by Naomi Niles
“I had lived my whole life looking over one shoulder. And it was just when I was starting to feel safe that I realized I was being followed.”
I sighed. “That’s why you left us.”
“If I stayed, I was putting you all in danger. What happened to my father would have happened to you and your brothers, and I couldn’t bear to live with that guilt. So I made a decision, and a week later, I left.”
“Did Dad know that was the reason you left?” I asked her.
“He knew,” she nodded. The way she replied, I knew she was holding something back, but I could tell it was personal and I didn’t want to pry. Her issues with Dad were her own business.
“Two years ago, they caught Dustin Hacker,” Alice said. “He was sentenced to a lifetime in jail for all the heinous things he’s done. And I… I was finally free.”
“Two years,” I repeated.
She understood what I meant. And this time, she reached for my hand without hesitation. “JJ, I know what you must be thinking, but I couldn’t bring myself to waltz back into your lives after so much time had passed. I didn’t want—”
“You were scared,” I cut her off. “Of how we would react.”
“Yes,” she said hesitantly. “I was scared. And, I was cowardly.”
The way she said it resonated with me. Mostly because I knew exactly what she meant. I knew exactly how she felt. I turned my hand around so that I was holding hers.
“It’s okay,” I told her. “We all get scared sometimes.”
Chapter Thirty-Four
Kami
I was in good spirits as I made my way into the clinic to see JJ. He didn’t know I was coming, and I hoped it would be a pleasant surprise for him. I really wanted to spend some time with him. Haley and I had talked a little more after we’d gotten back from our joint therapy session and I could sense that we were both feeling optimistic about life.
I had picked a bright yellow mini dress as a reflection of my good mood and actually thought I looked pretty decent in it. The receptionist was sitting behind her desk and she glanced up at me as I walked in. I recognized her from my last visit here, but she obviously couldn’t place me. I gave her a smile.
“I’m here to see Doctor Burbank,” I said.
“Under what name?” she asked.
“Umm… I don’t have an appointment. I’m here on a…personal visit.”
Her eyebrows went up immediately, and she looked at me with new interest. “I’ll let him know.”
“Uh…would you mind if I just went in?” I tried. “I’d like to surprise him.”
“You’re his…” she looked at me pointedly, to finish the sentence. “Girlfriend?” she asked, when I didn’t supply her with a relationship.
I hesitated for only a moment. “Yes,” I nodded.
“Okay then,” she said, after a moment’s consideration. “He doesn’t have any consultations for a while. So it should be all right. You can go on in.”
“Thank you,” I said, giving her an extra big smile.
Then I walked into JJ’s office. He was sitting behind his desk and understudy was sitting opposite him. They both turned as I entered.
“Kami,” JJ said, in surprise as he rose to his feet. “What brings you here?”
“I was hoping to steal you away for a quick breakfast,” I said, glancing at JJ’s understudy, who was looking at me with vested interest.
“Oh,” he said, with surprise, but he looked delighted, too. “That actually sounds perfect.”
“I think I should just excuse myself here,” the younger surgeon said. His name came to me at the last moment.
“Doctor…Wall?” I asked. “Am I right?”
“That’s right,” he smiled. “But please, I insist you call me Danny.”
He shook my hand, gave me a parting smile, and disappeared from the room. I turned to JJ with an apologetic look on my face. “I’m sorry,” I said. “I probably should have called first.”
“Don’t be silly,” he said, waving away my apology. “I’m thrilled you’re here.”
“It’s just that mornings are the only time I have a little free time,” I explained. “And since Haley and I just took a week off…”
“You don’t have to explain, Kami,” JJ said, smiling at me. “I understand, and like I said, I’m so glad you came. I wish I had thought about a breakfast date first.”
“There’s this little bakery café close by that I’ve been wanting to try?”
“Sounds perfect,” he nodded. “I have a lot to tell you.”
Encouraged by his obvious eagerness, I reached for his hand and we headed to the café together. He glanced at me as we walked there, and his gaze was admiring.
“What?” I asked, trying not to blush.
“You look beautiful,” he said. “You should wear bright colors more often.”
“This is Haley’s dress,” I admitted. “I never choose clothes this bright; too eye-catching for me.”
“That’s exactly why you should wear them,” JJ said. “You’re a beautiful woman who deserves to be seen.”
We ordered our breakfast and settled down at a little table facing the street. The moment we were alone, I turned to JJ eagerly. “How did things go with your mother?” I asked, assuming that was what he had been meaning to share with me.
“It was pretty strange,” he admitted slowly. “But good strange… It’s hard to explain really. It was surreal and dreamlike and at times. I actually wandered if I was imagining the whole thing. But I’m not that imaginative.”
I smiled. “What was she like?”
“She was the same…and yet she was different,” JJ paused and then laughed at his own contradiction. “Sorry, I know I’m not making much sense.”
“No, I think I get what you mean,” I said, trying to help him out. “It’s sort of like there are things you remember about her that are familiar, but there’s an equal number of things that you can’t remember and don’t have any frame of reference for.”
