by Jade Kerrion
Peter frowned, his brow furrowing. “That’s not fair. I’m around for the people who matter to me, like you.”
“Aidan is your son. He needs to matter to you. You have a responsibility to him that doesn’t go away just because you don’t like his mother.”
“Damn it, Holly. It’s not your place—”
“Like hell, it isn’t. As old friends, I’m calling you out on bullshit. As your love interest, I’m saying you scare me.”
“What?” Peter pressed a hand against his chest. “I scare you?”
“Yes. What happens if one of us has to travel and is away from home for two weeks? Like the last time.”
“I’ll never cheat on you.”
She shook her head. “What happens if our marriage falls apart—?”
“It won’t.”
“Marriages fall apart all the time. Will you be as callous to our children as you are to Aidan?”
He looked stricken. “Holly, you know it’ll be different.”
“Actually, I don’t.”
“I’ve changed,” he murmured.
“And unfortunately I have too.”
“What does that mean?”
Holly’s shoulders sagged on a sigh. “I won’t deny the old spark is still there, but physical attraction and even great sex isn’t enough for me. I need more.”
“I love you.”
“I need more than love.”
“Security? But you have that in your aunt’s inheritance. Why would you need or want any man to provide you security?”
Had Peter always been that dense? How could she have failed to notice it? “No one can promise financial security, but I’m looking for trust, respect, faithfulness.”
His face tightened. “And you don’t think I can give these to you?”
“You haven’t thus far. What guarantee do I have that you can?”
He took her hands in his. “Life has no guarantees.”
“Of course not, but nowhere does it say we have to make bad gambles on poor odds.”
“You think I’m poor odds? How is that principal any better? He can’t even date you without jeopardizing his job or yours.” Peter blinked. “It’s not him. It’s someone else. Who?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Who is it?”
“He’s a lawyer. My aunt’s lawyer. I’m going up to New York to see him on the twenty-fourth, and I’ll be there over the weekend.”
His hands tensed against hers. “That’s crazy. You don’t even know him.”
“I could make the argument I don’t know you either,” she said. “The way you snapped at your son just because you were irritated that I was speaking to James—”
“That’s not it.”
“Then what was it? Tell me, Peter? Your juvenile displays of jealousy don’t do it for me anymore. Maybe they worked when I was younger. Maybe they could still work on a younger person, but I don’t need a man to be jealous over me. I want a man who trusts me to respect him and be faithful to the relationship we have.”
“And you won’t give me a chance but you’ll give a lawyer you scarcely know—”
“I gave you a chance.”
“So you’ll come out with me tomorrow?”
She shook her head. “You had a chance every time I agreed to see you, including this afternoon.”
Anger flared in his eyes. “But—”
“I was prepared to go out with you tomorrow, Peter, but then you were waiting at my door, evidently geared up to play the part of the jealous lover. I don’t like it. Too many warning signs; it scares me.”
“You don’t know what you’re saying.”
“I want you to leave.”
“You can’t throw me out. I’ve been waiting eight years for you.”
She arched an eyebrow. “Celibate for eight years. Somehow, I doubt that.”
His cheeks reddened, obvious even in the dim porch light. “Emotionally—”
“Emotional fidelity is a lie men tie themselves to to feel better about physical infidelity. Emotional faithfulness isn’t worth anything to me. It doesn’t make physical infidelity any easier to take.”
“So you haven’t forgiven me.”
Holly sighed. “Yes, I have, but I’m not going down that path again. Good night, Peter.” She turned her back on him and let herself into her house, but she did not relax until she shut and locked the door on his furious, narrow-eyed gaze.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Mojo’s loud barks woke Holly the next day. He jumped on the bed and pranced until the bed sheets twisted into tangle, before leaping off and scrambling down the stairs.
In between his barks, she thought she heard a knock on the door.
Blearily, she stared at the alarm clock on her bedside table. If it was Peter— She scowled, grabbed the robe at the foot of her bed, and wrapped it around her nightshirt. She would tell him a thing or two about respecting a woman’s wishes. Holly stomped down the stairs and flung the door open. Her jaw dropped. “James.”
He looked as surprised as she felt. “I’m sorry. I thought you would be up by now. You said you would bring Mojo over by eight, and when you didn’t show up, I thought I’d come by and check on you.”
Mojo woofed happily and dashed out of the house to gambol through the front yard. Lucy glanced over her shoulder but did not follow the dancing white rug.
“Would you like me to take him now?” he asked.
Holly shook her head. “Change of plans. I’m not going out with Peter today.”
“But you were looking forward to it.”
“And then I got smart.” She opened her door wider. “If you have nothing on today, I’d appreciate some reinforcements and positive vibes when I talk to Debra.”
“The only thing on my agenda was park time with Lucy and Mojo.”
“Come on in, then.” She waved James toward the living room and kitchen. “Give me about fifteen minutes to change and come back down.” Holly scurried back to her bedroom to shower and change into a denim jeans and a sweater. When she came downstairs, the smell of fresh coffee wafted toward her, and she walked into her kitchen with a smile.
