by Mike Gayle
‘You know that’s not true. When you read about the divorce in the papers it must have been no surprise to you. Because you know the truth.’
‘That you’re a lying, cheating womaniser? I’m pretty sure everyone knows that truth.’
‘Come on, Helen, you know me better than that. Why do you think I begged you to meet up all that time ago? Why do you think I got engaged? Why do you think it didn’t work out with Sanne? It was all because I needed to prove to myself that I wasn’t still in love with you.’
Helen shook her head in disbelief. ‘That’s such a lie! You didn’t love me. You never loved me. If you did you would never have hurt me like that.’
‘I just wasn’t ready for that life.’
‘Meaning once you’d hit the big time you didn’t need a girlfriend!’
‘It was never like that!’
‘It was exactly like that! I chose you over my career and you knew that you would never be brave enough to do the same. That’s why you cheated and that’s why you’re here because you’ve finally realised what I, and more than likely your ex-wife, have known all along. You’re an emotional coward. You always have been and you always will be.’
‘Fine,’ snapped Aiden. ‘Rage at me all you like, but it won’t change a thing. I know you still have feelings for me. I know you still care. I know because my feelings for you haven’t changed. The moment I laid eyes on you last night at the hotel it was like the last decade hadn’t happened. Above all I know because I saw the doubt in your eyes when you told me you were getting married. You might think you love this guy and that might be enough to push you through but you’ll never feel about him the way you felt about me. Never in a million years.’
Helen felt a surge of anger. She wanted to scream, she wanted to shout, she wanted to let out all the rage his arrogance and presumption had stirred up. But more than anything she wanted for him not to be right.
Pushing past him she ran across the terrace and back through the huge double doors into a wave of heat and sound that threatened to drown her. For a few moments she was lost in a sea of unfamiliarity, but as she slowly gathered her wits things began to make sense and once she spotted the tops of the bright red doors through which they had arrived, she headed for the exit.
The club was more packed than it had been. On the far side of the dance floor she could just about make out Carla and Ros although Caitlin and Yaz were nowhere to be seen. Helen began weaving her way around the edge of the dance floor but as she did so the DJ played yet another song that everyone in the club seemed to know and everyone flooded to the centre of the room taking Helen with them.
She almost lost her footing but quickly regained her balance and snaked in between dancing couples and groups of friends towards her destination. Every two inches gained seemed at the expense of one in the wrong direction as she struggled against the rising tide of happy clubbers. Finally she managed to break through when a group of girls dancing frenetically in front of her fell over. In the resulting commotion a few lads who had seen what had happened began holding people back and seizing her moment she dodged her way around them. She could almost see the edge of the dance floor when she felt someone grab her wrist. She turned around to see the young guy that had spoken to her earlier on the terrace. Grinning inanely he motioned that she should join him and his friends but Helen simply shook her head, wrenched her wrist free of his grip and continued on towards the exit.
There was one final obstacle to overcome before she reached the doors. A line of men, poseurs every last one of them, stood, drinks in hand eyeing up the talent. Helen bowed her head and barged right through them refusing to respond to or even acknowledge their comments as she did so. All that mattered was getting out. All that mattered was being somewhere safe.
As the large double doors closed behind her, muting the music, she stopped running so as not to attract the attention of the door staff. She left the club and scanned the street for any sign of the limousines that had brought them. There were lines of minicabs touting for business, but the limos were nowhere to be seen. Just as she was wondering whether she had enough money in her purse to cover the minicab fare if she could find one that would take her back to Ashbourne she heard Aiden’s voice calling after her. She had slowed down too soon. Too exhausted to run any more she stopped and turned around.
Aiden walked towards her, encircled her in his arms and held her tightly to his chest. Overcome with emotion, Helen couldn’t hold in her feelings any longer and as tears began to flow down her cheeks she looked up and melted into his kiss.
As they drew apart, Helen buried her face in his chest as if trying to block out the world and everything in it. She felt drained and longed to give in to the fatigue but a commotion outside the club demanded her attention.
‘Looks like they’re throwing out some trouble-makers,’ said Aiden.
Helen shook her head. Even amongst the uproar she could pinpoint the voice of her best friend. ‘It’s Yaz, she’s in trouble. She needs me.’
Helen ran back up to the door of the nightclub to find Yaz being manhandled by two of the door staff.
‘What’s going on?’
‘What’s it to you, love?’ asked the taller of the pair.
Aiden stepped forward. ‘Listen guys, this is a close friend of mine. Is there anything I could do to help sort out the problem?’
‘She was being abusive to the bar staff, Mr Reid, and she made the whole thing worse by taking a swing at one of them. At this establishment we have a zero tolerance policy towards violence directed at staff members.’
‘I just wanted a drink and the bastards wouldn’t serve me,’ slurred Yaz, attempting to wrench her arms from the door staff’s grip.
Helen and Aiden exchanged wary glances. ‘She’s just split up with her husband,’ explained Helen. ‘I knew she was drinking a lot but I never guessed she was this bad.’
Aiden nodded and stepped towards the more talkative of the two doormen. ‘Listen guys, you haven’t called the police have you?’
