by Jillian Dodd
"Yeah, I did, and it was awful. AND I DON'T WANNA BE AWFUL!!!!"
Then I change directions in my thinking, trying to figure out a way to get him to teach me. So I say with a challenge, "Hmm, well maybe you can't do it, that's okay, I'll just go ask Phillip for help."
"Hell, no," he growls. "He has about as much experience in that department as you do. Fine. I'll help you." He puts his hand up to his chin, thinking. "Hmmm. Come sit down."
I sit cross-legged on his bed, facing him.
"Here. Take this." He throws his pillow at me.
Ooh. Yum. It smells just like him.
But, uh, excuse me. I've already tried practicing on my pillow, and it was NO help!
"No, that won't work." He quickly snatches the musky thing away from me. "Too big. I know, hold your hand up to your face," he orders. "Kiss it."
I look at him like he's nuts, but he shakes his head yes, so I hold my palm up in front of my face and push my lips into it.
"Turn sideways a bit, so I can see better," he bosses, so I turn. "Okay, but your puckering is way too tight. You're not kissing your grandma, Jay."
"No, worse," I gripe, "I'm kissing my hand."
He glares at me. I think I had better just do as he says.
"Just loosen your lips. Try again."
This time I pucker my lips, but then try to make them loose. I glance over at him, my eyebrows raised in hope.
"Alright, now slightly open your mouth."
I try to slightly open my mouth. "This feels ridiculous."
"Hmm, is this really that important to you?"
"Uh, ye-ah. He's a senior! My entire reputation is at stake here."
"Hmm, well okay then." He jumps off his bed, shuts and locks his door, and turns off the light. There's plenty of light coming through his window from the streetlight, so I can still see him. But I must appear slightly alarmed because he says, "Look, I just don't want anyone walking in on this."
He looks at me like he's a soldier being sent off to war, and I should be proud of his bravery and selflessness.
Actually, I am.
"Plus, you need to relax. Maybe in the dark you won't feel so stupid." He plops back down on his bed next to me and continues, "Tilt your head slightly to the left."
I tilt my head.
"Lick your lips, so they're not all dry."
I lick.
"Stop smiling and close your eyes."
I close them.
"Come on, Jay, I shouldn't have to tell you everything! Pucker those lips."
I pucker.
"No! Not so tight."
Then he touches my bottom lip with his finger, and I nearly jump off the bed, my eyes flying wide open as he's yelling at me, "LESSON NUMBER ONE! DON'T DO THAT! You scared the shit out of me. You have GOT to relax!"
Then he reaches out and puts his hands on both of my shoulders, feels that they are, in fact, extremely tense. "God, you're way tense!"
Puleeze, how could I not be?
I mean doesn't this whole effed up situation require some tension on my part?
"Sorry," I breathe deep and shake my shoulders, but it doesn't help. I am still WAY tense.
Danny's hands are still on my shoulders, and he starts rubbing them.
I can't help but melt....I mean, uh, relax.
"I know, let's try some positive visualization. Close your eyes again." Then he speaks slowly in a hypnotic tone. "Alright, picture yourself at the movies with Ryan. So it's dark, the movie is playing--"
"Wait! What are we seeing?"
"Does it really matter?"
"Uh, yeah. If you want me to visualize, I need the whole picture."
"Fine then, something scary, so you'll want to hang onto him."
"Okay," I nod and smile. "That sounds good."
"So at the scary movie, he puts his arm around your shoulder." Danny moves to my side and puts his arm around my shoulder. "You turn your face toward him and look into his eyes." I turn my face toward Danny. "He smiles and leans in to kiss you." Danny pushes my hand up to my face, pressing my lips into my hand.
I like this visualization stuff. I pretend my hand is Ryan and start to give it a good kiss, but then I think about how ridiculous I must look and start laughing again.
Danny does a big huffy breath at me and shoves my hand away from my mouth. "Stop laughing."
I keep my eyes shut tight and bite my lip while Danny continues in the hypnotic voice, "Okay, I'm going to touch your lip, and I want you to open your mouth a bit."
