“Remember how totally not reassured we were, when they explained that none of those reptiles were aggressive, not even the poisonous ones?”
Steve paused, as though waiting for Mark’s laughter to subside and then resumed his reminiscences.
“When the cold storage facility was built it was desperately needed, but the foreign developers expected local fishermen to come up with capital to operate the business and pay a substantial leasing fee. How could the developers have not known that the locals made barely enough to feed their families?
“It was impressive how keen Abdi and his friends were, assuring us that they could repair the dilapidated building if we would donate a small cache of supplies and tools. As soon as we agreed to that, they persuaded us to invest in seawater holding tanks with water circulation. They figured the tanks would allow their co-op members to store and then export enough of their fish and lobster catches to provide a secure, if miniscule income. It really was the ideal project to support, proving that our company was serious about being socially responsible.”
Steve seemed to come back to himself from that corner of his mind where Abdi and his friends still lived. “Franz, I wonder how often Mark has relived the excitement of collecting tools, supplies, and equipment, and then finding experts to train the Somali co-op members. I know it’s a memory that can still change a bad day into a good one for me.”
Now it was Franz’ turn to reminisce, “Hmmm, Mark always liked to shop for tools. He and I have had some of our best times showing Martin and his friends what a little skill with those tools could produce.”
“I don’t know how much of a difference that training did in the lives of your neighborhood boys,” Steve said, “but it made a world of difference to our Somali students.
“Their newfound confidence and skill paid off quickly once our students learned better methods for inshore and deep-sea net fishing, fish preservation and marketing.”
Steve stopped speaking for a moment, his thoughts far away from that hospital room. After a few minutes he took up the story again.
“Everything was going just as we’d envisioned it would, until fishing fleets from other countries turned up and their illegal trawling became rampant. There were far more than we could hope to put an end to without powerful collaborators.
“It was Mark’s idea to turn to the Round Table of International Shipping Associations to do something. With their support, we challenged members of the European Union and the International Maritime Organization of the United Nations to defend the Somali coast from illegal fishing and dumping.
“It took several months but eventually the various owners of the foreign vessels got the message: they would be caught and punished with exorbitant fines and there would be no clemency.
“But we hadn’t taken the greediest pirates into account. They couldn’t be stopped by mere acts of goodwill. We had to create an even larger, more encompassing network of private and public entities to improve surveillance and alert shipping companies to threats. Even that we accomplished for a time…”
Mark still had a blank expression on his features – clearly locked out of corporeal reality - but his spirit followed Steve’s narrative. Zachri had become a conductor, channeling the words into Mark’s brain.
After hours of reminiscing aloud, Steve was ready to give up. Franz seemed to be a good man who could fill in some of the gaps in what he knew about Mark’s last few years, but that wasn’t what Steve was here for. Mark hadn’t reacted to anything he had said. What he had shared was his best shot at breaking through to the mind locked within the body of his friend-turned-boss.
***
When he stopped talking, Steve’s physical presence flickered and then vanished entirely. Mark could now only hear Zachri. He needed answers badly.
“Why didn’t it last? Why weren’t our efforts adequate to stop these violent acts?”
“Because it’s very difficult for resource-limited organizations to work collaboratively for long and because human beings will rarely, and only temporarily, exchange possessions and power for peaceful coexistence.
“Be comforted that what you did made a difference in the lives of many. Even though it did not include permanent protection for your company, your work was honorable and credited to you as acting justly.”
“Thank you for those words of encouragement Zachri. You know, for years I have searched for the answer to why we seem to be judged by our peers and superiors—maybe even God—on our successes only. Now you tell me to be reassured because my purpose was fulfilled. Isn’t that like telling a surgeon that her or his purpose was fulfilled even though the patient died?”
“Yes, it’s something like that. If the surgeon kept himself in top mental and physical condition, kept current on medical procedures, and followed the Hippocratic Oath, then the doctor’s work is honorable, regardless of the patient’s post-operative condition.”
“Since you’re using the analogy of a patient’s condition, Zachri, what is the latest prognosis of mine? Have I learned what I needed to learn? I concede that although I told myself I was a fairly generous, compassionate person, selfishness and pride were always fighting for dominance. That has become very apparent as I’ve relived past events. I acknowledge I’ve been selfish—I guess what you’d call sinful! May I now be released to practice a new way of life and to share a better self with my dear ones?
“Mark, I’ve said before the decision is yours, not mine.”
Mark ignored the remark; he was intent on getting more answers.
“You’ve been my guide and my support while I faced the darker days of my life. You’ve also brought me back to some of my better days. At least those experiences where you claim I fulfilled my purpose. Funny how when I thought about those days, I had come to the opposite conclusion.
“I thought I was heroic in war and a trailblazer quenching risk for the bank. On the other hand, I thought I had been impotent when dealing with the pirates and inadequate to the task of correcting corporate and personal wrongs. How can a man know what is decent and honorable behavior?”
