“Well, you have that now. I’ll sign whatever your lawyer needs. I didn’t like the look in his eyes when he was talking about you.”
Wendy laughed harshly. “He wouldn’t like me. That fucker knows where I stood before he killed your mother. I tried to talk her into leaving him for years. I knew exactly how that all was gonna play out. Tale as old as time. I just wish I’d been wrong.”
We sat in silence for a moment, thinking of my mom. The woman I’d only known from pictures and stories from Wendy and my older brothers. The woman I’d betrayed by trying to get to know my father. “I’m so sorry. I know it was a fucked-up thing to do, but I just—”
“Needed to know for yourself.” Wendy finished for me. “I know. I get it. I mean, I can’t lie that it doesn’t hurt a little, but it’s part and parcel of being a parent. Your kids aren’t always gonna make the same decisions you would, but that’s how they learn. Sometimes all a parent can do is stand back and watch. You’ll see for yourself soon enough.”
“Right.”
“But you’ve got a few years. Get through the pregnancy and the first few years before you worry about the kind of monsters you’ve spawned.”
“Ugh. Don’t remind me. This is the part where all my past sins come back and haunt me, huh?”
Wendy laughed. “It’s the perfect karmic revenge.”
“Thank God I’ve already taken anger management. I have a feeling it’ll come in handy with the teenage years.”
“You took anger management classes? I didn’t know that.”
I shrugged, feeling ashamed for some reason. I hadn’t minded talking to the kids at the Boys and Girls Club about it, but with Wendy I felt more exposed and vulnerable than ever.
“I think that’s fabulous. You boys all need some help in that area. I know Austin and Dylan are a little laid back compared to you and Nathan, but you all have your emotions so close to the surface. I never really knew how to help you boys with that. I wanted to, but I just didn’t know where to start. I’m glad you got help. I’m proud of you.”
“So am I.” A voice said somewhere over my left shoulder.
I looked up at Hope standing next to our booth with a soft smile on her face.
With both women looking at me with such admiration, I didn’t know what to do, where to look. I shrugged uncomfortably. “Okay. Thanks. I guess. Can we talk about something else now?”
Wendy laughed as she shuffled out of the booth. “I’ll leave you two to it. I’m gonna go cook your dinner. Anything I should steer clear of with you Hope? Any allergies or something you’re not supposed to eat because of the bambino?”
“No sushi or tuna.” Hope replied. “Oh, and I read something about cured lunch meats and bacon being bad for the baby’s brain growth.”
“No bacon?” I gasped. “I’ll give up alcohol for you, but there’s no way in hell I’m giving up bacon.”
Wendy laughed and waved over her shoulder. “I’ll leave the two of you to duke that one out. Nice to meet you, Hope. Welcome to the family.”
“Thanks,” Hope replied sheepishly as Wendy walked away. Then she turned to me with a smile. “That went well, I think. Maybe it’s time to tell the family about us.”
“Hell, at this point it’s more like who doesn’t know.”
“With your family maybe. I haven’t told any of mine about the baby yet.”
“Shit.” I reached out and pulled her to me so I could wrap an arm around her. “How are you going to tell your dad?”
“I don’t know.”
“Have you even talked to him since…?” I couldn’t even say it. The shit he’d said to her when he found out about us sleeping together was heinous enough. I doubted he’d take the news that he was about to be a grandpa any easier.
“No,” Hope whispered. “I uh, I’ve seen him a few times in the parking lot, but he acted like he didn’t even see me—he looked right through me.”
Fuck, that was harsh. “Do you want me to be there with you?”
She shook her head and shrugged helplessly. “I don’t know. Maybe? I’d like more time to think about it. Maybe next week, after our appointment? I’ll be twelve weeks along then and out of the first trimester.”
“Okay. We’ll do it at your speed. But the longer we wait, the more likely someone else might spill the beans first.”
“I know. I just need some time to figure out what I want to say. With how our last conversation went, I uh, I might be cutting him out of my life completely.”
