Felix and Rusty were clearly old friends too, and their relationship was more traditional bloke versus bloke, less intimate and more piss taking and verbal banter. Coco had read the Seven Sexy Sins and knew a little about Rusty from Faith’s column, and now she’d met him in the flesh she could see completely why Faith had fallen so hard for him. Six-foot, slender and muscular with reddish-brown hair, he also had a natural, innate sexiness, although at that moment he looked tired, presumably from his disturbed nights. His wry wit and the way he watched Faith when he thought she wasn’t looking told Coco that he was probably a handful in bed, corroborated by the stories she’d read about him in Faith’s magazine column.
The women she was less sure about. After the meal, Esther stood to join Charlie in the play area as he begged her to watch him come down the slide on his own, and Faith rose with the baby and said, “Want to come, Coco?” Coco hesitated, suddenly nervous about being alone with these women who seemed so confident in themselves and with their men. But she didn’t want to be impolite, so she nodded and got up, giving Felix a quick parting smile, noticing the way he held her hand until she walked away from him.
The three of them entered the tiny play area and Esther sat on one of the big beanbags to watch Charlie carefully climb the steps. He gave her a running commentary as he came down the other side and then repeated the process. Faith joined her, collapsing tiredly onto a beanbag beside her, the baby lying with her cheek resting on Faith’s shoulder, fast asleep.
Coco lowered herself as gracefully as she could onto another beanbag. “You can tell I’m not a mother,” she said wryly. “You can’t go into these places in such a short skirt.”
“I seriously cannot remember the last time I wore a skirt,” Esther complained. “It’s so much easier to wear pants, but I do worry I’ve forgotten how to be feminine.”
Faith flapped a hand. “That’s rubbish. At least you always wear makeup and jewellery.”
“I’ve only started recently. Charlie liked to pull my earrings out when he was a baby. I didn’t wear anything but studs for three years.”
The girls all laughed. “It’s certainly not easy,” Faith said. “But it’s worth it.”
“Yeah,” Esther said, watching Charlie and stroking her bump contentedly.
Coco said nothing, feeling an uncharacteristic pang of envy. She’d never envied mothers before and had always felt a sense of relief whenever she saw tired women with squalling kids, glad she didn’t have to compromise her peaceful life for another person. But being with these friends and their children made her realise what she was missing, and just like earlier she felt a hunger for marriage and motherhood she’d never experienced before.
She looked up to see Faith watching her with bright, curious eyes. “So…” the brown-haired girl said with a touch of mischievousness. “Felix, eh?”
Coco said nothing, her lips twisting and her cheeks growing warm as the two girls grinned.
“I never thought I’d see the day,” Esther said, stretching out her legs and tipping her head at Coco.
“What day?”
“That Felix fell in love.”
Coco’s eyes widened. The two girls started laughing.
“Don’t tell me you’re shocked,” Faith teased. “It’s written all over his face.”
“I…” The truth was, Coco was shocked. She’d known he had feelings for her, but love… “We’ve only been dating a week.”
Both girls shrugged, said at the same time, “So?” and then laughed.
Coco watched Charlie come headfirst down the slide after watching an older boy attempt it, excited to try something different, only to fly off the end, land flat on his face and burst into tears. Esther opened her arms as he ran over to her and let him climb onto her lap, completely unbothered by his tears. “Silly boy,” she said, tightening her arms around him and kissing his hair. “You’re just tired, aren’t you?” She rested her cheek on his head and smiled at Coco. “I’m so pleased for you. Felix is so lovely. Like a slightly classier Toby.” She grinned.
Coco shook her head, flustered. “Sorry, but you’ve got it wrong. He goes back to Auckland Monday. We’re not… I mean, we’re just having a…um…fling, I guess. It’s not serious.”
Faith and Esther exchanged a glance. “Sure,” Faith said. She smiled and leaned forward conspiratorially to change the subject. “So what about Gene, then? Who can we fix him up with?”