“Let me respond by sharing some things written by one of your girlfriend’s favorite authors, C. S. Lewis. In Mere Christianity Lewis suggests that Moral Law, a Law of Decent Behavior, by which humans live, must come from somebody or somewhere because it’s not what we would choose naturally to do. Men ought to be unselfish, ought to be fair. Not that men actually are unselfish, nor that they like being unselfish but that they ought to be unselfish.”
“Okay, that makes sense. The question I need an answer to but am immensely afraid to ask is, what happens when I have repeatedly broken this law?”
Zachri answered, “Let’s go back to Lewis:
‘It is after you have realized that there is a real Moral Law and a Power behind the law and that you have broken that law and put yourself wrong with that Power—it is after all this, and not a moment sooner, that Christianity begins to talk. It is a story of repentance and forgiveness.
“Mark, if you accept that, then you have come to a turning point.”
“You used the term turning point. If that means I am at the end of this incredible experience of moments or of a lifetime—which has it been?—may I assume that it’s time for me to awaken?”
Mark didn’t miss the mesmeric look on Zachri’s face as he replied.
“You’ve looked into your past for answers; how would you feel about taking just a little more time—little more than the twinkling of an eye—to look into the future before deciding what comes next?”
Mark’s instant reaction was relief, a feeling that shocked him until he probed for its source: internal chaos. What he’d learned about himself was disorienting. With a little more time, he could lay out all the newly-discovered pieces of his life and fit them into the gaps left by a sizable pile of newly-discarded assumptions.
“Zachri, what if I can’t recognize myself in the pieces left to work with? Yes, a glimpse into my future may characte
rize how I’ve changed. I’ll do it.”
MARK TRAVELS FORWARD
26
GLIMPSE OF THE IDYLLIC
Lying in his hospital bed, Mark did not move or respond but he was experiencing an event in a possible future with Janine and they were having a wonderful time.
“My darling, Janie, this has been my dream since I left you in Detroit. I know I kept my doctor’s appointment in Florida and I remember my doctor insisting that I return to Geneva immediately.
“I even recall the trip there, a phone call to you and taking a train to my son’s home. My memories of everything after that are bizarre—a dream, surely, but parts of it seemed so real. Even now, it’s hard for me to distinguish between reality and my imagination but the only thing I need to be sure of is that you are real and we are together.”
As Mark said this, he moved so close to Janine that a coin could not have easily passed between them.
“Do you feel this?” Janine asked.
“Oh my dear… my baby…my dear, dear Janie!” Mark’s response was ecstatic. In the next few moments, agony and bliss overlapped, revealing and affirming that tasting paradise was possible, even on a despoiled planet.
***
In the interludes between lovemaking, Mark and Janine talked of many things. They explored what a shared future might mean and how it would affect their work and relationships; most of all, how it could fulfill their dreams of great love.
During these conversations, Janine could feel Mark’s spirit flowing into her, smoothing over the damaged parts and filling the empty spaces. The quality of their communication was more harmonious than she had ever achieved in her marriages. She prayed it would never end.
After a delightful breakfast in bed, Mark said to her, “If you could do anything today without considering the cost, the time required, or the suitability, what would it be?
“I’m not saying I could do truly impossible things, but I would happily sacrifice to please you.”
“Well, there is one thing I always dreamed of doing with the man I love. On one of the most romantic records I‘ve owned, Rod McKuen’s “The Sea,” Rod croons of making love by the sea. Could we? Maybe even with the sound of “The Sea” as accompaniment?”
“Just tell me which sea. One of the Seven Seas: the Arctic, Antarctic, North or South Atlantic, North or South Pacific, or the Indian Ocean? Or one of the 13 major seas of the world: South China, Caribbean, Mediterranean, Bering, Gulf of Mexico, Arabian Sea, Red Sea, Andaman… ”
“Whoa! Could you also name the cities along all the world’s major seas? Even if you know—don’t start! I don’t want to waste time and delay my dream coming true. The adventurer in me wants to try one I know nothing about. That leaves just twelve of the thirteen. The Andaman Sea sounds mysterious and romantic. Could we at least research its potential?”
In a couple of hours Mark was back with pamphlets and even a proposal from a travel agent.
“Listen to this:
Hidden away by the white sands of the beautiful Ao Kiew Beach at the southern tip of Thailand’s Samet Island, Paradiso is the discerning traveler's paradise… a national park with restricted access and limited development.
Idyllic seaside location complemented by luxurious five-star facilities and impeccable service.
If secluded seaside luxury is what you're looking for, Paradiso is truly a heaven on earth.
“According to the travel agent, the island’s weather is tropical all year but we can enjoy the peak period if we go now.
“We could also visit Bangkok for the annual kite fighting contest. How would you like to see a sky filled with vibrantly colored kites so large that it takes a team to fly each one?”
“I’d love that, Mark! What a spectacle that must be! I think I saw a scene like that in The Kite Runner.”
“Oh yeah, I saw that, too. It says here that the contest is won by the team who forces the opposition's kite to land in their half of a field.”