I sighed. I was sure it felt like a horrible thing for her to say, but I didn’t disagree. It had to be her choice though. “If that’s what you want to do, I’ll wholly support you.”
“Thanks.”
“Uh, do you mind if I tell the rest of my family though? Austin and Nathan still don’t know, and that doesn’t feel right.”
“Yeah, no. That’s fine. It’s not like they’ll be running off to fill in my dad. I don’t mind.”
“’Kay.” I squeezed her close and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. Even with all the uncertainty swimming around in our lives, right now in that moment, I felt like everything was fucking fantastic. I had my girl in my arms, our baby in her belly, and more love in my heart than I’d ever felt before.
I sat back in the booth, holding Hope close, and soaked up the feeling. Life was pretty fucking good.
* * *
Too bad that feeling wasn’t still with me when we’d wrapped filming the next day. James, the asshole producer, had been a passive aggressive prick all day, making me shoot retake after retake of my confessional until I couldn’t form a coherent sentence, and then yelled at me for babbling. Between his bullshit and Austin riding my ass for screwing up the wiring on the corporate build, I wasn’t in the mood for the little heart to heart I’d asked the guys to stick around for at the end of the day. But unlike Hope, I just really wanted to rip the Band-Aid off before someone else leaked the news for me.
We’d all crammed into Austin’s office and closed the door so production couldn’t eavesdrop on our meeting. I’d made them all wait until Sabrina slipped in with an apologetic smile and took a spot in the only empty corner.
“Come on, Ry. Just spill whatever it is already.” Nathan grouched from his position in front of the door, his hand hovering over the knob. “It’s Friday night. I wanna go hit up the club. Do you want a raise or something? Kinda awkward to ask with all of us here.”
“Yeah, right.” Austin laughed from his chair behind his desk. “I can guarantee he doesn’t need a raise because he’s making the same amount as the rest of us. Too fucking much for building bikes. He probably just knocked a chick up and wants to tell us that we’re all gonna be uncles. Well and an aunt in Sabrina’s case.” He added nodding toward Sabby standing in the corner with large eyes.
When only he and Nathan laughed at his shitty joke, their laughter trailed off and their eyes bulged.
“Seriously?” Nathan gasped.
I lifted a shoulder. “I, uh kinda wanted to tell you all before someone else leaked the news, but yeah, Hope and I are having a baby.”
Another awkward silence pulsed around us. Dylan studied his feet, Austin’s face was slowly turning red, and Nathan stared at me in horror like I’d proclaimed he was the father.
Sabrina cleared her throat. “Congrats, Ryan. I’m happy for you guys. How far along is she?”
“We have the twelve week appointment next Wednesday. I guess we get to hear the heartbeat and see a blurry image of the baby.”
“That’s great,” she whispered with suspiciously shiny eyes.
“Thanks,” I replied with a nod. I burned to say more, but Sabrina didn’t want anyone else to know about her miscarriage.
“I’m happy for you two,” Dylan said with a nod. “How’s Hope feeling?”
“She’s got a little bit of morning sickness, but medication is help—”
“Bullshit,” Austin bit out.
“What the hell?” I swung around and glar
ed at my brother’s shitty comment. “Do you doubt that Hope has morning sickness or that she’s pregnant at all?”
Austin glared back. “I doubt that this is the first time that Dylan is hearing about the pregnancy.”
“What does that matter? Are you seriously going to tell me that you tell us all the important shit at the same time? That there’s not shit that you and Nathan discuss and decide before it even trickles down to us? You guys get together and decide stuff about the show all the time. You probably talked to him about stuff with Rachel instead of me. But do I care?” I shook my head. “It’s what family does. We all have the ones we go to first. Dylan and Sabrina have always been that for me.”
“It matters because it affects the show.” Austin pointed at the door. “Do you really think those guys out there aren’t gonna try to use this to make drama for the show? They already tried once. And when the news about your baby gets out, it’ll only get worse.”
“Who cares?” I roared. “I don’t give a flying fuck. How about that? I don’t care if they ask about the baby or Hope or the shit with her father. I love her, and that’s all the matters.”
