“Sure.” He was a bit wary to leave the house where he felt safest, let alone get into a car, but he was convinced she was safe for now. They drove to the nearest board game store, and when they stopped, Cole opened his door but his mom did not move.
“Close the door,” she said.
“What? Why?” He shut the door, but instead of responding she started driving again.
“I have a better idea,” she said when they were back on the road. She was still distant and Cole let the silence fill the car. A few minutes later they pulled in front of a video game store. “I never tried one of these. Seems like a good day to try something new.”
“Really? You want to play a video game?”
“Sure, why not? You said they're fun.”
“I mean, Mrs. Williams did like that dancing game. Hey, mom? Did you ever figure out your plan? What is it?”
“Honestly, it's complicated and a little scary. It's nothing too bad but I don't want to get you nervous all day so I'll let you know what you need to do when it's time.”
“But you're sure it'll work?”
“I'm sure.” Meredith exited the car and Cole followed her into the store. She walked straight up to the counter where a clerk was sitting idly. “I want a new game console,” she said.
The clerk looked up, bored. “Which one?”
“I don't know. Which are the major ones?”
The clerk gave her an odd look. “Handheld or home console?”
“Home console.”
“All right. The big ones are PS4, Xbox One and Wii U.”
Meredith turned to Cole. “Any preference?”
“Um, anything? You can afford this?”
“Yeah. It's not like we do this every day.”
“Well, I heard the Kinect is a lot of fun. It comes with the Xbox.”
“We'll take that,” she said to the clerk.
They purchased the Xbox One and Dance Central, and Cole was shocked when his mother didn't flinch at the price total. He even winced, but wasn't going to fight to put it back.
“Amy's never going to believe this,” Cole said as he placed the contents into the trunk.
Meredith gave a closed-mouth smile. “Feel free to brag all you want. If she has a console, it's only fair you can have one too.”
“Thanks, mom. You're the best.”
“It's nothing. I love you. Now let's go have some fun.”
And fun they had. Despite himself, Cole found he was laughing and exhausted, and after a short while his mother was laughing as well. With the distraction of the game, it was difficult for the mind to dwell on theoreticals that had no basis in the present situation. At one point during their play, Beth entered the room, shook her head and left. They played for hours until lunch time, both breathless and smiling. The game had lifted their moods, though they did decline a bit after they shut the electronics off.
“You're quite the fine dancer,” Meredith said.
“Not bad yourself. I'm starved. What's for lunch?”
“I'll whip up some pasta. And then we can play Risk. You've had it for years and I never played it with you.”
“Sounds good. It is a long game, though.”
“Perfect.”
They ate lunch and then played Risk until dinnertime. Beth entered the kitchen as Meredith was preparing food.
“Mmm, a good smell,” Beth said. “That's a fancy dinner you're cooking up over there.”
“Yeah, I had the urge to make something nice. It's not often Cole is around all day.”
“Speaking of,” Beth said. “What happened to school?”
“I didn't feel well.”
Beth gave him a look of disbelief but as Meredith said nothing, she did not push it. “What are you making?”
“Chicken parmigiana and potato pancakes.”
Beth's eyes went wide. “We haven't had that meal since we were little girls.”
“I know. I miss it.”
“Mom used to make it so good.”
“The best. This won't be the same but I tried.”
Dinner was served, and at Beth's first bite, her face dropped. “Oh my God. This is fantastic, Mere. It's like we're eight again. You should make this more often.”
“I think I will.”
Beth had fourths, which put her in such a great mood that for once she carried the dinner conversation, talking continuously about childhood memories. Cole loved the food as well and took a heaping second helping.
After they had finished, Beth stood, gesturing Meredith away. “I've got the dishes tonight. And every night you make this.”
“Thanks, Beth.”
“So you wanna play some more Dance Central?” Cole said.
“I think I had enough for the day. Come to my room. I want to talk to you.”
When they were inside her bedroom, Meredith closed the door and beckoned Cole to sit beside her on the bed.
“What is it?” Cole said from the strange look on his mother's face.
“How are things with you and Amy?”
Cole crinkled his forehead in confusion. “It's going great. Why?”
“Glad to hear it. What about Michelle?”
“She's just a friend.”
“Okay. You and Amy are really great together. I hope things work out for you. But remember, if things go sour, it's not the end of the world. You're young. You'll find someone else.”
“Why are you saying this? We're not having problems.”
“I know. Just general advice. Listen, Beth is a great caretaker. It may surprise you but she used to be almost desperate for kids. I think she still wishes she had one.”
“Mom, you're scaring me.” Cole's eyes drifted to the floor and he felt suddenly sick. “You're going to be fine.”
“It can never hurt to be safe. If something were to happen to me, today or some other day in the future, I want you to know you'll be all right.”
“I won't think about that. Can you please stop?”
“Just promise me that you'll be there for Beth. And promise me that you'll go on happy. I need you to be happy. No matter what.”
“Mom...”
Meredith took him by the shoulders. “Promise me. It will make me feel better.”
