Virago breathes out softly, slowly, squeezing her arm around my shoulders. “Did you love this woman?”
I don’t even think before I answer, and my answer is this: “No,” I tell her, and my voice is soft, but certain. “I mean, I thought I did. But I didn’t really know what that meant, and I just…didn’t. And she didn’t love me.” I breathe out, gaze down at my hands clutching my car keys and another damp tissue. “I’ve wasted four years of my life because I wanted what I didn’t have but I should have broken up with her years ago, and I…I’ve been really stupid,” I say, taking a deep breath.
Virago shakes her head, and then with a gentle strength, she’s drawing me close to her, so that my head is resting on her shoulder. I stiffen in this position, because it’s so intimate, the most intimate action that Virago has ever done. But surely she doesn’t mean it that way.
“Holly, of all people I have ever known, you are one of the smartest,” Virago tells me quietly. “You are not stupid. I read today a book in the library. And it said something that I think is very good. It said ‘the heart has its reasons which reason knows nothing of.’”
“Blaise Pascal said that,” I tell her quietly.
“Well, it’s very true,” she says gently. “Do not worry yourself so much. You cared for this woman, and that is important. That is good. And it is over now. But it was important that it happened. It was not wasted time.”
“Are you sure, Virago?” I ask her, sitting up as the tears run down my face. “Because what if I’m never…” I choke on my words, swallow them. What if I’m never going to be brave enough to tell you how I feel? You’ll leave, and this will all be over, and you will never have known that I cared about you.
Virago shakes her head again, smiles gently at me. “Holly, all will be well,” she tells me with such surety and conviction that it must be true.
I sit back heavily against the swing, and then, as if drawn by a gravity, I drift down until I’m softly pillowing my head on Virago’s shoulder again.
I concentrate on taking deep breaths, on trying not to think about wasted time. I try to concentrate on the muscle of Virago’s shoulder, how her body conforms to hold mine so gently and thoughtfully.
I try to memorize this moment.
Out on my lawn, a firefly drifts gently along the shorn grass, glowing brightly every few heartbeats as it tries to find a mate.
But there are no other fireflies on my lawn, and I sit there wondering if, like me, that firefly is meant to be alone forever.
Chapter 13: The Joust
I wake up to the fine, pungent aroma of espresso right under my nose.
I open my eyes, blink at the scene greeting me.
“Howdy,” says Carly, shoving the to-go coffee cup even more under my nose, waggling it back and forth. “Wake up!”
I sit up groggily, stare at my best friend who’s sitting on the edge of my bed with a latte in her hand like it’s the most normal thing in the world on a weekday morning. “Carly?” I manage, taking the coffee cup from her and taking a sip from it. It’s filled with my favorite vanilla latte, complete with two extra shots of espresso. I take another sip, frown at her. “Not that I’m not happy to see you, but…what the hell are you doing here?”
“Good morning to you, too,” she says with a brow up as she gets up off my bed with a shrug. “I came by because I took the day off, and Virago let me in. I figured you’d need some help finding the beast before tonight, and I thought maybe we could rent a tour boat or something this afternoon, go out on the big blue sea, or—”
“Sure,” I tell her tiredly, taking another sip of latte. “Hey, thanks for getting this for me…it’s just what I needed.” I rub at my grimy eyes, stuck shut at the corners from the excess tears I cried last night.
God, last night. What a train wreck last night was, complete with Nicole telling me she’d been sleeping with Mikaylah, who’s probably not even twenty-one yet, a baby, and Nicole had been sleeping with her for one year. God…
“Oh, I didn’t get that latte for you,” says Carly with wide eyes. “Virago did.”
I stare at my best friend, my mouth open. I swear I hear a distant record-scratch as my eyes widen. “What?”
“Virago walked up to the drive-through. It’s only a couple of blocks,” she admonishes me and my stricken face. “She found a five-dollar bill on the sidewalk, and she took Shelley for a walk this morning and wanted to get you something, and I quote ‘after the night you had,’ which, of course, made me think you guys had slept together, but you look like hell, so I’m guessing you probably didn’t, and—”
I set the latte on my bedside table, push the covers off me. “Virago walked to the drive-through to get me a latte,” I repeat.
