I didn’t wonder about it any longer. The waiter seated us at a very nice table at the window from where we had a nice view of the river in the upcoming darkness – if we had wanted to enjoy the view. Instead we couldn’t keep our eyes from each other.
My throat was very dry and I downed a glass of sparkling mineral water in big gulps. Sherinia ordered Frascati for us, an Italian white wine. She decided for Spaghetti Carbonara, while I had Rigatoni all arabiata. We had just placed our orders when Sherinia’s cell phone went off. Her ringtone was a classic tune, maybe Mozart or something. Her wonderful greenish blue eyes looked at the display first and then at me.
Was there a derisive grin on her face for a split second?
“It’s your friend Martin. Do you think I should answer the call? Or do you want to answer it? Would be a nice surprise I guess. I think I’ll let it go to voicemail,” Sherinia said.
I blushed. Why the hell did he have to call Sherinia right now?
“Do you happen to know why Martin would call me on a Saturday night?”
“I believe he wants to date you,” I blurted out.
“But I’m dating his best female friend,” Sherinia sniggered.
I had to laugh, too. The situation was really absurd. My best male friend and me were competing for this beautiful girl, but I soon became serious again.
“Are we really dating now, I mean are you my girlfriend, Sherinia?”
Sherinia reached over the table and took my hand. Our glances locked and I melted like ice in the sunshine.
“Yes, of course, sweetie. We are girlfriends now if you want to.”
“Yes, I want to, Sherinia, very much so.”
“Good. I want you, too.”
Oh my God, she really said she wanted me.
Sherinia let go of my hand as the waiter brought our dishes. I watched how elegantly she rolled the spaghetti on her fork. How adorable her long, delicate fingers were. She was so confident in everything she did, whereas I felt so shy and awkward in many situations. I could hardly believe that this stunning girl wanted to date me. I had so many questions to ask her, but didn’t know how to start. I didn’t want her to believe I was an idiot.
After my third glass of wine and while we were drinking espresso after our dinner, I finally had enough courage to ask her. I looked around to check if anybody was listening.
“Sherinia, may I ask you something? I mean you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.”
She took my hand into hers again. “You can ask me anything, sweetie.”
“How did you know that you are into girls?”
She looked at me with those wonderful eyes of hers and smiled.
“I have always known. I have been a princess all of my life; only I wasn’t looking for a knight in shining armor, but another princess. I simply knew. And my gaydar works very well.”
“A gaydar? What the hell is that?”
She patted my hand. “A gaydar is a kind of sense that helps you to find other girls that play your team. When I first saw you, my dear Jenny, I knew you were on the same side of the fence like me.”
My eyebrows shot up. “But how,” I stammered, “How could you know that when I myself am not even sure about it?”
Sherinia laughed and it sounded like the sweetest melody. “Because I know, believe me, I have experience with it.”
How can she know something that I still need to find out?
“Did you ever – I mean with guys?” My face must have been a bright red by now.
“I tried it several times. I was just curious. You know there was always a line waiting for me. But it was not for me. I didn’t like it at all and that’s it.”
My fuzzy brain considered this for a moment. How could she be so sure in everything she did? She was so clear in so many things where I wallowed in a sea of doubts. Suddenly I noticed she was watching me.
“What is it? Why are you staring at me?”
“I’m not staring. I’m admiring your beauty, Jenny. Your black hair is wonderful and I love your green eyes.”
She really considered me as beautiful. Could I blush even more than I did?
“What about you Jenny? Have you ever been together with a girl?”
That was the question I had dreaded most. I briefly thought of Emilia and I felt a pang in my chest. Emilia had moved on. She was in my past. Sherinia was my present.
“I, uh, only for a short time.” Even though my voice roared in my ears I knew I was hardly whispering.
“And? Did you enjoy it?”
Why is it so hot and stifling in this restaurant?
“Yes, I did, it was amazing.”
“Good. I’m glad you liked it,” Sherinia smiled. “And with boys?”
“Boys? Oh, plenty. But I didn’t really enjoy it either.”
And that was the truth. The evidence was clear. If an experienced lesbian like Sherinia told me I was one of them, I had to be. And like her, I didn’t enjoy sex with guys. Hadn’t Lena told me the same thing? I had to think about this. But I didn’t want to think now. In this moment, there was only this beautiful girl whose brilliant eyes rested on me.
