“Oh, I guess she’s more famous than I am,” Alicia smiled.
“Well, she did sing at the Superbowl,” he said. “And the fact that she’s from around here just makes us all pretty fucking proud.”
“So you know where she lives?”
“Sounds a bit creepy but yes. Yes, I do.”
Alicia’s lips curved to a smile. Suddenly it all felt very real to her, and it made her pretty fucking nervous. “Well, can you show me where?”
“Ma’am, I can drive you there,” he said, bolting for a pickup truck parked in front of the guest house. He popped the door open and smiled at her.
“Oh, that’s very sweet of you,” Alicia said. “I hope it’s not very far.”
“It’s only a ten minutes drive from here.” He slid into the driver’s seat and turned on the ignition. Alicia slid into the seat next to him and rolled down her window. The breeze whispered like a lover, placing kisses on her cheek and tousling her hair. “So, Ms. Harper. Can I call you Alicia, by the way?” the man asked, glancing at her briefly before he averted his gaze to the road.
“Yes, of course, Mr.?”
“Matthew, Matthew Clemens.”
“Alright, Matthew. Thank you so much for driving me. You have no idea how helpful you’ve been.”
“I listen to Gabriella’s music all the time,” he said, his eyes flaring up. “I grew up listening to country, and whenever I put on her songs, it’s like I’m brought back to that time again.”
“Oh, that sounds wonderful. Did you listen to Sawdust, too?”
“Ah, I bought two of their records. When Gabriella went solo, a part of me was disappointed. But then I listened to her music and I realized how wrong I was.”
Alicia’s face came to a smile. Maybe fans aren’t that bad, after all. “And what about you, Matthew, d’you do music.”
“I play the sax, actually,” he said, flashing her another one of his glances. Alicia let out a gasp.
“What, seriously? You’re into Jazz?”
“Very much, yes. I’ve been playing the sax since I was fourteen.”
“Well, have you taken any steps to, I don’t know, make it in the business?”
“The business? I’m surprised you call it a business,” the man said, his lips curving to a coy smile.
“Oh, I didn’t really mean it in that way,” Alicia said, smoothing her fingers through her hair. “I guess I just started seeing things that way ever since I became a producer. It’s quite sad, actually.”
“Sorry if I struck a nerve.”
Alicia’s eyes continued to follow the road. “No, that’s okay. I think you just made me realize I need to put things back into perspective.” There was silence. “You know my dad used to be a Jazz musician?”
“That’s really cool,” Matthew said, grabbing onto the steering wheel. “Wait, does he still play?”
“Sometimes. He had a mini tour around three years ago, I guess you can call it that.”
“A mini-tour?”
“Yeah, he went around Europe playing at Jazz clubs. He hadn’t properly played in front of a crowd in years.”
“That must’ve felt great. What else does he do?”
“Right now he’s a producer. Have you ever played at a club before?” Alicia asked, looking at him through the corner of her eye.
“Yeah, I’ve played at a couple of open-mike nights,” he said, nodding. “But it’s always one of those things where half of the chairs are empty, and the other half are a bunch of old drunk guys dancing around.”
Alicia chuckled. “You know what I used to do before I got signed? I used to sing in the shower, that’s what.”
“God, I do that all the time.”
“My point is, you have opportunities. Milk the fuck out of them.”
Matthew reached down and started feeling around the glove compartment. Finally he pulled out a USB drive, which he gave to Alicia. “Can we call this an opportunity?” he asked, a glimmer in his eyes.
“Of course,” Alicia said, holding onto the USB and smiling to herself. “I’m looking forward to it.” She looked out the window and imagined Gabriella walking down the streets. She must’ve known them as if they were etched in her head with a sharp knife, scored in deep like some strange work of art. Those were the streets she grew up in; Alicia couldn’t help but imagine her going for a jog, walking her dog and stopping for a drink of water. And then suddenly, when she had stopped paying attention, the car came to a stop.
“We’re here,” Matthew said, snapping his seatbelt off.
