She knew she had to forgive him at some point in order to truly be free from him.
But as she looked at her mother and the reality of her situation, as she thought of a father she had once loved and now hardly heard from, she knew that forgiveness wouldn’t come easy to her.
And yet, even as she formulated that thought, she couldn’t stop the frisson of awareness at the time she and Lee had shared together on his ranch.
Chapter Five
Abby parked her car, then got out, hoping Lee was outside somewhere so she wouldn’t have to go into the house.
But she couldn’t see him anywhere on the yard, and the only sound she heard was the faint lowing of cows from somewhere on the ranch. Obviously Lee was inside, so, with a resigned sigh, she trudged up the wide cement sidewalk to the front door of the imposing house. Stained glass windows flanked the double doors, and another one arched above the entire unit framing it in a bank of light. More flowerpots with a profusion of daisies, geraniums, lobelia and some type of vine were grouped in a colorful arrangement on each side of the doorway.
Abby stopped, thankful that her ankle felt a lot better than yesterday, thankful that maybe today she would be able to walk on her own and not have to be carted around on the quad.
Behind Lee.
She pulled out a camera from her backpack and shot off a few pictures of the entrance to the house. She took more than necessary, aware she was killing time, putting off entering the Bannister home.
She looked around once more, hoping Lee would show up, but no such luck. So she sucked in a breath, whispered a prayer and pushed on the doorbell. A muffled carillon of pleasant chimes competed with the laughter she heard coming from inside.
“Come in,” someone called out.
Abby stepped inside the porch, stifling a sudden attack of nerves as she closed the large wooden door behind her. Yesterday she hadn’t had a chance to meet any of the other Bannisters, but now, from the noise level of the conversation drifting toward her, it sounded as though she would be seeing most of them now.
A woman of medium height, her blond hair pulled back in a ponytail emphasizing her delicate features, came to the entrance. Abby recognized her as Lee’s youngest sister, Keira.
Keira’s green eyes took in Abby and they briefly narrowed.
Abby understood, on one level, why Keira might have a hard time with her. Abby was, after all, the person who had sat by her father on the other side of the conference table when their lawyers were hashing out the settlement. She was the one who had pushed Cornell to ask for as much as possible. Though Abby didn’t regret the battle, she did regret the aftermath. Lee’s insurance company had refused to pay, so the Bannisters ended up settling out of pocket. She knew it had caused them some financial difficulty.
But that wasn’t her fault, she reminded herself.
Then Keira Bannister blinked and the coolness evaporated as she held out her hand. “Hey, Abby, good to see you,” she said, giving Abby’s hand a firm shake. “Come on in. We’re just having an early-morning coffee.”
Although Abby guessed Keira’s offer was basic courtesy, she wasn’t sure she wanted to face the Bannister family en masse.
But the memory of her mother living in that drab apartment made her straighten her shoulders, give Lee’s sister a quick nod and follow her through the doorway. Abby knew she had nothing to apologize for.
As she followed Keira through the kitchen, Abby caught a glimpse of a large stainless-steel stove, a double fridge, granite countertops and sleek kitchen cabinets. Beyond that, tucked into a bay window, was an older wooden table with mismatched chairs pushed under it, giving the sleek, modern kitchen a homey touch. The pot of flowers sitting on the crocheted tablecloth added to the whimsy.
Then Keira turned through another doorway and Abby had to refrain from gasping.
The dining-room table alone would have filled up her mother’s entire apartment. Tanner Fortier, John Argall, Heather and her parents sat around one end of the huge table that took up only one small corner of the sweeping open-beamed room. This enormous living space soared two and a half stories high. Sunlight poured in through a wall of windows flanking a large stone fireplace with its impressive chimney. Through the windows she could see the mountains cradling a portion of the basin. A massive staircase to her right swooped along one wall to the upstairs, and two heavy wooden doors led to other rooms off the main room. Antique leather furniture was grouped around a large coffee table.
A person could rope cattle in here.
