by Hannah Ellis
Beneath these Stars
By Hannah Ellis
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
Text copyright © 2017 Hannah Ellis
All Rights Reserved
Cover design by Aimee Coveney
To Mario
with love
Table of Contents
Acknowledgements
Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Chapter 34
Chapter 35
Chapter 36
Chapter 37
Chapter 38
Chapter 39
Chapter 40
Chapter 41
Chapter 42
Chapter 43
Chapter 44
Chapter 45
Chapter 46
Chapter 47
Chapter 48
Chapter 49
Chapter 50
Chapter 51
Chapter 52
Chapter 53
Chapter 54
Chapter 55
Chapter 56
Chapter 57
Chapter 58
Other books by Hannah Ellis
A note from the author.
Acknowledgements
This book wouldn’t have happened without a lot of help and support.
As always my parents top the list! Thanks so much for everything you do.
A big thank you to the amazing people who helped me by reading and giving feedback at the various stages: Fay Sallaba, Sarah-Jane Fraser, Kathy Robinson, Anthea Kirk, Sarah Walker, Dua Roberts, Natalie Sellers, Sue Oxley and Meghan Driscoll. Your input is invaluable.
Many thanks to Jane Hammett for another great editing job. Your suggestions are so helpful and the book is better because of you.
Aimee Coveney, I am absolutely in love with these book covers! Thank you so much.
To my friend, Pete Anglesea at Flat White Kitchen, Durham. My inspiration for The White Kitchen came from you. I always love hearing about your success and I promise to visit one of these days!
I really appreciate the people who answered my random questions to help make the book as factual as possible: Jenny Addrison and Dan Forrester, thanks for the info on Manchester; Michaela Smith and Fiona Parkinson, thanks for answering my questions about teaching (even if you did just Google it, Fi!); Mark Ellis, thanks for ruining my day with your input about police procedures! Any facts that are not quite right are down to my interpretation and not their lack of knowledge.
Mario, thanks for everything. I love you.
Prologue
It was a perfect summer’s day. Everything about it was perfect. We’d spent the whole day outside in the sunshine. The flowerbeds were bursting with colour, and I watched a butterfly hover over the pale pink peonies before fluttering away. The sky was a crisp bright blue and I’d spent the day surrounded by family. Thinking about it made me smile. Because they weren’t actually my family. Not yet anyway.
“What are you grinning at?” Adam asked, flopping down next to me on the picnic blanket in his parents’ garden.
“Nothing,” I said, running a hand through his sandy-brown hair and gazing into his sparkling blue eyes. “I’m just happy. It’s been a nice day. I really like your family.”
“You’re drunk, aren’t you?” he asked, eyeing the glass in my hand. “Is my sister making cocktails?”
“Yeah. It’s nice.” I took another sip of the mojito and gave him my flirty eyes over the glass.
“Am I going to have to carry you home?”
“I’m just happy,” I said, giving him a shove. “Leave me alone.”
Becky appeared at the back door and shouted up to me. “Ready for another one?”
“No, I’m okay, thanks.”
“Why are you trying to get my girlfriend drunk?” Adam asked.
“So I can interrogate her without it being weird,” she said, a smile playing on her lips.
It was the first time I’d met Adam’s sister and her family. She and her husband, Will, lived in France with their two little girls and were in the UK visiting for a week. It had been fun, spending the whole day with them, and I enjoyed Becky’s company. She had a positive energy that seemed to infect those around her.
“Uncle Adam!” three-year-old Emily shouted. “Swing me ’gain!”
“I’m still dizzy!” he told her, making silly faces when he jumped up and chased her around the garden. She squealed when he caught her and swung her up in the air, turning around and around with her over his head.
“She just ate,” Becky shouted. “If she pukes everywhere, you’re cleaning it up.”
Adam’s mum, Ruth, appeared beside Becky, a tea towel in her hand. “Stop throwing the poor child around.”
“That’s what uncles are for,” he said, sticking his tongue out as soon as Ruth disappeared back into the kitchen. “Is it my turn on the scooter yet, Hailey?” he asked, looking towards the garage while he lowered Emily to the ground. Hailey rode round in circles on the patch of flagstones between the garage and the house.
“It’s pink,” she told him in her obnoxious eight-year-old way; with a look that said he was an idiot.
“Just my colour,” he said. “Stop hogging it.”
Little Emily looked up at him with a big grin on her face. “You’re too big!”
“I am not!” he said, moving towards Hailey.
“Go away!” she shouted. A giggle escaped her as she manoeuvred the scooter away from him and down the driveway.
“Come on,” he said. “One turn!”
“If you break a limb falling off a child’s scooter, I’m not coming to the hospital with you,” I told him.
