Echo runs up to me only in her pink pajama shorts and tank top, with fluffy bunny slippers on her feet, and she pulls me into a tight bear hug. “Oh, sweets, how I missed you!”
“You slept past your alarm, didn’t you?”
“Hush.” She squeezes me extra hard, not caring about all the looks we’re receiving from everyone seeing what I see. It’s after three o’clock. People should not be dressed like this at this time.
Well, Echo can.
“I missed you, too,” I finally manage to say.
We break away and head toward my car. Echo continues to drive so I can relax and drink tea until we’re home. “I didn’t tell him,” she blurts out. “Owen. I didn’t tell him you’re back.”
I nod, grateful for the discretion. I need some time to think about what I’m going to say. I need some time to prepare for the moment I see him.
I need time to see if I can be strong and not break.
“Did you not go to class today?” I ask, not wanting to get lost in thoughts of Owen until we’re face to face.
Echo shrugs her shoulders. “I slept with Freddie last night and I think he broke my vagina. I couldn’t make it to class.” She looks at me briefly, making a pained face when she points at her crotch.
My mouth drops open. “You slept with Freddie?!”
“Hey, I was really excited about you coming back. He showed up with chocolate cake and well, cake is my weakness. Holy shit, sweets, he knows how to fuck.” She hits a pothole and immediately grabs her crotch and groans from the impact. “But I can never do it again. My poor vagina can’t handle it. I told him this and he left with the biggest smile on his stupid handsome face.”
I stare at my best friend not sure what to feel; shocked, excited, embarrassed. Glad? She finally slept with Freddie. The dude has waited for four years! Jesus, I want to pat him on the back or something.
God, I missed Echo so much.
“Do you want to take a nap when we get home? I need to ice my baby maker so I won’t be much fun unless you want to watch a few movies?”
We get closer to the house when I make up my mind.
“Is Owen home?”
Echo bites her lip and thinks about it, humming until she knows the answer. “I think he’s at the pizzeria with some people from class. Freddie mentioned them acing a group project so they might go out and celebrate.”
When Echo parks, she takes out her phone and calls Freddie. Her guess was right. They’re all at the pizzeria near Cedar.
She helps me bring some of my things in, and once Mowgli is set up with fresh food and water, I tell Echo that I’m heading out.
I make a stop at the café Owen loves before I drive toward the pizzeria. I don’t really know what I plan on doing. I just want to see him. I want to talk to him. I want to be around him.
I walk past a few people sitting on benches until I slow to a stop in front of the wide window of the pizzeria. The neon “open” sign is in my way so I take a step to the left, looking in.
I spot Owen and Freddie at a table with a few girls and one other guy. They’re all talking and laughing. They’re all grabbing a slice of pizza from the middle of the table and transferring it onto their plates. But something makes me lean forward, trying to get a closer look.
Owen isn’t smiling. He’s talking but he’s not laughing. And he’s looking at the slice of pizza on his plate like it’s the most disgusting thing in the world.
He looks lonely in a place full of people.
He looks heartbroken.
Owen, where’s your beautiful smile?
He looks up, his eyes traveling around the restaurant nonchalantly, passing over me and moving on to the next person. Until his eyes swing back to me. And he sits up straighter.
He turns toward Freddie, probably asking him something and then both of them look over at me. Freddie says something and then Owen is out of his seat, striding toward the exit like he’s trying to escape hell.
When he’s out of the door, he walks up to me, his eyes dancing over my face. And very slowly, I see his lips curl up into a smile. “You’re here.”
Very slowly, I feel my heart start to beat again.
“I’m here.”
The words don’t even leave my lips before he’s wrapping his arms around me, squeezing tight.
I don’t even feel the pain from my tattoo. My craving for his hugs dulled the pain.
Owen buries his nose in my hair, inhaling deeply. “I didn’t think you were real.” He chuckles into my neck. “Fuck, Zo, you’re actually here. And you’re blonde.”
“I still have some brown,” I state, shrugging.
Owen pulls back enough to cradle my face in his hands.
I stare into his green eyes. Eyes as green as the trees in the forest near the creek we used to visit.
Eyes that don’t make my heart crumble in pain.
“Can I kiss you?” he asks with a crooked smile and a gleam in his eyes.
I haven’t stopped staring.
They don’t hurt to look at.
Those are his eyes. Only his.
A smile breaks out onto my lips, making me giggle like a weirdo. I nod my answer, watching his eyes close as he leans forward to kiss me. Mine flutter closed a second before his lips meet mine.
God, to have his lips on mine, his hands on me, his heart against mine, it feels divine.
Breathing in his familiar scent, I know I’m home.
Being with him is home.
Owen smiles against my lips and then rests his forehead against mine. “Hey.”
“Hi.”
We stare at each other for five, ten, fifteen seconds before we break out into small laughter over nothing. Sometimes laughing over absolutely nothing is good for your soul.
“I brought you coffee,” I say, holding up the coffee cup.
His eyes land on the cup and then fly back to me. “You stepped foot inside the café?”
“I figured I’d have to do it sometime. You do plan on proposing to me inside one, don’t you?”