“Precisely,” he nodded. “She knew who I was.”
“She recognized you?”
“I wouldn’t say that,” JJ said. “She’s been following our lives, as much as she could. She’d read a couple of articles about my work in plastics and a few of my high-profile clients. She’d seen pictures of me here and there, so it’s not like she didn’t know what I looked like.”
“Did you get a chance to discuss the past?” I asked carefully. I didn’t want to be insensitive and ask a question that JJ wasn’t comfortable asking.
“At length,” he nodded.
“And?”
“She told me why she left,” he admitted. “She told me the whole story.”
“Did it make a difference?” I asked curiously.
JJ paused for a moment. “Yes,” he said. “Actually, it did. And I never expected to say that. After hearing everything she’s been through, it’s easy to forgive her. It’s easy to let her back into my life.”
“Wow,” I breathed. “JJ… I’m so happy for you.”
He smiled. “Can I tell you the story?”
“Only if you want to.”
“I do,” he nodded. “I want to share this with you.”
And then, with our hands linked, he told me the story of his mother. He took his time, letting the narrative unfold slowly. There were moments when I was actually on the edge of my seat. When JJ told me what had happened to his grandfather, I felt tears prick at the corner of my eyes. When he finally finished his story, I felt emotionally drained, but I also felt much closer to him, too.
“Your mother sounds like a very brave woman,” I said fervently.
“I think so, too,” JJ nodded. “I would like you to meet her…one day.”
I smiled, flattered by the sentiment. “I’d love that.”
“She’s coming back to Colorado with me,” JJ blurted out, as though he were keeping that information inside the whole time.
“For a visit?”
�
��It might end up being longer than a visit actually,” JJ replied. “I’m moving back in a few weeks, and I think I’ve convinced her to do the same. She’s never really warmed to California that much, anyway.”
“You’re moving back,” I repeated.
I hadn’t given JJ’s leaving much thought. As he said the words, my body went cold with shock as I realized I’d have to say goodbye to him soon. He seemed to read the reaction on my face because he sobered immediately, but he never let go of my hand.
“Kami… I’ve been thinking…”
“Yes?” I asked, with my heart in my throat.
“What if you came back with me?”
“What?” I asked incredulously.
“What if you moved to Colorado with me?” he continued.
“I… JJ—”
“Just think about it.”
“Think about it?” I repeated. “JJ, my restaurant is here. My life is here. My sister is here.”
“You could move the restaurant to Colorado,” he went on. “You guys would be so popular there. You could start fresh in a new state.”
“We can’t afford to relocate completely,” I said, trying to make him see sense. “The most we can afford to do is expand where we are.”
“Then forget the restaurant,” JJ said unexpectedly. “And just…come with me.”
“And what about Haley?” I demanded.
“She’ll be fine without you, Kami,” JJ said. “She’s a grown woman.”
“JJ,” I said softly, keeping my tone even and measured. “She nearly killed herself. She would have succeeded, too, if I hadn’t found her in time.”
JJ closed his mouth and stared at me for a moment. “I just… You can’t look after Haley your whole life, Kami.”
“Why not?” I demanded. “She’s looked out for me her whole life. Why shouldn’t I return the favor? And why should I be the one to sacrifice everything I’ve worked for to follow you to your home and your life? Don’t you think that’s a little unfair?”
JJ’s hazel eyes were troubled when he looked at me. “I didn’t mean to imply that my life is more important than yours—”
“Then how come I’m the one that’s expected to make all the changes?” I asked bluntly.
I pulled my hand from JJ’s grip and glanced out the window, unable to look him in the eye. He made no move toward me. He seemed to be contemplating our relationship. I felt myself bristle at the thought and knew I needed to get home.
“I have to go,” I said, rising from the table.
“Wait, Kami,” JJ said, but his tone was half-hearted.
“I’m sorry, JJ,” I said, cutting him off. “I just need to… think.” I took a few steps away from him before I turned back for a moment. “I want you to know that I’m thrilled you finally found your mother. And, I’m thrilled you get to re-start your relationship with her. It’s a chance I’d kill to have.”
With that, I turned and walked away from him. My good mood from an hour ago had dissipated completely and all I wanted to do now was crawl into bed and hide underneath the covers. When I got to the restaurant, I tried to avoid Haley so that I wouldn’t have to explain what happened over breakfast, but she cornered me after the lunch shift.
“What happened?” she asked.
“Nothing.”
“Don’t bullshit me,” Haley said immediately. “You’ve been quiet this whole time, you refuse to meet my eyes, and you haven’t said a word about Prince Charming. Something happened.”
Admitting defeat, I shared the whole story with Haley. I saw the wilt in her shoulders when I mentioned the idea of my move to Colorado, but she did a good job hiding it. She even went as far as to try to defend JJ.
“It’s obvious he loves you,” she said. “He just wants to be with you. And, you shouldn’t have to limit your life because of me.”
