“I feel safe in your arms. It feels…I don’t know. As if I belong here.”
Kelly looked so vulnerable, Josie’s heart ached.
“You feel amazing.” Josie kissed her temple and stepped away. “I’m looking forward to seeing you again tomorrow.”
“Me, too. I’m not sure what’s going on with me, Josie. I don’t mean to lead you on or push you toward something you don’t want, but it feels so right to be in your arms that I can’t seem to stay away.”
Josie watched Kelly take a shaky breath. “I probably don’t need to tell you I want you. I want you in my arms.” She swallowed the emotion that tore at her heart when she realized she wanted to feel Kelly everywhere. “I’m just not sure I can offer more than that.”
“Thank you for being honest with me.” Kelly gently stroked her cheek. “I’ll see you tomorrow for lunch.” She gave her a weak smile before stepping off the porch and getting into her car.
Josie leaned against the post, searching for serenity in the quiet night. Questions popped into her mind like a field of prairie dogs, each searching for an answer before ducking back into their burrow. She admitted she wanted Kelly in her life, but in what capacity? Could they have a friendship hundreds of miles apart? She blew out a sigh and went inside.
Chapter Twenty-four
Kelly entered information for the latest patient into the computer. She was one of two residents she would have denied if it were up to her. Their facility wasn’t equipped to care for dementia patients, so they were supposed to refer them to another nursing home off the island. She suppressed her frustration at the administration but scrambled to figure out a way to handle care for them. She made notes to the staff and, grateful for the new cable internet, sent an email to the administrator expressing her concerns. She worked until just before noon and closed her laptop. “I might be a little late coming back from lunch today,” she said to the staff in the lunch room as she hurried out the door.
She didn’t want to think too hard about the kiss she’d shared with Josie the night before as she drove the short distance to her place. This lunch wasn’t supposed to be a date, but she was having a hard time convincing herself it wasn’t and even a harder time convincing herself she didn’t want it to be. There was more to their kiss than sparks, and she knew Josie felt it, too. Now all she had to do was figure out what to do about it. She pulled into her usual parking spot and turned off her car engine. She took a minute to compose herself, determined to refrain from grabbing Josie as soon as she saw her. She opened her car door, and Josie’s appearance on the porch dissolved her willpower like sugar in water. She looked sexy and dangerous as she looked Kelly over, passion radiating in her gaze.
“Hey there.”
“Hi. Lunch is ready.” Josie reached for her hand as she slowly took the steps one at a time. “Nooko’s waiting impatiently, I’m afraid.”
“I’m not late, am I?” Kelly checked her watch.
“Not at all. She’s just looking forward to seeing you.”
“We better get in there.” Kelly walked past Josie but stopped when she wrapped her arms around her from behind and pulled her up against her. She nuzzled her neck and tickled the smooth skin behind her ear with her tongue. Kelly swayed and allowed Josie’s support. She’d never wanted anyone as much as she did Josie at that moment. “Isn’t Ruth waiting?” Her voice sounded far away to her.
“Hmm.” Josie released her and stepped back. “Sorry. You’re irresistible. Let’s go have lunch.”
Kelly followed her on shaky legs.
“There you are. I was just going to look for you two.” Ruth sat at one of the tables set with plates and silverware.
“Sorry, Ruth. We had something to discuss.” Kelly hugged Ruth before offering to help Josie.
“You sit. I’ll get the food.” Josie returned from the kitchen with a huge bowl of spaghetti and meatballs. “Let’s eat.”
Kelly did have things to discuss with Josie. Her feelings for her had grown into more than friendship, and based on their mutual attraction, they were going to end up in bed together. She couldn’t allow it to happen without some sort of commitment from Josie. Her heart was too vulnerable, and she had Barb to think of. She didn’t know where they were headed, but she didn’t want to hurt her. But she knew the spark she felt with Josie was far more intense than anything she’d shared with Barb, and that meant something. Her appetite fled as she felt the heaviness of her dilemma settle in her belly. A dilemma of her own making. She’d welcomed and returned Josie’s kisses. She’d allowed herself to get involved with a woman who didn’t want a relationship. Again. They’d have to talk. At least I haven’t slept with her. She finished the spaghetti on her plate.
