“Lizzie.” I gave her a hard stare. “Off to bed.”
She sighed loudly in protest as she grabbed her backpack. She walked past me and rolled her eyes dramatically. “Night.”
“Night, Lizzie.” I watched her go down the hallway and into her bedroom. I waited a few minutes before I grabbed my phone and opened the message box that held my conversation with Derek. I stared at the screen awhile before I typed in the message and hit send. Can you come over?
Derek lightly tapped on the door when he arrived fifteen minutes later.
The wine had dulled my nerves, but it wasn’t enough to stop my stomach from flipping over and over. I rested my forehead against the wood for a few seconds before I opened the door and came face-to-face with Derek Hamilton.
He was in sweatpants and a t-shirt, not even changing before he came over because he came as quickly as possible at my call. His eyes burned into mine with his usual intensity, trying to read my expression because he was too anxious to wait for me to speak my mind.
A man so handsome had never crossed my path before. He looked like the celebrity crushes I’d had my entire life, too beautiful to actually be real, but he was real. He was tall, masculine, muscular, intelligent, sensitive…perfect. And he was worth all the heartache, because he was the one. “My answer is no.”
The disappointment that filled his eyes was so heavy, his entire expression changed. It fell immediately, like I’d just stabbed him in the chest with a hot knife.
“But I want to make this work…”
He took a breath so quickly he practically gasped, like he had just been drowning and finally took that first breath of fresh air he desperately needed. Both of his shoulders rose as his chest filled, and the emotional sheen that entered his gaze was instantaneous.
“I want to take it slow. I just need some time.”
He crossed the threshold and came to me, his arms sliding around my body, circling me with his warmth and his protectiveness, his cologne hitting me like a potent memory. His large hand flattened against the center of my back as he pulled me in, his head dipping so his face could be close to mine. His mouth was near enough for a kiss, but he didn’t try to place his lips on mine. With the door open behind him, he held me in my apartment, holding me up because I felt too weak to stand on my own.
It felt so good to feel his embrace again, to feel him be there for me rather than me being there for him. The love between us was a physical object that wrapped around us both, that could be touched as well as sensed. It was back now, just the way it used to be, because my heart stopped blocking it. I let him in now and felt the peace return to my body, felt the weight of despair leave my shoulders.
My arms moved around his neck, and I rested my forehead against his chin, my eyes down at his collarbone and chest that was visible underneath the collar of his shirt. This was the only man I wanted to be with, and there was no crime I wouldn’t forgive him for. That was the price I paid for loving one man so deeply. I loved him so much that I believed in his honesty and his commitment. I knew he was a good man who would never hurt me again, that he had grown into the man he was supposed to be a long time ago. I had to pay a price for his growth…but it was worth it.
His deep voice fell on my ears. “I love you.” His lips moved to my forehead, and he placed a kiss there, his breathing slow and even, peaceful and quiet.
I felt the same peace descend on my body, the fatigue from the battle that was officially over. “I love you too.”
He pulled away slightly so he could look into my face, his hand sliding to my cheek so his thumb could brush the outline of my lips. His brown eyes were steady as he looked at me, like all he wanted to do was stare since the opportunity had been taken away for so long.
“Derek?” Lizzie’s voice came from the hallway.
Derek slowly dropped his hand and looked past my shoulder.
“Yes!” Lizzie ran to Derek like a ram charging an opponent and landed against his side.
He flinched at the collision as his eyes warmed. His arm moved around her shoulders, and he smiled down at her. “Hey, Liz.”
She squeezed him tightly before she let go. “I’m happy you’re back.”
“I am too.”
She looked at me, saw the irritated look on my face, and grinned. “Sorry…carry on.” She returned down the hallway, giggling to herself, and then shut her bedroom door.
Derek watched her go, that slight grin still on his face, the happiness in his eyes. He eventually turned back to me. “It’s late, so I should let you guys get some sleep…” He clearly didn’t want to leave, but he knew he shouldn’t overstay his welcome when I wanted to take my time with this.
As much as I missed him, I didn’t want to jump into bed because it didn’t feel right. It was just too soon. Our physical relationship was based on our emotional one, and without that, it wouldn’t be what it used to be. I wanted to make love to this man, not have sex just to have sex. “Yeah.”
He crossed the open doorway then turned back around. “Goodnight, baby.”
“Goodnight.”
He smiled slightly before he walked down the hallway.
Instead of shutting the door and going to bed, I poked my head out and watched him walk away like I used to, watched his strong body carry him down the hallway. But this time, his movements were a little different. He stopped at the top of the stairs, did something on his phone, and then held it to his ear as he took the stairs. “Dad…I got her back.”
25
Derek
I slept like a fucking rock.
I didn’t lie on the couch and stare at the ceiling. I didn’t sit at the table and drink scotch until I could pass out. Weightless, I went to bed, fell asleep, and stayed asleep. Once the stress was gone, my entire body relaxed.
Life was good again.
