by Amanda Milo
I don’t know how good Susan’s ears are, but I can hear Finn’s pep talk, which is peppered with phrases most of the world doesn’t hear outside of Dublin, but Ginny gets the gist of his message, and doesn’t give up.
With Finn’s patient guidance and her supreme effort of will, she eventually catches a good hold on her trapped wolf and drags her up and out. She sprouts a ruff of grey fur and gains velvety grey paws and ears.
Ginny struggles, but that’s the most that happens—and understandably, she begins to panic. “What if this is as far as I can Change?” she asks, her voice altered, every word coming out a little growled care of her mostly wolven throat. And then something more horrifying occurs to her. “What if I can’t Change back—”
“Calm, Ginny,” Finn assures. “Remember what I said? Everybody worries about this, and not even the dullest of us have gotten stuck. Not even lump-headed Deek over there. Come on. Focus. You can do this.”
I give him a benign look. Which he ignores.
“Deek isn’t dull, or a… lump-head, whatever that is,” Ginny scolds him.
And her protective tone warms my heart. If I had my tail right now, it would be wagging lightly. Also, her words are extra impressive with her growly voice box, and this seems to startle her.
“Focus, Gin,” Finn stresses.
But she’s steadfastly my champion. What a sweetheart. “Be nice to—”
“Fiiiine. If you need me to be honest, Lucan has been shifting since he was a babe. He’s never had any trouble. There, you happy?”
“Yes.” Ginny’s eyes search Finn’s face. “How long did it take you?”
“Til I was three. But I’m a special case. Get back on your hands and paws. Relax.”
She does, her shoes abandoned behind said paws. Her leggings look wrong on her, with her essentially walking on her rear toes, her knees heavily bent and her ankles having shifted up to be strong hocks.
Because she’s far enough along in the process, Finn calls Susan over so that she can be the one to help Ginny out of her clothes, getting them gone so they don’t impede her.
“How long does this usually take?” Susan asks as she rejoins me, and I realize she wasn’t able to hear Finn speaking to Ginny when we first got here.
I slide her a look. “We tell wolflings that it takes as long as it takes. Could be seconds, could be days.”
“Days?” Susan mouths.
My smile is pained. “That’s why adolescent werewolves aren’t out among the public at large. Their Changes can be erratic. It’s why Finn wants Ginny here until we know she’s got a handle on her wolf.”
Twenty minutes later, Ginny’s reaching the point where her progress is obliterated by her near-panic. She looks first to Sue, stumbling when she tries to turn on her four paws and ungainly half-human legs and arms. “Nothing is happening! Susan, Finn, I’m stuck! It’s been too long—”
“Shh,” Finn soothes, catching her by her ruff and hauling her back in front of him. “What have I been saying?”
“This is normal. I’m doing fine. But…” She tries to bring her arm—which is mostly a foreleg—up to brush at her face; there’s a glistening thread stretched over her. “I can’t concentrate like you want me to. Stupid bugs are all over me!”
“We are in the woods,” I murmur, trying to be helpful from the log perch.
Ginny turns her head to stare at me just as Susan does.
I bow my head. “Not helpful, I see.”
Susan asks, “Can I get closer?”
Finn motions her forward, and Susan moves to drop near Ginny, starting to soothe her, or try to, but calming words aren’t doing much to reach the terror-stricken girl when she’s half-human, half-wolf, and unable to commit to being fully one or the other.
“Ginny?” Finn says carefully, staring intently at her.
“What?” she cries.
Finn swallows. “Don’t move.”
Ginny freezes, her eyes going wider. “...Why?”
Finn stares into her eyes, willing her to stay calm. “You have a spider.”
“What?” Ginny cries, jerking sideways to look at herself.
“It’s not that big,” Finn assures unblinkingly, in a measured manner that plainly says the spider is gargantuan, venomous, and deadly. “Just… come closer.” He reaches toward her. “Slowly, that’s a good garl, slow—OH, SHITE!”
Ginny shrieks and turns into a full wolf.