Silence pulsed around us for a second time. None of my brothers would meet my eyes, only Sabrina.
She gave me a small smile and crossed the room. Stopping in front of me, she reached out and wrapped her arms around me. Her voice was muffled when she finally spoke. “I’m so happy for you two. I thought she was great when I met her at Austin’s party, and I can’t wait to get to know her better. And your baby.”
“Thanks, Sabby,” I replied as I squeezed her back.
“I’m sorry, bro.”
I blinked as Austin suddenly appeared at our side. Sabrina gave me a shaky smile as she stepped back and then he was in front of me.
“You’re right. There’s nothing wrong with having family members that you hash shit out with first. We all do it. And I wasn’t thinking about this like it was a family announcement, but I should have. I’m sorry.” Austin pounded my shoulder then pulled me into a bro hug. “I’m glad you found your other half. And for what it’s worth, I think you’ll make a fucking fantastic father.”
I couldn’t talk over the frog in my throat. I just nodded and squeezed him back.
After a few moments, Austin took a step back and our arms fell to our sides.
Nathan stepped between us and glared at me. “Are you fucking serious? Is that it? You’re not going to fill them in on the rest?”
I bit off a curse. I’d forgotten that Nathan recognized Hope from our first meeting at the clubhouse. “I kinda forgot.”
“He forgot.” Nathan rolled his eyes then turned to Austin as he jabbed a finger in my direction. “This guy brought a fucking motorcycle club whore to your party. The same girl he proclaims to love and is having a baby with spreads her legs for any biker in the Kings clubhouse.”
“You don’t know shit!” I yelled. I wanted to drive my fist into Nathan’s smug, lying face. Repeatedly. Instead I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and counted to ten. Then twenty. By the time I got to thirty my heartrate slowed enough that I could finally talk. “I don’t even want to hear you saying shit like that about Hope or any woman ever again. We clear?”
“What? Suddenly you’re a feminist? Since when?” Nathan sneered. “And what’s with the funny breathing? You got asthma now?”
“You’re seriously gross, Nathan,” Sabrina cut in.
We both swung to face her. Nathan closed his eyes and bit out a curse.
She shook her head. “I’ve watched all four of you sleep your way around town with any woman who was interested, and never once did I call any of you a bad word. Whatever you want to do with your body is your business. How dare you judge a woman for doing the same?”
“Come on, Sabrina.” Nathan held out a hand in a placating gesture. “You know I didn’t—”
“No,” she cut him off again. “We’ve all met Hope. She’s a sweetheart. Ryan clearly loves her and is happy that they’re having a baby. This isn’t a discussion. You don’t get a vote in who your brother decides to spend his life with. Just be happy that he’s happy.” Sabrina had to look away as her eyes shone suspiciously.
I crossed the room and gathered her into my arms again. After a second her arms came around me and she hugged me back.
“Thank you,” I whispered.
“I’m happy for you,” she whispered back. “I just wish…”
She didn’t finish the sentence but then she didn’t need to. “Me too.”
A moment later someone tapped me on the shoulder. I pulled back and found Nathan standing next to us.
“I’m sorry. I just…” He shrugged then held out a hand. “I’m an ass. For the record I am happy that you’re happy.”
“Thanks, bro.” I shook his hand then let him pull me in for another hug.
“I’m happy for you, bro. And I agree with Austin.” Nathan pulled back and slapped me on the shoulder. “You’ll make a great dad once you get your anger under control.”
“Fuck, Nate,” Austin hissed. “Really?”
“What?” Nathan shrugged. “Like you weren’t thinking it too.”
Dylan stormed over and shoved Nathan in the shoulder. “You’re an asshole.”
“You guys, it’s fine.” I lifted my palms like I was the one under attack. “He’s right.”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Dylan bit out. “You wouldn’t ever hit your kid. Or your girl. It’s bullshit and you know it.”
