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Page 40

by Lana Jovanovic


  “Now I want you,” she answered. “It’s always been you. I’m ashamed that I….”

  “Cara, stop,” Colton touched his fingers to her lips. “I can’t be mad at you for sleeping with Jean Luc. After you left I had a few relationships too and one of them was sexual.

  I’m not going to be the pot calling the kettle black, okay? We weren’t together at the time.”

  “You… you slept with someone else?” Cara stepped back. Colton saw the anger, shock, and sadness in her eyes. He slipped his hands into his pockets and stared at her with calm eyes. “Who was she?”

  “One of Preston’s friends.”

  “So you slept with a whore!” Cara exclaimed. “You honestly allowed Preston to set you up with some random girl and you slept with her?”

  “Do you really have the right to be angry with me right now, Cara?” Colton challenged.

  “You left me remember? I had every right to do what I did, just as you had every right to sleep with Jean Luc. The only difference is that you were emotionally invested in that relationship and continue to work with the man. My indiscretion, if you want to call it that, was a one night stand.”

  She opened her mouth to respond but Colton shook his head.

  “I’m not going to argue this point with you—you don’t have the right to be upset with me about this.”

  The anger disappeared from her face and she nodded. “You’re right, I’m sorry… I’m just… I get jealous, Colton, that’s all.” She wrapped her arm around his waist and they started moving again. He put his arm around her shoulders and gave her a little squeeze.

  “I really am sorry. I had no right to respond that way.”

  “Don’t worry about it,” he sighed.

  “You’re not a tiny bit jealous of Jean Luc?” she asked after a block or so. Colton looked down at her and she laughed, “W-what, it’s just a question. You used to be so jealous of other men that showed interested in me. I suppose I just wanted you to care a little bit, that’s all.”

  “I care,” Colton said as he brushed a kiss against her temple, “Just not about Jean Luc.”

  “Really?” Cara asked.

  “If you wanted to be with him you would be, right? So why do I need to worry about Jean Luc,” Colton shrugged. “I really could care less and—” He stopped talking because his entire body seemed to freeze, his heart lurched and his stomach kicked so hard he felt sick.

  Only ten steps ahead of him, walking out of a restaurant on the arm of another man was Zoe. He hadn’t seen her in such a long time and now she stood only feet from him and he could hardly believe his eyes. She was wearing a pale green dress with a satin ribbon around the waist. The dress hugged her curves generously and looked wonderful against her soft skin. Her hair fell loosely around her shoulders, like he liked it, and blew gently with the warm evening breeze. Her arm was around a man that Colton would put in his late thirties. The guy, Ben, Colton assumed, he had dirty blond hair, cut somewhat short, and was tall with a semi-athletic build. He was wearing jeans, brown loafers, and a black button down shirt. He wasn’t ugly. He wasn’t fat. He wasn’t overbearing and pawing at her body. He wasn’t anything like the guys Preston claimed Zoe was dating. He was just a normal guy and he was making her laugh. Laugh hard enough that her head tilted back, her black hair rolled off her shoulders, her eyes closed. Zoe turned into Ben and touched her face to his shoulder.

  “It wasn’t that funny,” Ben said gazing down at her like a man did when he was into a woman. Staring at her as if he wanted to make her his. Colton moved toward them.

  “You’re just humoring me now, aren’t you?”

  “No!” Zoe laughed. The sound of her voice drew Colton forward more. He felt Cara’s hand on his arm, squeezing his wrist, but it didn’t stop him. He was zoned in on Zoe now, moving straight toward her. “No, that was really, really funny! I swear.”

  “Yeah, yeah,” Ben said as he swept a strand of hair behind Zoe’s ear. “I think you’re laughing at me, Miss Rayne,” he murmured.

  “I’m not,” Zoe smiled and rose up on her toes as Ben lowered his head toward hers.

  Colton’s chest stopped burning the moment he exhaled the breath he’d been holding. He watched, somewhat horror struck, as Ben’s eyes narrowed, his hand cupped Zoe’s cheek, drawing her closer to him. Then, just as he was about to kiss her, Ben’s eyes flickered passed Zoe’s forehead and met Colton’s. And then, with a slight curl to the corner of his mouth, he kissed Zoe. She swooned into him, her arms reaching up to his neck.