This time his cheeks get a little redder and he looks off to the side, chuckling as he drops his head and squeezes the back of his neck. He looks up at me through his lashes. “You found the note?”
“It was hiding in The Jungle Book. I finally remembered what book I was reading that day.”
When I got home I scoured my room for books I might have read during the day of prom. I couldn’t pinpoint any of them because I read so many. Until I found my copy of Owen’s favorite book sitting on the top shelf of my favorites.
Written on a piece of paper was:
I know your dress isn’t yellow but you look as beautiful as Belle tonight. You never dressed up as a Disney princess for Halloween, why? Because I’d have to be Beast and you don’t want to hide this handsome face?
I’m going to give you a library full of books some day, Zo. I will. But I have to ask you an important question before then. I plan on asking you to marry me in a coffee shop so I can have two of my favorite things under the same roof. Do you think you’d ever be able to handle the smell of coffee? For me?
“It’s still really strong and suffocating in there but I did it,” I murmur, handing the cup to him.
He takes it, his fingers brushing against mine slowly.
He brings the cup up to his lips and takes a sip, keeping his eyes on me over the top of the lid. “Do you want a sip?”
I make a disgusted face, sticking out my tongue to add how awful that sounds. “Not today. Probably when I say ‘yes’ though.”
He drops the cup near his side, but his smile never fades. “When you say yes?”
I look down at our feet, feeling a light buzzing start running throughout my body. “Don’t act like you’re going to take no for an answer. You’re stuck with me. We’re Zowen. No one can come between us.”
He takes my chin in his hands and tilts my head up slowly. “Those have to be some of my favorite words to have ever left your mouth.”
I take a step forward, wrapping my arms around his hard body. “I missed you, Wen.”
“I missed you, too.”
I feel something tingle in my chest, working its way down my body until I’m consumed in this feeling. It feels light, like a cool breeze blowing past.
“I want to tell you about New York,” I state. “I want to tell you everything from the beautiful city to the rude people. Can we go somewhere?”
He nods, looking down at me. “Let’s go home, Zo. It was getting lonely without you.”
Owen spots Freddie through the window and does a few hand motions involving me.
I wave when he waves at me.
And then we go home.
And it feels so fucking good to finally breathe.
We talk for hours; the two of us sprawled out on his bed like old times. It makes me feel comfortable. It makes me question why I stayed away so long. But it makes me understand that I had to go away. I had to do this for me.
“I didn’t think I could do it but I did. I needed to be on my own, I guess. I needed to deal with my demons and not have people I love around me so I didn’t hurt them with my words. I would have lashed out.” I look up at Owen, rubbing my leg against his jean-clad one. “Dr. Owens helped me so much. I didn’t think it would be possible. He just…he looked like Dad. And it felt so good to let everything out knowing he wasn’t my father.”
Maybe I’ll never be able to tell my father the truth of what happened to me. He still considers me his baby. I’m his only child. I could never, and would never willingly break his heart with something he can’t change or fix.
I’m learning how to deal with all of this myself. Dr. Owens said I might never let it go and that’s normal. I just need to focus on my life now, and not let the past rule my thoughts.
I inhale a shaky breath. “How’s your family doing?”
He’s quiet for a few seconds. My eyes land on the hollow of his throat and I watch him struggle to say the words.
“It’s okay if they still miss him,” I confess, trying to think about how they’re dealing with all of this. “You too.”
Owen swallows, his chest rising and falling rapidly. “We miss the person we thought he was.” That’s understandable. “Beckett’s sorry for all the hostility. To be honest, I think he’s taking it the hardest. He’s always wanted to be like…him.”
I squeeze my eyes shut when I ask about Ari and his mom. Owen didn’t want to tell me what his mother told him the day everything exploded but Echo told me that Hilary walked in on Michael while his hand was on his daughter. If I knew that happened…I would have spoken up. I would have protected that little girl even if that meant I destroyed our families.
I try to tell myself that he didn’t touch her after that moment. I try to believe that somewhere deep down he wouldn’t scar his daughter with those horrifying things. Just me. Only me.
Please God, tell me she was spared.
“Mom took everything down that belongs to him or involves him. Ari keeps her busy and she doesn’t stay out with friends too long anymore. Everyone is just…we’re stuck in-between hating him and feeling sick for missing him.”
I rest my head on his chest when I have nothing to say. What can I say to him? His family has every right to feel the way they do. Just because I could never mourn the loss of his father doesn’t mean they have to feel the same.
A few minutes later I lift my head to see what Owen’s doing.
He brings his hand up to my face and runs his finger down the side of my face, stopping at my lips. His eyes never stray past my lips.
I want them to lock on mine. I want to stare at his eyes and see the man that has always been home to me.
I want to see my future.
I want to see him.
“Wen…”
“Hmm.”
I inhale softly. “Look at me.”
Those three words terrorized me growing up. I’d hear them leave his lips every time we were alone. They were ultimately the last words I heard before I made a decision that ended a life.