“I love the idea of experiencing paradise with my man, and when we need a little diversion, kite fighting might be just the thing. Consigned to humble observer, you could imagine yourself as a masculine kite, displaying your magnificence over the earth while fighting to force the feminine kite; me, of course, down into your territory.”
“Could I force you into my territory in the next five minutes, Lover Girl?”
***
Planning a trip often turns out to be the best part, especially if expectations are exceptionally idealistic, but this wasn’t true of Mark and Janie’s discovery of the Paradiso Resort. Just when they couldn’t imagine life being any better, they arrived in a little island paradise near Bangkok. After a light lunch of Satay and Koong Houm Pa, an egg roll of fried shrimp and pork, they snuggled into the double hammock on their private deck overlooking the sea. Janine looked languidly up at Mark, a warm smile in her eyes.
“I’ve felt delightfully sensual and, yes, even rather attractive since I met you. How do you do it? How do you overlook the wrinkles and bulges?”
“I wouldn’t want to overlook anything about you, Janie. When the wrinkles and bulges begin to appear, I’ll love each one of them.”
“Sweet One, I’m not demanding that you opt for realism. I’d rather you never removed those rose-colored glasses. Being cherished is such a beautiful feeling.
“I just don’t want you to wake up one day and ask yourself what you ever saw in me. I couldn’t bear your rejection!”
“No tinted glasses needed, my dear. A blind person couldn’t miss your beauty. Your appeal to me is so much more than just physical, although your face and body are incredible. I know you’ve heard this before, but I want to confirm that you are aging beautifully.”
“Having you in my life, Mark, compensates for every problem I’ve faced. I now believe that whatever is worthy of being done is within my power. I hope I don’t sound like an arrogant female. It’s just that I’ve never felt this confident before. I know that if I fall, you will pick me up.”
Mark brushed the hair off Janine’s forehead, kissed the cleared spot and said, “Guaranteed!”
“I wish I had an original way of describing what you mean to me but the words of a Bette Midler song will have to do: ‘You are the wind beneath my wings.’”
Mark hugged her to him. The shine in his eyes brought tears to hers.
“My dear Janie, you are the most extraordinary woman I’ve known. I’m grateful and amazed that we found each other. It makes me believe in miracles.”
As he said this, Mark covered her body with his as the slight breeze rocked them gently in the hammock. Smiling up at him with her hand massaging the middle of his back, Janine was rewarded with a look of tenderness rarely seen this side of heaven. In the background, she could swear she heard a chorus singing Leonard Cohen’s song ‘and every breath we drew was Hallelujah.’
Sitting up to look around, Janine noticed only a slim brown bird, a nightingale. It made her think of Milton’s Sonnet to the Nightingale:
‘O nightingale, that on yon bloomy spray,
Warblest at eve, when all the woods are still;
Thou with fresh hope the lover's heart dost fill…,’
She took its presence as a sign. Although the little bird was only warbling softly, she heard it as a concert almost causing her to miss the words Mark whispered in her ear.
“Janine, I want to make love to you by the sea, but I want it to be more than a passionate interlude. I want us to give ourselves to each other in ways that can only happen when lovers promise their love for all time. I want the unity of a vow. Will you be my wife?”
Those five words held a beauty and promise never captured by the greatest of all composers and painters. Mozart couldn’t compete, even with his most famous concerto; neither could the soft loveliness of a Monet.
Tears danced along her cheeks. Mark took this to mean yes and reached for the little box he had slipped behind some plants on the balcony. The sparkling ring he placed
on her finger glinted with one traditional diamond in a modern setting, really more of a sculpture than a ring. Celestial art formed by human hands.
When Mark got up to find some Kleenex, Janine stared at this symbol of their promise to each other and remembered other promises, never kept. Why would this time be different?
Maybe because her experiences assured her that this was a much deeper commitment, perhaps because this was not about pleasing or impressing anyone else, or maybe even because she had the courage to ask herself why.
Suddenly, a knowing, clear and strong, settled into her soul, replacing every remnant of doubt.
‘There is nothing that will quench my love for you.’ she silently promised her new fiancé.
When Mark returned with a whole box of Kleenex and a bottle of champagne, a gift of the resort’s management, Janine had to express her feelings, or burst.
“Mark, can you remember precisely how you felt when you walked across the stage to receive your diploma, or when you saw your own little boy for the first time? Do you remember at least one of your fifteen minutes of fame?”
Mark nodded, his face lit by a broad grin.
“All right then, can you combine all those emotions and add these two: the way you feel when you hear a piece of music that transports you to a better place; and the soaring in your spirit when gazing at an extraordinarily clear summer’s night sky, one sheltering uncountable numbers of stars and a perfect full moon?”
The look on his face told her that he was experiencing what she had described.
“Now you have a little taste of how I felt when you placed that ring on my left hand.”
Mark squeezed that hand and shed a tear or few of his own before he, too, let his heart speak.
“Do you want to know when I first knew I would love you?”
Pieces of You Page 15