I was disappointed that my proposal had been met with a rejection, but that sinking feeling was quickly replaced by what she said next. As long as I had her in any capacity, I was happy. If she wanted to marry me tomorrow, great. If she wanted to marry me in ten years, great. I didn’t care.
I’d never been so excited to go to work.
I missed our old car rides, but maybe that would happen again in the future.
I didn’t see her throughout the morning. She fulfilled her other responsibilities elsewhere, mainly working with the interns now. I personally didn’t take on an intern because I had too much shit to do.
But at lunchtime, she would drop off food, and I was excited for that.
Excited to see my baby…and watch her see me.
The door opened, and she walked inside, wearing a pencil skirt and a blouse along with heels. It was almost summertime, so it was getting warm. It was my favorite time of the year because my family took trips to the cabin to enjoy the weather.
She carried the tray to the table at the front. It was sandwiches, chips, and assorted fruit. She laid out everything with her chin down, her long hair falling over one shoulder, her beautiful face a million times more intense because she looked…relaxed.
I bet she’d slept like a rock too.
When she finished setting up, she lifted her chin and looked at me.
Then she smiled.
She smiled at me…and I smiled back.
I unlocked the door then let myself into the hangar. It’d been abandoned for the last few months. The entire project had been put on an indefinite hold because I’d ended the program and told everyone to move on to something else.
It looked exactly the same.
Papers were everywhere, the boosters were set up for the next prototype that never happened, different pieces of the ship were in development at different stations. I walked through and scanned everything I came across, trying to put it all together in my head.
I came across one of my old schematics that contained all the final details. I looked it over then walked over to the debris that had been recovered from the Atlantic Ocean. It showed burn marks where the bo
oster had failed, and the escape pod was still attached to the ship like it was bound with cement.
I crossed my arms over my chest and cupped my chin, trying to think this through, trying to understand what had happened that day.
And how I could fix it.
My phone lit up with a text message. Where are you? It was Emerson.
This was probably the last place on earth she would check. The rocket hangar. I put my phone back in my pocket and continued to think.
A few minutes later, the door opened behind me, and her heels echoed to the ceiling because there was no other sound to drown it out.
I turned around and set the schematic on a nearby table before I looked at her, looked at my whole world. Now that I had her, I knew everything would be okay. Anything that came our way, we’d figure out. Married or not married, we would get through the worst and the best—together.
“What are you doing in here?” When she came close to me, she looked at the old pieces I’d just been staring at, before she looked at me again.
Now that she was there, I didn’t care about the rocket anymore. “Trying to figure out what happened…so I can fix it.”
She stared at me for a long time, her eyes softening, a slight smile moving on to her lips. “I’m sure you’ll figure it out, Derek.”
“Yes, I will.” I would never run away from my problems again. I would confront them—like a man.
She crossed her arms over her chest as she looked at the broken pieces of the previous rocket. She went quiet, like she had nothing to say, but if she continued to stand there, she obviously did.
I waited.
“What did you do to Paul?” She turned back to me when she had the courage to meet my gaze.
I assumed Paul was the asshole I’d scared off. “I broke his nose.”
She dropped her gaze.
“I threatened to kill him if he came back.”
She ran her fingers through her hair nervously, like she was embarrassed that I knew about the loser she’d dated. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because I didn’t do it for you. I did it for myself.” I wouldn’t let anyone unkind come near my girls, the two people I cared about most. “I’m not letting a man harass my girls like that. Not gonna happen.” The memory of that night made me angry, but right now, I wasn’t angry. It was in the past. Now, I was happy, because I got her back. That was all that mattered.
“And you tutoring my daughter behind my back?”
“I wanted to help her, regardless if we got back together. I’m a teacher…that’s what I do. I want my students to succeed—always.” I cared about Lizzie like one of my other students, and I would stay late after class or take calls on the weekend to help them with whatever they needed. It wasn’t about the grades, it was about the knowledge, and if anyone asked me for knowledge, I would provide it. “Lizzie is very bright, and she deserves to have her brilliance cultivated.”
“Her brilliance?” she whispered. “I know my daughter is smart, but she’s no Derek Hamilton.”
“I disagree. I think every person has the ability to be Derek Hamilton if they have the right resources. People dismiss themselves too quickly. I’m the son of a Nobel Prize-winning physician who’s also a billionaire, and I had access to resources other people don’t. Yes, I’m naturally gifted, but that intelligence was accelerated by my privilege. Give all kids the right resources, and they can all be brilliant.”
She continued to watch me, her gaze soft like old times. “That’s a sweet thing to say.”
“It’s not when I mean it.”
She looked away for a while, keeping a couple feet in between us. “That whole thing with Paul—”
“You don’t have to talk about it.” I didn’t want to explain hooking up with Fleur again. It was humiliating, and I didn’t want to spend another moment thinking about it. I didn’t want to think about the other women either. It was in the past now—locked and sealed.