“That’s not what I’m doing,” I said firmly. “I’m an equal part of this relationship. He never discussed a thing with me. He just made the decision and told me about it. Don’t my opinions count? Doesn’t what I want matter?”
“Of course, it does.”
“Then why wouldn’t he ask me?” I demanded. “Did he think I was so desperate and insecure for a man that I would just blindly go along with whatever plan he decided was best?”
“Kami—”
“I refuse to play second fiddle to a man,” I said forcefully. “I’ve done that my whole life and it’s stopping now!”
Haley hesitated for a moment, and then she smiled.
“What?” I asked.
“Nothing,” she said, shaking her head. “It’s just…good for you!”
I felt a fierce sense of empowerment at Haley’s words and I nodded in agreement with them. That evening, I got an apology text from JJ. All it said was, “I’m sorry I sprung all that on you… I should have been more sensitive about it.”
I stared at the text for a moment before I put away my phone without replying.
Chapter Thirty-Five
JJ
I stepped into my office after two separate consultations feeling drained and extremely distracted. Danny was seeing to a patient, and I was glad for the silence that welcomed me. I took off my doctor’s whites and sat down at my desk, trying to push away all the thoughts that had unsettled my morning.
I had been so busy worrying about Kami that I had mixed up two patients names and had gone into the wrong consultation room. Danny had found it hilarious, but I had been mortified. I had never made those mistakes before and I was starting to realize that I needed to work through my personal shit first, before I saw any more patients.
I picked up my phone and dialed Peter’s number. When he didn’t answer, I tried the landline. A few moments later, a voice greeted me on the other end, but I knew it wasn’t Pete.
“Hi, Sam,” I said. “What are you doing there?”
“Chilling, hanging, lounging.”
“Geez… poor Pete.”
Sam laughed. “What’s up?”
“Is Peter around?”
“Rude,” he said immediately.
“I just wanted to talk to him.”
“Lord Burbank is currently holed up in his room with his lady,” Sam said suggestively. “And, I don’t think they’re talking, if you know what I mean.”
“All right, all right,” I said quickly. “I don’t need the details.”
“Man, they make a lot of noise when they get going.”
“Didn’t I just say I don’t need to hear details?”
Sam laughed, obviously enjoying my discomfort. “Hey, if you need to talk about something… I’m here.”
I hesitated a moment. Sam was the family clown, but I knew he had a mature side. It just came out rarely. But when you managed to pin it down, his advice was pretty decent.
“Okay,” I started. “I think I screwed things up with Kami.”
“That was fast,” he said. “What did you do?”
“She came over to the clinic a few days ago and surprised me by asking to take me to breakfast.”
“Very thoughtful.”
“I thought so, and I guess I was so happy about how things were going with her, and about how things were going with everything else, that I just blurted out all these plans I’d made in my head.”
“Which were?”
“That she should move back to Colorado with me,” I admitted.
“Doesn’t she own a restaurant in Cali?”
“She does.”
“You wanted her to close it down and move with you?” he asked.
“Well, I suggested she just relocate the restaurant, too.”
“Didn’t her sister just try to commit suicide?”
“You’re making me sound like a total douche bag,” I sighed.
“I’m just asking you for the facts,” Sam said calmly. “If you’re sounding like a douche bag, I’m afraid that’s on you.”
“Well, you’re blunt but effective,” I sighed. “Man, I was a prick.”
&
nbsp; “Don’t be too hard on yourself,” he said. “It’s not like you were thinking.”
“Obviously,” I nodded. “I just… From my perspective, it seemed like a reasonable offer. It seemed almost romantic in my head. I mean, I was asking her to move in with me…”
“I don’t think that’s the part that would have upset her,” he said. “She was probably a little upset about the fact that you expected her to uproot her entire life for you, just because you asked.
“Not to mention you were asking her to leave behind her one and only sister, who by all accounts she is extremely close to and who seems to be in a fragile state at the moment. You don’t think it came off as slightly insensitive to ask her to give up so much?”
“Of course, it was insensitive,” I agreed. “I just didn’t see it at the time.”
“Hey, I get it,” Sam said. “I usually speak first and think later, too.”
“That’s the problem,” I said. “I don’t usually do that. I’m…wise.”
Sam snorted into the phone. “Please, you’re quiet. It’s not the same thing.”
I smiled. “I need to explain things to her.”
“That’s probably a good idea,” he agreed. “And just so you know, I feel it is my duty to tell you that Colorado is sick of you. I think a change of scenery would do you some good.”
I hesitated for a moment. “I’ve lived my entire life in Colorado.”
“I know,” he said, softening his tone. “And it’s always going to be there. All I’m saying is, what are you really staying in Colorado for?”
“I don’t know, really.”
“Exactly,” Sam said. “And between you and me, I have a feeling that Peter would love kicking you out of the house and making it a little love nest for Mads and him.”
I laughed. “You’re right. I can’t live with them forever. At some point, they’re going to be married and raising kids.”
“You better get out now while you still can.”
I laughed. “Thanks, Sam,” I said, glad I had decided to confide in him. “This was really helpful.”