He disappeared around the front of the house after Hailey, with Emily following close behind him.
“So you two are getting pretty serious?” Becky asked, sitting beside me on the blanket.
“Are you really going to interrogate me?”
Her nose wrinkled when she grinned. “Yeah, ’fraid so!”
“Okay,” I said, a smile spreading across my face. “Yes it’s serious.”
Adam and I had been together just over a year. We’d met on a reality TV show. It was out of character for me, agreeing to take part in the show, but I’d just lost my job and they offered to whisk me away to Spain for a week in the sun. Adam was a cameraman on the show and he’d spent the week filming my every move. Even then, when he was working, it was easy to see what a kind and compassionate person he was.
Once the show was over and I got to know him properly, I fell for him completely. He was easy-going and so much fun to be around. It hadn’t taken me long to realise he was the on
e I wanted to share the rest of my life with.
“That’s good,” Becky said. “Because my dad is totally smitten and I don’t want you breaking his heart!”
“I’m a big fan of your dad,” I told her. Tom was a gentleman; kind and gentle, always with a twinkle in his eye. He’d made me feel like family from the first time I met him, and I always enjoyed his company.
“Well, you obviously make Adam happy,” she said, drinking her cocktail through the straw. “How are you finding village life?”
“So far, so good.” I’d only moved into Adam’s cosy house in Havendon a month before, but I was enjoying my summer in the quaint little village. Ruth had been trying to teach me about gardening, and I spent many lunchtimes in the local pub with Tom. Whenever Ruth was at one of her many committee meetings he’d appear and treat me to lunch. The summer was slipping away too fast and before I knew it I’d be starting a new job as a teaching assistant and my lunches with Tom would come to an end.
“Do you think you’ll ever move back here?” I asked Becky.
She shook her head. “No, we’re happy where we are. I love France and we have a good life. I always enjoy coming back for a visit, but I can’t imagine living here. You two should come out and visit us sometime.”
“I’d like that. I just need to talk Adam into taking some time off.”
“Good luck. I’ve been bugging him for years to come out and see us, but he’s always busy with work. Although I’m amazed he’s quit the TV studios. He’s really going to set up on his own?”
“His contract at the studio is up in a month and then he’s all set to go it alone,” I said. “I’m excited for him.”
Adam had finally made the decision to leave his job as a camera operator with Realnet Direct TV (RDT) and follow his dream of still-photography. It was a risk; he was a valued member of the team at RDT and they’d been a good employer, but his passion had always been photography and he would finally be doing what he loved.
Becky looked at me seriously. “You must be good for him. We’ve been telling him to sell his photos for years but he hasn’t listened to us. Come on…” She stood up. “Let’s have a nosey at his collection while he’s out of the way.”
I followed her to the garage and she retrieved a key from under a plant pot to open the side door.
“I love it in here,” I said as we walked into the musty-smelling room and gazed at Adam’s photographs. They were all different sizes, framed, and stacked against every wall.
“Me too,” she replied, as Hailey appeared and nestled under her arm. “Even when I was a kid and the garage was just full of junk and bikes, I loved hiding away in here. It was my favourite place. Now it’s full of Adam’s photos I could sit in here for hours.”
“What are you doing in my garage?” Adam called from the doorway. Emily wriggled and giggled while he held her like a rag doll under his arm.
“Checking out my talented brother’s collection before he sells everything and becomes rich and famous!” Becky said.
“You always did live in your own little dream world,” he said, setting Emily down. “I’m glad some things don’t change.”
“Where are Will and Dad?” Becky asked.
“I think they slipped off to the pub,” Adam said. “I’m not sure why I didn’t get an invite.”
“Someone’s got to entertain the kids,” she said.
We moved back outside and I sat at the patio table, sipping cocktails with Becky while Adam played with the girls. Ruth came out with a tray of snacks and coaxed Emily inside to give her a bath and put her to bed. When Will and Tom returned from the pub they were in high spirits and we sat outside while the light faded and the sky filled with stars.
Adam and I finally stumbled home late in the evening, tipsy and laughing. We had no idea that our relaxed day in the sun would be the last time we were all together as a family.
Part 1
Chapter 1
Exhaustion had come and gone. I was way beyond it. I existed in a zombie-like state, unsure what had happened to my life and how it had become so unrecognisable.
“Lucy?”
I’d cleaned the kitchen before finally collapsing on the couch when a little voice interrupted me. I looked into the big tearful eyes of the five-year-old who regarded me from the living room doorway.
“I wet the bed.”
“It’s fine,” I said, on autopilot. “It doesn’t matter.” I walked over and put a hand on her silky blonde hair. “Let’s get you cleaned up and back into bed.”