Susan gasps. “Ginny! You did it! And wow… you’re beautiful!”
She is. A steely grey, she’s grizzled with white hairs that accumulate heavily along her sides, until she’s cream-and-white-bellied. There’s white on the insides of her legs, and the strip that runs up her throat and splits to bisect her furred cheeks, giving her half of a mask that is also white.
Above that white line is black striping, a bold bar of it that frames her pale yellow wolf’s eyes.
Which are aimed and glaring at Finn.
“There now,” Finn says proudly, stepping back. “Look at you.”
Eyes slitted, Ginny slowly raises her muzzle a fraction. With her ears pinned, it’s a distinctly disgruntled gesture with a hint of a threat.
Finn reaches out and brushes the cobweb off of her. “Hey now, what’s that look for? You could have had a wee spider.”
Ginny shows her teeth.
“Nice,” Finn comments.
“Very,” I agree.
Unaccustomed to hiding her reactions in wolf form, Ginny’s tail sways, showing she’s secretly pleased with the compliments.
Finn grins. “Awww.”
Ginny turns and bites the tip of her tail to stop it.
Body curled at an awkward angle for a newbie on four paws, she falls to her side, her tail clamped in her teeth, a regal wolf in such an undignified heap that it elicits a snicker out of Susan.
Eyes popping wide, Susan rolls her lips together and covers her mouth. She gives Ginny an apologetic look. “Sorry.”
Pride pricked, Ginny releases her tail, puts her nose in the air, and finds her way to her paws.
Susan crouches and, smiling, sincerely tells her, “You really are stunning.”
Ginny deigns to move forward into Susan’s space—and walks right into Susan’s arms.
Susan hugs her like that, arms thrown around the furry neck of the girl, not letting go until Ginny sits back, panting, and leans her head up until she can see Finn upside down behind her.
“Stuck as a wolf now?” Finn guesses.
Ginny wurfs. By the white beginning to show in her eyes, she’s about to panic again, this time because she can’t yet reverse.
“Like I was telling you, faolán.” Little wolf. Finn shrugs. “You can try visualizing yourself in your human form, but mostly you just have to let it happen the first few times. If you clown around and relax and don’t think so hard on it, suddenly you’ve got opposable thumbs again and your biggest worry is covering your naughty bits. Don’t worry your furry little head, Gin-Gin. It’ll happen.”
Ginny turns all the way around so that she can glower at him. As a wolf, she can glower pretty impressively. But after a heartbeat, two, she stares up at him, clearly at a loss as to how he could expect her to stay stuck like this until her body figures itself out.
He spreads his hands. “Everyone gets stuck on paws for a bit after their first Change. Sue here will carry your clothes, so she’s got you covered when it happens.” He waves at Ginny. “And don’t worry about how you look in grey and white. You’re a fine beast, and just think—you can eat your sarma as a wolf. You draw a lot less attention when you end up covered in beef and cabbage if you’re eating it down on the floor.”
Ginny wurfs at him in indignation.
He smiles at her. “You ready?”
Ginny cocks her head.
I start walking, heading past Finn. Ginny’s gaze flicks to me, confused, before locking back on Finn.
Finn takes a step backwards. And another. “I don’t know about you, Sue,” he cal
ls. “But I feel like a race. Last one there—”
He doesn’t get to finish any consequences for the loser. With a flash of fur, Ginny bolts by him, speeds past me, and books it to the Vlkolak House, her instincts the only thing she needs to rely on to reach her destination.
CHAPTER 34
SUSAN
“So you won’t be going to any classes with me?” Charlotte asks Ginny, crestfallen.
Ginny’s ears drop, her features plainly frustrated, easily discernible despite her still being a wolf.
“The Pack’s school is great. It offers wolf students the same curriculum as humans students receive...” Deek tries to say, but Charlotte and Ginny toss him twin looks of Are you serious. He winces, squeezing his eyes shut. “Right, that’s not the issue. Forget I’m here.”
Ginny snorts, and Charlotte smiles. “Thanks for trying, Deek.”
