by Jojo Moyes
‘I’ve seen girls like you in a million ports. Shouldn’t allow your sort on board,’ he muttered wetly into her ear.
‘Get off me!’
‘Oh, come on! You can’t expect me to believe you’re not making a bit on the side while you’re here—’
‘Please—’
‘Step away, Tims.’
The voice came from her right. Tims’s head lifted, and she glanced across his shoulder. He was standing there, his eyes burning black in the dim light.
‘Step away, Tims.’ His tone was icy.
Tims checked the other man’s identity, smiled and abandoned it, as if unsure how chummy he should be. ‘A little dispute over payment,’ he said, backing away from her and ostentatiously checking his trousers. ‘Nothing you need to concern yourself about. You know what these girls are like.’
She closed her eyes, not wanting to see the marine’s face. She was shaking violently.
‘Get inside.’ The marine spoke slowly.
Tims seemed remarkably cool. ‘Like I said, Marine, just a disagreement about price. She wants to charge twice the going rate. Considers us sailors a captive market, know what I mean?’
‘Get inside,’ said Nicol.
She stepped closer to the wall, unwilling even to be in Tims’s line of vision.
‘We’ll keep this to ourselves, eh? Don’t suppose you want the captain to know he’s carrying a brass. Or who her friends are.’
‘If I see you so much as look in Mrs Mackenzie’s direction for the remainder of the voyage, I’ll have you.’
‘You?’
‘It might not be on board. It might not even be on this voyage. But I’ll have you.’
‘You don’t want to make an enemy of me, Marine.’ Tims was at the hatch. His eyes glittered in the darkness.
‘You aren’t listening to me.’
There was a moment of exquisite stillness. Then, with a final, hard look at the two of them, Tims backed through the hatch. She was about to breathe out when his huge, shorn head reappeared. ‘Offered you half price, has she?’ He laughed. ‘I’ll tell your missus . . .’
They listened as Tims’s footsteps faded in the direction of the stokers’ mess.
‘Are you all right?’ he said, quietly.
She smoothed her hair off her face and swallowed hard. ‘I’m fine.’
‘I’m sorry,’ he said. ‘You shouldn’t have to . . .’ His voice tailed off, as if he were unsure of what he wanted to say.
She was unable to determine if she was brave enough to look at him. Finally, ‘Thank you,’ she whispered, and fled.
When he returned there was only one other marine in the mess: the young bugler, Emmett, was fast asleep, arms stretched behind his head with the relaxed abandon of a small child. The little room smelt stale; the heat was heavy in the air, on the discarded ashtrays and unfilled shoes. Nicol removed his uniform, washed, and then, his towel round his neck and the water already evaporating from his skin, pulled his writing-paper from his locker and took a seat.
He was not a letter-writer. Many years ago, when he had tried, he had found that his pen stumbled over the words, that the sentiments on the page rarely mirrored what he felt inside. Now, however, the words came easily. He was letting her go. ‘There is a passenger on board,’ he wrote, ‘a girl with a bad past. Seeing what she has suffered has made me realise that everyone deserves a second chance, especially if someone out there is willing to give them one, in spite of what they carry with them.’
Here he lit a cigarette, his gaze fixed ahead on nothing. He stayed like that for some time, oblivious to the men arguing down the corridor, the sound of the trumpet practice going on in the bathroom, the men who were now climbing into their hammocks around him.
Finally he put the nib of his pen back onto the paper. He would take it ashore tomorrow and wire it. No matter the cost. ‘I suppose what I am trying to say is that I’m sorry. And that I’m glad you’ve found someone to love you, despite everything. I hope he will be good to you, Fay. That you have the chance of the happiness you deserve.’
He reread it twice before he saw that he had written Frances’s name.
18
Now you understand why British soldiers respect the women in uniform. They have won the right to the utmost respect. When you see a girl in khaki or air-force blue with a bit of ribbon on her tunic – remember she didn’t get it for knitting more socks than anyone else in Ipswich.