“Okay, I promise. Can we talk about something else now?”
“Yes. I just wanted to be clear in case the worst were to happen.” She brushed a tear from her cheek and glanced at the clock, which read 8:47. “I'd like to tell you some things about myself that you don't know.”
“Mom, I can't deal with this right now. Can't you tell me tomorrow?”
“No. Now listen.”
Meredith delved into her past, racking her brains for any significant memory in her life: her troubled childhood, coping with her abilities, the good times with Beth, the secrets she kept from Beth. When she reached her college years she paused.
“You have a right to know more about your father. He really wasn't a bad man. I met him in college. Because of calculus, actually. I was up late in the student union, struggling with the homework, and he came over to see if I could help him. We agreed to help each other and after that night, it just grew. He went to school to be a pharmacist and he was quite successful with that.
“We did everything together, traveled to Europe, hosted numerous parties, and we bowled a lot. Don't know if you knew I used to bowl. Was pretty good actually. Almost a two hundred average, although nowadays I doubt I could hit a hundred.
“Anyway, at first, when he asked about my strange actions, I blew it off. Said I had a minor case of Turret’s. I probably should have stuck with that story, but after you were born I decided to confide in him. I wanted him to know. I also thought it would ease his mind about him thinking I was having an affair with Travis' father, Peter.
“He, of course didn't believe me, and no matter what I did to prove it, he would always find an alternative explanation. Not that I was able to try for long. It spooked him, I could tell. He thought I was completely insane, and h
e just didn't know what to do. To this day I wonder if I made the wrong decision by telling him. If he didn't believe me, what would have happened if he had a son with the same situation? I'll never know, but maybe everything worked out for the best. At least now you can't miss him since he left when you were so young.
“It was rough, though, because shortly after he left my mother passed away from a sudden stroke. I never got along well with her, but it was still quite the blow, especially since my father took it hard. He passed away a year later, never getting over his depression and always sickly. It was a rough year.”
She continued the story, telling of the darkening of her instructions, but here she left the facts vague, saying only that the things she was required to do became increasingly morbid. She never did figure out what caused it. She never heard of her mother having these types of instructions, but they seemed to pass on to Cole.
Cole's mind was hitting overload, but he did his best to absorb all the information his mother was throwing at him. It was factual only, for now. He would process it later. He could tell his mother was having difficulty telling him some of it, and he did not want to force her to tell him again in the future. The entire story was tinged with sadness, both from the painful memories and the context under which they were being told.
“I don't even know what to say,” Cole said. “Where to even begin. So much information.”
“You don't have to say anything. I'm just glad to have told you.”
While the story was unfolding, he managed to keep his mind occupied with the information, but as his eyes found the clock, cold chills crept up his spine. 10:58. A little over an hour and they would be in the clear.
“You said you like to bowl. We should do that tomorrow. What else do you like to do?”
“When I was a little girl, I used to love jacks. There's also a game I used to play with Beth on long car rides. Someone starts with a letter and then we each pick a letter to follow that could potentially form a word. The first person to form a word gets a mark. Five marks and you lose. I haven't played that in forever. Here, we can try it. I'll start with A.”
Cole did not have the heart to try and after five turns, he lost with the word 'anvil.' “It's getting late,” he said. “Can you tell me what your plan is already?”
“I'll tell you when it's time.”
“When's time? How can you predict when something will happen? How much closer do you want to cut it? Just tell me.”
Meredith bit her lip and closed her eyes, and a shudder passed through her body.
Cole froze, and when he spoke, his voice was a terrified whisper. “You don't have a plan.” Even before his mother shook her head he knew the truth of the statement. “No, mom. You have to know something. You've been doing this forever.” His voice cracked. He wrapped his arms around his mother and buried his face in her shoulder. In the silence, the voices in his head began to whisper violently.
She stroked the back of his head. “Shh, shh. Maybe we'll get lucky.”
Cole broke away from his mother and bounded to his feet, suddenly full of desperate energy. “No! I won't leave it to chance. I'm not losing you. There might still be time. I have to kill Darryl.”
“Cole, no.” His mother's voice was calm. “Stay here.”
“I will not!” He turned to sprint for the door, but his mother grabbed his sleeve.
“Listen to me. You will not murder that innocent boy for me.”
“Let go of me!” He yanked his arm free. “He means nothing. I'm going.”
He was prepared to fight off his mother, and was surprised when she did not move. It was then that he noticed a fear in his mother's eyes accompanied by a surge of volume of the voices in his head.
She stumbled back onto the bed with a hand to her head. “No, I don't want to die.”
“Mom. What's happening?”
She looked up at him, still holding her head, and in her eyes he saw an expression of true terror that penetrated deep into her soul. She opened her mouth to speak but something seemed to catch in her throat and her hands clutched her chest. She fell back, her chest heaving, her breath raspy.
Cole leapt onto the bed. “Mom! Mom! I'm going to get help. Stay in there. I'll be right back.”
As he went to bolt off the bed, his mother grabbed his arm with superhuman strength and pulled him down. He looked into her eyes that were still fearful but now glazing over.
