His life rattled into complete disorder, he shifted gears and pulled away from the curb.
Chapter Four
End of May
Dylan felt as if he were covered in dust. The morning had been dry, hot and windy in this last week of May, and he’d already exposed five rolls of film. He waved to his guide in the Land Rover that he was almost finished.
He’d gotten some fantastic shots of elephants but the satisfaction he used to experience just wasn’t there on this stint in Africa. The past few weeks he’d gone back to the basics, using a traditional camera rather than a digital, forgetting about nights spent at his laptop disposing of shots he didn’t like. He’d wanted to fan the old flame that used to grow higher and hotter every time he picked up a camera. Yet this trip when he thought of “flames,” he pictured him and Shaye in her kitchen. Whenever he let his guard down, whenever he slipped into sleep, he could feel her skin, taste her lips, breathe in her scent. And underneath his memories of Shaye, he could see Timmy’s little face.
Suddenly, Dylan’s guide was motioning frantically to him. Dylan usually had a sixth sense about the predators he photographed and now he scoped the area, scanning for danger.
A shot rang out! Dylan swore viciously, realizing his guide hadn’t been concerned about dangerous wild animals but rather very human poachers.
When a second shot ricocheted through the brush, Dylan flashed back to Walter’s last report on Timmy, detailing the baby’s progress. He had to see his nephew again. If he died here and now, Timmy would never know what Dylan knew about his mother. He’d never hear the stories Dylan wanted to recount about Julia’s tomboy years, her date for the prom, her dreams for her son.
A third shot zinged past Dylan’s left ear. Ducking low, he grabbed his tripod and ran. Under the cover of brush he zigzagged toward the Land Rover. No photograph was worth his future with his nephew. Moments later, he opened the door to the vehicle and hurriedly climbed inside, shaken because he could have lost his life…lost an opportunity to see Shaye again…lost the chance to be a dad.
A dad.
When his guide dropped the Land Rover into gear and sped away, Dylan recalled in detail the morning the doctor took Timmy off the ventilator. He thought about watching his nephew grow up.
His nephew.
Had coming to Africa lost its luster because he hadn’t made a final decision about Timmy? About raising his own flesh and blood? About becoming a father?
Dylan knew he had to return to Wild Horse Junction before Shaye adopted Timmy…before the chance to be a father zipped by him like one of those bullets.
Whenever Shaye rocked Timmy, she never wanted to let him go. He was such a miracle. The tiny infant who had been connected to tubes and monitors had gained weight and grown. Shaye loved every little finger, every little toe, every little wisp of hair. When he’d come home from the hospital, he’d weighed five pounds. Now he was ten pounds, three ounces and growing bigger each day.
Rocking him in his upstairs bedroom, she always let him sleep in her arms a bit before she laid him in his crib. She loved being a mom.
When the doorbell rang, she wasn’t surprised. Kylie and Gwen stopped in often. In fact, the last time Kylie had been here a few days ago, she’d seemed worried about something. Maybe she’d returned today to talk about whatever it was.
After gently placing Timmy in his crib, making sure the baby monitor was adjusted just so, Shaye hurried down the stairs to the front door. When she opened it, so many emotions assaulted her, she could hardly breathe.
Dylan Malloy stood there in a tan shirt and jeans, his hair looking as if it had recently been cut. His shoulders seemed even broader than she remembered. His green eyes were so intense she couldn’t look away. The excitement of seeing him again immediately gave way to a dreadful fear.
Why was he back?
“Dylan, this is a surprise.” She tried to keep her voice as natural as possible.
His assessing gaze missed nothing—from her hair pulled back in a ponytail to the embroidery on her jeans.
“Can I come in?”
Her heart was thudding much too fast and she had to admit she was afraid to let him inside, afraid of what she’d feel when he was there, afraid of what this visit meant.
However, she forced herself to say, “Yes, come in. When did you get into town?”
“Last night.”
“I see.” But she didn’t.
