I sucked on her tiny nub, and for the first time, she moaned. Dear God, it was a beautiful sound; so soft, yet powerful. It could cause politicians to fall to their knees.
I lapped at her sweet spot, never shying away from her little bundle of nerves. I grazed her sensitive bud with my teeth as I slid my tongue along her slit, tasting her sweet cream.
She whimpered. She had her bottom lip between her teeth. Her expression said it all. I had her where I wanted her: volleying between pain and pleasure. She was close.
I flicked my tongue over her clit once more before gliding it from top to bottom one last time, relishing the taste of her.
I moved up to the small triangle of hair above her jewel. I pressed a soft kiss against the soft curls. “Why don’t you stand up for yourself?” I met her gaze, not allowing her to hide.
She flushed. I knew she had to feel exposed. I’d taken her to the brink of pleasure, to a point that bordered pain for a bit, a place that required all her barriers to be demolished to reach, before it thrust her deep into unfathomable pleasure. I didn’t allow her to be pushed though. I left her on the border with her defenses down so when I pulled away she was sharply aware of her position, acutely alert to her vulnerability and the care I was taking to expose it. She needed that part of her exposed so she could sort through it.
She looked stricken as she stared down at me. I kept my expression neutral as I watched her, taking in every emotion that crossed her face.
“It’s easier not to.” Her voice was barely above a whisper. Her guilt already had her looking away.
I narrowed my eyes. “Don’t make me spank you again.”
She fidgeted, her features drawing down. “I know you deserve the truth, but-“
“No buts. Tell me,” I commanded.
“Because they’re right! Because I believe them, that’s why.” Her tears were back, hanging in the shadows, ready to spill over at any moment.
My chest tightened at her admission. I softened towards her. The need to comfort her overcame me, but I held back. She needed tough love right now, not coddling. “Tell me one good thing about yourself.”
She remained silent. After a minute, she pushed her face into her upper right arm and closed her eyes.
My wolf roared. His patience was long gone, but luckily mine wasn’t. My soul was rooting for her; my heart was swelling as she finally opened up to me, as she finally shared a part of herself with me.
“Laina.” Her name was a call to attention.
She went limp in my arms, giving in to defeat.
She wasn’t allowed to ignore things any more.
I released her right hip. Angling back, I thrust a single finger into her depths. Her folds encircled my finger, swallowing it deeper into her hot, wet center. Fuck!
She cried out, shooting up and tugging on the restraints. Her eyes tore open meeting my angry glint before she fell back down onto the bed.
“Name one good thing about yourself,” I demanded. Focusing on my mission rather than how perfect she felt around my finger was difficult. I felt beads of sweat dot my brow as the pressure in my groin intensified unbearably.
She shivered beneath me.
Damn. She was a testament to my determination.
I released her other hip and moved up and over her. I swirled my finger around inside her as I came face to face with her.
She bit back a moan.
“Answer me.” I pressed my lips together to keep from kissing her, to distract myself from how close my cock was to exploding.
When she didn’t immediately respond, I slid my finger to the hilt and thrust back inside her at the same time that I swept my thumb across her clit.
She moaned, tilting her head back. Her chest rose and fell in labored breaths. She was fighting it. She had to know the truth inside, but didn’t think others would agree.
“One. Good. Thing. Now.” I bent my head and nipped her breast.
“I care about the kids,” she blurted as she lifted her hips into my movements below.
Unable to hold back anymore, I captured her lips. My entire body melted beneath the touch of her lips. They were soft and pliable, easily molding to my own. Delight sprouted from within at the fact that she was kissing me back.
I shook with pleasure, with excitement. My wolf behaved for the first time in forever, sitting back quietly.
I abandoned her pussy, cupping her face with my hands. My thumbs spread across her cheeks. I was so damn proud of her. I wanted to hold her; I wanted to kiss her, to love her passionately forever.
My lungs struggled to expand, even as I inhaled her with every intake. My heart pounded in my chest; my pulse skipped about as my own needs flared to a new high.
I bunched my muscles, trying to hold back my desire to claim her as I enjoyed the caress of her lips. There was a delicate urgency to our connection. I pushed my tongue beyond her lips, tasting her higher depth. The moment she swept her tongue along my own, a fission of my tight control cracked.
I growled, pulling back against my will. At the sight of her swollen, red lips, my entire body jolted. My wolf returned with a fierce mutiny.
I didn’t bother to hide my desire for her; I hadn’t for a while. This time, I allowed the yearning of me and my wolf to blend, becoming one compelling, powerful plea.
Fuck! Was I really resorting to begging? God damn it. I’d meant to empower her, not to give away my dignity.
I gazed into her emerald eyes. Fuck it.
Her brows creased as she stared at me. She sniffed the air several times, but her expression was definitely one of confusion. “You smell… different,” she stated hesitantly, as if she was worried about hurting my feelings.
I pressed my nose against her neck, nuzzling her. “It’s because we both want you so bad.”
“Oh.” She sounded so disappointed.
I drooped my head, closing my eyes for a brief moment before I faced her again. I’d said I would let her go. This was for her not me. She’d faced the truth. Her barriers had been destroyed. She couldn’t hide anymore. I was confident that she wouldn’t hide anymore, which meant it was time for me to give her up.