In a barely audible voice she whispered, “Tell Peter's wife I'm sorry.” Then something seemed to grip her body, and in a deep voice that was not her own she said, “You should listen to us.”
Her arm released Cole and dropped by her side, as she exhaled deeply.
Cole stared at his mother's still body in horror for a split second before he found his voice.
“Aunt Beth! Aunt Beth! Aunt Beth!”
21
The next few days passed in a haze. Cole was only vaguely aware of people talking to him, Amy, Beth, among others. He would not accept that his mother was gone, and his mind seemed bent on passing through the rest of his life in oblivion. He occasionally found his cheeks wet but he did not remember crying. He would feel full without remembering eating. He thought he heard the words ‘heart attack’ floating around, but they didn't matter. Nothing mattered. At one point, after days in the library in his fog, he knew had to put on dress clothes but wasn't sure why. He was driven to a nondescript building where there people who were also in dress clothes.
People touched him and talked at him, but he did not care to respond, nor did he know how. A couple of people gave speeches, and it was during his aunt's speech that his mind registered a few words.
“Cole was her pride and joy,” Beth said, her words frequently choking in her throat, “and there wasn't a moment since he was born that she didn't do everything for him. All she wanted was for him to be happy and I'm sure he appreciates it.”
Cole's entire body shuddered as he struggled to comprehend the words, After the speech, he noticed less people trying to talk to him. However, there was one person that was insistent, and the verbal prodding eventually broke through the haze.
“Cole? Cole, can you hear me?”
Cole blinked hard and looked into the face of the strange man leaning towards him.
“Cole, you don't remember me, but I'm your father. You look good, son.”
Cole stared into the strange man's eyes. “You son of a bitch.”
The man stood up straight, pain etched across his face. “I understand if you don't wish to talk to me right now. But soon, I do want to talk. Please, think about it.”
“Get away from me.” There was malice in his voice as he spit out the words.
“Okay, I hope you change your mind.” He disappeared out the exit.
“Who was that?”
Cole turned to see Amy beside him, her eyes bloodshot and watery.
“Just an asshole.”
“Hey, you responded to me.” She half-smiled. “Welcome back to this world.”
Cole's shoulders sagged. “I wish I wasn't back. This world sucks.”
She took his hand in her. “I know it's hard. I'm here for you. I want to you know that. Anything you want to get out, I'm all ears.”
“Thanks.” Cole retracted his hand and retreated to a seat away from the crowd.
When they got home later that day, he overheard Beth and Amy talking from the other room.
“What should we do?” Amy said. “I'm really worried about him.”
“He needs time. And possibly a counselor once he starts responding. A trauma like this, there's no easy solution. Hopefully he snaps out of it soon.”
“Hopefully. Who was that man who tried to talk to him at the funeral?”
“That was his father. Haven't seen him in years, since Cole was a baby.”
“Wow. His father? I guess that explains why Cole didn't want anything to do with him. Should I try to talk to him again? He responded to me earlier.”
“If you want
.”
Footsteps approached and Cole braced himself for the dreaded encounter. Amy poked her head in, forcing a smile. “Hey, Cole. Mind if I come in?” She took his lack of response for an affirmative and sat beside him on the floor. “Hey, when I was going through a rough time, you took my mind off it by playing games with me. How about we try that? We can play Dance Central my house.”
Cole shook his head.
“It really worked. Why don't you at least try?”
“That was different. They were assholes.”
Amy tensed, and Cole missed the pain in her eyes. “They were still my parents. I loved them – still love my dad,” she said quietly.
“Look, nothing will help me, so just leave me alone, okay? I'm only going to make you miserable too.”
“I can only be happy if you are.”
“Then I'm afraid you're out of luck.”
Amy leaned against him, and he did not resist, only because he was indifferent, and thankful for the end of the conversation.
“Remember what you told me about my mom? You said she's in a better place and could only be happy if I was happy.”
“I lied,” he said. “I don't know shit.” Internally, he winced at the memory of his mother's words in their last conversation. I should never have made a promise I can't keep. How can I be happy when I did this?
“I won't give up on you. We'll get through this together. I know we will.”
Cole had no words for a response. While on the outside he was stoic, on the inside the worst was happening. Amy was making him think and feel. His internal barrier was crumbling, leaving behind the horrific thoughts that had been kept at bay through shock. You don't know what you did, Amy. I can't feel again. You don't understand.
Amy did not leave his side for the rest of the night, but Cole barely noticed. A single thought had entered his brain and was replaying itself on an endless loop, raising in volume with each iteration. I should have given in to the voices. They know what's best. They would have saved her. Why was I so opposed to them? Why was I so stubborn?With their help I would have killed that worthless Darryl and...she...would be alive. It's all my fault. I'm a pathetic weakling. It's all my fault. I HATE myself. With each repeat of this loop, his blood pressure rose, along with his anger. Amy, asleep by then, did not notice his labored breathing or his clenched fists.
Shadows Within (The Dark Mind Trilogy Book 2) Page 16