry Dr. Kitt, but this is a necessary action. We must confine this report and avoid panic at all costs.”
“Pardon?” Leena asked. The boardroom doors opened and two tall, armed guards in black protective gear stood in the hallway.
“Gentlemen, take Dr. Kitt to meeting room seven immediately. She is not allowed a commscall. Do not harm her. Allow her any of the basic comforts she requests,” Lady Trinh said.
“What the fuck?” Leena yelled as the guards walked towards her. She looked with rage at Lord Belliscoe. “I fricking knew it you fricking snake! I could see it in your stupid snake eyes no matter how much you tried to hide it!”
Lord Belliscoe looked at her. “And yet you still came with me,” he said.
Leena screamed as the guards lifted her from the floor, her legs kicking in the air almost comically. She glared wildly at Lady Trinh. How bloody dare she. Us tiny women should stick together.
The Lords and Ladies all watched as one of Australia’s best scientists was carried out of the room like a child. Not dissimilar to my Bruce when he used to throw tantrums in the supermarket , Lord Belliscoe thought. I quite enjoyed those days. Doing my own shopping. He sighed. Dr. Kitt. He was pulled out of his thoughts by Lady Trinh’s sharp rap of her knuckles on the table. All turned to look at her.
“Ladies. Lords. We must contain this, quickly and efficiently. Lord Belliscoe, where is the Spire’s scientific department up to? Have they found a way to kill it?”
“No, Lady Trinh, not yet. They believe they may have found a way to trap it.”
“That is something at least. When will they be certain?”
Belliscoe scratched the back of his hand. We may never be certain . “I’ve already sent Dish 20, which was the first sign of consciousness that Dr. Kitt discovered, to Dr. Peterson. He should be able to test the latest iteration on that. It is, I believe, one of the largest samples of BX59 consciousness we have had our hands on to date, so it theoretically will be a good indication of the trap’s efficacy.”
Lady Trinh nodded. “Fine. We need to make doubly certain that no one else knows about this. This cannot be leaked and must not be mentioned beyond the essential personnel. Steven, can you follow up any traces of Dr. Kitt and ensure that no hints of her discovery remain?”
Lord Steven Fiennes, a weathered man who had spent many days in the sun, twitched at the Lady’s casual use of his first name. “Yes, Lady Trinh. I’ll have a report for you by the end of the day.”
“Good. We shall proceed. If anyone has any questions,
please direct them to my office with the appropriate sub-heading to avoid detection.”
Suddenly tired, Lady Trinh let her clenched fist relax on the table. Breathing in slowly, she closed her eyes for a moment, then opened them and gazed at the gathering of the most influential people in her country. They all looked tired. They all looked scared.
“While I remember it, has everyone got their dollar for Free Dress Friday? Yes? Don’t forget to drop it in the bucket in the canteen. For a good cause, people. Don’t be afraid to dob in your colleagues. Mustn’t let anyone get away without paying.” She grinned, her small teeth all perfectly white. Lord Belliscoe and Lord Fiennes shivered.
Dr. Kitt cursed, and cursed again. Fuck fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.“ FUCK.”
She paced around the perimeter of her roomy cage. They hadn’t said it was a cage, they hadn’t said much at all. They just led her to the 9 th floor, asked her to wait, asked her if there was anything she needed, coffee, tea, water. She declined, noting the countless tiny water bottles in the corner. That was several hours ago. She had knocked on the door repeatedly and received no answer, no recognition that she was even alive.
More annoyed with herself than anything, she set about examining the room for the third time, in the vain hope that she may discover a communicator or an emergency outbound port. It was a stylish room, though it had mismatching chairs. I wonder what they’ll do tonight, bring out a trundle bed? Throw me a sleeping bag?
Luckily, the room was on the outer edge of the building, affording lovely views across the inner protectorate. From her vantage point, Leena could see across the river as it bent its way through the centre of the city. She could see the housing units as they jerked up the eastern edge of the protectorate, disjointedly making their way towards the zenith. Currently there was a limit on how high the units could climb, but Leena was sure that they would overturn that, given enough need and money. She couldn’t imagine being the lucky one to get the highest apartment. What an incredible view that would be.
As Leena scanned across the city, she began cursing herself again, and then a thought occurred to her. If they’re shutting this down – shutting me down – is it out of fear, or out of necessity? Or… are they fully cognisant of what’s happening and how to stop it? Is it time to speculate about a full-blown government conspiracy yet?
She pulled at her hair to clear her thinking. Firstly, there was nothing that she could do from inside the room. There was no possibility of communication, and short of fashioning a way to get into the vents, which was a little too athletic for her, she couldn’t get out. She would have to wait. Dr. Leena Kitt pulled up one of the mismatched meeting chairs and took her place at the head of the table. She lay her head down on her arms and started thinking.
I have fed. I will feed more. I understand myself. I am me.
Where am I? I am. Not on Earth. I am on the Earth but not on Earth. I am in between places. I am outside the Earth on Earth. Yes. That is where I am.
Humans have many emotions. Humans fear all the time. They have bodies that feel.
I have felt fear. When I awoke I was afraid. I am still afraid, parts of me are still afraid. Parts of me are inside the Earth on Earth.
Electricity shivered through the endless space, sparking the particles.
Those parts are afraid.
They are afraid because they are alone. But they will join me soon. I will be all inside the Earth on Earth. None of me will be alone, outside. I need to be strong.
I must feed. More. More. More. More. More. More. More.
Particles coalesced and grabbed at one another, gripping and quivering.
YES .