She followed my lead. We had this routine well practised, though thankfully it happened less and less. I stripped her bed and put fresh sheets on it while she undressed in the bathroom, then I showered her off and helped her into clean pyjamas. “Back to bed now. I’ll tuck you in.”
“Lucy,” she whispered at the top of the stairs. “Can I say goodnight to Mum?”
“Of course you can.”
Swallowing my emotions, I picked up the soiled sheets for the wash, balling them to carry under one arm, leaving a hand free for Emily. We walked down the stairs together. I dumped the sheets in front of the washing machine then opened the back door. Cold air hit us and I unhooked my thick cardigan from the back of the door, wrapping it around Emily before I picked her up and stepped outside.
“Which one is she?” Emily whispered, under the star-studded sky. I breathed a sigh of relief that it wasn’t cloudy.
“See the three stars in a row?” I pointed. “She’s the one in the middle.” The middle star on Orion’s belt. Because that was the only constellation I knew.
“Will she come back to see us soon?”
“No, sweetheart. She can’t. Remember? But she watches you and she loves you so much.”
The star thing had started when I’d let Emily watch The Lion King – without vetting it first. She’d decided her mummy was a star, just like Simba’s daddy. After that she stopped asking me where Mummy was, so it felt like a good thing to me. The stars seemed to help her. At least, late at night, when she was tired and confused, it was a comfort.
“Is Daddy there too?”
“Right next to Mummy,” I said. She raised a hand to wave and rested her head on my shoulder. I hugged her to me, shivering. She’d be asleep before I got her up the stairs.
Adam came in the front door as I walked through the kitchen. He ran a hand over his niece’s hair and the scar on the back of his hand reminded me of our old life. Before everything fell apart.
“She okay?” he asked.
“She wet the bed again,” I said. “I’ll take her back up now.”
Adam was asleep on the couch when I returned downstairs, an almost full bottle of beer dripping condensation onto the table in front of him. I watched him for a moment before pushing my feet into a pair of tattered trainers, grabbing a jacket and slipping out of the front door into the night. I should probably get to bed but I knew I wouldn’t be able to switch my brain off. My steps were quick and even as I walked down to the village and then up the gentle hill beyond the community centre. I was starting to feel that I knew the village of Havendon better than I knew my own face.
The village was deserted but I kept my head down anyway. It was easier if no one knew about my visits to Tom. I’d feel better for talking to him. I always did. Adam’s dad was the one I always turned to. I was only twenty-eight, and my life had changed so dramatically over the past year and a bit that I struggled to make sense of it.
Maybe I shouldn’t be talking to Tom, but I couldn’t seem to stay away. I felt better as I approached, knowing he would listen without judgement, and quietly comfort me. Tom was the only one who I could talk to properly. And If I didn’t talk to someone, I might just explode.
Chapter 2
“Don’t bother making me sandwiches,” Hailey said when she joined her sister at the kitchen table the next morning. “I won’t eat them.”
I’d stopped hearing her comments about the lunch I packed for her a long time ago,
and continued putting the sandwiches in her lunch bag.
“I want coco pops too!” Emily demanded, watching Hailey help herself.
“They’re just for the weekend,” I said, snatching the packet from Hailey and returning them to the cupboard.
“But Hailey’s eating them,” Emily whined.
“Just eat your muesli, please, Emily. I put extra raisins in for you.”
She pushed her bowl away. “No!”
Hailey crunched loudly on the coco pops and laughed at me. Not out loud, of course, but the corners of her mouth twitched to let me know she was thoroughly amused.
“Muesli’s really good for you,” I told Emily while I put their lunch bags in the hallway with their schoolbags.
“I want coco pops!”
“What’s wrong?” Adam asked, walking down the stairs and registering the look on my face.
“Hailey’s having coco pops,” Emily said loudly. “I want some too.”
“Okay.” He moved to the cupboard and pulled out the packet.
“Adam, I’ve just told her she can’t have them! Hailey’s not supposed to be eating them either.”
“Morning!” Ruth sang, letting herself in the front door.
“Gran,” Emily called. “Lucy says I can’t have coco pops.”
“Of course you can,” Ruth said, taking the packet from Adam and pouring her a bowl.
I sighed in defeat. “I’m going to get ready for work.”
“Did you make lunches for the girls?” Ruth asked.
“With the schoolbags,” I replied through gritted teeth. She insisted on asking me every morning, as though I might have forgotten. Like I was the most incompetent person in the world.
“What’s up?” Adam asked, following me into our bedroom. I sat on the end of the bed, exhausted. It wasn’t even 8am and I was already wishing the day were over.
“Nothing.”
“Does it really matter if they have coco pops for breakfast?”
“Probably not,” I conceded. “I wish your mum would let me take Emily to school instead of coming to take her every morning. I drive right past the school.”