Christmas Day.
After the last few days of chaos and confusing emotions, it was comforting to have a moment where everything was in its place, just as it had been since they had moved in with her aunt. Rainbow stood at the kitchen stove stirring a pot of something that smelled delicious; she glanced over her shoulder, her hazel eyes twinkling. Rainbow looked like an older version of Dayna, her dark hair piled on top of her head, but she was as colorful as her name in a flamboyant caftan and snow boots.
Dayna let her smile widen, propping her shoulder against the kitchen windowsill to look out at the snow-covered yard. Toby and Sam had stayed the night, and her nephew had torn through all his gifts with boyish enthusiasm. The tree he’d picked out had twinkled with hundreds of colored lights, strewn with popcorn strings and homemade ornaments. All of it had delighted her nephew. There really was nothing like experiencing the holidays through a child’s eyes.
The sound of Jake’s deep laugh drifted across the yard. She watched her brother and nephew gang up on Jake in a snowball fight. White powder flew through the air, and the men played at the boy’s level so he thought he was winning. His giggle was infectious.
“Cute as a button, that kid.” Rainbow’s voice sounded from behind her as the older woman wrapped her arms around Dayna and propped her chin on Dayna’s shoulder.
Their heads leaned together, and Dayna let a deep sigh ease out. “He looks like Sam at that age.”
“Mmmmhmmm.” Her aunt squeezed her tighter. “You’re troubled, honey. Do you want to talk about it?”
Did she mean Nathan or Jake? With Rainbow, you never knew. The woman saw too much. Whether she was as psychic as she believed or because she never missed a single detail, Dayna didn’t know, but she also didn’t know how to put into words everything that was going through her mind. “Not yet. I’m just…not ready.”
“I’m here when you are.” Rainbow kissed her cheek and let her go, wandering into the living room to leave Dayna to her muddled thoughts.
Every phone in the house trilled, making Dayna jolt. She heard Rainbow pick up the cordless phone and speak quietly, so Dayna returned to watching the scene outside. Jake scooped up Toby and spun him in a circle, falling back against a snow-bank. It made her smile. He really was great with her nephew. So many different sides to one man, so many things she’d never noticed. Things that attracted her even when she knew they shouldn’t. Her smile faded, and she shook her head.
Things with Jake confused her. How had he done this to her in such a short span of time? A week ago there was no way she would have had sex in some guy’s truck, let alone in her aunt’s driveway. She hadn’t even done things like that as a teenager. Thankfully, no one could have seen them. Their breath had made the windows fog as the heat inside met the cold outside air. But at that moment, she wouldn’t have cared if anyone could see. A frisson of heat went through her at the memories. The way Jake touched her—rough and reverent at once—she’d never experienced it before. It felt so right when she knew it was wrong. Getting tangled up in random flings with her brother’s best friend was not part of her plan.
Yet she couldn’t deny she had loved every minute of it. Every stroke, every kiss, every sobbing breath.
Rainbow called from the other room. “Dayna, your mom’s on the phone!”
Dayna closed her eyes, shutting out the lovely scene before her and the even lovelier memories as reality came crashing in. She didn’t think she could deal with any more turmoil, and her mother was always high drama. Padding lightly on slippered feet, she crossed to the living room doorway. She whispered, “I really don’t want to talk to her.”
“It’s Christmas.” Disappointment filled Rainbow’s eyes. Dayna knew her aunt wished things were better between her mother and her, but they were too different. If her mother could just maintain a little control over herself, if she could put someone else before her own wants, then maybe…But it would never happen.
Dayna’s insides twisted tight, and the same love and anger and resignation she always felt whenever she dealt with her mother crowded in to try to overwhelm her. She didn’t think she could handle it today. Everything that was happening with Jake had her so confused she didn’t know what to do. Sighing, she met Rainbow’s gaze and knew she couldn’t disappoint the older woman. She took the phone. “Hello?”
