by Mike Gayle
‘You should have seen mine,’ added Lorna. ‘When the bloke at reception handed it to me I nearly had a stroke. I said I’d only come for a weekend stay, not to buy the bloody place! Ian is going to do his nut when he sees the next Visa bill. Still, it’s got to be a better use of our hard earned than flying out to Belgium for the weekend to watch motor racing in the rain.’
‘So come on then,’ said Kerry. ‘How much was it?’
‘More than I can afford,’ said Helen. ‘Much more.’ She looked at Kerry. ‘Could you do me a favour? Could you get all the girls together in the Silver Lounge? I think it’s about time I explained what’s been going on.’
16.
‘So it’s really, well and truly all off?’
Helen nodded. The sense of relief now that everyone knew was overwhelming.
‘You poor thing,’ said Carla giving her a hug. ‘You’ve been completely put through the wringer.’
‘I’m fine,’ said Helen. ‘Or at least I will be.’
‘It is the right thing to do though,’ said Heather. ‘When I was younger and I broke off my engagement with Louis, it broke my heart at the time but it was absolutely the right thing to do. If I hadn’t I’d never have met Wes, or had my lovely babies.’
Ros nodded in agreement. ‘I know I’m not exactly the right person to be handing out advice given that I’m in the middle of a divorce but the only real crime would be to go through with it out of a sense of misplaced guilt. Of course it’s sad, for you and for Phil but in the long term he’ll appreciate you were looking out for him as much as you were yourself.’
‘Thanks,’ said Helen. ‘I really appreciate all of your support. But the reason I gathered you all here is because I wanted you all to know that well . . . this whole weekend was supposed to be about us having a good time and being really close when in fact I was doing everything I could to keep secrets from you.’
‘It was a difficult situation,’ said Heather. ‘Anyway, most of us had guessed something was up and we knew you’d tell us when the time was right.’
Helen smiled. ‘Bang goes my future with MI5. Anyway, despite everything, it has been amazing catching up with all of you and when the dust settles we should definitely put our heads together and come up with a good excuse for doing this again.’
‘You’re making it sound like you’re off this very second.’
Helen looked guilty. ‘That’s because I am. I’ve got a lot of thinking to do before Phil gets back this evening so I thought it best to go now. I’ll get a cab to the station, get a connection to Derby and then on to Nottingham.’
‘You’ll do no such thing,’ protested Yaz and the others nodded in agreement.
‘If you go,’ said Ros, ‘we all go.’
‘Don’t girls, please. The last thing I want is to ruin this weekend more than I already have.’
‘Ruin the weekend?’ laughed Dee. ‘You have got to be kidding! A top hotel, relaxing beauty treatments, a Michelin-starred restaurant topped off with dancing until the early hours in Manchester! I’d pay twice the money for just half the fun.’
‘She’s right,’ said Ros. ‘I haven’t laughed so much in ages. I wouldn’t have missed it for the world. And while I know you’re not putting it to the vote I don’t think you should go home early either. We’ve still got lunch to look forward to, use of the spa and the swimming pool and while I understand that the bridal treatment we booked might not be appropriate right now, I’m sure they’d swap it for something else you’d enjoy. Just because the wedding isn’t happening doesn’t mean you don’t need to treat yourself well.’
‘You’re not going to take no for an answer are you?’ asked Helen wryly.
‘Of course not,’ replied Carla, ‘we’re sitting in paradise! This time last week I was being threatened with a broken beer bottle by a tattooed methadone addict who didn’t like the fact that I was making her kids go to school! Frankly I’d handcuff myself to you for the rest of the afternoon if it meant we got to stay here an hour longer.’
‘Fine,’ said Helen, grateful to be surrounded by so many friends. ‘I’ll stay. I’d only sit at home and brood. So what now? The choice is up to you guys.’
‘Let’s check out the thermal pool that we passed on the way to the sauna,’ said Ros. ‘It’s just a tiny covered pool with a bunch of lights stuck in the ceiling but it might be good for a laugh.’
