by S. J. West
Zane smiles. “It’s not me you’ll have to worry about. Verati thinks she can do the work of a hundred women. Maybe you can talk to her at the party for the twins this evening and convince her to take it easy.”
“I’ll certainly try,” I promise.
“Good,” he replies with a small nod of his head. “I’ll see you later, Jules. Go get some rest.”
Zane phases away, and I turn to start walking down the street toward my apartment building.
Once I’m inside my home, I feel the weight of the past day land on me like a ton of bricks and don’t even make it into my bedroom. I simply slip off my sandals and plop down on my couch, hugging one of the throw pillows. Within a few seconds, I’m sound asleep.
I’m not sure how long I nap, but I’m suddenly awoken by the consecutive slamming of the cabinet doors in the kitchen. My mother is always bringing me groceries, so I assume that’s who’s making so much noise.
“Mom,” I moan loudly, placing the pillow my head was resting on over my ears to block out the sound of her racket, “I’m trying to sleep!”
“Well, instead of sleeping, you should be out shopping for some food,” I hear Helena chastise me from the kitchen, which immediately causes me to sit up straight on the couch.
“Helena?” I call out, convinced my tired brain is confusing my mother’s voice for Helena’s.
Helena steps out past the wall of the kitchen and stands beside the dinette. So unless I’m hallucinating, she actually is in my home again. She has a glass jar of peanut butter in one hand and a silver spoon in the other.
“Honestly, Jules, it’s no wonder you’re so skinny considering the paltry amount of food you keep in your home. You don’t even have anything to offer your guests when they visit.”
“Guests are usually invited, and I don’t remember inviting you,” I grumble tiredly.
“Trust me,” she says as she walks into the living room and sits down in the chair across from me, “I would much rather be somewhere else right now, but that decision was taken out of my hands.”
Helena rests the jar of peanut butter on her protruding belly like it’s a small table and proceeds to take a large scoop of it out with her spoon.
“What do you mean by that?” I ask. “Who made the decision that you should come here?”
Helena doesn’t answer right away, and I know it will take a little while longer before she’s able to, considering how large a spoonful of peanut butter she just placed inside her mouth. I watch her jaw muscles move as she works the sugary spread down her throat. Once her mouth is clear, she looks back at me.
“My son brought me here and won’t let me leave yet. I’m just not sure why,” she tells me, sounding mystified by her unborn baby’s actions.
“Your son brought you here?” I have to ask, finding this an odd turn of events. “How exactly is that possible?”
“The little angel has hijacked my powers for his own needs,” she tells me as she reinserts the spoon into the jar and pulls out another large portion of the spread to eat. “I just don’t know why he brought me to you.”
“Maybe he knows you need to apologize to me,” I tell her irately. “How could you pawn me off to King Manas to pay for Xander’s gambling debt? What did I ever do to you to deserve that?”
Helena narrows her eyes on me and says, “Nothing that I know of, but since you’re a bounty hunter, I can only assume that you’re working with Ethan to find a way to take my baby away from me. I’ve seen my son now, and I can tell you for a fact that there’s no way I’m going to let him go. You’ll have to find a way to kill me first, and I can assure you that even that won’t be enough.”
I sit up straighter in my seat. “So you did go to Desmond to let him check the baby?” I ask excitedly, forgetting about what happened on Laed-i for now. “Is the baby okay?”
Helena grins. “He’s more than okay. He’s perfect.”
“Then why have you been having so much trouble with the pregnancy?”
“It was nothing to worry about,” she says off-handedly. “Everything I was experiencing was completely natural.”
I breathe a small sigh of relief. “That’s wonderful,” I tell her. “I’m so glad you went to see Desmond. Have you decided if you will let him be present for the delivery?”
“No. I haven’t made a decision about that yet,” she says right before placing another spoonful of peanut butter into her mouth. Once she’s swallowed her second helping, she declares, “This stuff is delicious! I can’t believe I’ve never tried it before now.”
I suddenly have a surreal moment when I realize Hell is sitting in my living room eating up all of my peanut butter.
“So, tell me, Jules,” she says, as she dips the spoon in the jar a third time, “what happened on Laed-i with King Manas? Since you’re here and not there, I can only assume something interesting transpired.”
“I’ll tell you, but you have to tell me something first,” I try to bargain.
Helena raises a dubious eyebrow as she considers me. I have a moment of trepidation when I wonder if she’s thinking about killing me for my insolence. It’s not the first time she’s looked at me in such a way, and before now, I didn’t care what she did to me. Now, I do. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out what’s made the difference or, in this case, who. I have something in my life now that I don’t want to lose. I need to know where things are going with Ethan, and I want to experience the sensation of falling in love with him. We’re at the very beginning of what could end up being a lifetime together, and I want to know if that’s where we’re headed. For so long, I’ve felt dead inside. Now, I feel a glimmer of hope that my life could be changing for the better. I don’t want to let that spark die. I want it to ignite into a flame and drive away all of my loneliness and self-loathing.
“I’m sure you’ve probably already figured it out by now,” she says with a small shrug. “I wanted to keep Ethan busy for a while, and the best way to do that was to put your life in danger.”