Glad that Faith had picked up that she didn’t want to talk about her relationship with Felix, Coco let them talk about his best mate, but her brain worked furiously as they chatted.
Felix loved her? Was that true? Surely it couldn’t be. Not that it mattered even if he did. Although, if he did love her, was there a possibility they could work something out?
“I need a pee,” Faith suddenly announced out of the blue. She squirmed in the beanbag, trying to get up, then gave in and sighed. She glanced at Coco. “I don’t suppose you’d hold Pippa for a minute while I go? I’d get Rusty but he’s practically asleep at the table, poor fellow.”
The last time Coco had held a baby had been when one of the secretaries brought one into the offices a year ago. She’d been all fingers and thumbs and had been glad to hand it on to one of the other women who’d been eager to have a cuddle. But it felt impolite to say no, so she said, “Sure,” and leaned over as Faith passed her the baby girl.
“Thank God,” Faith said, struggling to her feet. “My pelvic floor’s completely gone to pot since giving birth.”
“Tell me about it.” Esther gestured to her jeans. “One cough and I’m in serious trouble.”
Coco watched Faith go and then turned her attention to the tiny bundle in her arms. The girl was dressed in an adorable white all-in-one with tiny pink rabbits on it, and she was wrapped in what was obviously a handmade shawl. She stirred and waved a small hand in the air for a moment before relaxing back into sleep.
“Nice like that, aren’t they?” Esther said. “It’s great when you can give them back if they start screeching.”
“She’s beautiful.” Coco inspected the miniature nose and rosebud mouth that pursed and moved as if sucking, and the curling lashes that lay on her whiter-than-white cheek. “Just perfect.”
“You should see Rusty with her,” Esther said. “You’d never have thought a guy like that would be good with babies, but he does everything.”
“Is Toby like that?” Coco asked.
Esther smiled. “He’s great with Charlie—they’re like a lion and his cub, all rough and tumble, you know? God knows how he’ll be with a baby though. He’s all fingers and thumbs usually so it’s going to be fun watching him with something so tiny.” The baby gave a loud burp, and the women laughed. Esther rolled her eyes. “So, do you want one now?”
Coco looked at the baby and let herself imagine for a moment that it was her and Felix’s daughter lying in her arms, and to her shock a wave of emotion rolled over her, bringing tears to her eyes and making her breath catch in her throat.
“Oh crap.” Esther sat up hurriedly and leaned across to rub her arm. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.”
Embarrassed, Coco sniffed and shook her head. “It’s okay, I’m all right. I just… I don’t think this is going to happen for me, you know?”
Esther’s forehead crinkled with concern. “You don’t think you and Felix have a future?”
“I can’t see how we can make it work.”
Esther smiled. “I thought the same with his brother. I lived on a different island from him, for God’s sake. But it worked out. Sometimes you have to trust in love.”
I’d like to, Coco thought. But even though the girls had teased her that he was in love with her, how was she to know if it was the truth? And even if it was, she had her mother and he had his job in Auckland—how could they ever make that work?
Chapter Forty-Four
Felix glanced at Coco, and the breath caught in his throat as he saw her with the baby cradled in h
er arms. Esther was leaning forward, frowning, and he got the impression she was concerned because Coco was upset. As he watched, Coco rubbed her nose and said something that made Esther laugh and lean back on the beanbag, Charlie cradled in her lap. Coco looked back down at the baby, and he watched as she placed a kiss on Pippa’s dark hair.
He’d never thought about having kids before. Not because he didn’t want any particularly—he was content to think it might happen in the future, but he knew that ideally other things needed to come first like a wife and mortgage, although to be fair it hadn’t happened that way for Toby. But the thought of actually having a child, of picturing himself holding a baby, had never entered his head.