A Short Guide to Great Britain, War and Navy
Departments, Washington, DC
Thirty-three days
The governor of Gibraltar was known not only throughout the Navy but the British civil service as an unusually intelligent man. He had built a reputation as a major strategist during the First World War, and his diplomatic career had seen him rewarded for his hawk-like tactical and observational skills. But even he had stared at the forward liftwell for several moments before he could acknowledge what he was seeing.
Captain Highfield, in the process of taking him up on to the flight deck ready for the welcoming performance by the Royal Marines Band, cursed himself for not checking the route beforehand. A liftwell was a liftwell. He had never thought they’d be bold enough to string their underwear along it. White, flesh-coloured, grey with overuse or cobweb-delicate and edged with French lace; the brassières and foundation garments waved merrily all the way up the cavernous space, mimicking the pennant that had welcomed the great man aboard. And now, here he was, the cream of the British diplomatic service, on Highfield’s great warship, surrounded by an orderly parade of immaculately dressed seamen, transfixed by lines of bloomers.
Dobson. The man would have known about this, yet had chosen not to warn him. Captain Highfield cursed his leg for confining him to his office that morning and allowing the younger man the opportunity. He had felt unwell, had decided to rest, knowing that today would be long and difficult, and had trusted Dobson to make sure that everything was A1. He might have known he’d find a way to undermine him.
‘I . . . You’ll find this is something of an unconventional crossing,’ Captain Highfield ventured, when he had composed himself enough to speak. ‘I’m afraid we’ve had to be a little . . . pragmatic about procedure.’
The governor’s mouth had dropped open, his cheeks betraying the faintest flush of colour. Dobson’s face, serene under his cap, gave away nothing.
‘I would add, Your Excellency, that this is by no means any indication of the level of our respect.’ He tried to inject a note of humour into his voice, but it fell flat.
The governor’s wife, handbag held in front of her, nudged her husband surreptitiously. She inclined her head. ‘Nothing we haven’t seen before, Captain,’ she said graciously, her mouth twitching with what might have been amusement. ‘I think the war has exposed us all to far more frightening scenes than this one.’
‘Quite,’ said the governor. ‘Quite.’ The tenor of his voice suggested that this was unlikely.
‘In fact, it’s admirable that you’re going to such lengths to keep your passengers comfortable.’ She laid a hand on his sleeve, a glimmer of understanding in her face. ‘Shall we move on?’
Things improved on the flight deck. Having embarked the governor and the other passengers at Aden, the Victoria had begun to make her slowly north along the Suez Canal, a silver vein of water, lined by sand dunes, that shimmered so brightly in the intense heat that those gazing from the sides of the ship felt obliged to shade themselves. Despite the heat, the brides were gay under parasols and sunhats, the band gamely keeping up despite the discomfort of even tropical rig in such temperatures.
The men having resumed their duties, the governor and his wife had agreed to judge the Tap Dancing competition, the latest in the series of the Queen of the Victoria contests devised to keep the women occupied. Shielded by a large umbrella from the worst of the sun, armed with iced gin and tonic and faced with a line of giggling girls, even the governor had warmed. His wife, who had taken the time
to chat to each contestant, eventually awarded the prize to a pretty blonde girl, a popular choice given the hearty congratulations of the other brides. She had confided to Highfield afterwards that she thought the Australians were ‘rather a nice lot. Terribly brave to leave their loved ones and come all this way.’ Infected with a little of the merriment of the afternoon, he had found it hard to disagree.
And then it had all gone wrong again.
Captain Highfield had been about to announce that the event was over, and suggest that he and his new passengers depart below decks to where the cook had prepared a late lunch, when he had noticed a flurry of activity on the starboard side. The Victoria was moving sedately past a military camp and the brides, spotting large numbers of Caucasian men, had flocked to the edge of the flight deck. Their brightly coloured dresses fluttering in the breeze, they waved gaily at the bronzed young men who had stopped work to watch them pass, calling down greetings. As he leant over to see, he could hear the women’s squeals, could just make out the enthusiastic waving from the bare-chested men below, now jammed up against the wire perimeter fence, squinting into the sun.