“Oh my God,” Alicia said, her eyes wide. Her heart was pounding like a jackhammer.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine,” she smiled. He didn’t really seem like one to follow celebrity gossip. “Thank you so much for driving me.”
“You’re most welcome. And if you need anything, you know where to find me.”
Alicia nodded and got out of the car. She walked up the driveway and just stood there, her feet pinned to the floor. She pressed her ear against the door and listened. There was chatter, many voices speaking at the same time. One of them was certainly Gabriella’s. Just hearing her laugh made her heart feel warm. Alicia held up her fist and waited. Her legs wobbled underneath her, like they were about to give way. For a moment she thought she would run; what if Gabriella’s dad opened the door? Or was he too sick to get out of bed? Finally, Alicia closed her eyes and knocked once. No, too subtle. They’re probably going to think it’s the neighbors’ kids playing soccer. She knocked again.
Suddenly the house fell silent. Or was Alicia just imagining things? She tapped her feet against the floor, trying to stop her legs from shaking. “Hello,” a woman swung the door open and looked at her. She was wearing a nightgown, her hair was an ashen blonde and her eyes were piercing, like her daughter’s.
“Hi, I’m-”
“You must be Alicia.” Suddenly she felt herself being pulled into a hug. She patted the woman on her back, unable to absorb what was happening. She peered over her shoulder and all she saw was the pitch-black interior of Gabriella’s house. Alicia blinked repeatedly, until everything slowly swam back into focus. The house seemed to have collapsed inwardly on itself. The roof sagged and the chandeliers hung stagnant, dusty. Alicia could hear wind chimes but she couldn’t identify the source of the sound.
“Yeah,” she said, smiling weakly.
“I’m Gabriella’s mother,” the woman said, dragging her inside. “It’s so good to finally meet you!”
Alicia opened her mouth but no words came out. “It’s so good to finally meet you, too.” She walked around wearily. “Sorry, I’m a bit nervous.”
“Nervous about what?” the woman asked with her head cocked to the side. She motioned for Alicia to sit down. “I heard a lot about you.”
“I heard a lot about you, too.”
“Did Gabriella mention me?”
“Of course, she always used to talk about you when we were together.” Alicia’s eyes cast downwards and shifted to the side.
“So it’s true that you’re not together anymore?”
“We’re not,” she said, shaking her head from side to side. “And I wish-”
“Shh, she’ll hear you,” the woman said, brushing the hair out of Alicia’s eyes.
“You don’t want her to know I’m here?”
“Don’t be silly.” She got up and motioned for Alicia to follow her upstairs. “We can just make it a surprise.”
CHAPTER 12
Gabriella was playing the guitar when she heard a knock at the door. “Yeah?” she said.
“Gabriella, there’s someone out here who wants to see you.”
Suddenly she felt her heart drop to her knees. “Dad?” She bounced off the bed and ran to the door. “Alicia!”
“Hey,” she said, her lips coming to a smile. Gabriella’s eyes darted from Alicia, to her mother, and then back to Alicia again.
“I’ll leave you girls to talk,” Gabriella’s mother said, flashing her daughter a coy smile before she turned around and disappeared in the hallway. The two women stood in front of each other, not moving. Finally, Gabriella slumped down on her bed, smoothed a hand over the covers and motioned for Alicia to sit down next to her.
“Hi, sorry I’m a bit … taken aback,” the blonde said, crossing one leg over the other and letting out a sigh. Alicia mirrored her movements; for a second she wondered if Gabriella was disappointed to see her.
“That’s okay, I knew you’d be surprised to see me here,” she said, trying to force a smile.
“Where are you staying, anyway?” Gabriella asked, flipping her hair to one side.
“I’m staying at the Rosenthal Hotel? I think you might-”
“Oh, God. I know that place,” Gabriella said, her lips curving to a smile. “I used to hide there from my parents all the time.” There was a pause. “You know, sometimes we’d get into these huge fights and I’d disappear for a day or two. I’d always go there, because it was cheap.”
Alicia clasped her hands in her lap and averted her gaze to the window. “Wow,” she said. “You never told me this before.”