“You’re quiet today, Kelly,” Ruth said. “Are you okay?”
“I’m enjoying the meal. And I have a lot on my mind. Sorry if I’m being rude. A new patient came in today with dementia. I’m a little worried about her.”
“I’m sure you’ll do your best,” Ruth said.
Kelly hoped Ruth was right. About everything in her life. “I suppose everything will work out as it’s supposed to. Sometimes I wish I could control more than I’m able to.” Kelly sighed, not expecting a reply from Ruth.
“We can only control how we react to each other based on what we want, or need, or perceive. That’s what’s so difficult. We can’t know what’s in another’s mind unless they speak it. Fear is a powerful force, dear. The only way I know of to overcome it is with trust.”
Kelly sat dumbfounded. Was she making more of what Ruth said or was she really that perceptive?
“Nooko doesn’t hold back with her unsolicited wisdom.” Josie shrugged one shoulder.
“I’m going to put my feet up and let my lunch digest.” Ruth stood. “You two go do whatever you need to.” She gripped her cane and moved to her spot on the couch.
“I believe we’ve been dismissed.” Kelly smiled. Ruth was special.
“Let’s go sit outside.” Josie stood and took Kelly’s hand to pull her out of her seat.
Kelly sat next to Josie on the porch. “I do need us to talk, Josie.”
“Yeah. I thought maybe you would.”
“I feel a connection between us, but I haven’t changed my mind about wanting a long-term relationship. I can’t get involved any further with you without knowing you feel the same way.”
Josie stood and Kelly thought she was going to kiss her again. She scrambled to decide what to do, but Josie only took her hand and pulled her out of her seat. “I know. I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to love the way you need me to. I’m just not brave enough to take a chance of losing it. I saw how much in love my parents were. They laughed together, shared work, cared for me, and cared for each other, and in an instant, it was all gone. I can’t convince myself I could survive such a severe loss. It’s safer to never try.”
“Oh, Josie.” Kelly stroked her cheek. “I’m so sorry it happened, and I understand that fear. I do. But I believe even if love is taken away by forces I can’t control, at least I’ve experienced it. To me, it’s worth taking a chance.”
Josie stared at the ground, scuffing the dirt with her boot. “Thank you for thinking I’m worth taking a chance on. I wish I could believe it too. But I’m just not in a place to give you, or anyone, that kind of commitment.” She sighed and her shoulders slumped. “If I had it to give, I’d jump at this chance. I hope you know that.”
Kelly could see the truth in Josie’s eyes, and her heart broke at the idea of someone so beautiful choosing to stay alone out of fear. Ruth’s words about the power of fear came back to her, and she understood. “I think I should head back to work.”
Josie nodded, her smile sad, and Kelly took Josie’s hand as they walked to her car. “Emotional talks don’t make for a lot of laughs, do they?”
“Not especially. But I love spending time with you, for whatever reason. You be careful driving. And come by anytime.” Josie grinned. “I promise to be good.”
Kelly was certain she would be better than good. “I will, and I’ll let you know how everything’s going at the facility.” Kelly drove slowly on her way back to work, the conflict regarding her growing feelings for Josie weighing heavily on her mind. She couldn’t allow herself to fall for Josie. She appreciated her sincerity but prayed it would be enough to convince herself to keep her distance. If Ruth was right about trust, could she ever earn Josie’s? She’d be leaving soon to go back to her life. Was there even enough time? She turned her thoughts to Barb and their scheduled dinner date. More heavy conversation felt exhausting, but necessary. She parked her car and cleared her mind for work mode.
* * *
Kelly spent the afternoon coordinating schedules for the newly hired aides and nurses. They were fully staffed and the home was at ninety percent capacity. She calculated she’d be able to leave within a few weeks if things continued as they were. She checked the time, closed her laptop, and let the night staff know she was leaving.