“Did you guys sleep together?” asks Carly suspiciously.
I sort of deflate at that. “No,” I tell her quietly. “I broke up with Nicole last night. That’s what Virago was talking about when she said I had a rough night.”
Carly stares at me with her mouth open for a full minute. I actually made her speechless—what I thought was an impossible feat. “You…you actually did it,” she whispers.
“Yeah,” I tell her, flopping back on my elbows on the bed with a sigh. “I guess I really did.”
“But that’s amazing! Oh, my God, Holly, you actually did it!” Carly claps her hands over her mouth as she realizes the volume of decibels her voice is at. “But that means,” she says, lowering her voice to a whisper again, “that you’re perfectly free to move forward with Virago—”
“No,” I tell Carly, shaking my head as I feel the sadness begin to descend again. “Virago’s going back to her world today. Why would I tell her? It would just complicate…” I take a deep breath. “Well, it would complicate everything.”
Carly reaches forward, takes my shoulders again and gives them a little shake, her brows furrowed. “Holly,” she whispers, her eyes round and very, very serious. “This is your life. If you don’t tell her, you’re going to regret it for the rest of your life. Please—”
“Good morrow!” says Virago, who happens to be leaning on my doorframe again, her hip pressed against the wooden frame, and her arms folded in front of her. Her shirt sleeves (freshly laundered last night while she took a long shower, and I tried not to think about her taking a shower, and failing utterly, even though I was perfectly miserable) are rolled up to the elbows, and her shirt is unbuttoned on the bottom until it’s half-way up her navel. She looks comfortable and happy, the smile spreading across her face so bright that, inside, I can feel my heart melting.
“Good morrow…I mean morning,” I tell her, and then I pick up the coffee cup, point to it. “Did you get me a latte?”
“But of course,” she says, her lips twitching at the corners as she tries to suppress her mischievous smirk. “You have been very kind to me, m’lady Holly, and I wanted to do some small kindness for you. I hope it meets your expectations?”
God, yes, you do, I think, but I nod, try not to think about that. “Yes, thank you,” I tell her in a small voice, and Virago pushes off from the doorframe. For half a heartbeat, I think she’ll saunter into the bedroom, continue the conversation, but she turns away (did I imagine that she turns regretfully?), and shuts the door behind her.
Carly looks at me with very wide eyes. “Are you guys sure you didn’t sleep together last night?”
“Oh, my God, get your mind out of the gutter,” I tell her, trying not to smile myself as I crawl out of bed. My eyes may be gritty from tears, but hell, Virago walked through a drive-through and got me a latte. I stand up, stretch a little. “I asked my supervisor if I could take today off yesterday because I knew we’d need all day for the beast, and—”
For a moment, Carly looks stricken, and it’s odd enough that I falter mid-sentence. “What’s wrong?” I ask her.
“No, it’s nothing,” she says quickly, sitting down on the edge of my bed again. “It’s just that…I thought you were going to work today?”
I stare at her for a long moment. “I mean, normally I would, since it’s a weekday,” I say slowly. “But, you know, there’s that tiny matter of a magical beast running amok somewhere, who we really need to find. But, seriously, Carly, what’s up?”
“Nothing, nothing,” she says in such a way that I know, absolutely, that’s not true, that there is very much something going on that she’s not telling me. Carly’s always been a crappy liar.
“Okay, I’m going to use the bathroom, and then I’m going to ask you what’s up again, okay?” I tell her. She grimaces at me a little and waves me on to the bathroom. I gather up my robe, a change of clothes from my chair by the door, and then go into the bathroom and shut the door.
I run the shower very, very hot and try to be quick about it—we have a beast to catch!—but end up taking a little longer than I would have liked because my shower head runs on the slower side. When I’m finally done rinsing out all the conditioner, I step out, towel myself off and vigorously rub the towel on my head.