‘Not yet. We were just deciding what to do.’
‘How about this,’ said Aiden, ‘you let her go and I promise that she’ll never come here again. What’s the name of the person she took a swing at?’
‘Dave.’
‘Right, well first thing in the morning you get Dave to give me a ring on this number,’ Aiden scribbled his number down on a piece of paper and handed it to the man, ‘and I’ll make sure he’s looked after. That means coming down to London, dropping into the show and putting him and a mate up in a nice hotel. What do you say?’
The two exchanged glances and the taller one replied. ‘Okay, Mr Reid, but only because it’s you. You do need to get her out of here pronto though.’
The door staff let Yaz go and she ran to Helen and started to cry.
Aiden pulled out his phone and made a call to the limousine driver. ‘He’s just around the corner,’ said Aiden. ‘They’ll be here in a minute. You get the rest of the girls together and we’ll head back to Ashbourne.’
Helen tried Carla and then Heather but both times it went straight through to voicemail. She then tried Dee’s number and breathed a huge sigh of relief when after three rings she picked up.
‘Where are you?’ asked Dee yelling over the din of the music. ‘No one’s seen you for ages.’
‘I’m outside,’ said Helen. ‘Can you do me a favour? Just get the girls together as quickly as you can and then come out. We’ve got to go.’
The limousines arrived and Helen and Yaz climbed inside while Aiden waited for the rest of the group. They were there within a few minutes and he explained as tactfully as he could that something had happened and they needed to go. They all nodded and headed in the direction of the rear limousine but Caitlin, who was one of the last to emerge from the club, refused to move from his side.
‘Where have you been?’ she asked clinging on to his arm. ‘I’ve been looking for you everywhere.’
‘Look,’ s
aid Aiden, ‘can you just get into the car?’
‘What’s going on?’
‘Nothing’s going on. Just go please.’
Obviously the worse for wear Caitlin bent down, looked into the limousine and locked eyes on Helen. ‘Is this about her? Is something going on between you two?’
‘Nothing’s going on,’ said Aiden. ‘Just get into the other car will you.’
‘Fine,’ said Caitlin. ‘But only if you come with me.’
Aiden shook his head. ‘That’s not going to happen.’
Caitlin’s eyes narrowed. ‘There is something going on. I can see it. I’m not stupid.’
‘You can think whatever you like, Caitlin,’ said Aiden. ‘But it’s probably worth pointing out that you’re mistaken if you think anyone actually cares. And while it’s up to you if you want to stand here talking to thin air all night, when I get into this car and tell the driver and his mate to go they will do exactly that even if it means leaving you stranded.’
Visibly shocked, Caitlin backed away from the limousine as Aiden got in, slamming the door behind him. Worried that she was about to leave her future sister-in-law marooned in a black sequined minidress in the middle of Manchester, Helen was relieved to see Caitlin disappearing into the second limousine.
The journey back to Ashbourne took place in silence with Yaz asleep on Helen’s shoulder and Helen holding on tight to Aiden’s arm the whole way. Every once in a while it would cross Helen’s mind that she should clarify the situation in which she found herself, but she couldn’t find the right words. It was too much of a task to choose the first one when she had an entire book’s worth she wanted to say.
Arriving back at The Manor a little after half past three, Helen gave a little speech to the girls to the effect that everything was okay and it would all be explained in the morning, and they headed up to their rooms. Caitlin didn’t look at Helen the entire time and was the first to leave the moment she was done. Helen didn’t care. All she needed was sleep.
She helped Aiden take Yaz upstairs to her room.
‘This is where we say good night,’ said Helen. ‘I can’t leave Yaz on her own in this state.’
‘Are you sure?’
Helen nodded.
Aiden moved to kiss her but Helen turned her face away.
‘You’d better go,’ she said.
‘I’ll see you in the morning.’
Aiden closed the door behind him, leaving her alone with a comatose Yaz.
Struggling with the dead weight of her semi-conscious friend, Helen tucked Yaz beneath the covers and, kissing her lightly on the forehead she sat down on the edge of the bed, put her head in her hands and wept.
Sunday
14.
Helen awoke with a start to hear the occupants of a nearby room having a loud conversation about the meal they had enjoyed the night before right outside her bedroom door.
She had returned to her own room in the early hours, leaving Yaz snoring soundly, and sat up until daybreak going over the events of the night, before crashing headlong into an exhausted sleep.
Reluctant to begin what she knew was going to be a difficult day she considered going back to sleep but then she looked at her watch. They were due to meet for breakfast at ten thirty and while she was sure that the majority of her friends were already regretting the decision, she at least ought to be there.
Checking her phone Helen noted the absence of any disappointment on seeing a blank screen but chose not to dwell on it. Setting the phone back on the bedside table she took a deep breath and reminded herself to take this day one moment at a time.
As she stood in the shower an image of her kissing Aiden flashed into her head and as she shuddered and pushed it out of her mind, it was replaced by the image of her clutching on to Aiden’s arm in the back of the car on the journey back to the hotel. It was as though her subconscious was determined to review the events of the previous night even if her conscious mind was desperate to forget them.