Memories of her lunch date with Josie lingered while she drove to the Teepee. Barb stood in line, looking relaxed and sexy. Kelly remembered the first time she’d seen her at the convenience store and her immediate attraction. She was kind and attentive and cared about her, and they’d grown comfortable with each other. But was comfort what she wanted? Was it enough?
“There you are. I was just going to order for you. The usual?” Barb kissed her lightly on the lips.
Barb didn’t care who saw or knew who she was with, one of the things Kelly liked about her. “Yep. The usual. Sorry I’m a little late. I got held up at work.”
“No problem. You’re worth waiting for.” Barb kissed her hand.
Kelly waited until they were settled with their meals in Barb’s car before speaking. She wasn’t entirely sure what she wanted to say but knew she needed to start the conversation. “Remember on our first date, how we talked about reading and we agreed we want a happily-ever-after story?”
“Sure.” Barb tilted her head and waited.
“I want you to know it’s what I’m looking for in a lover, too. I want someone who wants a permanent long-term relationship. It’s why I’m still single.”
“Are you asking me to marry you?” Barb chuckled and winked at her.
“No. I just wanted to be completely clear on where I stand, because you’ve become special to me, Barb, and I don’t want either one of us to get hurt.”
“I appreciate your honesty, and I’m glad you feel comfortable talking to me.” Barb hesitated. “I feel the same way, but I’m pretty sure I’m not ready for a commitment in my life yet. I’ve been working on Drummond Island for three years, and I love it here. I plan to stay on the island and obtain my CO Thirteen classification. It’ll mean more responsibility but also higher income.” She shrugged. “It’s a lot of hours, and my job comes first right now. So a long engagement might be the only thing I can offer for a while.”
“I’m not certain how much longer I’ll be working here, which is another reason I wanted to talk.” Kelly figured she only had a few weeks left working on the island, and she knew she didn’t want a long-distance relationship.
“What if we just continue to see each other until you leave? We don’t have to make any promises. We can see where we’re at when it comes time for you to go.” Barb finished her dinner and gathered the empty bags.
“That sounds good.” She kissed Barb lightly. “No promises.” Was that what she wanted? If not, whose promise did she want?
“I’m catching the next ferry to Detour tonight, so I can’t stay long. I’ve got a meeting with Josie tomorrow, and I want to talk to my brother at the state police post about his availability, if necessary.”
“Is it the meeting with the guy who wants Josie’s property?”
“Yes. I’m not sure if it’s a problem. She just asked me if I’d be there when she meets with him.”
“Is your brother a state trooper?”
“Yeah. He told me he’d do some research on Abe.”
“I know about Abe, but do you think he’s dangerous?”
“I doubt it. He just insists on buying her property, and Josie doesn’t want to sell. She’s a little nervous about the notes he left. It’s not cool that he’s creeping around the way he is, and those notes aren’t exactly asking to be buddies.”
“I’m glad you’re going to be there for her. The couple of times I’ve seen him he looked seedy.”
Kelly deliberately turned away from Josie’s direction as she left the parking lot. She couldn’t fabricate a good excuse to go back, except she wanted to see her again, and she wasn’t sure she was in an emotional state to do that yet.
Chapter Twenty-five
Josie paced in her office. She’d begun the nervous striding upon waking and decided she might be able to settle herself by keeping busy in her office. She retrieved the deed from the safe, read it, put it back, and pulled out her financial ledgers. The bank had appraised the property when she’d refinanced, so she had a figure in the back of her mind. Maybe I should sell. No. I won’t allow him to force me out.
She continued her pacing until she heard a car in the parking lot. She forced in a deep breath and prepared herself for Abe’s assault.
“Josie? It’s me, Barb.”
Josie’s apprehension eased when she noted Barb in full uniform and her service weapon on her hip. She looked official, which was perfect. The police officer with her carried an envelope she presumed contained the information they’d found on Abe. “Thanks for stopping by. I’m Josie.” She shook his hand as she introduced herself. “I haven’t heard from Abe yet.”