“Can I get you a cup of coffee?” Keira was asking.
Abby had to drag her gaze away from the rest of the house, turning back to the gathering, all of whom were now watching her. Monty and Ellen sat at one end of the table, their smiles surprisingly welcoming. Tanner, his dark eyebrows and stubbled chin making him look like the bronc rider he was, sat beside an empty chair, one arm slung across its back. Across from him sat John Argall, apparently the new partner in the ranch, according to Burt’s notes. Though she had known John all her life, his chiseled good looks could still make her catch her breath. Heather, with her long blond hair flowing over her shoulders, her stunning features and green eyes, was perfectly suited to him.
Abby couldn’t help feeling slightly dowdy in her presence.
“I’ll get Abby’s coffee,” Lee said, coming up behind her.
Abby jumped and turned toward him. Where had he come from? How many rooms were in this place?
“That is, if you want one?” He quirked a questioning eyebrow, his hands resting on his jean-clad hips. He wore a tan linen shirt that emphasized his wide shoulders, the deep brown of his hair, his tanned face.
He looked better than he should.
Abby would have preferred to simply get on with the work she had come to do, but she also knew it would be impolite to say no to the coffee, so she nodded.
“Just sit down anywhere,” Lee said.
Tanner stood and pulled a chair out for her. He gave her a sly wink, as if he knew what she was feeling right now.
She murmured her thanks and walked slowly over to the table and sat down, suppressing the feeling that she was a fox in a henhouse with very large hens.
Silence, tense and heavy, fell on the gathering and then a little girl’s voice called out in a panicked voice from somewhere else in the house, “Daddy, help! Please, help. Please!”
John leaped to his feet, excused himself and hurried over to the stairs. Abby guessed it was his little girl.
“Is Adana okay?” Heather called out.
John’s chuckle drifted down from the upstairs region. “Yeah. She’s just having trouble getting these bricks together. Apparently it’s an epic disaster for her.”
This was followed by general laughter, which seemed to ease the tension.
“She’s kind of a drama queen, isn’t she?” Tanner said to Heather. He was leaning back in his chair, one arm looped across Keira’s shoulder, the other resting on the table, looking obviously at ease.
“She can be that,” Heather admitted, setting her one elbow on the arm of her chair, her slender fingers touching her chin. Her gesture was unstudied, but its elegance made Abby feel suddenly gauche. “But I’m sure she’ll outgrow it.”
“Like you did?” Lee drawled, setting a mug of steaming coffee down in front of Abby. “Seems to me queen and Heather were often interchangeable words around here.”
“As they should be,” she retorted in true sister fashion. “I am royalty after all.”
“Don’t know if being crowned Rodeo Queen puts you on par with Queen Elizabeth.” Lee laughed, then turned to Abby. “And how’s the cut on your ankle this morning?”
“Did you hurt yourself on the ranch yesterday?” Mrs. Bannister asked, sounding concerned. “How did that happen?”
“Not yesterday and not here,” Abby assured her, wondering if Ellen thought she might file a lawsuit if that was the case. “By the lookout point. I was running in my sandals...and...well, I fel
l and cut myself on a piece of glass.” She sent a quick glance Lee’s way, but his expression gave nothing away and thankfully he didn’t elaborate on the embarrassing circumstances of her injury. “It’s already feeling better.”
“So does that mean I can take you up into the hills today?” Lee asked.
“Oh, c’mon, man,” Tanner sputtered. “What kind of pickup line is that?”
“Don’t pay attention to him,” Keira said to Abby, elbowing Tanner in the ribs. “He’s feeling feisty because he doesn’t have to do any wedding stuff today.”
“But I thought you had to try on your tux today,” Monty interjected.
“Tux?” Tanner instantly sat up, shooting Keira a panicked look. “I thought we agreed no monkey suits.” Abby tried to imagine Tanner’s stubbled features and collar-length hair framed by a white shirt and black bow tie. The picture didn’t gel.