My wolf slammed into me, making it hard to breathe. His snarls boomed in my chest, vibrating my lungs and shaking my bruised heart.
The pain hit me, freezing my bones. I forced myself to move though. “You did good, sweetie.” I gave her a small smile, but didn’t meet her gaze. I couldn’t look her in the eye right now. It’d hurt too much.
I slid off the bed and grabbed the keys for the handcuffs atop the dresser. Methodically, I freed her cute feet. Fuck. Since when did I find feet cute? I sighed, immediately admitting it to myself. When she came along. That’s when they did.
I moved upwards and unlocked her wrists. At the sight her of her chafed skin, I longed to rub ointment on them as I kissed the tender flesh on the underside of her forearm. I knew she wouldn’t allow me to though.
I quickly turned away from her. It took a moment before she moved. She was probably sore.
Damn it. I tried to push her out of my mind, but I couldn’t. She was embedded in me. She was supposed to be a permanent part of me, but instead, I was letting her go. Why the hell did I have to be so fucking chivalrous?
I grabbed the other keys from the dresser and unlocked the door. With lead feet, I opened the door.
My wolf was going ballistic at this point. My insides had never felt so raw, so destroyed.
I kept my gaze low. She wore her socks, but not her shoes. Her clothes were back in place, covering the luscious beauty I now knew for certain was beneath.
“Um, what about my family?” Her voice was soft. The mere sound of it drove a nail into my heart.
“Last I heard they were heading for Buffalo, New York.”
Her heart beat irregularly, but her breathing scarily normal. “I’ll be gone by tomorrow afternoon.”
Gone, damn it. She’d be gone! I clenched my jaw, fighting the appeals I wanted so badly to verba
lize.
I closed my eyes as she brushed past me. I heard her pad down the stairs. The second she shut the front door behind her, I slammed the bedroom door and locked it.
I screamed at the top of my lungs, thankful for the soundproof insulation I’d insisted on.
My spirit wilted as agony broke me. I collapsed to my knees, heaving. My heart ripped apart, breaking with every bone in my body as my wolf broke free with a vengeance.
—
Chapter Eleven
LAINA
Tears chased down my cheeks. My lungs refused to expand, refused to work properly as I crumbled inwardly. It felt like my entire world was collapsing.
I ran as fast as I could, but I couldn’t outrun the truth anymore. He’d seen to it. He’d made sure that when he shredded my heart that I could feel every smidgen of pain.
For four years, I’d kept him at a distance. That distance allowed me to hold onto hope. That distance protected my heart from this.
But now, he’d spelled things out in black and white. He’d brought me to my knees only to leave me there. I couldn’t blame him. I struggled to name one good thing about myself for crying out loud. Who wanted a mate that had so few redeemable qualities?
I burst through my front door and ran to my room, locking myself inside. I sobbed openly. I didn’t care who heard me. I didn’t care who knew anymore. They didn’t matter anymore. None of their opinions mattered anymore.
I cried for hours, the truth of my past, the reality of my present dragging my body through years worth of drudge, through years worth of pent up hurt, draining me. The sun began to slide behind the mountains, setting for the evening before my eyes burned dry and my lungs expanded properly. It was when the well had been emptied, when all I’d hidden was exposed and dealt with in a fit of hot tears, that I could finally just rest.
The eternal ache was still there. He was my mate. His absence would be a constant twinge. But the weight of my past was gone; the weight of our mistakes was gone.
Leaving him was going to be the hardest thing I’d ever done. Dare I admit, it would be even worse than today. Walking away would solidify it. It would shred the last of my hope, leaving me only with a stark, dreary reality.
I wanted to cry all over again at the thought, but didn’t have it in me. Instead, I sought the dream world, the place where me and Jayson could always be together.
—
Chapter Twelve
JAYSON
I stared blankly at Laina’s empty spot at the table. Everyone ate silently around me, hyperaware of my sour mood.
I didn’t bother to pretend in front of them. I was angry; I was in pain and didn’t care who saw it.
My food sat untouched on the plate in front of me, my hands were fisted in my lap and my gaze never left her place.
I didn’t know how much time passed. I didn’t care to know. All I knew was that I missed her like crazy. All I cared about was her right now. Doing the right thing sucked. Being the bigger man made me feel like less of a man. Even my wolf was hanging low.
“Jayson!”
I shook my head, focusing on Aaron’s voice. “What?”
“You’re scaring the shit out of the pack. What the hell happened?”
I frowned, glancing around. I was shocked to find the table was empty. It was just us.
I sighed, scrubbing my face.
“Talk to me, bro.” His concerned plea echoed through my mind.
“I let her go.” The words were thick in my mouth, deepening the black hole in my chest.
“Why?”
I cocked my head towards him. “What do you mean ‘why?’”
His brows pulled together. “I understand releasing her family, but why did you let your mate go?”
Looking at Aaron was like looking in a mirror at a younger me; talking to him was like speaking the truth aloud to myself. “Because she didn’t want me.”
