“Yeah but you did lie down and spread your legs though! Now look at you! Pregnant and crying the blues because you got to hide your baby! His baby mama ain’t got to hide hers though, now do she? Nah, but that’s what happens when you settle for being a side bitch!”
I took a few steps closer to her. “You are going to say about two more words and I am going to drop your ass right here in your kitchen!” I was dead serious. She was about to catch the beat down of her life! “I may be the side bitch and I may have to hide my baby but you best believe with or without Tre me and mines is going to always be okay! See the difference between me and most side bitches and is that I have never had main bitch expectations! I’ve always known my position! I don’t expect Tre to run off into the sunset with me! I knew from day one that would never happen! Emotionally right now, yes I am catching hell but I have no one else to blame but me! I will be okay though because I’m not a weak bitch! This bitch right here can handle hers, you best believe that!”
“What are you trying to say?”
I looked her up and down and then in her eyes. “I am saying that regardless of the way shit is now I am going to pick up the pieces and move on. Not continue to live in the past and cry over spilled milk. Everything happens for a reason. This has happen to me for a reason. I plan to learn from it and make the best out of a bad situation. Like I said I am not the first to end up in this same situation and I won’t be the last! It ain’t about what I did…it’s about what I do from this point on! Right now I am about to go upstairs and pack my shit so that I can leave your house before we end up fucking each other up! This living arrangement isn’t working out!”
“Fine with me.” She spat.
I walked out of the kitchen and left her standing there. I went upstairs and packed all of my things. I made several trips to my car, carrying my things out. Nita sat on the sofa watching. When I was done loading everything up in my car. I reached in my pocketbook and took out five hundred dollars. I handed the money to Nita. “Thank you for allowing me to stay here.”
“I don’t want your money.” She rolled her eyes.
I dropped the money on the sofa next to her and walked out.
Tre
As the weeks rolled by I was able to pretty much push Lala out of my head. Not completely but for the most part and concentrate more on my relationship with Kisha. I was going to work and coming straight home, spending more time doing family stuff. I realized that all of the time that I’d been spending lying and making up excuses to slide off and kick it with Lala. I’d been missing out on a lot.
It was Thursday night and I’d cooked dinner so that Kisha could have a break. I’d cooked fried turkey chops, mashed potatoes, sweet peas and canned biscuits.
“This is good daddy.” Shaun said chewing a mouthful of peas.
“Thanks lil man. Your daddy got a few skills in the kitchen.” I bragged reaching over and rubbing my little man on the head.
“You still don’t cook better than mama!” Quan added his two cents.
“That’s right baby.” Kisha laughed and then looked at me and poked out her tongue. “You do alright but my baby knows who the real chef is!”
“Quan, how are you going to sit over there and hate on your daddy like that? You are supposed to be on my side. We men have to stick together.” I joked. He shook his head no. “Boy what do you mean no?”
“He’s a mama’s boy!” Shaun teased.
“I think you’re right Shaun.” I played along.
“No, I’m not!” Quan pouted folding his arms.
“Is too!” Shaun kept taunting him.
“Maaaa…tell him to stop!” Quan whined.
Kisha reached over and popped Shaun hard on his arm! He let out a squeal and started to cry. “Stop teasing him!”
“Whoa…chill out!” I snapped. “He was only playing around! He didn’t mean any harm. We were all just having fun!”
“It’s not fun when you are making someone else feel bad!” She snapped back!
“Kisha…for real?” I gave her a look that told her she was pissing me off! “It wasn’t even that serious!”
“Well it was to Quan!”
I got up from the table and dumped my food in the trash! She’d caused me to lose my appetite. “Y’all boys finish up your food so that you can take your baths and then y’all can read me a book.”
“Okay!” Quan replied smiling. They loved reading to me so that they could show me how well they were reading.