‘Or we could go back to the sauna,’ said Ros, ‘but we should use the plunge pool instead of chickening out like we did last time.’
‘I felt the water,’ laughed Yaz. ‘It was bloody freezing!’
‘We should do them all,’ suggested Carla, ‘and then this afternoon make out like we’re posh nobs and hijack the croquet lawn and order afternoon tea. By the time we leave I want to really feel like we’ve exhausted everything on offer! I don’t want to go back to north London! It’s a ming hole compared to this!’
‘So it’s agreed,’ chuckled Helen, ‘thermal pool, followed by the sauna, followed by plunge pool, insert lunch somewhere in amongst the proceedings but make sure to leave enough time for croquet and cucumber sandwiches! I can already see they’re going to have to call security to—’
Helen stopped abruptly.
‘What’s up?’ asked Yaz. Caitlin was staring intently at them. ‘I thought she’d left. What does she want now?’
‘I’m not sure,’ said Helen, ‘but at a guess I’d say: round two.’
The Cross Keys was an old, stone-built, ivy-covered pub, the kind perfect for whiling away a lazy afternoon partaking of a traditional pint and Sunday lunch. Sadly, Helen wasn’t there to while away an afternoon but rather to participate in her second confrontation of the day with Caitlin.
Caitlin bought the drinks (a mineral water for herself and a half of cider for Helen) and they made their way out to the beer garden which was heavily populated with locals enjoying the afternoon sunshine. There were no free seats so they followed the path down to the river and sat down on a wall overlooking the water.
Neither woman had said more than a handful of words since they had climbed into Caitlin’s convertible, and as Helen took a sip from her glass she wondered if they were going to talk at all.
‘What made you come back?’ she finally asked, placing her glass down on the wall.
Caitlin shrugged. ‘I felt bad. Truth is I have been a bit of a bitch to you from day one and you did nothing to deserve it. It wasn’t fair. I never gave you a chance.’ Helen felt dizzy hearing these words as though at any moment she might wake up and find herself in bed with a fever. ‘The thing is,’ continued Caitlin, ‘I love my brother, Helen, I really do and he thinks the absolute world of you so I should have tried harder. I suppose what I’m trying to say is that I really wish you’d reconsider what you said today . . . I know there’s nothing going on with you and Aiden and I should have known better than to have suggested otherwise . . . please don’t call off the wedding. It would kill Phil if you did.’
‘Is that what you’re scared of? Phil blaming you if I call off the wedding?’
Caitlin shook her head. ‘It doesn’t matter why, does it? All that matters is not breaking my brother’s heart. I’m begging you, Helen, don’t call it off. Let’s just put this whole thing behind us. We can do that, can’t we?’
‘I can’t think of anything I’d like more, but it’s just not going to be possible.’
‘Because of me?’
‘No,’ said Helen. ‘Because of me.’
‘But Phil adores you.’
‘I know,’ said Helen. ‘But I’m not sure it’s enough.’
Caitlin looked bewildered. ‘I know girls who would kill to have a guy like Phil in their lives.’
‘So do I,’ replied Helen. ‘He’s amazing. A truly wonderful man.’
‘But?’
‘I know you can never be one hundred per cent sure. I know that nearly all of life is a gamble. But the odds of us not working out feel too high.’
‘It’s just
last-minute nerves.’ It was ironic to hear Caitlin echoing Yaz. ‘Have you tried talking to him?’ she added cautiously.
‘No,’ Helen wondered if the stress in Caitlin’s voice meant that she already had. ‘His phone’s been off every time I called. Have you managed to reach him?’
‘I didn’t try,’ said Caitlin a little too quickly. ‘It’s not really my place is it?’
The words: ‘Well, that’s never stopped you before,’ sprang to mind but Helen kept them to herself.
‘So what now?’
‘I go back to Nottingham and break the news to Phil when he gets home.’
‘He’ll be devastated.’
‘He’ll need all the support you can offer.’
‘And there’s no way around this?’
‘None that I can see.’
‘My mum was so looking forward to it.’
‘So was mine. She’ll be heartbroken.’