“And if I had died?” I ask, deeming her reason as purely self-serving, but I’m not sure why I find that so surprising since I know exactly who and what she is.
“I could sit here and tell you that I would have mourned your death, but obviously, that would be a lie. I do have a modicum of respect for you, so I won’t tell you that. I will say that I’m pleased to see that you didn’t die, because I know now how much Ethan truly does care for you. Are you his soul mate by any chance?”
“I have no idea,” I tell her. It’s the truth, but I get the feeling that even if I knew the answer to her question that I shouldn’t tell her. She would probably find a way to use the information against Ethan. She already used me once to distract him. It’s quite possible she could try to use my safety against Ethan again in order to stop him from taking her baby.
“Interesting,” she says before sucking on her spoon to pull off the remainder of the peanut butter. She lifts the jar from her belly to look inside it. Then she lowers it and looks over at me. “I don’t suppose you have some more of this hidden somewhere. I don’t recall seeing another jar of it in your cabinets.”
“Sorry. That’s all I have, and now I have none because you ate it all.”
Helena drops the spoon in the jar, causing the metal to clang against the glass.
“Why is it that you’re here alone, Jules? I thought Ethan would stay glued to your side after being held captive by Manas.”
“I think he needed some alone time,” I say. “After he killed Manas, he asked Zane to take me home.”
“He didn’t even bring you here himself?” Helena asks. She seems to find this development troubling.
“I honestly don’t know why he didn’t. I mean, I get it that taking a man’s life is a big deal …”
“Not for a War Angel,” Helena interrupts. “No, there’s another reason, but I’m not sure what it is.”
She stands from the chair she was sitting in and waves a hand, motioning for me to
stand up as well. I do it, but only because I want to know what she’s up to.
“I think you should go see what’s wrong with lover boy,” she announces, setting the empty jar of peanut butter down on the glass coffee table. “Come closer and I’ll take you to him.”
I slowly shake my head. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. If he wanted me with him, he would have asked me to stay.”
“Between the two of us, who has the most experience with angels and the inner workings of their guilt complexes? Trust me, he wants you with him. He’s just too stubborn to admit it. If you go to Ethan, it’ll show him that you care. Right now, he needs someone to listen to him so he can bare his soul. And if you happen to be his soul mate, there’s no one else he’ll open up to as readily as you. If I were in your shoes, I would ask him if he’s your soul mate. I mean, isn’t that something you should know?”
“What if I’m not?” I ask, considering this a real possibility.
What if I’m not Ethan’s soul mate, and he finds out that I can’t have children? Would that be enough to make him dismiss what we have growing between us and wait for his soul mate to show up, hoping she’s able to bear his children? Just the thought of that scenario makes me nauseous, and I seriously consider not taking Helena up on her offer.
“Do you know where he is right now?” I ask her.
“I assume he’s gone back to Cirrus. I can take you to where I think he will be there, and if he isn’t, I’m sure you can find someone in the palace who can take you to him.”
“What you’re offering to do seems a little too kind for you,” I say cautiously. “What advantage do you get for taking me to him?”
Helena smiles. “You learn quickly. I like that about you. I advise you not to worry about what I’m up to. Whether I take you to him or not, it won’t stop me from doing what needs to be done.”
“So you are planning something,” I say knowingly.
“When am I not?” Helena asks in exasperation with a roll of her eyes. “Do you want to go to Ethan or not, Jules? Your window of opportunity is closing fast here.”
Against my better judgment, I put a little faith in Helena and walk over to her. She places one hand on my arm and one on her belly.
“Are you planning to let me go where I want to this time, little one?” she asks her baby bump, making me wonder if she can speak to her son telepathically or if she’s just being rhetorical.
Apparently, her son does grant her access to her powers because we phase into a fancy looking hallway, right outside a white door.
“This is Ethan’s room,” Helena tells me. “Good luck.”
She phases away before I can say anything in reply.
I stare at the door, trying to work up my nerve to knock. This could be the moment Ethan decides I’m not really the woman he wants. And who knows? Maybe he never imagined us in a serious relationship. He could just want someone to spend time with while he waits for his soul mate to magically appear. Either way, I need to know where he stands, and he needs to know that I’m unable to have children.
With my heart pounding double-time inside my chest, I raise my right hand and lightly tap on the door to discover which path my life will take.
CHAPTER 17
I don’t have to wait for very long before the door is opened. Ethan stands on the other side of the doorway still shirtless and wearing the black leather pants and boots he wore to the duel. When he looks into my eyes, all I see is a blank slate. He’s showing zero emotion to me, and I don’t like that at all.
“Can I come in?” I ask him, not particularly wanting to have our talk while standing out in the hallway.
Without a word, he steps aside to give me enough room to enter. After I’m inside, he closes the door behind me with a soft click. As I let my eyes wander around the room, I immediately notice how stark it is. The basic architecture is the same as the rest of the palace with its golden beige walls and white trim, but there’s barely any furniture except for a simple bed that lacks even a headboard and a small writing desk and chair up against the wall directly across from the bed. There is one large window on the wall opposite from the doorway that looks out over Cirrus, but it has no curtains or other decorations around it.