Of course sometimes it had crossed his mind that it would be nice if one day he could have a son at his side, when he was fishing maybe, and he’d picture himself teaching the boy how to tie on the hook and load a worm. Or when he was playing rugby, he’d imagine showing the lad how to throw and catch, and the best way to pass the ball. But a baby? The thought had always filled him with a kind of horror. Babies were noisy and smelly and interrupted your sleep. They stopped you going out and ruined your sex life. He’d never found the thought particularly appealing.
But watching Coco sitting there, singing to the little bundle in her arms, for the first time in his life he had a surge of paternal desire, an urge to take her, plant his seed in her, watch her swell with his child and be at her side as she brought that child into the world. It was so strong it made him dizzy, and so unexpected that if he’d been standing, he was pretty sure he’d have fallen over.
Someone said something, and he blinked and looked across at his friends. Gene’s eyebrows had risen half an inch. Rusty was smirking even though his eyes were half-closed. Toby was grinning outright, and as Felix focused on him, he sang, “Felix and Coco, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I—”
“Fuck off,” Felix said, throwing them a glare as they all started laughing.
Toby sat back in his chair, fingers linked, and studied him, eyes gleaming. “Jeez, bro’, you’ve got it bad.”
Felix finished off his beer and poured himself another from the half-full pitcher on the table. “Just because you’re saddled with a ball and chain, you needn’t take it out on the rest of us.”
“Yep,” Toby said cheerfully. “Hitched and saddled.”
“That was supposed to be a sarcastic comment.”
“Don’t care. I like being married. I can have sex whenever I want and I don’t have to wear a fucking condom.”
Rusty heaved a sigh. “I used to. When I had the energy.”
They all laughed. Toby grinned at Felix and Gene. “Aren’t you two tempted?”
“Nope,” Gene said.
Felix opened his mouth, then shut it again. Against his will, his gaze slid across to Coco. Faith had returned and taken the baby, and Coco now stretched out her legs, bare to mid-thigh, long and tanned. At the top, he knew they paled to a strip of white which led to the beautiful soft patch of skin either side of her hair.
He leaned forward and rested his forehead on the table, and they all burst out laughing.
He banged it a few times, then sat up and stared at the ceiling. “I don’t know what I’m going to do.”
“Ask her to move to Auckland,” Rusty suggested.
“She looks after her mother, who’s got Multiple Sclerosis.”
They all thought about that for a while.
“You could move to Wellington,” Toby said.
Felix hesitated. Toby had moved to Christchurch to be with Esther, so he didn’t consider it a particularly difficult proposition. But then Toby hadn’t had a career. Or rather the one he did have, carpentry, he could do anywhere.
You can be a lawyer anywhere too, asshole, Felix’s brain whispered, and he cursed himself and let out a heavy sigh.
The problem was that he loved working at the Auckland office, and he heartily disliked the Wellington branch. He disliked the building, the décor and most of the people in it, which was a bit of a drawback.
No, that wasn’t strictly true. He did dislike the décor, but on the whole the people were okay. He disliked Peter Dell and his sidekick with a passion though. He would never be able to work with them, even if there was a possibility that Dell would welcome him into the branch, which was extremely unlikely.
Of course he could try to get a position at another law firm, but he liked McAllister Dell. He’d worked hard to gain a reputation there, he liked working for Christopher McAllister, and if he moved firms now it would take him several more years to make partner, whereas he was pretty sure Christopher was going to put him forward to the board early the following year.
He couldn’t see a way out. It would take a huge sacrifice in the career in which he’d worked a good portion of his life, for this woman he’d only known for a week. Didn’t that sound crazy when he said it out loud—or, rather, when he voiced it in his head?
He looked at Gene, who’d steadfastly avoided any attempt from previous girlfriends to tie him down. “Come on, mate, back me up. It’s just a fling. There’s no need to start talking about forever and ever amen, eh?”
Gene shrugged. “Marriage isn’t for everyone. Personally, I can’t imagine wanting to tie myself to one person for the rest of my life. That doesn’t mean it won’t happen—just that I haven’t yet met anyone that’s made me think about commitment to that extent.” He smiled. “But I have to admit, I haven’t seen you this happy since, well, forever really.”