He dips his head, grimacing, and he retreats to the kitchen where he retrieves the trash—without being asked—and walks it out the backyard to our trash can.
“Thank you!” I call to his back.
I watch his head bob in silent acknowledgement.
There are sets of Ginny’s clothes tucked away around the house in the hopes that she will spontaneously Change before school tomorrow. But… it’s obvious she’s not feeling optimistic about her chances. Honestly, she was braced for Finn to tell her that she had to stay with the Pack until she could regain control of her human form, and it was clear in her posture that she was grateful when he made no such decree. So she’s home with us. But she’s stuck as a wolf in a (mostly) human household.
At first, she carried around an oversized shirt in her mouth, perfect for changing into quickly should she find herself in her human form without warning. Hopeful. Charlotte opted to dress her fur-covered friend in it as a silent encouragement, an activity Maggie probably would have taken part in too, for the fun of it… If Maggie were feeling like herself.
I sigh, one hand planted tiredly on my hip, the other on the back of Maggie’s head. She’s clutching my leg. More and more, she’s been getting clingy after she returns from a visit to her dad’s. She said they had a nice time, but it’s hard on her to be gone from home for two days. Which I get. Like I said before, I was once a visitation kid. I remember well how screwed up I felt when I was shuttled back and forth.
I silently reassure Maggie by letting her hug onto me as much as she wants, and I watch Ginny until she feels my attention and gives me hers.
“Remember what Finn said,” I remind her. “Don’t worry about tomorrow. And once you Change, you’ll always know how to Change. Soon it’ll be like riding a bike, all right?”
Glumly, Ginny forces her nose up and down, a wolf’s nod.
Then, with a dirty look off to the side, she stands and moves on stiff legs to the kitchen—to the water bowl in the kitchen.
Her new water bowl.
It’s really just a dish from the cupboard, but she was so horrified when I set it down for her. The reality that she has to drink like an animal didn’t bother her at the Pack’s dens when she was with all the other wolves, but it sure struck a nerve once we got back home. Where she’s supposed to be a person.
Where she’s the only one stuck in wolf form.
Her ears are all the way forward, and with her chin tucked down, it looks like she’s giving the thing a serious scowl. This representation of the divide between her human family and her wolf self.
Feeling bad for her but with no way to help, I pet her on the head, making her ears sink. Not down, just relaxing further than she was holding them.
Deek must be thinking along similar, empathetic lines regarding her plight, because he passes us, moving for the basement. And she’s still glaring at her dish when he emerges a moment later as a big chocolate wolf.
His claws click quietly as he crosses the kitchen. When he reaches us, his eyes stay averted from Ginny’s gaze, but he sways his tail in subdued greeting. He passes her, moving into the living room like it’s no big deal at all to be in werewolf form while everyone else is human.
Ginny drinks.
When she’s finished, she steps into the living room, looks for Deek, and finds him curled up on the floor in front of the couch, eyes closed as if he’s dozing.
Huffing a wolven sigh, Ginny plops down next to him, near enough for their fur to brush. He’s huge beside her. She looks very small, and young. And sad. For a few moments, she squints up at the television, but then she turns her head away, closing her eyes.
Finn explained that they can see TV much like we can as humans, but it doesn’t hold the same appeal when they’re in wolf form.
So many new things for Ginny to adjust to.
I settle onto the couch with Maggie glued next to me. She’s not even asking to watch her favorite shows. She just wants to be with me, and so I keep one arm around her and watch our wolves. Charlotte sends me a despairing look from the other side of the sofa.
I give her a pained smile. Because there isn’t anything else we can do but… just be here for Gin.
Ginny’s ribs expand hugely before she heaves out a sigh.
The TV colors flicker over her and Deek. Deek, who raises his head, eyes downcast, neck twisting so that he can turn to Ginny—
And quickly nip her on the shoulder.
“Hey!” Charlotte shouts.
“Lucan!” I cry.