James glanced over her shoulder and held out a mug to her. “I made it thick and black, the way you like it.”
She sipped and met his gaze with a chuckle. “It’s perfect.”
He grimaced. “It’s vile. I’d have cooked up some eggs and bacon for you, but your fridge is disturbingly empty.”
“It’s not empty. It’s full of salads, fruits, and vegetables. I even have some hummus. Anyway, I usually have two slices of toast with fruit spread and half a grapefruit.”
“I hope you’re enjoying life in other ways, because breakfast certainly wouldn’t count as living large.”
His mock disapproval tore a laugh from her. “That’s what lunch and dinners are for. Those, and the chocolates you keep shoving off on me. I don’t pretend to cook, but Noelle does and I usually eat at her place when I’m not eating out. Can I get you something?”
“I’ve already had breakfast.” He sat across from her at the dining table. “So what’s this about Debra?”
“I want to hear her side of the story.”
“Why?”
“What do you mean why?”
“Will it change anything?”
She frowned. “Do you think I should let it lie?”
“It’s not what I said. I was just wondering, after eight years, can it still matter?”
Holly tapped her spoon on the edge of her grapefruit. “We used to be best friends. When she and Peter…got together, they didn’t just break my trust in men. They broke my trust in close friends. I never got close to anyone again—neither male nor female. I think…I might be ready to forgive her.”
James nodded.
Holly stared at the faint hint of a smile on his face. “This isn’t news to you.”
“I saw the way you looked at Aidan yesterday when his parents started arguing. He means something to you. It’
s not just professional; it’s personal, and it’s good. Sometimes, it’s hard to invest enough in helping a child, especially one as troubled as Aidan, until it gets personal.”
And if I quit, will his next teacher care enough? Holly frowned at her coffee mug. “Will you come with me when I talk to Debra?”
“If you want me to, but I think you’ll have a much more honest conversation with her without me there. If you propose a walk along the promenade, I’ll watch Aidan and the dogs while you talk to her.”
“Good enough.” Holly breathed out a soft sigh, more motion than sound. “What if Debra just laughs in my face? This could really suck.”
“It won’t.” James shook his head. “You forgive for your sake, not for the other person’s. It took me the better part of a year to forgive Elena for the affair that broke our marriage. I finally sent her a note but she never replied; I didn’t expect her to, but I started sleeping better at night. I could enjoy the small moments again—walks with Lucy in the park, the view of the bay from the lighthouse—without resentment grinding my nerves.”
Holly smiled. “How did you get to be so wise?”
“Made all kinds of mistakes along the way. The wiser man is the one who learns from someone else’s mistakes instead of learning from personal experience.” He grinned at her. “When did you want to talk to Debra?”
“After breakfast, I suppose. No point putting it off.”
Holly did drag her feet through breakfast, lingering through a second cup of coffee, but finally she realized she could no longer delay, not with James’s steady gaze on her. Together, they headed toward Debra’s house, a walk that took them through narrow streets flanked on either side by quaint houses. She knew everyone who lived in those houses; it was part and parcel of growing up and living in a small town. Often, she waved at the people going about their daily business who called out greetings to her and James as they passed. No one seemed particularly surprised to see them together; she supposed that their daily walks with Mojo and Lucy along the promenade had inured them to gossip.
“All right,” she muttered as she marched up the steps of Debra’s house. “Here goes.” She rapped briskly on the wooden frame.
Minutes later, the door opened, and Aidan peered out. His eyes widened. “Mom! It’s my teacher!”
Debra scurried out of the kitchen, wiping her hands on the side of her jeans. Her eyes widened with concern. “Is everything okay?” Her confused gaze flashed to James, who stood behind Holly. “I thought today was your date with…um…”
“I’d hoped to talk to you,” Holly said. “Did you want to go for a walk?”
Debra glanced back at the kitchen. “I actually have a lot to do. I’ve to prep for Christmas dinner, and then get to work in about two hours.”
“We could chat here.”
Debra cast a meaningful look at Aidan.
James waved to get the boy’s attention. “Hey, Aidan, why don’t you come with me? We could take the dogs to the park and run them till they’re tired.”
“Cool!” Aidan grabbed a jacket and scurried out the door before his mother could give permission or object.
Debra sighed as she closed the door on James and Aidan. “Sorry, he’s been restless since yesterday. The afternoon with his dad didn’t work out the way he imagined.” She shook his head. “Peter was short-tempered, more than usual. I suspect…”
“Go on, say it,” Holly said when Debra’s voice trailed into silence.
“I suspect he didn’t like seeing you and James together.” Debra returned her attention to the turkey she had been stuffing. “Who are you dating exactly?”
“Not Peter, but beyond that, I haven’t decided.”
“There’s more than just Peter and James?”
“There’s a lawyer from New York. I’m flying out to spend Christmas weekend with him tomorrow.”
Debra’s eyes lit. “Wow. That’s cool. I mean, it’s been awhile and it’s good to see you dating again.” She flushed suddenly, as if recalling that it was her fault that Holly had stopped dating in the first place, and busied herself with the turkey as if it were her only focal point.