“Since when has that stopped any male?”
I growled, my wolf rumbling to life. “I’m done.” I shoved away from the table, the wooden chair scraping along the hardwood floors.
Aaron abruptly stood. “Stop.” He grabbed my upper arm. I glared down at his hand. He quickly moved it away. “Listen, Jay, she isn’t many male werewolf’s ideal woman, but clearly she’s yours. That bullshit about setting them free and they’ll come back, yadda, yadda, is utter crap. If you want her, claim her. Otherwise, you’re going to spend the rest of your life in misery wishing you had.”
He sounded sincere, but after the shit he’d said before, his words weren’t worth as much.
I looked him square in the eye. “Name one good thing about her.”
His brows rose marginally. He shrugged his shoulders. “She’s great with the kids.”
I pursed my lips. I was slightly amused by the fact that Laina and Aaron had given me the same answer. “Thanks.” I clapped his shoulder.
He nodded. “Go get her.”
I left him standing at the dining table, watching me.
I quietly closed the front door behind me. It was a clear, peaceful night out. The air had a crisp chill to it. The cooler months were coming. Those were the months we spent less time as a wolf and more time focusing on the pack’s import/export business.
My wolf sat back, waiting, as I headed for Laina’s house.
As I approached the homestead, I noted all of the lights were off. I stopped, closing my eyes and honing in on the sound of her. Her heartbeat was a slow but steady thump in the distance. I could barely hear her breathing, but it indicated that she was sleeping.
I shoved my hands inside my pant pockets. The selfish part of me wanted to burst through the door and wake her up so I could claim her, but I loved her too much to demand that of her.
Before my wolf could lash out at me, I beat him down. Feeling fully under control, I turned away and headed for home. I’d come back tomorrow when she was rested.
—
Chapter Thirteen
LAINA
The sun woke me, its rays easily slipping through the blinds over my window. With the sun, I immediately thought of him and his sun-kissed skin. Fresh tears welled.
I rolled out of bed, trying to push them down. I took a deep breath, gazing around my room, or rather, what was my room through this afternoon.
I didn’t have much in here. The only pictures on my walls were all handmade one-of-a-kind pieces from the pack young. My heart swelled at the sight of their colorful masterpieces. I would miss them. I knew they would move on and adjust to someone new without a problem, but I would never forget them.
One-by-one I began carefully removing them and stacking them on my bed.
Next, I pulled out the only bag I owned. It wouldn’t hold much, so I knew I’d have to discard a lot. My wolf howled as I sorted through my small assortment for the best of the lot. Her cry stilled me; the pain in her call sent chills through me.
I closed my eyes to the ache; the one that I knew would be a permanent fixture in my chest.
I took a deep breath, opening my eyes and refocusing on my current task.
Slowly, I made progress; yet, all-too-soon I was ready to go. I threw away what I couldn’t take with me, ensuring that I left the room spotless.
God, how quickly things changed. I knew Mother Nature was constantly changing, her seasons a beauty to behold mid-shift, but change wasn’t always easy to embrace. Change required gazing at the truth of all you’d once been and all you’d once done. Change required accepting the past in order to walk into the future. It didn’t guarantee a better future, but most of the time it guaranteed you would be free from your past.
Change required risk. It required that I take a chance on myself for once. It was demanding that I followed the Prayer of Serenity and relied on nature to reveal something new. It demanded all I never thought I had in me so I could re-write my fate. Hopefully the reward would be worth it in the end. I wasn’t asking for perfection, just happiness. If there was one thing I had to thank Jayso
n for, it was waking me up to the truth. I wasn’t perfect, but it didn’t mean I didn’t deserve happiness.
I looked around the house one last time. There weren’t very many happy memories here, but it was still a part of me. Its layout would always be engrained in my memory; its walls would continually be an easily called upon vision.
I grabbed my purse and slid it over one strap of my backpack. With only the shoes I wore on my feet, I closed the door to my past.
—
Chapter Fourteen
JAYSON
I’d tossed and turned most of the night, fretting over her. The sun was just beginning to rise when I finally fell into a rough slumber.
I bolted up when someone pounded on my bedroom door.
“Wake the fuck up, Jay!” Aaron yelled.
Light. Sun. Shit! How long had I been out?
I leapt out of bed and opened the door.
He shoved his hand out in front of him. “Shit, man! Throw on some clothes and let’s go. She’s leaving. I saw her walking with her bag towards the exit.”
My heart pounded in my chest. My mind raced as my wolf bellowed. I ran to my closet and grabbed the first thing I saw, immediately throwing it on. I didn’t bother with shoes as I pushed past Aaron.
Damn it. I couldn’t let her go. I couldn’t lose her. I wanted to be the better man, but I didn’t think I could live in that kind of misery for the rest of my life.
I threw open the front door, not bothering to close it behind me. The entire property was surrounded my forest. The only way in or out of the property was through the dirt road that led to the highway.
Pack members had emerged from their homes to see what was going on. I ignored them, bursting into a full-on run. I shot through the maze of homes towards the exit.
I halted when she came into view. Sure enough, she had a full backpack on her back and her purse slung over her shoulder.
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