Ginny shoots to her feet, fur flashing straight up. She stares down at the bigger wolf with her jaws open. I can’t really tell if her mouth has dropped in disbelief, or if she’s keeping her jaws wide as a way to warn him that she’s going to pay him back.
Scrabbling to the side, Deek hunches and turns his head away so that he’s not even close to making eye contact with her.
After a minute more of glaring at him, Ginny lowers to her butt, sitting on her puffed tail, her face turning puzzled more than disbelieving or outraged.
Behind her, we’re starting to ask, “What was that for?” and similar questions.
Ginny turns to look at us—and Deek jumps forward and snaps his teeth at her.
Ginny makes a wolfish squawk and leaps back.
Deek stands then—and facing off with her like this, he’s just enormous. It’s like—
Well, it’s like a full-grown werewolf is in the room. And he’s picking on a girl less than half his size.
Suddenly, he bows. And for one moment, his eyes meet Ginny’s shocked ones—and his tail sways wide, swishing very deliberately in the air.
Ginny’s head jerks back in a very clear show of disbelief. Then comprehension—because she lunges forward at him.
Paws pounding the floor loudly enough to mimic gunshots, Deek darts around her and thunders down the hall.
Yipping shrilly, Ginny tears after him.
Maggie laughs. “They’re playing!”
She no more than says this when Deek shoots out of the hallway and leaps on the couch cushions between us and Charlotte.
Ginny flies out of the hallway, catapulting herself at him—
The sofa bangs into the wall, denting the plaster as Deek launches off just as Ginny flies into the space he occupied.
Deek, bowing on the carpet, wurfs playfully at her.
Charlotte is covering her mouth, shocked but looking happier, and Maggie is clapping. “Get him, Ginny!”
I recover from my shock enough to stand up. “Take it outside! You two—backyard. Now!”
There is a horrible shredding sound as Deek’s big, hard-as-rock claws dig into the carpet and he propels himself down the hall to the back door like a rocket.
Ginny growls and goes scrambling after him.
Following quickly, I manage the handle, and the two snapping wolves shove the door open, shouldering it aside with Deek streaking ahead of Ginny, who’s beginning to froth at the mouth as she gasps and scissors her incredibly sharp teeth as she races behind his flying tail.
Staring at the pair of them, wide-eyed, I turn to find an equally shell
-shocked Charlotte. Maggie, however, is beaming. “Go Deek!” she cries. She turns to me. “Mom, can I play on the trampoline?”
It’s the first time since she got home that she’s wanted to do anything without me. “You absolutely can. I’ll help you up.”
She jumps while Ginny tries to catch Deek, and then Charlotte takes a turn on the trampoline while Ginny races away from Deek. The pair of them knock a birdbath over trying to get a drink as they speed by, prompting me to bring out the dish Ginny was drinking from earlier. I find myself laughing as Ginny darts up to me only to get ambushed by Deek, who turns the act of rehydrating into a game of keep-away.
Eventually, he lets her get her fill—and then it’s Ginny’s turn to drive him away from the H2O.
They play like this for a good hour, Maggie and Charlotte on the trampoline included.
And it’s a good thing Charlotte helped Ginny into that shirt earlier. One moment, Ginny is prancing by on four paws. The next, she lets out a startled yip and turns into a girl.
CHAPTER 35
LUCAN
OCTOBER, THREE WEEKS LATER
Ginny has been doing really well. She can Change at will, and that makes her life much easier. She’s been more settled—though we suspect that has a lot to do with the counseling sessions Finn talked her into trying out. He recommended she speak with Chessa, the wolf from Vlkolak House who’s spent the last eight years working towards earning her PhD in clinical psychology. She’s a loner, she’s tenacious, but Ginny hit it off with her and has visited with her several times now.
Separately, Ginny’s mom, Brooke, sees Chessa too. It seems like it’s helping.
Ginny has the option to stay at the dens whenever she likes, but she’s still choosing not to move into the Pack permanently. Being able to stay as part of Susan’s family makes her feel secure.
Despite this, more and more she’s beginning to feel the security of being Pack.