“I just don’t want you to think I went out with an asshole knowing he was an asshole—”
“Doesn’t matter. You’re with me now. End of story.” I didn’t want to hear about the guys she’d been with. I didn’t want her to feel she had to justify her choices. “None of that would have happened if I hadn’t been a jackass, so I take responsibility for those events. Let’s just forget about it.”
She turned back to me and stared for a while. “Alright.”
Her eyes were so blue in that moment. Her hair framed her face perfectly, like she was ready for a photo shoot. She was naturally beautiful, naturally stunning, and I couldn’t believe she was mine. “Lizzie wants you to tutor her in person again…if that’s okay.”
“I’d love to.” Lizzie had texted me a couple times about it, but I wanted to talk it out with Emerson first. I loved having my own relationship with Lizzie, but I had to be respectful of Emerson’s choices because she was her mother. “And I’d love it if you joined us. We can make it our weekly pizza night.”
She smiled slightly. “No wonder why Lizzie loves you so much.”
I smiled. “I mean, I can have the chef make it chicken and rice night too if you want.”
“No. Pizza night sounds fun.” She turned away.
I was happy to spend time with both of them, but I’d love to spend time with just Emerson…in some capacity. “Baby?”
She turned back around.
“You want to come over and help me write tonight? We can order a pizza…and not tell Lizzie.”
She chuckled. “She’ll smell it on me.”
“I have mints.”
“Alright, that sounds good. See you then.” She turned around and left the hangar.
I watched her the whole way, watched my heart, body, and soul go with her.
I didn’t need any help writing anymore.
Thoughts, ideas, prose just flowed through me now that I was myself again.
But I pretended to struggle, just to have her sit there with me.
We ordered a pizza and ate it together at the dining table. The evening was casual like we were just working together and nothing more. I had every intention of moving things along quickly, so the ball was in her court.
She stared at the pizza box and sighed.
“What?”
“I want another slice…”
“Then eat another slice.”
“I guess I feel guilty. Lizzie is having tuna casserole tonight.”
“Wow, that’s brutal.”
“Yeah, my mom is a good cook, but her tuna casserole is disgusting. She makes it because she and my dad can’t get enough of it.”
“Then it looks like I’m going to have to get used to it.”
She turned back to me, her chin propped on her closed knuckles. “Did you ask me to marry you just to get me back?” The mood abruptly changed when she spat out the question.
I stared at her and considered a good answer. “I asked you to marry me because I want to marry you. I was disappointed with your answer, honestly. But still grateful that we’re here together right now.”
She continued to look at me.
“I would never be disingenuous about something like that.” I knew I’d fucked up, big-time, but I hoped she still viewed me as someone of integrity.
“The reason why I ask is because marriage is a big deal. There are things to consider.”
“Such as?”
“Well…children. Do you want to have children?”
I honestly hadn’t even considered it. I just wanted us to be together, regardless of how that picture looked. “I’d love Lizzie like my own, if that’s what you’re asking.”
“I mean, having more children. But yes, Lizzie is something to consider.”
“I just assumed if we were married, she would legally be mine.”
“Not necessarily. There’s an actual adoption process you have to go through, because our marriage doesn’t make you a legal guardian to her. Whether that’s what you want to do or not is irrelevant. Bu
t something to consider.”
“I guess that would depend on you and Lizzie. You get to decide if I’m worthy of that responsibility.”
“So that’s something you’d be willing to do?”
“Absolutely.” She told me they came as a set, and that was how it would be. “You’d legally be my wife, so she should legally be my daughter. Makes sense to me. She told me she sees me as a father.”
“You have no experience with kids, so are you sure you can do that?”
I nodded. “I mean, I have the best dad in the world, so I do have some experience. Just do what he did.”
She smiled gently. “I don’t mean to interrogate you. I’m just asking what kind of future you see, if that’s something you really want.”
“As long as you’re with me, it’s a blank slate. The details of the picture don’t matter to me.”
“Well, how do you feel about having more children?”
I’d never really pictured my future in that context before. “Do you want children?”
“I want to know your answer first, Derek. Because I don’t want you to change your answer based on what I want.”
When I took a moment to picture what my life looked like, Lizzie was there. But Lizzie was also thirteen, and my time with her would be short-lived. She’d be out of the house and living her own life. I also missed all the years leading up to her age, her birthday parties, her graduation from sixth grade, all the kinds of things that my parents never missed. Children had never been important to me, had never been a consideration because I didn’t want to get married, but I was a different man now. Watching Lizzie read the books I’d written so we could share that experience was one of the greatest moments of my life. “I want more children.” My dad said he was just like me at his age, not wanting to have a family, but he changed his mind…and said nothing in life made him happier.
She didn’t have a reaction to that.
“You?”
She dropped her hand from her chin and shifted her position in the chair. “I had Lizzie so young, and while it’s been wonderful, I’ve never really had any time to myself. I always imagined she would be an only child. By the time she moves out, I’ll be thirty-five, and starting that process all over again means I’ll never have the opportunity to travel or just…not be a mom.”
The Boy Who Has No Redemption (Soulless Book 8) Page 20