Shaun didn’t say anything. He was slowly eating his food and sniffling. He wasn’t crying anymore by now his little tears had dried on his face. “Stop looking so sad Shaun.” I told him. “If you do a good job reading, I’ll give you a popsicle before you go to bed.”
That brought a smile to his face. I left out of the kitchen and went into the bedroom. I grabbed my laptop and sat down on the bed, propping some pillows behind my back and lying up against the headboard. I grabbed my cigarettes off of the nightstand and the lighter. I let lit one up and then powered up my laptop and logged in to Facebook. As I strolled down my newsfeeds I saw a status update from Lala. It said. These past few weeks haven’t been easy but with each day that goes by it gets better. Still missing home but I know that I made the right decision.
I started to comment but then decided against it. I figured that it was best if I just kept things the way that they were. I stayed on Facebook a little while longer before logging out and browsing the web.
Kisha came into the bedroom. “So I guess you are mad now because I popped Shaun.” Those were the first words out of her mouth.
“Don’t come in here with that! If you came in here to start an argument then you need to take your ass right back in there!” She knew that she’d been dead wrong for how she had over reacted. She’d taken things to a whole other level for no reason at all.
“Who are you talking to like that?” She asked placing her hand on her hip and tilting her head to the side causing a strand of her red hair to fall in her face. She removed her hair from her face and continued to stare at me waiting for an answer.
“Kisha go ahead.” I warned.
“Why you acting like I abused him or something?”
I looked up at her. “I never said that you abused him but I do feel like you blew shit out of proportion! We were all joking around having a good time. He wasn’t doing anything wrong! He was playing with Quan. You didn’t have to hit him!”
She just stood there looking at me for a second like she was trying to think of something to say. Finally she let out a sigh and said. “Maybe I shouldn’t have hit him but I didn’t really approve of him teasing Quan like that after he’d asked him to stop.”
“Kisha, all he said was that Quan was a mama’s boy because he took your side instead of mines. Where is the harm in that? If I had felt like he was being mean to him I would’ve told him to stop.” I let out a frustrated breath. “My thing is that we were all having a nice time and then that happened and ruined everything. All you had to do was ask him to stop. That’s it.”
“Alright, I see your point. I guess I did over react a little but you know Quan is the more sensitive one so I am a little more protective over him.”
I shook my head. “Well he is going to have to get out of that sensitive mess and toughen up! What he gone come home crying to you every time someone says something to him that he doesn’t like?” I asked her but didn’t wait for an answer. “I am raising little men not princesses!”
“Bae, he is only seven!”
“I am aware of that but he still isn’t about to be around here crying and whining all the time! You need to stop babying him so much. Don’t be making my son all soft and shit!”
She rolled her eyes. “Boy whatever!” She walked over and sat down on my lap. She kissed me, caressing my face. “Are we good now?”
I wrapped my arms around her and smacked her on her ass. “Yeah, we’re good.”
“I love you.”
“I love y
ou too.”
She kissed me again. “Bae, I want you to know that I see the effort that you have been putting into our relationship lately and I want you to know that it is appreciated. You’ve been helping me out around the house more and spending more time with me and the boys. I don’t know what has gotten into you but I like it.”
I smiled, giving her thigh a light squeeze. “Nothing has gotten into me. I just love my family a lot and I want y’all to know it. I want you to know that even though I’ve done some fucked up things in the past. I appreciate you. You’ve stuck with my black ass when most women would’ve been packed their shit and left!”
“Yeah, we’ve been through a lot but every relationship has its ups and downs. You’ve taken me through a lot and there were times when I did think about packing my shit and leaving but I couldn’t because I love you too much to walk away.” A tear rolled down her cheek and I wiped it away with my finger. “I’ve had people tell me that I was stupid for staying with you and putting up with your cheating. Those people don’t know what I feel in my heart for you. Those people don’t know what I see when I look at you. They are on the outside looking in. They don’t know that times when my family turned their backs on me. You were here. I remember that time when I had pneumonia and thought that I was going to leave this world. You stuck by my side and took care of me. I remember hearing you pray asking God to please make me better because you couldn’t imagine having to live without me. It’s those things that made me stick with you all of these years.”