Highfield stared at the scene, making sure his suspicions were correct. Then it was with a heavy heart that he reached for the Tannoy. ‘I am gratified that you have given our guests, the governor and his wife, such a rousing welcome,’ he had said, watching the governor’s back stiffen in his tropical whites as he too took in the scene below. ‘There will be extra refreshments in the forward hangar for those who would like tea. In the meantime, you might be interested to know that the young men you are waving to are German prisoners.’
Irene Carter had approached her after the contest to tell her she was glad Avice had won – ‘Best to make the most of those legs before the old varicose veins set in, eh?’ – and to show off her latest delivery of post. She had received seven letters, no less than four from her husband.
‘You must read us yours,’ she said, sunglasses masking her eyes. ‘My mother says she’s been inviting yours round for tea since they discovered we were shipmates. They’ll be desperate to know what we’ve been doing.’
And I bet you’ve told her everything, thought Avice.
‘Hey-ho. I’m off to tea and to read Harold’s letters. Did you get many?’
‘Oh, heaps,’ said Avice, brandishing hers in the air. There had been only one from Ian. She had tucked it under her mother’s so that Irene couldn’t tell. ‘Good luck with the next contest, anyway,’ she said. ‘It’s fancy dress, I believe, so I’m sure you’ll do much better. You’re getting so tanned you could wear a scarf round your waist and go as a native.’ And clutching her ‘certificate’, Avice walked, with as little conceit as she could muster, away.
Frances wasn’t in the dormitory. She rarely was any more. Avice thought she was probably hiding somewhere. Margaret was attending a lecture on places to visit in England. She kicked off her shoes and lay down, preparing to read Ian’s latest communication in an atmosphere of rare privacy.
She scooted through the letters from her father (business, money, golf), mother (travel details, dresses) and sister (‘quite happy by myself, thank you, blah-blah-blah’), then came to Ian’s envelope. She gazed at his handwriting, wondering at how one could sense authority even in ink and paper. Her mother had always said there was something immature about men with bad handwriting. It suggested that their character was somehow unformed.
She glanced at her wristwatch: there was ten minutes before the first lunch shift. She had just time to read it. She peeled it open and gave a little sigh of pleasure.
A quarter of an hour later, she was still staring at it.
Frances and Margaret were seated in the deck canteen when the rating found them. They had been eating ices. Frances was now accustomed to the relative hush that descended whenever she dared show herself in public. Margaret had chattered away with grim determination. Once or twice she had asked the most persistent starers whether it was a bite of her ice-cream they were after and sworn at them under her breath as they blushed.
‘Mrs Frances Mackenzie?’ the rating had asked. He looked painfully young: his neck hardly filled the collar of his uniform.
She nodded. She had been half expecting him for days.
‘Captain would like to see you in his offices, ma’am. I’m to bring you.’
The canteen had gone quiet.
Margaret blanched. ‘Do you think it’s the dog?’ she whispered.
‘No,’ said Frances, dully. ‘I’m pretty sure it’s not that.’
She could see from the expressions on the faces around her that the other women were pretty sure too. Not Wanted Don’t Come, the whisper started. Only this time the brides evinced no anxiety.
‘Don’t be long,’ said a voice, as she left the canteen. ‘You wouldn’t want people to start talking.’
Avice lay on the bed. From somewhere nearby there was a strange sound, a low, guttural moan, and it was with distant surprise that she realised it was emanating from her own throat.
She stared at the hand holding the letter, then at the wedding ring on her slim finger. The room receded around her. Suddenly, she threw herself off her bunk, fell on to her knees, and vomited violently into the bowl that had never been removed after her early days of sickness. She retched until her ribs hurt and her throat burned, arms wrapped round her torso as if they were the only thing stopping her whole self turning inside-out. Through coughing, she could hear her own voice, spluttering, ‘No! No! No!’ as if she were refusing to accept that this monstrosity could be real.