As he stepped inside so very close to her, she caught the scent of his aftershave. It was fresh and woodsy and masculine…like every inch of him she too vividly remembered.
“Can I see Timmy?” His voice held a husky note of anticipation.
“He’s taking his morning nap.” This time her voice trembled a little. Taking a deep breath, she told herself not to get worked up. Dylan was probably between assignments. He would leave again.
“I won’t wake him. I just want to look at him. Walter told me how much weight he’s gained. He said he’d run into you at the grocery store and Timmy seemed to be doing fine.”
She lifted her chin. “He is doing fine.”
“I need to see him, Shaye.”
Instinct told her that Dylan had returned to Wild Horse Junction for a reason other than checking in between assignments. Fear deepened, almost paralyzing her.
Mechanically she responded, “All right, I’ll show you to his room.”
As Dylan climbed the steps behind Shaye, she was aware of his booted feet quietly hitting each step. She was aware that something was different about him today, but she couldn’t put her finger on what it was.
A sense of resolve, maybe?
At the doorway to Timmy’s room, she hesitated only briefly before going inside. Dylan came in after her and took it all in in a glance—the pale blue walls, the wallpaper border with frolicking horses, the bedding that matched, the dark chest and dressing table, the crib and the huge stuffed bear Will had bought for his son. As Dylan’s gaze fell onto the crib, he stood riveted to the spot. Slowly he advanced toward it and she felt herself holding her breath.
Dylan stared for a long time, reached out his hand once and then pulled it back. Turning toward Shaye, he motioned outside the room.
Once there, he said, “I need to talk to you.”
Everything about Dylan today was purposeful, and his words carried a foreboding she was only beginning to understand. Did he want to take Timmy away from her?
Stalling, she asked, “Now?”
“Now.”
Swallowing hard, she turned away from him and on wobbly legs went down the stairs.
In the living room, Dylan sat on the couch. She perched on the armchair next to it. To her surprise, even that still seemed too close. When she glanced into the kitchen, she could remember exactly what had happened there. Dylan’s gaze veered in that direction for a second, too, and then came back to meet hers.
“Have you started adoption proceedings yet?”
Her dreams for Timmy were huge, her mind filled with scenes of the two of them facing the world together until Timmy could do it on his own. “I have the paperwork in my briefcase.”
Dylan’s gaze didn’t leave hers. “As his legal guardian, you don’t need to adopt him.”
She didn’t like where this was headed. “No, but I want to, and I know that’s what Julia would have wanted, too.”
“Is it, Shaye?” he returned quickly. “Or deep down in her heart did she really want to leave Timmy to me? Did she want me to be his father?”
Shaye tried to remain calm, but her chest tightened unbearably. “That’s not the way she made out her will.”
Dylan cut his hand through the air. “I’m not talking about a will. Julia did what she thought was best for me as well as Timmy, but is that what she really wanted?”
Shaye’s palms grew clammy. “What are you saying?”
Dylan dropped his hands between his knees, studied them for a moment, then met her eyes again.
“When Walter called me
back here in February, I was in shock. I didn’t realize it then, but Julia’s death brought back everything that had happened with our parents’ accident. With Timmy fighting for his life— I think I was operating on automatic.”
There was no doubt in Shaye’s mind that everything Dylan was saying was true. She was just surprised he had the courage to admit it. Many men didn’t have his insight. What his insight might mean to her future rocked her.
“You spent the last three months thinking about this?” She’d expected Dylan would pour his grief into his work…work to forget.
“Not consciously…at least not at first. While I was working I’d think about Timmy, wonder how he looked, when he’d come home. Then I would receive one of Walter’s updates. Through it all I would remember Julia and Will, the years when I worked on the paper and Julia was in high school.”
Although she knew she shouldn’t be asking the question, she wondered if Dylan had thought about what had happened with them or if that had been inconsequential in the scheme of things…if that had been a momentary escape. She couldn’t step into her kitchen without remembering how wild she’d felt, how she’d craved Dylan’s touch, how she still did.