“Hi, baby.” A babble of conversation in the background made it difficult to hear her mother’s voice. Dayna pressed the receiver tighter to her ear and stuck a finger in her other ear to try to catch what her mom said next. “How’s Nathan? I’m so sorry I couldn’t stay to really meet him, but he looked like just the kind of man I always knew you’d end up with. I’m sure we’ll have plenty of time to get to know each other next time you come visit.”
Dayna’s breath left her lungs in a rush as the havoc of the last few days punched her in the stomach. She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t tell her mother the truth. That she wasn’t marrying the man she was supposed to end up with, that she was sleeping with a man she never should have touched. A flush of guilty pleasure burned her cheeks. The flashing lights of the Christmas tree blurred before her eyes. Clearing her throat, she turned the conversation on her mother and kept her voice light and teasing. “So, are you going to marry this new guy you ran away with?”
“Oh, no. Not him. It’s just a little fun. Temporary insanity.” Her musical laugh rippled through the phone. “I’m having a great time, going a little crazy. Merry Christmas, baby. I hope you’re having as wonderful a holiday as I am.”
A little fun. A little crazy. Temporary insanity. Dayna’s words. Jake’s words. They echoed inside her like a death knell.
Her mouth felt dry, her hands shaking. “I’m glad you’re having a good time. Merry Christmas.”
Someone called her mother’s name in the background. She laughed again. “Okay, honey. I have to go. Merry Christmas! Happy New Year! Love you!”
The line went dead before Dayna could respond. She pushed the button that would turn off the phone and dropped it on the couch. Wrapping her arms around herself, she bent over at the waist and tried to catch her breath.
“Dayna!” Alarm sounded in Rainbow’s voice. Her hand settled against the back of Dayna’s neck, sending tingles racing down her limbs. “What’s wrong?”
“What am I doing?” But she knew. God help her. “I’m turning into her.”
The world tilted under her feet, and she felt nauseous. She’d thrown one man away and hooked up with another in a matter of hours. It wasn’t like her. She didn’t go through men like toilet paper—her mother did. She didn’t do wild and crazy affairs—that was her mother’s territory. The most important person in her mother’s life was herself. And who was Dayna thinking about nonstop? Herself—what her body wanted now, not the important parts of her future. This had gotten out of hand, and she needed to stop it right now. She got a tight grip on the emotions she’d struggled to control for days, caging them into a tiny corner of her heart. Straightening, she forced air into her lungs, forced her mind and body to settle.
She shook her head, meeting her aunt’s concerned gaze steadily. “I can’t become her. That’s not me, and I never want it to be.”
Rainbow sighed, catching Dayna’s face between her palms. “Oh, lamb. You can’t control the people you love. You can’t hold on so tight. Your mom has to be free. You can’t worry about what she is—you just have to love her and live your life the best way you can.”
Dayna’s lips pressed together, and she swallowed. “You’re a free spirit, too, Rainbow. That doesn’t make you irresponsible and selfish.”
“We both know this isn’t about your mother—she’s been this way your whole life. You accepted it a long time ago.” Rainbow’s smile was soft and sympathetic. “No, this is about you.”
Dayna’s gaze dropped for a moment. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“It doesn’t take a psychic to know what Jake dropping you off the morning after you got her
e means or what an extra half hour in a fogged-up truck means.” A gentle, wise smile curved her lips. Then she gripped Dayna’s jaw tighter, the smile falling away as her face settled into serious lines. “I’m happy for you, honey. I’ve always known this would happen someday, but you need to hear what I’m saying right now. I know that going from Nathan to Jake so fast scares you, that being in the middle of this thing with Jake before you even knew what you were getting into makes you feel like the world is spinning out of control, but love isn’t about control—not of yourself and not of the man you’re in love with. It’s just love. That’s all. You love him, or you don’t, you have to let yourself go and fall sometimes. Trust that he’ll catch you. He’s a good man.”
Dayna tightened her arms around herself, feeling like she was going to explode out of her skin. Her aunt’s words made something snap inside her head, and she wanted to clamp her hands over her ears and scream. No. A thousand times no. This wasn’t happening. It wasn’t true. No. She shook her head so hard her short hair flew, whipping into her eyes. Her vision blurred, her breath speeding until she thought she’d pass out. She backed away from her aunt, slamming into the arm of the couch in her haste to escape. “I am not in love with Jake. And he certainly isn’t in love with me. That’s crazy. We’re—we’re nothing alike.”