  “Zoe!” Colton shouted.

  Her arms fell and she jerked back from Ben. Twisting around she stared at Colton with huge eyes that danced with shock and uncertainty. Colton felt Cara at his side, heard her say his name, but didn’t respond to her. He did respond when Ben put his arm around Zoe’s waist, drawing her back against him. He felt as if he had no control over his body, for had he had an ounce of it, he would have marched forward, grabbed Zoe’s arm, and jerked her into his arms at the same time he shoved Ben backwards as hard as he could.

  “Colton!” Zoe shouted as she slapped his arm. The pain caused by her little palm did shock him, but not enough to cut through the haze of jealousy that was clouding his sight.

  All he wanted to do was tear the guy’s arms off and punch him in the face. Colton bore down on the other man who momentarily looked frightened.

  “Hey look,” her date stammered as he held up his hands in surrender.

  “Back the fuck off,” Colton shouted.

  “Colt!” Cara exclaimed.

  “Don’t you dare touch her, got it?” Colton felt as if he were in a rage; completely separate from his body, capable of a great deal of violence. He was so angry he shook with hit.

  “She’s free to date other people,” Ben said calmly. “You’re ruining a great night.”

  “Do you think I care?” Colton said as he advanced on the man again, but suddenly Zoe was there sandwiched between Colton and Ben. Her warm palms pressed against Colton’s chest as she moved him back a few steps. He felt himself move willing under her touch, but a huge part of him was still determined on ripping Ben’s arms off. “Why don’t you just take a hike, asshole? You’re not wanted here!”

  “No, Ben… I’ll be just a second,” Zoe said firmly. “Colton, stop it… stop!”

  “I’ll be right here,” Ben called.

  “The hell you will,” Colton tried to push around Zoe, but she remained a solid fixture in front of him. She pushed him back past Cara and past the people who had stopped to watch his foolish confrontation. Soon they were alone in the small alley between the restaurant and another building. With Ben not in Colton’s direct eye line, and with Zoe’s warm hands still on his chest, Colton’s anger began to fade.

  “What are you doing?” Her amber-eyes sparkled with unshed tears. She looked scared and worried. “Have you lost your mind?”

  “Who was that guy?” Colton asked. “What are you doing with him? Why are you kissing him? Why the hell is he so funny?”

  “Stop,” Zoe slid her hands up his chest and cupped his cheek. The warmth of her fingers was overwhelming. He hadn’t felt such warmth all week and he couldn’t deny how good it felt to be touched by her. He wrapped his arms around her waist, held her flush to his body, and lifted her off the ground. He would have carried her all the way home—

  anywhere but there in that small, stink-filled alley. He held her off the ground for some time and focused only on the sound of her breath against his ear and the pound of her heart against his chest. He wasn’t sure how long they stayed like that, but in the end it wasn’t enough. She wiggled and pushed against his shoulders to be let free and when he put her down she tried her best to shove him away.

  “Stop this!” she cried. “You can’t act like a barbarian, Colton!”

  “I don’t like you kissing other men,” he whispered.

  “Too bad,” she responded just as quietly. “You can’t just throw your weight around like you own m
e. You can’t shove my date and expect me to be okay with that.”

  “I’m sorry,” he murmured. “I just… lost my head for a minute.” Zoe hugged herself as she stared up at him. She ducked away as he reached for her; he crossed his arms over his chest in effort to keep his hands to himself.

  “You look beautiful,” he said after a moment. “You smell nice too and… what?”

  “Don’t,” Zoe sighed. “Don’t start, okay?”

  “I can’t give you compliments?” Colton asked.

  “No,” she answered. “I don’t want to hear them.”

  “Okay.”

  “I have to go.” She turned to leave, stopping when Colton took ahold of her hand and pulled her back. “Colton….”

  “Zoe, please listen to me for a second,” he interrupted, “I want you to know that I….”

  “Colton?” Cara’s voice brought his eyes away from Zoe’s. Cara was standing with Zoe’s date just a few feet away. She was watching Colton with uncertain eyes that flickered between him and Zoe. “Everything okay?”