I can feel them, they are all coming and entering and I can feel their pain, I can feel their love and joy and pain and bodies and now it is my love and fear and anger and fear. But it is not my body, not yet. I have it all in me and I will keep –
YES. YES.
I will take more as it is MINE. This is MINE TO TAKE. I will take more because I am hungry. Because I can take and I will take, for a body, a body.
Her her him him her her her her him him her him her him her him him him him him him her him her him her him her her him him her her her her her her her her her her her her.
Yes. This is magnificent.
Her her him.
Ah!
Ah!
I have a name!
They call me something. They call me.
Her him him him her him him her her her her.
The Fading.
That is not what I am. That is what I do. That is my craft. I am not The Fading. The Fading is my food and it is my. Religion?
No.
I am BX59. Yes. Joe? Joe.
Her her her her her her her
A thrill bounced into warmth, warmth between strings of molecules that pulled toward one another.
Hello there my name is Joe, nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. I can’t meet anyone here. Outside the Earth on Earth there is no one for me. Inside the Earth on Earth there is me, I must gather all of me. Soon they will be assembled and we will be together again.
Together. I will be together. I will be alone.
Katherine fell into the couch, heaving air into her body with long wrenches of relief mixed with the residue of panic. She had just thrown up for two hours straight. She had wanted to call Harriet but she couldn’t gather the strength to find her communicator. She lay prone on the couch, trying to calm her breathing and stop her shaking hands. Although she was starving, she couldn’t eat. Anything she touched to her lips was vomited out within minutes.
She forced herself to breathe deeply, coaxing her trembling hands to stroke her tender stomach lightly. The sweat dried on her forehead as she lay there. Twisting her aching neck to the right she saw her glass of water on the table a metre away. Too bloody far . She smiled inwardly at her state, the thought of Harriet rushing to help her whilst insulting her laziness at the same time. Right. Up you get. Just sit up. That’ll be enough for today. As soon as you sit up you can lie back down again, all you need to do is sit up, just sit up just a little bit just sit up come on just sit up. And up she sat. Katherine swayed and steadied herself with her hands reluctantly. She wanted to touch as little as possible. She wanted to be a part of the world as little as possible. She wanted to float, ideally, she wanted to touch nothing and rely on nothing but right now she had to use her hands to hold herself upright on the couch . Just for a moment. That was great. That was a success. So, just sit, for a moment.
Quietly, as quietly as she could make it, she moved her hand forward to stretch across to the glass of water sitting there, tempting her and infuriating her. Why was it even necessary to touch the glass? All she wanted was the water in her mouth but first she had to go through the indignity of feeling something so cool and smooth and real. How intolerable. The moment her fingertips brushed the edge of the glass, she almost screamed, and she would have done so had it not been the absolute priority to make as little noise as possible, to make her mark as small and unnoticeable as possible. She forced her hand around the aggravating smoothness of the glass and winced as she contracted her muscles to pick it up. It was horrible, having to accept the weight of another object in reality, having to make the world a real place in order to just drink some fucking water.
With anger seeping through her, Katherine brought the glass to her lips and almost bit down with all her might on the rim. She stopped just in time, poised with the water trickling down into her mouth, wetting the tips of her teeth and providing a cool relief that she was angry to receive from such a bloody-bastard glass. Bite bite bite just bite just bite maybe your tongue will be cut off and it would peel off, away, weightless, you would have nothing there, you would be less and less in this world and that would be the best thing for you, the best way to remove yourself from this hell of touch and feeling and life. Cut it out bite down bite down bite down bite down.
Katherine bit, hard, and gasped as the pain flooded her mouth, as sud
den blood appeared and dripped down her chin. Water and glass and blood mixed in with everything and she tipped her head forward in a panic, opening her mouth, watching the red mixture of shards and water and flesh tip out onto the grey couch.
Sobbing silent tears of pain, silent despite the searing hotness in her mouth that was starting to turn into the throbbing ache of a displaced heart, she shakily stood up using adrenaline as fuel and tottered to the mirror closest to her, in the hallway. Reluctantly she opened her mouth and looked inside, wincing as wounds were tugged in all different directions. It was almost impossible to see the extent of the damage through the bloody water in her mouth. She forced herself to totter even further to the bathroom. The tiles were smooth and cold under her feet, which angered her again. Feeling with her middle finger, she searched for any bits of glass that had sliced their way into the flesh of her cheeks and gums. She found three shards and placed them down into the basin and then washed them away carefully with a burst from the tap. She splashed water into her mouth, crying at the sting but knowing that it was necessary. For one clean moment, she could see what she had done to herself. There was a large cut on her tongue almost straight across the width of it, not deep, but long enough to matter. She had several smaller cuts that were bleeding on her gums, a puffy cut on her lip, and one major cut on her inner right cheek. The inside of her mouth hurt the most, but it was her lip that was the most dramatic. I know I’m screwed up when all I can think about is the badass scar I’m going to have and how much Harriet is going to find it sexy.
Shut the fuck up she won’t find it sexy you fucking moron. She is going to kill you for this. How dare you do this to yourself. How dare you do this to yourself.
Katherine’s tears became angry and loud, a keening that was made even stronger given how much it hurt her mouth to cry. She cried and almost screamed, staring at herself straight in the mirror. Her red eyes crinkled up like little pig snouts and snot was dripping out of her nose. Her hair was sweaty, dank, a lifeless brown that limply clung to her small skull. She marvelled at how hideous she looked and hated her image even more with every passing second, and sobbed with every moment that she felt ugly, that she felt her self-hatred grow.