“Yeah, it’s just a bit painful to think about right now, with my dad and all.” Gabriella uncrossed her legs and then crossed them again. “I’m only starting to realize how hard their lives were because of me.”
“But you’re here now, and that’s all that matters,” Alicia said.
“You should’ve seen what my dad did when he first saw me. He went absolutely ballistic, told me to go back where I came from.”
“Oh, God,” Alicia said, moving in closer to the blonde. Their thighs touched comfortably, but there was something about Gabriella that felt cold, very cold. “I’m so sorry. Have you tried talking to him since?”
The blonde shook her head. “No, he wouldn’t even look me in the eye. I think our relationship is damaged beyond repair at this point.” There was silence. Gabriella was shuffling her feet around like a little kid. Finally, she averted her gaze to Alicia. “But you know, having you here makes it better. It makes me feel like I’m not alone.”
“You’re not, I swear you’re not.”
“See this?” Gabriella asked, nodding towards a bunch of stuffed animals lined up on one of the shelves. “I used to play with those when I was little. When I left, my parents kept everything in place. Well, my mom did.” The corners of her lips curved upwards, but then struggled to fall down. “My dad wanted to throw everything out, even my books. It’s like he wanted to erase me completely.”
“But things are different now. You want to reconcile, and he-”
“He has six to twelve months to live and he still doesn’t want to see my face.” Gabriella’s eyes glazed over with a glassy layer of tears. “I’m not allowed in his room, I’m not even allowed to talk to him. This one time I tried bringing his food up to him, but he wouldn’t let me in.”
“Oh, God,” Alicia said again. She leaned forward and brought her hands up to her face. “Gabriella, I’m-”
“Don’t be sorry. I don’t want you to feel sorry for me.” She paused for a second, clearing her throat. “I just want you to be here. I’m so lost, Alicia. I don’t know what I’m doing.”
“That’s okay … I’m here for you.” The two women laid down together, separated by washed out pink pillows. Gabriella stared at the ceiling, while Alicia busied herself trying to untangle the locks in her hair. She wanted to snuggle up beside her and tell her that she loved her, but she knew Gabriella would freak out. Sometimes she felt like she couldn’t read her anymore, that she was one big mystery she couldn’t solve. There was something different, despite her usual hairdo and her floral pj’s and her fuzzy slippers. And the way she strummed her guitar. Everything was the same, but the light had dulled from her eyes and her smile was weaker than Alicia had ever seen it. But could she really blame her? Her dad was dying and he couldn’t care less about spending time with her. In fact, he didn’t want anything to have to do with her. How could Alicia fix that? How could she undo years of damage? She knew she couldn’t. “If you don’t mind me asking, what’s wrong with your dad?” she asked after a long pause.
“Lung cancer,” Gabriella said, her eyes fixated on the ceiling fan. “Turns out it runs in the family, and my dad has always been a heavy smoker.”
“Tell me if I’m being intrusive, but haven’t your mom and sister tried talking him into doing chemo?”
“It’s too late for that,” Gabriella said, her voice trailing off. “It’s stage four lung cancer, he doesn’t stand that much of a chance.”
Alicia wasn’t sure how Gabriella was feeling. She would ask her, but how stupid of a question would that be? To her Gabriella looked numb, like she was stripped of all emotion. Suddenly Alicia felt like she was being drawn towards her. She rolled over and moved her hand around her middle, it was warm and soft. To her surprise Gabriella snuggled up close to her, and the two of them just stayed there in each other’s embrace. For the most part, Alicia kept her head buried in Gabriella’s floral blouse, her fluffy blonde hair sticking out behind like she'd just woken up from a long nap. Alicia’s fingers curled into the fabric, not clasping it tightly, but just enough to reassure her that they were together.
The silence descended over them like a cloud. “I’m so sorry this is happening,” Alicia whispered, brushing the hair from her eyes. “I hope it gets better.”
“It’s going to. I’m just so scared.”
“You did what you had to do at the time. You had to follow your dreams. Never forget that, Gabriella.”