The only spot of color in the room is a single orange flower in a dainty glass vase on top of the writing desk.
Ethan must notice me staring at the bloom because he says, “Anna has been trying to teach me about all of the flowers found on Earth. She has the maids bring me a new one each day.”
“What’s that one called?”
“A daylily.”
I turn to face Ethan fully because I didn’t come to talk about flowers. I came to ask him something, and that’s exactly what I intend to do.
“I guess I could beat around the bush and make small talk with you,” I say, “but I’m really not that kind of woman. When I want to know something important from a friend, I just ask.”
“Are we friends, Jules?” Ethan inquires, still maintaining his guarded expression.
“I would like to think so,” I answer, feeling nervous now that I’ve set the stage to ask my question to Ethan. A part of me wants to know the answer and a part of me fears that I’ll be given a reply I don’t want to hear.
“Then ask your question, and I’ll do my best to answer it,” he says reasonably enough.
“Does anything faze you?” I say, finding it troubling how calm he is about me just showing up on his doorstep unannounced.
Ethan looks confused. “You came all the way here to ask me that?”
I shake my head. “No. That’s not the question I want to ask you. I was just wondering how you can look so unruffled all the time, except when you’re mad of course. Then you make everyone around you quake in their shoes.”
Ethan takes a step forward and reaches out to touch my arm. Gently, he glides it down the soft skin, past the elbow, until he has my hand in his. Slowly, he brings it up to his bare chest and places the palm of my hand over his heart. I’m slightly startled by how hard and quick the beating of his heart is underneath my hand.
“Do all War Angels have heartbeats like this?” I ask in a whisper as I look into his eyes, waiting for the answer.
“No, it’s not common,” he tells me. “And my heart doesn’t beat this fast all the time. Just when I’m with you.”
I can’t help but smile at that remark because it makes me happy. I’m not ashamed to admit that I like affecting Ethan physically. It at least shows he cares, and I feel less awkward about asking my next question.
“Am I your soul mate, Ethan?” I ask him.
“Yes,” he replies readily, as he watches for my reaction to the news.
The smile on my face simply grows wider, which earns me a smile from Ethan in return. Then I remember what else it is that I need to say and my smile fades.
“What’s wrong?” he asks. “Why did you stop smiling?”
Reluctantly, I take my hand off of Ethan’s chest and clasp it with my other one as I begin to rub their heels together nervously.
“I have to tell you something about me before we take this any further,” I say, swallowing hard to work up the courage to continue. The next words out of my mouth might tear down everything Ethan feels for me right now, and I’m not sure I’m ready to do that. But my conscience is screaming to me that he deserves to know the truth about me before we take things any further.
“Jules,” he says, reaching out to grab ahold of my right arm. “What’s wrong? You can tell me anything.”
“I can’t have children,” I blurt out, feeling on the verge of tears because I don’t see how he can want to be with me now. “I know one of the reasons God sent you and your men to Earth is so you can take humanity to the next step of our evolution, and if you stay with me, you’ll never have a child of your own. I’m all you’ll get.” I shrug my shoulders slightly because I don’t know if I’m enough for Ethan to turn his back on such a large part of his mission.
; Ethan tugs on my arm, urging me closer. Once I’m against him, he loosely wraps his arms around my waist to ensure that I stay put.
“I already assumed you couldn’t have any more children after you told me about the accident,” he reveals.
“And it doesn’t bother you?” I ask, finding it hard to believe. I know the facts of my situation trouble me a great deal. I’ve always wanted children, and now that I can’t have any, I feel like a part of me is missing. I feel broken inside, and it might be foolish, but I’m not sure I’ll ever feel whole again.
“I would have loved to have children with you, Jules, and I do regret that we won’t have a tiny Jules running around our legs one day, but you’re all I need to find happiness on Earth.”
“But what about your God-given mission?” I ask. “Won’t He be upset with you for abandoning it to be with me?”
Ethan grins. “No, He won’t be upset. In fact, I believe He’ll be overjoyed that we found each other. Most people don’t get to meet their soul mates, but He seems to be rather lenient about it when it comes to his angels. So many of us who have been sent to Earth have met the matches to our souls. I don’t know if it’s His way of helping us heal from what happened during the War in Heaven, or if He knows we need to meet certain people during our lives to help us carry out a much larger agenda He has in mind. All I know is that you are the only person in this universe I will ever feel this way about.”
“I’m sorry you drew the short straw,” I tell him, which simply earns me a look of bewilderment from Ethan. “It means you were unlucky by having me be your soul mate.”
Ethan looks even more puzzled. “Why in the world would you think that?”
“I’m damaged goods any way you look at it, Ethan. Let’s face it. I’m not good enough for you.”
“That’s ridiculous, Jules,” he says almost angrily. “Why would that thought even enter your mind?”
“Because it’s true,” I say, pulling myself out of his embrace. “My life is dark, Ethan, and I know I only have myself to blame for that. I allow things to affect me more than they should, and I’m prone to wallow in my own self-pity.”