And now when Owen slowly looks up, his gaze colliding with mine, I do nothing but smile. “I missed you.” I snuggle into his side, burying my head into the crook of his arm. He tries to wrap his arm around me but I stop him before he puts any pressure on my tattoo. “Wait!”
He freezes like he did something to hurt me.
“I want to show you something. And if you hug me, it’ll hurt.” I lift my shirt up slowly, revealing the cherry blossom tattoo inch by inch.
Owen drops his hand onto my stomach, barely tracing the lines of each branch with his finger. He’s not touching the actual ink, he’s touching around it. And it feels so good.
“This is fucking beautiful, Zo.” He pulls back just a bit to see the entire thing. “When did you get this done?”
“Yesterday.”
His eyes widen. “Fuck! At the pizzeria I hugged you really fucking hard.” He squeezes his eyes shut and shakes his head. “I hurt you, didn’t I?”
I answer when his eyes open again. “I didn’t feel it. I only felt you.”
He continues to shake his head but a ghost of a smile appears on his lips and then he’s kissing my neck and my face and tickling me in areas where my tattoo hasn’t touched. “I’m sorry for hurting you. Because I did. I know I did.” He kisses me everywhere until we’re laughing like hyenas on his bed.
Taking in a shaky breath, I try to school my facial features into looking semi serious as I take his face into my hands and then softly press my lips against his.
It’s such a delicate kiss; it’s the beginning of us.
I pull back to see his reaction, and his eyes…they shine so bright. “Come here,” he murmurs, pulling me back toward him.
I fall against his chest and melt into his body when he kisses me harder. I push up on my elbows and throw my leg around him so I straddle his waist, and we’re just kissing for what seems like forever until my fingers glide down his chest and stop at his jeans.
Do you think…we could…?
He blindly reaches for that hand and places it back onto his chest. Owen pulls away just an inch to say, “I just got you back. It’ll seem shitty if we have sex right now. Let me hold you for a few more hours.”
In a few hours it’ll be midnight.
Give me today to try and change your mind, was what he said before I left. Maybe he’s doing it now. Maybe he thinks moving too fast with ruin all the progress I’ve made.
I won’t change my mind. But I’ll do what he wants.
I lick my lips and nod, bringing our mouths back together.
A slow clap comes from the bedroom door, forcing us to break apart and look that way. Freddie stands there leaning against the doorway with a cheeky smile on his lips. “Fina-fucking-lly.” He winks at me, wiggles his eyebrows at Owen and then reaches for the doorknob. “I’ll leave you two kids alone. Enjoy!”
“Fuck off, Freddie!” both Owen and I shout, laughing when Freddie flips us the bird.
I turn back to Owen, peppering soft kisses over his face until I stop at his lips. “I let her go,” I whisper.
“Who?” he whispers back.
“The girl who was afraid of you.” I blink back tears as I wrap my arms around him as best as I can from this position. “You don’t break my heart, Owen. Not anymore.” I wipe a stray tear from my cheek when I add, “You give it a reason to keep beating.”
He places a hand on the small of my back, rubbing slow circles up and down my spine. “I love you, Zo.”
“I know. You always have.” I prop myself up on his chest and stare into his eyes for one, two, three, four, five seconds before the words flow effortlessly from my mouth. “I love you too, Owen.”
Just you.
Always you.
Forever.
“To infinity and beyond,” I whisper. “For eternity.”
He wipes another rogue tear that escaped and cups the side of my face. “The real question is, do you love m
e more than books?”
I sit back on his legs and frown. I hesitate trying to get a reaction out of him. His mouth drops open and he looks at me incredulously.
I start to giggle. “I do! I do! Books will always have my heart but you had it first. You gave me my first book, Owen. Do you know how special that day was for me? I was hurting…and you healed my little heart. You gave me another world to live in.”
“I’ll continue to give you many, many more.”
I stare down at him with love in my eyes. I’m pretty sure I look like a complete spaz but I don’t care.
He’s already given me so much.
It’s time I give back.
I flop onto the bed beside him and wrap myself up in him. “Hold me, lover.”
“As you wish.”
He wraps me up in his arms like I’m a delicate flower, and he kisses me like his favorite sin.
It’s heaven.
No longer my downfall.
Just my ascent.
My mother finally caved and gave me permission to see the house early. It’s not furnished yet but she’s leaving that up to me and my tastes. The only requirement is that I take Owen with me. It’s my dream house, she said. Sharing it with my best friend would make it even more special.
I’ve been back in Seattle for three weeks so she’s up to date on everything. Echo has become her little spy and gave her updates about me. I still hear the heartbreak in her voice when we talk. Mom tries to hide it but there’s only so much sadness a person can endure before it takes over everything. When she laughs, I know the exact second she remembers what she knows now. I can see the way her eyes drop to the floor, the way her hand reaches for her heart and squeezes, and the way her lips quiver when she realizes that her baby was hurt and she never knew.
I left my parents’ house three hours ago and I witnessed it all happen when she kissed my forehead goodbye and handed me a pink box full of Voodoo Donuts. A box of my favorite childhood books sit on the backseat beside them, waiting to be read again soon.
Let Her Go Page 21