Oddly enough, I hear the front door open and shut.
Huh. Probably Carly getting something out of her car or something. I don’t really think anything of it until I’m in my jeans and t-shirt, having combed through my hair and given up on the thought of makeup for the day. I step out of the bathroom, letting out a cloud of steam with me from my extra-hot shower…
And Carly’s right at the door.
“Hi,” I tell her, placing my hands on my hips. “Okay, seriously, there’s something up. What’s going on?”
“Absolutely nothing,” she says, but the corners of her mouth are twitching something fierce, and when she actually places her hand over her mouth to hide her smile, I frown at her.
“What,” I say as sternly as I’m capable, “is going on?”
“I told her!” she blurts out then with a wail. “I told her you’d never go for it! I know you, I told her, but—”
I raise a single eyebrow, cross my arms in front of me.
“Virago?” I call out.
There’s no answer.
“Virago’s gone,” says Carly quietly.
I feel my world fall away from me. I feel such pain rend my heart in two that I can’t breathe.
“What?” I whisper, pressing my hand to my heart, willing the pain to stop. “Where? Why?”
Carly bites her lip, shakes her head. “She made me promise not to tell you.”
“Carly—”
“Hey,” says Carly gently, stepping forward and gripping my elbows with fierce fingers. “It’s okay. I promise it’s okay, all right?” Her eyes are flashing with happiness, so maybe it’s not really all that bad. “She wanted me to take you somewhere. It’ll all make sense, soon, but don’t be upset, okay?”
“I don’t understand,” I begin, but she shakes her head.
“Get dressed. We have to go,” she says, smiling as she presses her hands to the small of my back and all but shoves me into my bedroom.
“Carly, I am dressed,” I tell her testily. My level of patience is beginning to wane.
“Well,” says Carly carefully, glancing me up and down. “Where we’re going? You’re a little under-dressed, my dear.”
Mystified, I take what she hands me, and she closes the bedroom door behind her as she all but waltzes out of my bedroom.
I stare down at the bundle of clothes in my hands.
It’s the dress I always wear to the Renaissance Festival.
---
“I feel like I’m being kidnapped,” I tell Carly when we’re in her car, driving to an undisclosed destination. I thought we were headed to the Knights of Valor Festival, but we’re not taking the usual way, so I guess not?
I have no idea what’s going on, and it’s got me more than a little flustered.
“Drink your latte. Do kidnap victims have lattes? I highly doubt it,” Carly answers confidently, making a right hand turn onto a road I’ve never been on leading more toward the heart of Boston.
“Carly, if you could just tell me—”
“I,” she says with a sniff, “have been sworn to the utmost of secrecies. So shush and drink your latte.”
“Carly,” I tell her patiently, drawing out the syllables of her name, “we don’t have time for whatever…well, whatever this is. We have to find the beast, and—”
“Don’t worry about the beast,” says Carly with conviction, her eyebrows up.
I blink at her, splutter: “Don’t worry about it? Are you crazy? This is the fate of the world in our hands, and you—”
“There’s no reason to worry about it—we know where the beast is,” she says quietly, gripping the steering wheel a little tighter.
I stare at her.
She casts me a sidelong glance as she makes a left hand turn and shrugs. “I was going to tell you about it, but this morning has been a little…well, I’ve been distracted,” she mutters vaguely. “Anyway, the beast hasn’t moved from the same spot for about twelve hours, and we know exactly where it is, and it’s not moving, so—”
“And where,” I say, gritting my teeth as I take a deep breath, “is it exactly?”
“About a mile off-shore. It’s in an underwater cave, and it’s not leaving,” says Carly with another shrug. “Virago thinks she may have hurt the beast a little more than she thought, and it’s taking longer for the creature to heal or something, and it needs a little time out to regroup. I don’t know. I just know that it hasn’t moved, so we’re good.”