Her aunt’s eyebrows contracted, and she tilted her head as though she hadn’t understood what Dayna said. “Why do you need to be alike? You have more than enough calm and rational. You need someone who’ll remind you to stop and smell the roses. He needs someone who’ll give him roots, keep his feet on the ground. You fit. You balance each other. That’s more important than being alike.”
Something so sweet it was terrifying bloomed in her chest, but she shut it down. She forced a smile to her lips. “I hope you didn’t have a vision about this, Aunt Rainbow, because I’d hate to prove you wrong.” She popped a quick kiss on her aunt’s cheek. “I’m going to go take a shower and get dressed. Then I’ll be down to help you with dinner.”
Rainbow sighed loudly. “You always were a stubborn child.”
Dayna paused as she reached the stairs, her hand clenched on the railing. “I’m not a child anymore, Rainbow. I have to decide what’s right for me. Jake isn’t. We’d make each other crazy.”
“There’s nothing wrong with crazy, honey. I’ve been there for years.” Rainbow hummed to herself, the sound of her steps fading into the kitchen. Dayna shook her head, snorted a laugh, and jogged up the staircase.
When she reached her room, she gathered some clothes and the new pair of earrings Toby had picked out for her—little reindeer wearing Santa hats. She walked across the hall and nudged the door closed with her foot. Stripping quickly, she tossed her pajamas on the closed toilet seat. Someone knocked on the door. “I’m taking a shower. Use the downstairs bathroom.”
She was reaching for the lock when the door pushed open, and Jake stepped in. She fell back, grabbing a towel to cover herself. He lifted an eyebrow. “It’s a little late for that, don’t you think, sweetheart?”
It was. He’d seen everything she had to offer and then some. She held on to the towel anyway, Rainbow’s words flashing through her mind. It seemed scarier now that someone had used the L word. It was dangerous, unpredictable. Something she couldn’t plan for. Her nerves jangled, and her fingers tightened on the towel. The soft terry cloth stimulated her sensitized skin. Just having Jake this close made her body heat, her nipples bead to hard points of need. “Wh—what are you doing in here?”
“I’ll give you one guess.” His gaze slid down her body, lingering on her bare legs. She had to clench them together as moisture flooded her sex. Fire streaked through her veins, and he hadn’t even touched her. Yet.
He took a step toward her. She skittered back until her calves hit the side of the bathtub. When he reached out to catch her, she twisted away and hopped into the tub. “Jake, this is a bad idea.”
“Maybe. Do it anyway.” He just stepped into the tub with her, pressing her against the tile wall. He closed in until his chest brushed the tips of her breasts. His brilliant green eyes were more serious than she’d ever seen them. He searched her face, lifting his fingertips to brush them over her lips.
She swallowed, her lids dropping to half mast. “We’re in the bathtub.”
“You know, I noticed that.” He smiled, the intense moment seeming to pass. “You said you needed to take a shower. Care to share?”
“Bad. Idea.”
“And I thought nice girls like you were good at sharing.” He grinned, stepping back a little. Relief made a sigh whistle from her throat. But he just bent over and unlaced his work boots. Toeing them and his socks off, he picked them up to toss them outside the tub. Reaching over his shoulder, he grabbed a fistful of his shirt and pulled it off. Light blond hair sprinkled his heavy pecs, stretching from one flat, brown nipple to the other. Black tattoos wound up his muscular arms, curving around to his back. The light gleamed on the ridges of his abs. She swallowed, her hands balling to stop herself from touching him. His long fingers popped the button on his jeans, and the rasp of his zipper sliding down sent shivers along her spine. Her body froze, arrested, as she watched every inch of that hard, muscular form come into view.
The pants eased down his legs until he stepped out of them. He pulled a condom out of the back pocket before they joined the growing heap of his clothes on the bathroom floor. Her gaze stayed glue on the rigid arc of his cock. She licked her lips, and it jerked. She looked at Jake’s face and saw the way the skin had tightened over his sharp cheekbones, the flush of desire running under his skin, the lust that hardened his green eyes. He tore open the foil packet and sheathed himself quickly. Then he voiced a guttural demand. “Drop the towel, Dayna.”