I giggle again.
I can't help it! I really can't!
"Oh, screw it," he says.
I open my eyes and watch him shake his head at me. "This is just too hard to explain."
I am ready to scream, I'll stop laughing, please, please, please don't give up on me, when he pulls me toward him and covers my mouth with his.
Oh. My. Gosh.
He's kissing me!
Danny is kissing me!!
And wow, practical knowledge. This is even better!
He kisses me with soft lips and a slightly opened mouth.
Oh.
He is a good kisser.
I kiss him back.
Then he taps my hand impatiently.
I take it I'm supposed to do something.
Why am I here again?
Oh yeah, the tongue thing.
I cautiously stick my tongue out, and somehow he grabs the bottom of it with his tongue and sort of sucks on it.
Oh, my, that's nice.
He taps me again.
I stop for a second because I'm not real sure what to do. But then Danny puts his tongue into my mouth, so I try to mimic what he did to me.....and hey, it works!
I think I'm kind of getting the hang of this.
And, WOW! It feels really good.
Obviously this is the right way to do it. I knew Bobby Robinson didn't have a clue.
Danny and I practiced for a little while.
I never knew learning could be so much fun!
All of a sudden, I hear something.
But it's hard to be concerned about a stupid random noise when Danny in lying on top of me, kissing me, one hand tangled in my hair, the other hand up my shirt.
But then I hear something else, and my brain awakens.
I tear my lips away from Danny and turn my head. Danny kisses down the side of my neck, while I peek over at the clock next to his bed.
The clock says 9:30. 9:30?
Wait. What?
9:30?
9:30???!!!!
That can't be right!
When I left home it was 7:30!
Could I have been making out with Danny for two whole hours?
Shit!!!!!!!!!
Are Danny's parents are home?
Danny and I both hear the next noise. Danny's mom is calling out, "Danny!"
And I swear to God, she must have literally apparated from the garage because in less than an instant, she is at his door trying to open it.
But it's locked.
She tries the handle again and says, "Danny, may I come in?"
Danny says, "Sure, Mom, just a sec."
He seems way too cool about this. He gives me his Devil Danny grin, along with a last deep kiss, and jumps off the bed. Only problem is, my leg is still wrapped around his, and he sorta tumbles out of the bed instead.
And I don't know why, maybe I am slightly high from kissing Danny, but I find this quite funny and can't help but giggle.
Danny grins back at me, as he's picking himself up off the floor. Well, he's grinning until his mom hears my giggling and says madly, "Danny Diamond, unlock the door this instant. Who is in there with you?" Because Danny is not supposed to have girls over when his parents aren't home.
Shit. Shit.
Well, double shit.
We stare at each other for a second.
Crap. This is gonna look bad.
I've got to think of something quick.
Work, brain, work!
; I see Danny's binoculars on the floor, half hidden beneath a sock, and I grab them. Then I spy his little telescope on a shelf next to an old Punt, Pass and Kick trophy. I jump up quick and sweep it onto his bed.
All this, while he walks over to the door and unlocks it.
I am amazing and brilliant, I think.
Especially considering the fact that for the last two hours, my brain has been nothing but mush.
Danny's mom bursts into the room.
She sees me sitting on his bed and grimaces, like she'd walked in on us naked.
She seems kinda angry, as she turns to Danny and says, "What's going on? Why are you and JJ in here with the door locked and the lights off?"
Although her voice is stern, there's a slight panic in it. I can only imagine what she thinks we were doing.
I mean she could be partially right. But what was going on was, you know, only for academical (I'm not sure if that's a real word or not) purposes.
REALLY!
However, I don't think we could explain it that way.
Danny stands there. I know he is thinking, BUSTED! I can tell he hasn't come up with a plausible excuse, and I certainly can't let him get into trouble.
He was only helping out his friend.
And he was really, really, really helpful.
So I lie easily, "We were just spying on Phillip, Mrs. D." I hold up the binoculars innocently and point across the street toward Phillip's window. Thank God, Phillip is sitting at his desk doing something on his computer.