But the two of them weren’t the issue here. Timmy was. “Why did you come back?”
“Something happened ten days ago. I almost got killed by poachers.”
Her breath caught in her throat.
“When that happened, my life flashed in front of my eyes. Not only my life as it had been, but life as it could be. Timmy is my nephew, but he’s not just that, he’s Julia’s legacy.”
“Timmy was Julia’s legacy to me,” she broke in.
Dylan sat up straight and ran his hands through his hair. “I know you have legal custody, but, Shaye, Timmy might belong with me.”
“Might?”
“I spent the past few days in London clearing my schedule. I came back here to stay for a while and to get to know Timmy and make a decision.”
She said the words slowly. “Whether or not you want to be Timmy’s dad.”
“I know you’ll make a good mother, but I have to be certain that I don’t want to be Timmy’s father.”
She’d never in a million years expected this. “You can’t be a father with the work you do.”
“I don’t have answers now, Shaye. I just know I came back to Wild Horse Junction to find them.”
“What do you expect from me?” she asked slowly, not at all sure she wanted to hear his answer.
“I’d like you to keep an open mind and an open heart, and let me into Timmy’s life for a while in a big way.”
“So you can take him away from me?” She knew there were tears in her eyes now, and she tried to blink them away.
“You can shut me out. If you do, I can go the legal route to obtain specified visiting rights. Or…we can try to work through this together.”
“You’re asking too much.”
“I’m asking you to help me to put Timmy first.”
If Dylan wanted to be a father as much as she wanted to be a mother… Timmy was his flesh and blood. What right did she have to keep the baby? To make him hers? Yet the thought of giving him up tore her apart.
Dylan stood. “I know I’ve thrown a lot at you. Think about what I’ve said. When’s the best time to visit Timmy while he’s awake. Is he on a schedule?”
“As much as a baby can be on a schedule,” she murmured. “He usually takes an afternoon nap from about three to five and he’s in a good mood for about an hour. After that, he gets fussy.”
“Why don’t I pick up takeout and bring it over about five. We can talk more then.”
Squaring her shoulders, she didn’t like the feeling that he was steamrolling her. “Maybe I’ll decide to get my own lawyer instead of inviting you to supper.”
He didn’t seem thrown by her threat. “Maybe you will. If you do, we can talk about that, too.”
She really had no choice. “All right, I’ll expect you around five.”
With Dylan standing, she felt she needed equal footing. Rising, she still had to look up at him. “Do you have any idea of how you’ve just shaken up my whole world?” she blurted.
“Unfortunately, I do. But I have to be sure about this, Shaye.”
He headed for the door. When he got there, he stopped. “Chinese or fried chicken?”
“Chinese,” she answered automatically.
“See you at five.”
When Dylan closed the door behind him, she sank down into the armchair once more, staring straight ahead. The dream of being a mother had been within her grasp and now Dylan could take it away.
She wouldn’t let him.
“Soon he should sleep through the night for you,” Gwen reassured Shaye as she nestled Timmy close to her to give him his bottle. Her friend had stopped in to say hi on her way home from work.
“I was only up once with him last night.” Shaye glanced at her watch, wondering how much time she had to talk to Gwen before Dylan arrived.
Her friend missed nothing. “Do you have a hot date tonight? You keep looking at your watch. Am I holding you up from doing something?”
“No, it’s just—”
When Shaye’s doorbell rang, her heart fell to her feet. “It’s probably Dylan Malloy,” she told Gwen quickly. “He’s back in town and I’m afraid…I’m afraid he’s going to fight me for custody of Timmy.”
“You’re not serious!” Her friend looked aghast.
“I am. He stopped in earlier and he’s coming back tonight to spend more time with him.”
“Do you want me to leave?”
“Just sit tight for a little while.”
However, when Shaye opened her door, Dylan didn’t stand on her doorstep, but Kylie Warner did.
“Kylie!” She hugged her friend. “What are you doing in town?”