“Since Lindsey,” said Toby.
Felix rolled his eyes. “Next you’ll all be getting out the choc-chip ice cream and making me watch Bridget Jones.”
“Classic avoidance,” said Toby. “Done it all my life so I recognise it in others now. If she’s the one, you’ve got to go for it.”
“It’s not that easy.” Felix gripped the handle of his glass. “I’ve only known her a week, for Christ’s sake. We’ve slept together precisely four times. How am I supposed to make a life decision based on that?”
“Four times?” Toby said. “Is that all?”
Felix threw him an exasperated look. “Give me a break. I have been working.”
“Even so. You’re slacking. You’re supposed to be in your prime.”
“It’s quality, not quantity. I’ve made up for it in content.”
Toby’s eyebrows rose. “Content?”
“It’s a fantasy thing, there was an igloo and…” His voice faded away at the look on their faces. “Never mind.”
“You fucked in an igloo?”
“Inappropriate, Toby,” Rusty said.
“I’m interested.” Toby leaned forward. “Didn’t you worry your dick would get frostbite?”
Felix gave in. “It wasn’t a real igloo. There were boxes and a white sheet… Look, that’s not the point. It was about sexual fantasies.”
The guys started laughing. Rusty grinned. “You know Faith’s going to want a list for her magazine column.”
Felix closed his eyes. “I’ve had too much to drink. Please don’t say anything to her.” He knew what Faith was like. She was always looking for ideas for her column and once she got wind of someone having fun in the bedroom, she demanded details.
“It’s not exactly a long-term commitment,” Gene agreed.
“I’ve been out with other girls for months,” Felix pursued stubbornly. “I can’t change my whole life after one week.”
Their smiles faded. “It’s a tough call,” Gene said. “I guess she’ll just be the one that got away.”
Felix watched Coco get to her feet and help Faith up with the baby. The one that got away. Gene was right. It was easy for Toby to get all romantic and talk about moving across the country, but he’d had a child with Esther—that had made the decision a lot easier. Felix liked Coco, and it was entirely possible that if they’d lived close enough to continue seeing each other, the relationship might have grown into something. But their circumstances meant that was impossible. And he had
to stop fantasising about happy ever afters and accept this was just a fling, and deal with it.
The girls came back to the table, Charlie now dozing on Esther’s shoulder. “Jeez, he’s getting heavy,” she said. She looked at the wet patch on her top. “And he dribbles in his sleep, just like his father.”
Toby grinned and kissed her on the cheek, and she giggled. Felix smiled. It was good to see his brother so happy. He didn’t resent him for the way his life had turned out. He did envy him a little, though.
The waitress came up and they decided to order a quick coffee before they all left and returned to their hotel rooms for the night. I’m getting old, Felix thought, looking at his watch and seeing it was only half past seven.
“I need to feed Pippa,” Faith said. “Um, does anyone mind if I do it at the table? I’ll happily go into the ladies’ if you’d rather.”
Everyone said of course not, that she was fine where she was, and they all politely averted their gazes and carried on talking while she slipped a hand up her top to unbutton the maternity bra and nestled the baby close to her. Truthfully, Felix would never have known she was nursing if she hadn’t told them.
It was, of course, not the done thing at all to stare at your mate’s wife’s breasts, but Felix found his gaze drawn to Faith as she sat there only half-listening to the conversation, enveloped in her own little world with the baby, curled up against Rusty who had his arm around her and who murmured something in her ear that made her smile before he placed a kiss on his daughter’s head.
Felix felt a deep hollowness inside, born out of envy and a rising sadness that for him this moment of marital and parental bliss seemed further away than ever. Part of him felt cross at himself at that—the thought of having children hadn’t even entered his head before he came to Wellington—why was he suddenly all glassy-eyed and broody?
Five Exotic Fantasies: Love in Reverse, Book 3 Page 27