Caitlin stood up, defeated. ‘I should get you back before your friends call the police and tell them I’ve kidnapped you. I’m sorry this hasn’t worked out.’
‘Thanks,’ said Helen. ‘I appreciate that.’
It was a little after one by the time Caitlin dropped Helen off in The Manor’s main car park. A number of people were loading up expensive looking cars with expensive looking luggage but there was no sign of Aiden and his friends.
‘Are you sure you won’t come and say goodbye to the rest of the girls?’ asked Helen. ‘They’ll be sorry not to see you off.’
Caitlin smiled. ‘I think we both know that’s not really true.’
The two women embraced awkwardly before Caitlin climbed back into her car. Helen stood rooted to the spot as she reflected on everything she and Caitlin had been through. Would this be the last time they would meet? For better or worse Caitlin had been a part of her life for a long time and for her to disappear felt wrong. The thought that this might also be true for her and Phil made Helen’s blood run cold.
Caitlin wound down her window and leaned out. ‘Helen?’
‘Yes?’
‘Could you do me a favour?’
‘Of course, what?’
‘Tell Yaz, I’m sorry.’
‘What for?’
Caitlin didn’t reply.
She exited the car park and disappeared through the hotel gates. Helen rolled Caitlin’s mysterious non-message to Yaz around in her head. What had she meant? Sorry for spoiling the weekend that Yaz had organised or something more? Shivering in spite of the full glare of the afternoon sun, Helen turned to face the hotel but she had taken no more than a few steps when she spotted Aiden.
‘I’ve been looking for you everywhere.’
‘I’ve only just got back.’
‘I saw. A showdown with Caitlin?’ Helen nodded. ‘Are you okay? She hasn’t told her brother about us has she?’
‘She says not.’
‘And you believe her?’
Helen nodded. ‘I’m too terrified not to.’
‘You don’t look terrified.’
‘I prefer to keep my worrying on the inside.’ Helen wanted a hug and to be told everything was going to be all right, and yet the thought that it might come from Aiden unnerved her.
‘I thought you’d be gone by now,’ she said blinking away the tiredness in her eyes.
‘We’re all packed and ready,’ replied Aiden. ‘I just talked the lads into giving me an extra half an hour to look for you. It’s cost me a two-hundred-quid bottle of cognac but it was worth it just to see your face again.’ He gently grazed his hand against Helen’s cheek. She recoiled.
‘I told you this morning. I can’t do this.’
‘Can’t do what exactly? I didn’t dream last night, did I? We did kiss.’
‘And I regret it.’
‘That’s the guilt talking, not you.’
‘This is so easy for you, isn’t it? You really think that a week before my wedding I’m going to leave the man I’ve lived with for nine years and jump straight into your arms.’
‘No,’ snapped Aiden, ‘I think you’d rather just sit around making yourself feel bad for no reason first.’
‘I thought you were being patient and understanding.’
‘I was,’ replied Aiden. ‘I am. It’s just that for the first time in a long while I know exactly what I want and it’s frustrating that I can’t have it.’
‘You sound like a petulant schoolboy. Am I just another “thing” that you’ve got it into your head to desire?’
‘It’s not like that and you know it. I want you, Helen, I want you in my life right now. I know it’s my fault that we spilt up. I know if I’d have done the right thing back when it really mattered we wouldn’t be standing here having this ridiculous conversation. That’s part of the reason I’m so keen. I’m just desperate to make things right.’
Helen’s head was ready to explode. ‘This is all too much!’
‘I know,’ said Aiden. ‘And this is me trying to be restrained. Only you can make me like this, no one else.’
‘Not even your ex-wife?’
‘Not even my ex-wife.’ He reached out for her hand. ‘I’m trying to show you how committed I am to making a go of things. I know this is my last chance to prove I’m serious. This isn’t just me playing at being romantic. This is me laying everything on the line. If you want me to give up my show I’ll hand in my notice live on air tomorrow morning. If you want me to move out of London I’ll be on the first train to Nottingham. Whatever it is you want you’ve got it.’
‘How about time?’