Kylie and her husband Alex ran Saddle Ridge Ranch. Shaye amended that thought. Kylie ran Saddle Ridge Ranch as much as she was allowed to while Alex rode the rodeo circuit and was almost never home. The ranch hadn’t made a profit for years but Alex wouldn’t let Kylie change anything. He kept telling her the price of cattle would come up again and they’d expand the herd. Instead the herd dwindled year by year, prices went down, taxes went up and Kylie was going to worry her blond hair gray.
Leaning back, Shaye studied her friend. In Shaye’s estimation, Kylie was the most beautiful woman she knew. Her straight blond hair hung to her shoulder blades while her cornflower-blue eyes showed her intelligence and her spirit. She was smart and had skipped a grade in school. Petite and slim, she’d always been a tomboy, spending more time with horses than people, always ready to jump on the back of one and take a ride.
Kylie returned Shaye’s hug. “Are you busy? I had an errand in town and thought I’d stop in.”
“Gwen’s here. I’m expecting Dylan Malloy soon.”
“He’s back in town?” Kylie asked as she went into the living room with Shaye.
Gwen shook her head, her auburn curls flying. “Shaye just dropped a bombshell. Dylan Malloy might want custody of Timmy.”
“Oh, Shaye,” Kylie said, touching her friend’s arm. “What are you going to do?”
Although she usually confided everything to her childhood buddies, she had not told them she’d had sex with Dylan. It was so out of character for her that she hadn’t wanted to admit she’d been so foolish. “I’m not sure what I’m going to do. He’s coming over to talk. I just can’t see it. Unless he gives up his career, I don’t understand how he can be a father.”
Gwen frowned. “Do you think he’s willing to do that?”
“I don’t know. Something happened in Africa, and he was almost killed. I think the experience has made him readjust his priorities, at least for the moment. But it might not last.”
“You hope it doesn’t last?” Kylie asked softly.
Shaye looked down at the baby who had become her son. “I can’t give Timmy up. I don’t know what I’ll do if I have t
o.”
Without words, understanding passed from Gwen and Kylie to Shaye. All three of them wanted to be mothers but fate and circumstance hadn’t let that happen yet. Shaye had thought now she’d finally know a life with the joy of a child, but Dylan could snatch that away from her.
“You have to find a lawyer,” Gwen advised decisively.
Of the three of them, Gwen was probably the most assertive and proactive, capable of juggling more than one situation at a time. She’d learned to do that because she’d never been able to count on her alcoholic father.
She went on, “You can’t let Walter Ludlow handle your interests and Dylan Malloy’s. That won’t work if you’re going to have a fight on your hands.”
“Can you suggest anyone?”
“Arthur Standish is thinking about retiring, but hasn’t yet. Maybe you should call him.”
Shaye wondered how Kylie knew Standish hadn’t retired yet. Why would she need a lawyer? For ranch business? Or were her problems with Alex pushing her to think about leaving Saddle Ridge? Kylie was the most private and guarded of the three of them, and she and Gwen had both learned not to ask questions Kylie wasn’t ready to answer.
“I’ll think about seeing Standish,” Shaye answered. “I’m hoping once Dylan sees how much care a baby needs, he’ll forget the whole idea.”
Transferring Timmy to her shoulder to burp him, Gwen patted his little back. “Babies are wonderful in theory. Even some women don’t realize that they take twenty-four-hours-a-day care,” Gwen agreed.
“We all know what it’s like growing up without a mother. You’ve got to make Dylan Malloy see how much more you can give Timmy,” Kylie added.
“Not all fathers are like ours, though,” Shaye responded.
“Be realistic, Shaye,” Gwen said practically. “Dylan Malloy’s job is worse than your father’s, and you never saw him.”
“Winning the big prize always consumed my dad. That’s why my mother divorced him,” Kylie added quietly.
“Do you regret not going to Colorado with her?” Gwen asked.
Custody For Two (Baby Bonds #1) Page 6