“It was here, in this kitchen, when you two broke the news to me,” Holly said quietly. Her gaze darted to a corner of the room. “You were standing over there, by the back door. He stood in front of you, like he was protecting you.”
Debra’s mouth twisted.
“He wasn’t, was he?” Holly asked.
Debra shook her head.
“He was separating us, keeping us on opposite sides of the room, staring at each other like enemies.”
“Weren’t we?” Debra’s voice cracked. “After what I’d done—there was no excuse.”
“What happened?”
“You were away. We were hanging out together—you know, like the three of us had always done, just watching TV on the couch.” She squeezed her eyes shut, as if trying to block out the memory. “He draped his arm over my shoulder and minutes later, we were making out.” Debra met Holly’s gaze without flinching. “I know I should have pushed him away, but my brain didn’t seem to be working. He had a way of making me feel like I was the only person in the world who mattered to him at that moment.”
“He’s always been able to do that.” He still does.
“I tried to stay away from him for the rest of the time, but he always found a way to be alone with me, and when it was just the two of us, I stopped thinking. We stopped only when you came back to town, and nothing might have ever come of it if I hadn’t gotten pregnant.”
“Peter said he asked you to abort.”
Debra’s chin lifted. “Yes, he did.”
“And you didn’t. Good for you.” Holly reached out and grasped Debra’s hand tightly. “Aidan’s a wonderful child. Just think of everything you would have missed.”
Debra blinked hard. Tears glistened in her eyes. “I never thought…never imagined you’d be standing here, saying this to me.”
“I don’t think I would have if Peter hadn’t come back to town and forced his way into my life. For so long I was quietly angry and resentful with you and Aidan; I forgot how to be anything else.” Holly inhaled deeply. “What happened between us was a big deal, but I’m done being upset. I’m sorry it got in the way of our friendship.” She swallowed hard and took the final step forward to close the gap. “I wondered if we could go grab a coffee one of these days and catch up on the past eight years.”
Debra pressed her quivering lips together and flung her arms around Holly’s neck. “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”
“I know. I am too.”
Debra stepped back and used a paper towel to dab at her eyes. “I still need to finish preparing dinner, but I could make you a coffee and we could start catching up.”
“Sure, and if you could tell me what kind of help you need, I could give you a hand.”
“In the kitchen?” Debra arched an eyebrow.
Holly faked a grimace. “Oh, come on, I could have improved in the past eight years.”
“Not from what I’ve heard, but you can probably mince garlic and onions without cutting off your fingers.”
The conversation started stilted but gradually warmed, until it was flying back and forth as quickly as both women could talk. Eight years was a great deal to catch up on and the topics evolved smoothly and naturally until James, Aidan, and the two dogs appeared on the path leading up to the front door, triggering a sudden lull in the conversation.
“Are you dating him?” Debra asked quietly.
“I can’t. He’s my boss. The school district has rules against that.”
“But if not for the rules?”
Holly hesitated, chewing on her lower lip. “I don’t know.”
Debra nodded. “He’s a good man.”
Holly didn’t disagree, but good seemed tame, even boring, compared to the wickedly sexy memories of the past and promise of the future embodied in Peter and Brandon. Good didn’t make a girl’s heart race
.
But if it was true, then why was her heart pounding?
She went to the sink to rinse her hands and dried them against the side of her jeans. “I guess I’ll see you around. Maybe next week we could get coffee?”
“Absolutely.” Debra smiled. “I’ll call you?”
Holly nodded as a soft rap sounded on the door.
Moments later, it opened, and Aidan charged in. “What did I miss?”
“Chores.” Debra grabbed a cloth and tossed it at him. “Can you dry the dishes in the rack? I need it emptied for this pot.”
“Awww, Mom.” His good-natured grumbling was lost when Holly slipped out through the open door and closed it behind her.
James studied Holly’s face, and his smile flashed. “It went well.”
“Am I that much of an open book?”
“We’ve worked together for a long time. It took guts to make the first step. Shall we celebrate?”
She nodded.
“Bomboy’s”
“No better place.” They started walking toward the store celebrated for its homemade ice cream. “I’m glad we talked. It went better than I expected.” She pressed a hand to the middle of her chest. “It feels lighter in here somehow.”
“Good. I—” James glanced sharply over his shoulder. His stance stiffened.
“What is it?”
“Peter. It’s the third time he’s driven past us today.”
“What?” Holly glanced at the blue Ford Mustang as it turned the corner. “Are you sure that’s his car?”
“I noticed it before, but it was Aidan who pointed out his dad’s car when we took the dogs to the park.”
“Is he…stalking me?”
“I don’t know. When do you leave for New York?”
“I’m on the first flight out of BWI tomorrow.”
“Do you need a ride to the airport?”
“I’m driving there.”
James nodded. He looked distracted. “Can you stay with Noelle tonight?”
“You don’t think I should stay alone? Do you really think Peter would do something to me?” She shook her head. “Why would he?”
He opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something, but shut his mouth again. “I…think you should take precautions.”