A flash of exasperation flashed across Aiden’s face. ‘You really know how to kill a grand gesture.’
‘It’s what I need though.’
‘The resignation didn’t float your boat?’
Helen shook her head.
‘Fine, if time’s what you want then it’s yours. But know this: I’ll be thinking about you every moment of every day until you call me.’ He stepped forward ready to kiss her but Helen pulled away. ‘I can’t.’
‘Maybe not,’ murmured Aiden, ‘but one day soon you will.’
17.
The girls were having tea at a table around the corner from the terrace. They were all wearing sunglasses and laughing at something Ros was saying. The moment they spotted Helen however the laughter stopped.
‘I wish you wouldn’t stop enjoying yourselves the second you see me. A girl could get paranoid.’
‘How did it go?’ asked Yaz. ‘Did she pull a knife on you?’
‘She was fine,’ sighed Helen. ‘We went to a pub down the road. Had a drink and a chat. The whole thing was actually quite civilised, she even asked me to pass on her apologies to you. It’s certainly a weight off my mind.’
‘So you two have made up?’
‘I wouldn’t go that far. It would be more accurate to say that if I was still marrying Phi, Caitlin and I would have chosen to turn over a new leaf. But as we’re not, the point is sort of academic, although I am relieved to have the number of people in the world who hate my guts down to zero.’
‘But the Phil situation remains the same?’
Helen nodded. ‘She said she hadn’t called him but who knows? I’m not even sure it makes a difference now the wedding’s off.’
The girls fell into an uneasy silence, looking to Yaz for guidance.
‘We were thinking that we’d go in to lunch now if you’re hungry.’
‘I’m ravenous.’
‘Good,’ said Yaz. ‘Then let’s do it.’
Sick of being the sole topic of conversation Helen made sure to focus on what the girls had been up to as they made their way over to the restaurant. While they regaled her with tales of plunge pools, high-pitched screaming and stern reprimands from spa attendants, she succeeded in tucking her problems out of sight and enjoying the weekend for what it was meant to be.
They were disappointed to discover that all the tables on the terrace were taken but just then a group sitting outside left and with the
best part of a dozen women simultaneously pleading to be given the table once it was cleared the waiter didn’t stand a chance of refusing.
Seated in the sunshine, with a huge plate of prawn and avocado salad in front of her and a final bottle of champagne on its way to the table Helen felt her spirits lift but as she opened her mouth to take her first forkful of food she heard her phone vibrate as it received a text message.
She tried to ignore it, reasoning that there was no spam text worth delaying food as good as that on her plate for, but after a moment she automatically reached for her phone.
She looked at the screen. She didn’t recognise the number and yet for reasons she couldn’t begin to pinpoint she was convinced that she knew who the text was from.
‘Are you okay?’ asked Yaz topping up Helen’s water glass.
Helen waved the glass away. ‘I’m fine. It’s just . . . it’s just . . . it’s just that this text . . . well, I think it’s from Phil.’
Yaz was confused. ‘How do you mean?’
‘It’s from a number that’s not in my phone but I’m absolutely sure it’s from Phil.’
Yaz held out her hand. ‘Let me take a look.’
Helen handed her phone to Yaz. ‘Don’t open it.’
‘Why not?’
‘Because who knows what it says? What if the text is asking if I’m free to talk? I’m the world’s worst liar. If I talk to him he’ll know right away something’s up.’
‘But why do you think he needs to talk to you?’ asked Lorna. ‘If he’s anything like my Dez, chances are he’s texting to remind you to record the Grand Prix for him. Why don’t you just read it and find out?’
Helen shook her head. ‘I’ve just got a bad feeling about it.’
‘What?’ said Lorna, ‘You don’t think they’ve had some kind of accident do you?’
‘No, if it was something like that he’d phone and there are no missed calls. I can’t explain but the more I think about it the more I don’t want to read this text. I’m going to leave it until I’ve seen him tonight and told him everything.’
‘You don’t think he already knows, do you?’ said Yaz anxiously. ‘Caitlin could have been lying about not contacting him.’