Her little speech left me speechless. It wasn’t every day that we sat down and had a heart to heart. I knew that she loved me but hearing her break it down like this touched me in a special way. “Damn bae, you make a nigga want to let a few slide.” I kissed her. “Damn girl.”
She wiped her tears away and laughed. “Be quiet silly.” She hit me playfully on the arm.
Quan and Shaun burst into the room. “We finished eating!” They both announced.
“Alright, well I am going to run your bath water. One of you can take a bath in mama and daddy’s bathtub and the other one can take a bath in y’all tub.” I told them.
“I want to take my bath in here.” Quan replied.
“That’s cool with me.” I tapped Kisha and asked her to get up so that I could run the boys bath water.
“Well while you get them ready for their baths I am going to go in the living and finish reading my book.” She left out of the room and I went into the bathroom and started running water in the tub for Quan. While his water was running I went across the hall and started Shaun’s water.
“Y’all get you some underwear and your pajamas.” I told the boys. They went and did as I had said.
After the boys were done with their baths, each of them read a book to me. They did such a good job that I gave them both a Popsicle and then we played for a little while before I put them both to bed. Once they were in bed, Kisha and I took a shower together and then went to bed.
Lala
I was laying down watching TV in my hotel room. I’d been renting a room at the Innkeeper over on Piney Forest Rd. for the past few weeks. I’d lucked up and gotten a housekeeping job here the week before when one of the other housekeepers quit. I asked the manager if I could have the job. He told me to fill out the application and I did. When he saw that my previous job had been one dealing with janitorial services he told me that he was sure that I’d be great for the job and hired me right on the spot. Plus he gave me a discount on my room. That allowed me to be saving most of my paycheck. I was still putting in applications though because I needed a part-time gig. I was also looking for a place. I’d put in applications at most of the apartment complexes in the area. I was hoping to hear something back from them soon. I was so glad that I’d been saving my money and not blowing it like most young people. My mama had always told me that you never know what might happen and you will need something to fall back on. That is why I tried to keep money in the bank and it had turned out to be a good thing.
I laid there on the bed watching some movie on Lifetime but I wasn’t really into it. I was hungry and craving some tacos. I laid there debating on whether or not I was going to go out and get some or if I was just going to order a pizza instead. I really didn’t feel like going out anywhere. I had become so lazy. All I wanted to do was lay around and sleep if I wasn’t working. I had to literally make myself get out of bed and do stuff. I decided that I was going to put on some clothes and go out and get me some tacos. I’d been in bed all day. I needed to get out!
I got up, showered and got dressed in a pair of grey sweats, a black tee and my black forces. I went into the bathroom, took my scarf off and combed down my wrap. My hair was dark brown and shoulder length with blonde highlights. Since I’d been pregnant my hair had been growing like crazy! It was almost past my shoulders now. I brushed my teeth and put on a little bit of lip gloss. I looked in the mirror.
“That’s good enough. I ain’t trying to impress nobody.”
I grabbed my coat, keys and my wallet and left out to go and get my food. I drove over to the Taco Bell on Riverside Dr. I decided to eat inside instead of ordering my food and going back to the room. I ordered six hard shell tacos and a sweet tea. Once I had my food I found a table towards the back next to a window. I sat down and started to eat my food. I looked out of the window and saw a young Caucasian couple getting out of the car. The young man was helping his pregnant girlfriend get out. He wrapped his arm around her as they walked inside. A wave of loneliness swept over me. I turned my attention back to my food but unconsciously my eyes wandered back to the couple who were now standing in line waiting to order. They looked so happy and in love. They laughed and giggled, whispering back and forth as they waited. He rubbed and caressed her stomach.