Emerging from the shower, Helen switched on the TV to distract her while she dressed and put on her make-up. She wanted to go down to breakfast with Yaz and would miss her altogether if she didn’t hurry up. Even though her hair was still damp she picked up her bag and keys, locked her door and made her way to Yaz’s room on the floor below. She was about to knock when the door opened.
‘Helen,’ said Yaz guiltily, ‘I thought you’d still be in bed.’
Helen looked down at the suitcase next to Yaz. ‘What are you doing? You weren’t planning on leaving were you?’
‘Don’t make a big deal out of it, okay?’ sighed Yaz, ‘I just have to go, that’s all.’
‘Without saying anything?’
‘I was going to leave my car keys at reception and get a cab to the nearest train station.’
‘But why? Not because of last night surely?’
‘Of course because of last night! I made such an idiot of myself. I don’t know what everyone must think of me.’
‘They won’t think anything.’ Helen herded Yaz back into her room and closed the door. ‘Please don’t go.’
‘But I need to. I’ve had enough of pretending my life’s not falling apart when it so obviously is.’
‘Fine,’ said Helen. ‘Then stop pretending. Everyone will understand. I know you’re going through a lot at the moment. I understand that it must feel like it’s all too much but that’s why I want you to stay. I want to help.’ She took Yaz’s hand. ‘You don’t have to go through this alone. Whatever help you need, whenever you need it, it’s yours.’
‘But I’ve embarrassed myself. What was I doing drinking so much?’
‘Oh, come on, babe, don’t you think we’ve all been there? They’ll be fine, I promise. And anyway, if we’re talking about monumental cock-ups, your episode will be more than eclipsed by what happened to me: I’ve really messed up Yaz, I’ve messed up big time.’
‘How?’
‘I kissed him.’
‘You did what? Why? How?’
Helen shook her head. ‘I really don’t know.’
Urged on by Yaz Helen told her everything that had happened with Aiden.
‘So do you really still have feelings for him?’
Helen shrugged. The idea was too horrible to contemplate. ‘I don’t know. But I do know that I have had doubts about the wedding . . . about Phil . . . about everything . . . I haven’t even bought my wedding dress!’
Yaz put her arms around Helen. ‘And there was me worrying because I got lathered and took a swing at a barman!’
‘So, we’re agreed then,’ said Helen raising half a smile. ‘I am a total mess?’
‘You’re no such thing,’ chided Yaz. ‘Yes, you’re in a difficult place but I know you Helen Richards – you’ll find your way out.’ Yaz tucked a stray strand of Helen’s hair behind her ear. ‘We’re a right pair, aren’t we? It’s a wonder we can get out of bed in the mornings.’
‘But we will be okay, won’t we?’ asked Helen.
‘Of course we will,’ said Yaz confidently. ‘And if we’re not, then at least we’ve got each other.’ She stood up, checked her make-up in the mirror and looked back at Helen. ‘You hungry?’
‘I could murder a black coffee and toast.’
‘Good,’ said Yaz. ‘Then let’s go get breakfast.’
As Helen approached the girls’ table it was obvious what they had been talking about. But she had given them a lot to discuss. All that mattered was that they were nice to Yaz and didn’t ask too many difficult questions.
Thankfully, the girls were the very picture of discretion, making room for Helen and Yaz at the table, enquiring about how well they had slept but making no mention of the night before.
Helen poured them both coffee and checked out the girls’ breakfasts. Although a few had opted for an English breakfast, most were tucking into a bowl of fruit, which made Helen think that her earlier decision to stick to toast had been a little rash. Mentioning as much to Yaz they head
ed to the bounteously laden breakfast buffet table.
Helen’s spoon was hovering over a heaped serving bowl of raspberries and blueberries when she spotted Aiden sitting with his friends sitting on the far side of the restaurant.
Holding her gaze he got up and walked towards her.
‘I didn’t expect you to be up so early,’ she said.
Aiden smiled. ‘The lads want to get a good game in before we have to head off. Plus they were already mad at me for missing last night so I had to come down. How are you feeling?’
‘Like someone ran over my skull with a lorry. You?’
‘I’m okay. My hangovers tend to hit me about midday so not long to wait now. How’s your friend?’
‘Fragile.’
‘But okay?’
‘She’ll be fine.’
‘And has Caitlin said anything to you yet? I was pretty rude to her last night.’
‘She had it coming. I’m guessing she’s having breakfast in her room.’
‘Have you eaten yet?’
Helen shook her head. ‘You?’
‘Just coffee. Why don’t we get some food?’
Helen carried on filling her bowl with fruit while he helped himself to the constituent parts of an English breakfast.
They stood for a moment alternating glances between their respective tables. She could tell Aiden wanted her to sit with him but was wary of what signals such an action might send out, she was planning to return to her friends when he took her elbow and walked her over to an empty table.
As if struck dumb by the weight of so many eyes resting on them, they ate in silence for a few minutes until Aiden spoke: ‘You know you can’t go through with the wedding, don’t you?’
‘Let’s not do this.’
‘Do what? Not talk about the most important thing in our lives right now?’