“I’m not forgetting anything,” she said, her voice barely audible. “Let’s talk about something else.” She rolled over and looked at her. “How did you get here? How did you even know I live here?”
“Well, I asked Jeremy for the exact details.”
“Ah, of course,” Gabriella smiled, rolling her eyes.
“But I found out where your house is from the receptionist at Rosenthal Hotel.”
“Typical,” Gabriella said again. She flashed Alicia a timid look; she thought it was adorable. “Did anyone recognize you on your way here?”
“Not many people, no.” There was a pause. “I’m guessing with you that wasn’t the case?”
“Well, let’s just say I showed up here with orange reflective glasses, a beanie and leopard print leggings, and the paparazzi still spotted me.”
Alicia giggled. “It feels great to be a producer sometimes.”
“Hey, people know who you are, too!”
“Nah, they pretty much forgot who I was ever since your album went Platinum.”
“Lucky.”
“I know, right?”
A giggle rose up in the air. Alicia wrapped her arm around Gabriella again and pulled her close. Their legs were intertwined, their bodies were lying too close to each other. But they didn’t take it much further than that. Alicia was comfortable, but she wasn’t ready to take the next step. She thought about leaning in for a kiss but decided against it. “What was that?” Gabriella asked.
Suddenly, there was a loud creak. Alicia shot up, her hair wild like a bird’s nest. The first thing she saw was a walking stick, pointed straight at her like a rifle.
‘Not in my house, not in my house!”
Gabriella got up and stared at her father with wide eyes. She could feel the sweat drench her skin, the throbbing of her own eyes, her dad’s ringing screams vibrating in her ears, and the thumping of her heart against her chest. Her fingers were curled into a fist, nails digging into her palm. She couldn’t hear her rapid breathing, but she could feel the oxygen flooding in and out of her lungs. Nothing could prepare her for this.
“What’s going on here?!” her father asked, his nostrils flared. Immediately, Alicia got up and stormed out. She caught a glimpse
of Gabriella before she disappeared from view. The women locked eyes for what felt like a millisecond, but then Alicia ran down the stairs and stepped out into the yard.
“Oh, God,” she said, throwing her head back. She was struggling to catch her breath; all she could think about was Gabriella, what her dad must be doing to her. She thought about going back there, but it would’ve made things so much worse. Wouldn’t it?
Suddenly she felt guilty all over again, like it was her fault. If she hadn’t paid Gabriella that visit, none of this would’ve happened. Was she selfish and naive to think that everything would’ve worked out despite her father’s ego and his temper and his outlandish ideas of how people should live their lives? She marched across the yard, trying to get away as fast as her feet could carry her. But nothing was going to wash away the guilt, nothing was going to make her feel less responsible. She thought about calling Gabriella in an hour or two, but just hearing her cry over the phone was going to kill her. Finally she ran down the street, as fast as she could, until she found a bus station. Alicia felt drunk. She didn’t know what she was doing, she didn’t know what station to get off at. All she knew was that she just made Gabriella’s life a little bit harder, and she hated herself for it.
***
“What the fuck did I just see?” Gabriella’s father asked, staring at his daughter like she was some kind of Devil.
“Dad, she’s my friend … she’s-” Her brain was racing for ways out.
“Your friend? Your friend?” he asked, his eyes wider than Gabriella had ever seen them. “Do you think I’m some kind of idiot?”
Gabriella’s brain was on overdrive. Her dad approached slowly, dragging his feet across the floor. His hands were balled up into fists, and his breathing was growing heavier and heavier. He waved at her with his meaty paw, but she didn’t say anything. Suddenly her eyes jumped to Haley, who was standing by the door. “Dad, dad. She didn’t do anything, she was just hanging out with her friend-”
“And you! How could you lie to me like that? Do you think I’m a fool?”
“Dad, we didn’t lie to you! She just showed up out of nowhere, I didn’t expect her to come down here!” Gabriella drew in a deep breath; his burning hard stare would last only as long as it took him to think of the most brutally cutting thing he could tear her down with.
Just For You: A lesbian romance (Play Me a Song Book 3) Page 9