“Down, boy,” Keira said. “Dad’s just jerking your chain. There are no tuxedos in your future.”
More laughter followed this.
“Anyhow, as I was saying,” Lee continued, slanting a glance her way, “I was hoping you’re able to do some riding today. The forecast isn’t great for tomorrow, so I thought I could take you up to the higher pasture today.”
“You need to know I’m not very familiar with horses.” As she uttered the words, Abby realized what a shock that might be to her present company. Each of them had probably spent more time on a horse than she had on an airplane, and considering how many frequent flyer miles she’d racked up, that was a lot of hours.
“What’s to be familiar with?” Tanner asked with a lift of one broad shoulder. “Head goes in front, tail goes behind. When you sit between them, make sure you’re facing the head.”
“And not on the ground, facing their feet after you’ve been dumped in the arena like Tanner often has,” John put in, entering the room, a little girl perched on his arm.
“All part of bronc riding,” Tanner said with a laconic tone. “And thank goodness that’s all in my past.”
“Thank goodness a lot of stuff is in the past,” Heather added, holding her hands out for Adana. “What was the matter, honey?”
“Bricks not work,” Adana complained.
“That’s okay,” Heather said, taking the little girl onto her lap. “Come sit with us and I’ll help you later.”
Adana tucked her thumb in her mouth and dropped her curly blond head onto Heather’s shoulder. Heather curled her arms around her and smiled lovingly. Ellen reached over and stroked the little girl’s head, then whispered to Heather, “She looks like she could use a nap.”
Monty turned to John and started talking ranch business, but while he spoke one hand rested on Keira’s shoulder, sitting between him and Tanner.
Abby sipped her coffee, feeling a jolt of envy at the easy interaction between the family members. It wasn’t hard to see that Monty and Ellen loved their children deeply. She suspected gatherings like this were the norm.
Again, she caught herself comparing the energy and love flowing through this room to the dull sparseness of her mother’s place.
That’s not Mom’s fault, she reminded herself as she clutched her mug of coffee.
“You okay?” Lee asked her.
She blinked and then gave him a tight nod. “I wouldn’t mind getting started...”
“Of course.” He got up and turned to the others. “Abby and I are leaving now.”
“I’ll come with you.” Monty got up as well. “Help you pick out a horse for Abby.”
“I thought she could ride Tia.”
“She’s in foal. Which one do you think we should use, John?” Monty asked.
“Bonny is a safe bet,” his partner replied.
“Never heard of her. Is she a new horse?” Lee asked.
“Not new at all,” Monty put in. “We’ve had Bonny for about seven years, right, John? I believe you trained her.”
“Then John would know, I guess.”
Lee’s sharp tone was a discordant note in what had otherwise been a jovial atmosphere. Seven years ago Lee was probably still in prison and Abby knew he had only been back for short visits less than a handful of times.
“He would know for sure,” Monty said quietly. “John’s been around for a while.”
“And I haven’t,” Lee bit out, taking his mug and bringing it to the sink.
Abby glanced from Monty to Lee, who was stalking toward the porch, and then quickly got up to follow. “Thanks for the coffee,” she said to Ellen even though Lee had been the one to bring it to her.
“Will we see you later for lunch?” Ellen asked curiously.
“Um, not sure.” Abby had no idea if she was expected to be part of the social network of the ranch. Part of her hoped not. But another small part of her felt a yearning for the closeness of this family.
She picked up her backpack and followed Monty out the door. Lee was already outside. Monty held the door open and Abby gave him a quick smile of thanks.
A few clouds had slipped across the sun while they were inside and Abby zipped up her hoodie, hoping she was dressed warm enough for riding up in the hills.
“I, uh, only have running shoes.” She looked down at the bright pink sneakers she had put on this morning. “I hope that’s okay.”
“They’ll work good enough for what you’re doing,” Monty said, dropping his worn cowboy hat on his head. Lee was well ahead of them. Abby wanted to hurry but didn’t want to hurt herself again, so she walked at a slower pace.