Finally, spent, she pushed herself back against the bunk, her hair plastered in sweaty tendrils round her face, limbs awkward and ungainly on the hard floor, her dress, her makeup unheeded. She wondered if the whole thing had been a dream. Perhaps the letter didn’t exist. The sea could get you like that – she had heard plenty of sailors say so. But there it was on her pillow. In Ian’s handwriting. His beautiful handwriting. His beautiful, horrific, diabolic handwriting.
Outside, she could hear the clicking heels of a group of women who were chattering as they passed. Maude Gonne, positioned just behind the door, raised her head, as if waiting to hear a familiar voice among them, and then, disappointed, laid it between her paws.
Avice followed the sound, head swaying like a drunk’s. She felt detached from everything. There was nothing she wanted more than to lie down. Her head felt as if a great weight were pressing down on her. She could do nothing except stare at the ribbed metal floor.
She shoved the bowl back under her bed. Despite the smell, the unforgiving metal beneath her, her wet hair, she lay down, eyes on the other letter open beside her. Her mother had written:
I’ve told everyone that the celebration will be at the Savoy. Daddy got a very advantageous rate because of one of his contacts in the hotel business. And, Avice darling – you’ll never guess – the Darley-Hendersons are going to make it part of their round-the-world trip, and if that wasn’t exciting enough the Governor and his wife have said they’re coming too. People seem so much happier to travel now the war is over. And they will ensure we get your picture into Tatler. Darling, I might have had my doubts about this wedding, but I have to tell you I’m pleased as punch about this trip. We’ll put on a do that will have not just Melbourne but half of England talking for months!
Your loving Mother
PS Pay no attention to your sister. She’s a little bit sour at the moment. Case of the green-eyed monster, I suspect.
PPS We’ve not heard yet from Ian’s parents, which is a pity. Could you ask him to send us their address so we can contact them ourselves? I want to know if there is anyone special they’d like to invite.
It had been a long, rather wearing afternoon, and it was something of an effort to stand when the girl entered the room, so Captain Highfield stayed behind his desk to allow himself the chance to lean on it. The governor’s arrival, and its attendant difficulties, had taken it out of him, and it was for that reason – and pe
rhaps to save the girl’s blushes – that he had chosen to hold this meeting without the aid of either the chaplain or WSO.
She stood in the doorway when the rating announced her and stayed there after he had left, clutching a small bag. He had seen her at close quarters twice now and she was physically striking. Only her demeanour stopped her being a compelling figure. She had seemingly developed the trick of receding into the background; now that he had briefed himself through her notes, he understood why.
Captain Highfield gestured to her to sit down. He stared at the floor for some minutes, trying to work out how to address the issue, wishing that, just this once, he could have handed over the captaincy to someone else. Disciplinary matters with his men were straightforward: one followed procedure, gave them a bawling-out if necessary. But women were different, he thought, exasperated, conscious of the woman opposite, of the women who had been in before her. They brought all their problems on board along with their tons of baggage, created new ones for good measure – and then made you feel guilty, wrong, for simply following the rules.
Outside the stand-easy was being sounded over the Tannoy, signalling the men’s canteen break. He waited until there was silence. ‘Do you know why I have summoned you to see me?’ he asked.
She did not reply. She blinked slowly at him, as if the onus was on him to explain himself.
Come on, man, he told himself. Get it over and done with. Then you can pour yourself a stiff drink.
‘It has come to my attention that several days ago you were involved in something of an incident downstairs. In the course of looking into the matter, I’ve heard things that . . . have left me a little concerned.’
It was Rennick who had told him, the previous evening. One of the stokers had approached him, muttered that there was all sorts of trouble being stirred up, and then what was being said about the girl. Rennick had not hesitated to tell Highfield: no one would have mentioned something like that to the Captain’s steward without believing it would go straight to the head man.