“I won’t be far away today, and I’ve got Rob, my brother, on alert in case we need to call in the state troopers,” Barb said. “I doubt you’ll have any trouble. Abe’s only been a nuisance so far.”
“A big nuisance and he’s creepy.” Josie shivered at the thought of his sneer.
“You give me a call or text, but dial nine-one-one first if you feel threatened at all. Got it?”
“I will. Thanks, Barb.”
Josie reviewed the driver’s license picture the officer showed her, and Nooko confirmed it matched her remembrance of him. “I’m going to get breakfast for Nooko now. Can you stay?” She looked to Barb and the officer to be sure he knew he was welcome.
“Thanks, but I’ve got a call about some sick birds on the shore. I’ll be within cell phone range.”
“Thank you, ma’am, but I need to get this picture and information out.” The young officer smiled and touched the brim of his cap in a semi-salute.
“Okay. See you later.” Josie retreated to the kitchen and started a few bacon strips sizzling. She was scrambling eggs when Nooko entered the kitchen.
“Can I help with anything? It sure smells good.”
“You can sit and relax. I poured you a cup of coffee, and the bacon will be done soon.”
“Abe’s coming today, isn’t he?”
“Yes, he is. Barb’s on call today in case we need her.” Josie tried to keep her voice steady and sound unconcerned.
“It’ll all work out, honey. They have his picture.” Nooko sipped her coffee, looking relaxed. “Trust and believe.”
Trust and believe. When had she forgotten the dictum both her mother and her nooko had repeated whenever she needed support? Nooko had tried to remind her to trust the will of the Creator and believe in the strength to continue when her mother died. She hadn’t wanted to hear it at the time, but today she appreciated the encouragement. “Thanks, Nooko.” She filled plates with their breakfast and quietly repeated the mantra.
Josie’s day dragged as she waited. She checked the lobby several times before lunch, and she admonished herself again for not getting Abe’s contact information. By late afternoon, she became concerned and wondered if she had the wrong day. He’d only said “in one week” in his note, and she’d taken that literally. Maybe he hadn’t meant it that way. She began fidgeting and checked the locks on her offi
ce and safe for the sixth time. She texted Barb and let her know she was still waiting. Her thoughts drifted to Kelly and she hoped she’d come over before dinner as she had been doing lately. But she’d undoubtedly scared her away with their kiss, and what about Barb? Kelly hadn’t mentioned their dating, so maybe she wasn’t as taken with Barb as Barb was with her. She certainly could understand why Barb would be, but what did it mean for her, and what did she want?
By six o’clock. she gave up waiting, left the front door unlocked and a note for Abe on the desk, and went to make dinner.
“What happened? Did Abe show up yet?” Nooko asked.
“Not yet. I left him a note to look for me here. Let’s have dinner. I’ll check again later.”
It was after dark when Josie locked the front door, tossed the note she’d left in the trash, and called Barb.
“He never showed up, Barb.”
“Huh. And he didn’t leave a letter or note?”
“Nothing. I’m kicking myself for not pushing him harder for his phone number. I have no way of contacting him and no way of knowing when or if he’ll be back. I don’t like this feeling of being on edge, just waiting.”
“I’m pretty sure he’ll contact you again because he’s been so adamant about buying your place.”
“Yeah. More than likely. I’ll let you know if he does, and thanks again for being on call today.” Josie flipped on the night-lights and headed to the lodge.
“He never showed up, Nooko.” Josie secretly hoped he’d given up and moved on to someone else’s property.
“I suppose he’ll either contact you again, or not. Can we do some exercises in the hot tub before bed tonight?”
“Sure.” Josie followed Nooko to the tub, trying to shake the uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach.
* * *
Josie gently lifted her specially designed dream catcher from the drawer and laid it on the table in her studio. She hoped concentrating on the final touches of her latest creation would take her mind off Abe. She couldn’t figure out why he hadn’t shown up. She straightened feathers and attached a hanger before carrying it to the main room of the lodge where Nooko waited for her.
Love Came Calling Page 15