For some reason what Nita had said to me weeks ago when we had gotten into it popped into my head. “Now look at you! Pregnant and crying the blues because you got to hide your baby! His baby mama ain’t got to hide hers though, now do she? Nah, but that’s what happens when you settle for being a side bitch!”
“I guess you were right about that part Nita.” I mumbled getting up from the table and dumping the rest of my food into the garbage. My appetite was gone. I drove back to the room with thoughts of Tre heavy on my mind. I wanted to call him but I knew that I couldn’t. He had probably moved on to the next chic and wasn’t even thinking about my black ass. I went inside my room, undressed and got back in bed. I laid there trying to go to sleep for well over and hour but couldn’t. Nita’s words kept haunting me and Tre was so heavy on my brain that it was impossible for me to fall asleep.
I got up and put back on my tee shirt. I walked over and sat at the table that was in my room and powered on my laptop. I logged on to Facebook to see what was going on up there. It was the same as usual everybody telling all of their business. I shook my head. I’d hidden Tre’s post so that I couldn’t see what he posted unless I went to his page. I decided to go on his page to see what he’d been up to. I hadn’t checked since I’d left home. I typed in his name and clicked on his page. I saw that he’d uploaded some new photos of himself, Kisha and the boys. They looked extremely happy. I clicked on a photo of him and Kisha. He had his arms around her from behind as she stood in front of him smiling like she was the happiest woman in the world. Pains of jealousy and envy swept throughout my entire body. I went back to his page and strolled down reading his most recent status. Focused on getting paper and taking care of my fam…fuck everything else! To all of you niggas that’s got a good woman in your corner that holds you down, takes care of you and most importantly puts up with your bullshit, you’d better hold on to them. I’m damn sure holding on to mine! Shout out to my Queen Kisha…I love you woman!
I felt like somebody had just punched me in the throat! I quickly logged off and closed my laptop. I sat there for a few minutes just trying to digest what I’d read. I realized one thing, it was time for me to forget about this man and focus on
myself and this baby that I was carrying. There was no way in hell that I could ever let him know now about our baby. Honestly I couldn’t see it doing anything but causing a lot of trouble that I didn’t feel like dealing with.
I opened my computer back up and went back on Facebook. This time I deleted Tre from my page. It was time to delete him from my life and my thoughts but most importantly from my heart. I’d known from day one that he was already taken so there was no use in me waiting around like he was going to call me up and confess his undying love for me and beg me to come back. That wasn’t going to happen.
My phone vibrated on the nightstand startling me. I jumped placing my hand over my chest. “Damn.” I got up and went over and picked up my phone. There was a text message from my mom.
Mom: Hey baby, just checking on you to see if you are okay.
Me: Yes ma’am. I’m fine…about to go to bed. I love you.
Mom: Love you too. Call me tomorrow.
“Okay, I will.”
I placed my phone back on the nightstand and got in bed. As much as I didn’t want to think about the images of Tre and Kisha or his Facebook status that was all that I thought about until I fell asleep.
Lala
Over the next few weeks, all I did was work and save my money. I’d set some goals for myself. The first thing was to find a place within the next few months. I had to find a place before the baby was born because there was no way in hell I was staying in a hotel room with my baby. I’d also decided to write a book. I’d already gotten started. The title of my book was Confessions Of A Side Chic. The idea of course had come from my own personal experience. I figured that writing about my situation would be sort of therapeutic and if it turned out to be a good story I might could try and get it published. I refused to sit around and cry over spilled milk! I wasn’t going to allow the bad choices that I’d made determine the rest of my future! It wasn’t the end of the world. Millions of women raised kids by themselves every day and I could do the same! I wanted to be someone that my baby could be proud of though. I didn’t want the only story that people ever told my child was how I got knocked up by somebody else’s man and ran away from my home to try and hide it! Hell no! My story was going to be different!
Side Chic Page 5