“But—but…” I splutter, trying to piece everything together in my head. “That’s great! But how are we going to get the beast from there to Aidan’s store?”
“Well,” says Carly carefully, “Virago had an idea that maybe we should take the whole coven on a night boat ride. It makes a lot of sense, you know. If we can get everyone out there, then we won’t have to attract the beast toward land, get innocent people involved, and we can banish it from out on the water. It makes more sense that way anyway.”
I stare at my best friend for a long moment, opening and shutting my mouth. “But…but why didn’t Virago talk over any of this with me?” is what I finally settle on. I know it seems silly, but I wanted to be at least a small part of this. I wanted to help her, if even in the smallest of ways. But I didn’t. I was fast asleep, probably snoring, while she came up with this brilliant plan by herself, because she is brilliant.
“Virago was occupied,” is Carly’s maddeningly vague response to that.
“Carly,” I mutter warningly, but she turns a bright-as-the-sun smile on me.
“Almost there!”
I blink and look out the passenger side window, noting my surroundings. “But…”
We pull into the “parking lot” of the outskirts of the dog park where the Knights of Valor Festival is still set up.
“You were taking me here,” I whisper mystified to Carly, who grins hugely as she shuts off her car. For it being so early on a Tuesday, there’s still a lot of cars and people here, but she still managed to find a good parking spot, close to the entrance.
“Yeah, I took a long way so it’d confuse you,” she says with barely concealed zeal. “Clever, right?” She winks at me.
“Carly,” I say, my heart pounding in me as I hear from somewhere not very distant, a hearty chorus of “huzzah!” “What’s going on?” I ask her point blank.
“Just a few more minutes of humoring me, and you’ll find out,” says Carly, all but leaping out of her driver’s seat, and stretching. She turns to me as I get out of the passenger side: “I promise, okay?” She smiles encouragingly. “Just a wee bit more humoring.”
I stare longingly at the front ticket turret. The last time I was here—just a few days ago now, I can hardly believe it (it seems so long ago now, so much has happened!)—it was such a sad, miserable day that contained so much hurt and pain fro me. But those darker memories seem to leave me now, the tension evaporating from my shoulders as I stare at that brightly painted turret. These last few days…
God, there have been a lot of ups and downs. But I’m here now. The beast has been found. Perhaps we have a solution.
I don’t know what’s going on, but I’m at one of my favorite places in the entire world. It can’t be bad, whatever is about to happen.
I walk with Carly toward the turret. She’s grinning at me and keeps glancing away when I glance over at her, as if I couldn’t notice that gigantic smile on her face. She shoves her hands into her jeans pockets, tries to act casual, but I totally know better.
What could possibly be going on?
When we reach the turret, the woman at the counter leans forward. “Are you Holly?” she asks me. I recognize her from when we came to the festival a few days ago, but I don’t remember telling her my name.
I glance sidelong at Carly, who is the pure picture of innocence (hah!), and nod. “Yes, I am?” I tell her uncertainly.
“Wonderful!” she says, leaning forward a little more with a wide smile. She taps her money box and shakes her head. “No charge! I’ve been told to let you through,” she says decisively. “Please go on quickly, the show’s about to start!”
“What show—” I begin, but Carly hooks her arm through mine and all but hauls me through the line and into the festival itself.
“Thank you very much!” She shouts back to the woman in the turret, then she glances down at her wristwatch. “Oh, my God, I didn’t realize what time it was!” she moans, shaking her head. “Oh, my God, seriously, they absolutely cannot start without us!” She breaks into a trot, dragging me along.
Utterly mystified, I allow myself to be dragged across the entirety of the Knights of Valor Festival.
Until we come to the jousting arena.
Okay, so “arena” is kind of a generous term. The Knights of Valor Festival does set up in a dog park, and they do the best they can, but the “arena” is really just a cordoned off section of the park, delineated by a waist-high picket fence on well-mowed grass. I’m always surprised that they let horses gallop around in the enclosure, because they always divot up the grass, but the owners of the dog park are really good people, and never seem to mind.
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