“That’s also not what I said,” Nathan retorted. “I never said a fucking word about him beating anyone. I never thought that for a fucking second. You are a better man than our father even dreamed he could be. You’re not him, okay? That’s not what I was saying. All four of us have got some anger issues. Just look at how we handled Ryan’s news about being a father. Sabrina was the only one who could congratulate him.”
Dylan cleared his throat.
“Like that was the first time that you heard about the baby.” Nathan shook his head. “All I’m saying is that maybe we should take some anger management classes or something because this dynamic here isn’t healthy.”
I jerked my chin at him. “I get what you’re saying, but it’s not necessary.”
“Ry, I don’t think—”
I waved a hand, cutting him off. “That’s what my ‘weird breathing‘ thing was about. A little skill I picked up in my anger management class.”
Everyone blinked at me like I’d told them I wanted to buy a stock Harley.
“Really?” Austin asked.
Sabrina shook her head. “Why didn’t you tell us?”
“Because I didn’t think you guys would understand. Or you’d think I was weak and couldn’t handle my problems myself.” I shrugged. “I was embarrassed, I guess. But I’ll go to another session if any of you wanna go. It wouldn’t hurt to brush up on my conflict resolution skills.”
Nathan nodded. “I’m in.”
“Me too.” Sabrina smiled.
Dylan rolled his eyes. “Like you need any classes, Sabby. You’re the most levelheaded one here.”
“Like that’s a glowing endorsement.” Sabrina laughed.
Austin shook his head. “I’m in, too. Just no one tell production. They’ll have my ass if they think there won’t be any drama to film.”
“Pretty sure that’s not gonna be a problem with this crew.” I laughed along with my family.
And for the first time in a long time it felt like we were clicking, like maybe we could be a normal family.
Or what passed like one for us.
Chapter 23
Ryan
“Hey, Dylan! Wait up!” I called down the hallway.
My brother paused and swung around to face me. I could tell by his expression that he already knew what I wanted to talk to him about.
“What’s up?”
I lowered my voice. “How about we head over to the paint shed and talk there?”
Dylan nodded tightly
. “Sure.”
We walked side by side in silence down the hallway, out the side door and around the lot to Dylan’s paint shed in the back of the lot. We all called it a shed, but really it was a whole lot more. About the size of a domestic two car garage, the building was fitted with a large rolling door, a viewing window, and all the professional equipment an autobody paint shop could handle. Only this was Dylan’s domain. Whereas me, Nathan, and Austin all worked out of the main shop—and on top of each other to our annoyance some days—Dylan was our shop’s only paint guy.
Sometimes I really envied Dylan that, but not today.
I closed the door behind us and debated how exactly to start this conversation.
“What’s going on?” Dylan asked as he leaned against the cabinets on the opposite wall from me.
I sighed. “We gotta talk about the old man. He’s bad news, Dyl. He was lurking here in the parking lot. He said some shit, and I let him know in no uncertain terms that we were done. It’s past time that you cut ties with him too.”
“Shit. He was here? I told him not to come here to try to talk to us.”
“Us? What’s with this fucking us? Since when do you speak for me?”
Dylan’s head reared back like I’d sucker punched him. “What’s your problem, Ry? We’ve always been a team. When did that change?”
“It shouldn’t change. But when you start talking to guys—using my name to get that son of a bitch a job—then we got a problem. He’s an asshole and a loose cannon. It’s only a matter of time before he goes off again, and I’ll be damned if my name is tied to him when it happens.”
“You’re overreacting.” Dylan scoffed. “It’s not that big a deal.”
“Not that big a deal? Are you fucking kidding me? He killed our mom. He—”
“And he did his time. He showed remorse and joined a Christian group. He’s changed. Dad did all that the state required of him, and he deserves a second chance.”
“He’s blowing smoke up your ass and you know it. You’ve heard how he talks about her now—he fucking blames her for his time in prison. He doesn’t have a remorseful bone in his body. He’s just sorry that he got caught. And what about Mom’s second chance? Doesn’t she deserve one?”
Fast: A Pregnant by the Bad Boy Romance (Burns Brothers Book 2) Page 19