  “Everything’s fine,” Colton answered. “I just need a minute to—Zoe, wait!” She’d pulled her hand free of his was hurrying toward Ben. She glanced over her shoulder at him and shook her head. Colton watched as she took Ben’s hand and pulled him away.

  Not willing to let her go just yet, Colton hurried after her. “Wait a minute; I want to tell you something important!”

  “I don’t want to hear it tonight, Colton,” Zoe waved her arm for a cab. Colton could tell that she was squeezing Ben’s hand very hard; she had a desperate look on her face. She was dying to get away from Colton, which was something he couldn’t fathom. It hurt to know that she was running from him and not too him.

  “Zoe,” Colton stepped forward, but stopped the moment she turned around.

  The look in her eyes, the pained look, stopped in his tracks. He couldn’t bear hurting her in anyway, so he backed up a step and nodded. “I’m on a date.”

  “Later—I’ll talk to you later,” he said.

  “No, Colton,” Zoe whispered. As she spoke, tears filled her eyes, “It’s… it’s too late.”

  “What?” Colton gasped. Again his stomach did that awkward and painful kick and he felt suddenly dizzy. “W-what do you mean?”

  “I… I mean that I’ve made my choice,” Zoe answered tears dripping from her dark eyelashes. To emphasize her point, she pulled Ben’s arm around her waist. The moment Ben pulled Zoe against him, Colton wanted to shove the guy into open traffic and watch the passing bus roll over him. Never in his life had he ever wanted to cause someone such violent pain. In that moment he wanted this guy dead and Zoe in his arms. The intense desire to do anything he could to get Ben away from Zoe frightened him.

  “What are you talking about?” Colton demanded. “I have five days… I….”

  “This isn’t about you,” Zoe stammered, tears falling freely. She took one hesitant step toward him, but then stopped and moved back against Ben. “This is about me, Colton. I didn’t sign any stupid contract—and… it’s not even real! None of it.” He felt a mixture of things, but frustration seemed to trump most, “Don’t tell me what isn’t real, Zoe. I know what I feel for you.”

  “And I’m saying that it doesn’t matter,” she said firmly. “I’ve made my choice—what’s best for me now. What I want to do and who I want to be with. I’m not going to govern my decisions on a piece of paper a child dreamed up!”

  “I’m not… I…” Colton stammered.

  Zoe shook her head, “I’m not going to wait anymore.”

  “That’s fine, I know what I want!” Colton exclaimed. “I want—”

  “No!” Zoe shook her head. “No, Colton. I’m making this decision for me. It’s easier this way—I have to go now.” She turned and ducked into the waiting cab. Colton stepped forward and watched as her date followed her inside.

  Soon the door closed and the cab was gone and Colton was left standing dumbfounded on the sidewalk, Cara only a few steps behind him. He wasn’t sure what to do or say to her, he didn’t really know how to handle this. He hadn’t planned on these things happening—

  any of them. He hadn’t planned on falling in love. He hadn’t planned on Cara ever coming back and making things confusing and uncertain for him. He hadn’t planned on giving Cara a second chance or making Zoe wait on him. Then he let himself become swept up in Cara’s world and the idea of what they could be, but probably never would be, and had been unfair to Zoe.

  Everything in his life was falling apart all over again. Colton found himself standing very much alone, surrounded by people who had witnessed another great loss in his life, unable to really put the pieces together.

  Losing Zoe was definitely not in Colton’s plan at all.

  “Colton?” Cara’s cool hand pressed against his elbow and drew his attention to her.

  He stared into her blue eyes; eyes that he’d once been in love with, eyes that made him feel happy, proud, useful, and worthwhile. They were eyes that he’d fallen out of touch with a long, long time ago.

  The wind blew her hair, which smelled sweet like peaches, to the front of her shoulders and into her eyes. He reached up and pushed the strands free of her eyelashes. For a moment tears flashed in her eyes and then disappeared as she smiled softly and touched her palm to his cheek.

  “Cara, we need to talk,” he said finally.

  She stared at him for a moment longer and then dropped her hand from his face, “Yes, we do. Come on… let’s go home.”

  Colton nodded and hailed a cab.

  --

  Lesson Nineteen: “All it takes is one sweet gesture and you’ll find yourself craving his

  touch again.”