“I hope you don’t mind my asking,” Monty continued, “but how are your parents doing? I see your mother from time to time at the grocery store and I say hello, but that’s about it. I haven’t seen your father around. I do think of them and pray for them.”
Abby shot him a quick look, touched by his concern and the fact that he thought to remember them in his prayers.
“I don’t mind you asking,” she answered. “My dad has his struggles. I haven’t heard from him for a while, though he did contact me a couple of months ago. My mom is doing okay. Her job keeps her busy and she’s managing.”
“I know this might not be the time or place,” Monty said, looking ahead as they walked. “But I haven’t had an opportunity to speak to you face-to-face since the settlement, and I want you to know that Lee lives with a lot of regrets over what happened. What you saw a moment ago is the result of those regrets.”
Abby’s heart twisted, her own thoughts a sudden turmoil. She understood what Monty was doing. A father speaking on behalf of his son, but at the same time, she knew that regrets wouldn’t change what had happened to her family.
“You may as well know, I didn’t want to take this job on,” she confided. “But I decided to accept it because part of me wants to put this mess of my father’s accident—and Lee’s role in it—behind me. I want to be done with it all.”
“I’m glad to hear that,” Monty said gruffly. “He’s a good son. He’s lost a lot in all of this too.”
Abby heard what he was saying, but nonetheless, as she looked around the ranch, as she thought of the grandiose house she had just left, the legacy Lee could take on if he just said yes, it was hard not to compare it to what she had personally lost.
Somehow, in spite of it all, Lee had still come out ahead.
* * *
“You’re sure you’re okay with this?” Lee adjusted Abby’s stirrup and looked up at her, silhouetted against the cloudy sky, sitting on Bonny’s back. The sun slipped from behind a cloud and burnished her reddish hair, creating a halo effect, putting her face in shadows. He felt an unwelcome stirring in his chest. The hesitant beginnings of attraction.
They’re more than beginnings. You were attracted to her before.
“It’s high up here” was all she said.
Lee couldn’t fathom her tension around Bonny. Even though he had been away from horses for a number of years, once he stepped out into the corrals and saw them come running at his call, he felt a sense of
belonging. He moved easily among them, singling out the ones he would be using. As he had bridled and saddled, his hands found the rhythm, working with the horses, buckling, tightening, assuring. It felt so natural to be around them, he couldn’t imagine feeling as uncomfortable as Abby looked.
“We could use the quad.” He felt he had to offer, but he sincerely hoped she wouldn’t take him up on it. For one thing, the quad wasn’t as nimble as the horses and would be more awkward to get over some of the rockier places in the trail. For another, he wasn’t sure he wanted her sitting right behind him again as she had done yesterday. He had been far too aware of her and wasn’t keen on experiencing that again. Because, like it or not, he and Abby were an impossible and complicated combination.
Lee gritted his teeth, knowing he had no one to blame but himself. He’d had his chance with her, and his own poor choices had messed that up.
Besides, he was probably leaving again once his sister was married.
“No. That’s fine,” she said, cutting into his thoughts. “I want to try this. After all, if I’m expected to come on the cattle drive, then I better get some horse time in.”
“Good point. Now stand up in the stirrups so I can check the length,” he instructed, hoping the initial preparations would ease her skittishness. “If this saddle works, I’ll make sure to keep it adjusted for you.”
“No one else needs it?” she asked as she slowly stood. She wobbled, then sat down again.
“No. We have plenty of saddles. One of the benefits of having a saddle maker in the family. Ankle okay?” he asked before he slid the casing down over the buckle. She had enough clearance from the saddle and the stirrups were okay.
“It’s not my ankle that’s the problem,” she said, her nervousness seeming to grow. “But I’ll be okay as long as my horse behaves.”
“If my dad vouches for Bonny, you can be sure she’s bombproof. He wouldn’t put you on a horse that would cause you any trouble.” As if to prove a point, he ran his hands down Bonny’s withers and the horse didn’t even flinch.
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