She obeyed, letting it fall away from her body. “I am so weak. I shouldn’t be doing this, and I can’t make myself stop.”
“Me neither.” He reached out a single finger, tracing a line along her collarbone.
Swallowing, she let her head rest against the shower wall. “This isn’t just fun anymore.”
“Yeah.” That finger slid down until he circled her nipple. Pleasure zinged straight to her core, making her pussy throb and clench.
She licked suddenly dry lips. “Then what is it?”
“I don’t know, sweetheart.” He shook his head, still stroking her breast in that slow, maddening way. “I just know I want you.”
“I’m leaving after New Year’s.” She said it because she needed to remind herself, but he winced at the word leaving.
“I know.” His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed, struggled to regain his usual levity. It didn’t come. He reached out one hand to flip on the shower knobs, blocking the spray until hot water flowed out. Within moments they were both soaked, and the hot beads of moisture made the moment even more sexual.
Her gaze locked with his—that sweet, terrifying something forming a huge, golden bubble inside her. She couldn’t look away, couldn’t dismiss the emotion, couldn’t dismiss him the way she had every other man she’d ever been with. They’d all been the same: the same as her. Just like Rainbow said. Not Jake—Jake was different. She wanted to deny it, to run away, to escape everything she felt, to regain some internal balance. Withdrawing into herself, she tried to keep her emotions contained. She was usually so good at it, but this week had her unraveling at the seams.
Cupping her shoulders, he turned her around to face the wall, and he nudged her thighs apart with his knee. He captured both wrists with one hand, stretched them over her head, and pinned them against the tiles. Startled, she jerked at her hands but couldn’t free herself. His body crowded her against the wall, and she couldn’t move at all. It was even more constricting than when he’d pinned her legs down. A flutter of panic went through her at the lack of control. “Jake, I—”
His free hand parted the globes of her ass, and he entered her pussy from behind in one hard push. Her breath caught as a hundred sensations rico
cheted through her at once: the heat, stretch, and intense pleasure of him deep inside her; the water running over her wherever they didn’t touch, sealing them together where they did. A shiver ran through her, and her nipples hardened painfully, stabbing into the unyielding tiles. His lips played over the side of her neck, kissing his way up until he sucked her earlobe into his mouth.
“Dayna, I love…” Her muscles froze as her whole existence hung on how he ended the sentence. “…I love the feel of you. You’re so tight and wet.”
Her hormones reacted to his words, slicking her pussy with even more moisture, making her wetter than she’d ever been in her life. But her heart stumbled, and she refused to believe that she might be disappointed. She just needed him to let her loose, not to hold her so tightly.
Twisting her wrists, she tried to get free again, but it was a futile gesture. He had her right where he wanted her, and there wasn’t a thing she could do about it—except enjoy herself. Her pussy throbbed around his cock at just the thought. She shouldn’t like the loss of control, and her mind protested it, but it was drowned out by the needs of her body. And every inch of her reacted to his nearness. She had no idea what she was doing with him, where this was going except to a dead end. It was crazy. She yanked at her hands again, her sex burning with an intensity she’d never experienced before. It wasn’t…She shouldn’t…
He rolled his pelvis against her, changing the angle of his thrusts. The thoughts, the fears, the uncertainties—they all slid away until there was nothing but Jake’s hands and Jake’s mouth and Jake’s hard, thrusting cock. He could so easily become the center of her world. If she let him—if he even wanted her to. A sob caught in her throat. Her body wanted one thing, and her mind wanted another. It was going to rip her apart. Tilting her head back against his shoulder, she let a tear run down her cheek to mingle with the shower water.
He slid his tongue down her exposed throat, his goatee rasping her sensitive flesh until he bit down lightly on the sensitive spot where her shoulder met her neck. The world spun round and round until there was only this moment she had with him. She clenched her pussy around his dick with each hot push inside her.
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