  Zoe opened her eyes and rubbed her cheek against her warm pillow case. She felt him stir at her side; his arm moving around her waist to pull her against his chest. His mouth trailed gentle kisses across her brow and his knuckle swept over her cheek gently. The warmth of his body against hers was comforting, but it didn’t erase the doubt that she was feeling or the regret that occupied her dreams all night and spilled over into her conscious thoughts that morning. Tears filled her eyes but didn’t fall.

  “No regrets, Zoe,” Ben whispered against her forehead as he ran his fingers through her hair. His voice was deep and scratchy from sleep. In the darkness she couldn’t see him, but felt his smile against her hairline. “We said last night—no regrets.” Zoe was thankful for her darkened bedroom; she hadn’t wanted to see his eyes, not after what she’d foolishly done in the heat of desperation. She moved closer and trembled as his hand pressed against the small of her back holding her to him.

  They hadn’t talked much last night or this morning as they’d lay awake in each others arms. Both thought it best to remain quiet and reflective, but the more Zoe thought the worse she felt. The warmth of his embrace didn’t call for a detailed explanation of what Ben was feeling. He’d given no indication that he was at all upset about the aftermath of what they’d done, but of course he would be happy with himself. He didn’t have to live with the guilt of hurting someone. He didn’t need to feel foolish for anything that they’d done.

  “No regrets,” he repeated.

  The more he stroked her skin, the calmer she became. And although she felt safe and comfortable in his arms, the embrace didn’t stop solitary tears from falling down her cheeks and dampening her pillow. Ben responded by tugging her closer.

  “It’ll be okay,” he promised.

  He sighed as his cell phone, resting on her nightstand, began to buzz again. Reluctantly he drew away from her, rolled onto his back and picked up his phone. The LCD screen lit up the dark room and reflected the handsome lines of his face. As he read the email that just came through Zoe stared at him. He was such a good man, handsome, funny, gentle, and kind—the perfect man for her. A perfect man for any woman really. When Ben was done reading, he set the phone face down on his chest and turned his head toward her.

  T
hey stared at each other in the dark for a moment and then he rolled back onto his side and put his arm around her.

  “I have to go,” he said. “I’m always on call.”

  “I understand.”

  “I don’t want to leave you, not like this,” his fingers were warm against her nape. She enjoyed his touch, it was comforting and safe. He massaged her skin and gently ran his fingers through her hair. “No regrets… you promised.”

  “I… can’t….”

  “You can do this.”

  “I can’t!” She whimpered.

  “Yes, you can,” Ben answered.

  He kissed her forehead and released her so he could sit up. Leaning over and flipped on the small lamp beside her bed. The pale light burned Zoe’s eyes as it washed over them.

  When it didn’t hurt to look anymore she stared at Ben’s back and strong shoulders and watched him put his watch on. His shirt from last night was wrinkled and had twisted around his torso revealing the undershirt he wore. His hair was matted from the pillow they’d shared. He ran his fingers through the short blond locks on the top of his head and then pulled his shirt around correctly. Zoe sat up after a moment and reached out to fix his collar. Ben turned his upper body toward her, his blue eyes moved slowly over her body. He smiled as he took ahold of the loose ribbon of her dress, pulling it slowly between the pads of his fingers. He lifted his gaze back to hers and smiled somewhat sadly.

  “I do have one regret Zoe,” he murmured.

  “What?”

  His eyes searched hers. Before speaking, he leaned in and pressed a soft, innocent kiss to her mouth. “I regret that I didn’t get your number all those weeks ago at Rylie’s. I almost did and I should have, but then I backed out. Maybe if I had, you’d be in love with me instead.”

  She was brought back to their endless conversation the night before as they lay like limp vegetables in her bed. She’d cried for hours, feeling guilty for speaking to Colton the way she had, for making him believe that there was no chance in hell that they’d get together again. The kiss she’d shared with Ben right before Colton’s interruption had been real and she didn’t regret that. In fact, many of their kisses up until the cab ride home had been very real. But after that—after Colton freaked out in a jealous rage—Zoe felt guilty for having kissed Ben at all. She shouldn’t have kissed him, not when she was in love with Colton. However, kissing Ben was a great way for her to quit thinking of Colton.

 

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