She walks to the window and looks over at Phillip.
I give Danny a hopeful glance.
He winks back at me.
"Okay, so why was the door locked?"
"Um, well," I lie some more, "so no one came in and blew our cover. You can see how the hall light just lit this room up." I sweep my arms out into a circle. I'm kind of getting into this.
Danny and I even duck when Phillip glances, seemingly on cue, our way. I knew Phillip could read my mind because I have been sending him telepathic messages to do just that!
Only I hope he wasn't reading my mind earlier, I'm not sure I would want him to know the things I might have been thinking about Danny.
Uh, yeah.
"He keeps looking over here. He might know it's us." Danny whispers, like he's afraid Phillip can hear us. "We've been sending him secret admirer Instant Messages."
I go further with Danny's lie, laugh and say, "It's been pretty hilarious because he's been trying to juggle between our messages and his girlfriend's."
But then I glance at Danny's computer and suddenly realize it is not even turned on.
Shit!
I need to come up with something good to get her out of here fast!
Oh. I've got it. "We also caught him perusing some fairly entertaining websites."
I don't say, As, in porn, but the way I have my eyebrows raised and a big grin on my face, I'm pretty sure she gets my drift because all of a sudden her face goes white and she looks embarrassed.
Apparently this was way too much information.
"Fine," she says. "I'll leave the lights off, but the door stays open." Thankfully, she goes back downstairs. Probably straight to the phone to call Mrs. Mac and get Phillip in trouble.
"Thanks," Danny says, blowing out a big breath of air. "I couldn't come up with a good excuse. My mind was just blank."
"Well, you caught up quick. The ducking was brilliant."
"What can I say?" Danny high fives me. "We're a good team."
A good kissing team is what I'm thinking, but I doubt that's what he's referring to.
"Um, I suppose I better get home. I uh, didn't leave a note or anything. I mean, I, uh, didn't expect this to take so long."
Funny, I didn't feel at all embarrassed when we were making out, but I feel a little awkward now. Part of me wants to run and hide, the other part of me wants to lock the world away, so I can kiss him some more.
You know, for practice's sake only!
"Come on, I'll walk you home," Danny says, not the least bit awkwardly.
I follow him down the stairs and out the door.
"Uh, thanks for that and everything. I, um," I stutter and wring my hands. "Danny, do you think I did okay? I mean, will I do alright on my date?"
"You know, I don't think so, Jay." He shakes his head and hangs it in apparent sorrow.
I look shocked at that boy.
Then he continues with a sly grin, "It may take many more, long, grueling hours of practice for you to get it right. But," he raises his hand to his heart, "I can tell you're committed to learning, so I'll just have to take one for the team and give you some more private lessons."
I stare at that goofy boy.
"You know what they say, practice makes perfect. Let's see, how about every day after school?"
"Um, you have football practice," I reply with a DUH in my voice.
"Damn," he says, moving his arm in an 'aw shucks' fashion and snapping his fingers.
"But hey, you know, anything for a friend."
"Danny, you are so noble, but I think you'd better go to practice. You can't play for the Huskers someday if you don't." I look him in those beautiful blue eyes. It's almost too bad I kept my eyes closed while I was kissing him. "Seriously though, thank you. I was so freaked out when I got to your house, and now I'm like totally relaxed."
"Ah, yeah," Danny laughs, "two straight hours of kissing will do that."
"It didn't seem like that long," I say, shaking my head in disbelief.
"Never does. Um, let's not, you know, mention this to anyone."
"DUH."
"I doubt Brittany would approve of my tutoring you in this particular subject," he laughs, referring to his sorta girlfriend.
"I think you're probably right. And you should know that I appreciate your selflessness in my time of need."
"You'll do fine on your date." He kisses me on the cheek, throws his arm around my shoulder, and says in a practiced Southern drawl, "JayJay dar-lin', when you're ready ta move on past kissin' and want ta do some more practicin', you just come and see ol' Uncle Danny. Any time. Keep it in the family, Luv."
Oh jeez, now he's British.
I just shake my head at him. He really cracks me up.
"You're sick. You know that?"
"Yeah, well, that's why you love me," is his smart ass reply.
We are at my front porch now and I just smile, shake my head at that boy, and walk in my front door.
Up in my room, I lie on my bed and close my eyes. My lips feel all tingly. In fact, I feel like we're still kissing. I think it's kind of like when you've been on a boat all day and even though you're off it, you still can feel it rocking.
I'm really looking forward to my date now.
When Phillip calls me at ten o'clock for our nightly phone call, I tell him I have a headache and am going to sleep. I don't want to ruin the way I feel with mindless conversation.
Danny, Phillip and I are sitting on the hood of Phillip's car in the parking lot of the baseball field, drinking and eating sunflower seeds. The salt's burning my lips, but it doesn't stop me from sucking it off the seeds. I had an early softball game, and then stayed to watch the boys' baseball game against Park City, a neighboring small town. Everyone else has left, so the lot is dark and deserted.
We haven't left because we are still trying to figure out what we're going to do tonight.
We live in Westown, Nebraska. It's a small town, not far from Omaha. My parents say we are really lucky because we get the best of both worlds, small town life with big city amenities. Westown has an old downtown and a newer part up by the highway that goes through town. This little strip consists of your basic small town stuff: bank, bowling alley, ice cream store, and gas station. This is the area we cruise when there is nothing better to do.
Which is a lot.
Down the highway a little further are Johnny's Pizza, the high school, and the viaduct that takes you out of town.
To
night there is a party at Billy Prescott's house, and a bunch of the guys on the baseball team are going up to Johnny's for pizza first.
It's a small town, and if we feel like going out those are our only real options.
Actually, that is not a true statement.
I mean there are an infinite number of places we could go and things we could do. We just say that because we like to complain that there is nothing cool to do around here. I am assuming that other teenagers say the same thing, even if they live somewhere amazing, like Paris or New York.
The problem tonight is the boys aren't motivated to go home and change.
And personally, I have no desire to go anywhere. I love hanging out with them.
Our backs are against the windshield, and we are staring at the brilliant stars. It's a clear, warm summer night and you can see millions of them.
Oh. In case there are any men out there freaking out about Phillip's paint, please note that we are sitting on a blanket to protect it.
Phillip loves his car.
It's a very nice car, although I forget what kind it is. But since it's blue, I really don't care. I mean if you are going to go to the trouble of having a car, shouldn't it be red?
Red cars are so sexy. I am so hoping for a red one soon. I really want a red Mustang convertible, but I'm sure I will get something boring and reliable, like a four door something or other.
I keep hinting to my parents about a car. I turned 16, three whole months ago.
But they say they have taken it under advisement.
I'm pretty sure that means no.
We are just sitting here, spitting seeds and chatting occasionally.
That's one of the things I love about hanging out with boys. They don't feel the need to fill every second with words and talk.
Like my girl friends.
Sometimes they talk so much, it makes my head hurt.
Speaking of girlfriends, it's Friday night.
Girl's night.
I'm truly breaking a cardinal rule by not being out with them. I'm pretty sure it's written in our town's laws that Friday night is girlfriend night, and Saturday night is date night. Kind of like in the movie, Footloose, where there is a stupid town law against dancing. You know what my favorite part of that movie is?
Well, duh, it's definitely not the dancing. I love her red cowboy boots. I mean I know I sort of live in the country, but I don't own even one pair of cowboy boots. Someday, I'm going to buy myself a pair of red ones, just like the ones in the movie. Hey, they could match my red car!
Sorry. Where was I?
Oh yeah.
I sort of had to lie to Katie and Lisa about what I was doing tonight. I couldn't really tell them I was just hanging out with the boys. They would've given me a hard time. Besides, they were going to a party some Park boys invited them to, and I thought that could only lead to trouble. And since I'm lobbying so hard for a car, I have to be responsible. I have been very responsible lately and have not gotten grounded in four months.