“What do you want to do next? Go to a bar? Go dancing? Or home to my place? I have all kinds of drinks in my fridge.”
The question stirred all kinds of feelings in me, especially a tickling in my stomach and further down between my legs. I knew this was a kind of decisive question. I knew exactly what she wanted and deep down inside I knew the answer as well.
“Let’s go to your place,” I answered without hesitation.
Sherinia’s face lit up. She looked like a child who had just received a long desired birthday present.
“That’s awesome. Let me take care of the check.”
She called the waiter and paid with her credit card. There was something leering in his eyes as he watched us leave the restaurant.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN – A PIECE OF HEAVEN
“What do you want to drink, sweetheart? What about a glass of sparkling wine?” Sherinia asked.
I sat on the leather couch in her apartment and was nervous as hell. My heart raced and my stomach fluttered, but right now I wanted to be nowhere else than in this place.
“I’d love that.”
Sherinia took two small bottles of bubbly out of the fridge and filled two glasses. She handed me a glass, sashayed around the coffee table, and sat down very close to me. In fact so close that our thighs touched. I could feel the heat emanating from her body.
We clicked glasses and looked into our eyes. And I knew I was lost. The next instant our lips touched and a wave of desire and need rushed through my body. I sucked Sherinia’s tongue into my mouth like I wanted to devour her. Within seconds we were both naked and she was on top of me. She kissed my face, my earlobes, my neck, and whispered tender names into my ear. She told me how beautiful I was, how she liked my long black hair, and how much she desired me. Her words stirred a fire unknown inside me. I was intoxicated and like in a haze. I heard myself moan and my own voice say the words of love.
With Emilia everything had been tentative, testing, but loving and caring. Sherinia however knew exactly what to do, how to tease and pleasure me with her fingers and her mouth. And like in my dream she knew how to delay my release. Every time I was close to cuming she stopped her ministrations. Finally I couldn’t stand it anymore. I went down on my knees and begged her to make me cum. She smiled a crooked smile and told me to lie down on the sofa. She lifted my legs and butt into the air. She began to fuck me with her fingers while she licked and sucked my clit. Within seconds I cried out loud as I exploded in a fireball and dissolved into nothingness.
My whole body was covered with sweat and juices. Sherinia held me in her arms and kissed me tenderly while I slowly returned to mother earth. And then Sherinia taught me how to return the favor and I was a more than willing student. As I felt how I could stir and increase her desire and need I felt my own heat return. Finally Sherinia straddled me and pushed her
wetness into my face. I licked and sucked her clit into my mouth while I played with my own pussy. Sherinia cried out loud and her juices covered my face as she collapsed into my arms.
This was only the overture to a whole night of passion and desire. Sherinia did not only know how to play the cello, she knew how to play me, how to make my strings sound, and how to take me to the grand final. Whenever I thought I could not go on, she started with another intro and we followed the tune of our bodies.
+++
A warm white light shone into my face and slowly I opened my eyes. Warm sunlight came streaming into the room through high skylight windows. Then a shadow fell over my face and I looked into the green-blue eyes of my Sherinia. The smile on her face was as bright as the sunlight as she put a tender kiss on my lips. And then I slowly remembered. I was in Sherinia’s bed and I felt the soft warmth of her body next to me. I snaked my arms around her neck and pulled her over me for a sweet and tender good morning kiss.
“Good morning, sweetie,” Sherinia cooed.
“Good morning, my love,” I whispered. In this moment I really meant it.
“Awww. You are so sweet. Are you hungry, babe, I mean, do you want something to eat?” As she laughed about her own joke it sounded like a sweet melody.
I realized how hungry I was, but didn’t realize she had not said she loved me back.
“Why don’t you take a shower while I cook breakfast? Coffee or tea, honey?”
“Coffee please.”
I got up with my legs like jello and a little sore between my legs. Surprisingly I wasn’t ashamed as she watched me go to the bathroom, naked.
When I returned from the bathroom and looked for my scattered clothes on the living room floor Sherinia had really cooked a decent breakfast with eggs, bacon, baked beans, and toast. ‘Nightwish’ was playing from her sound system. And the beautiful owner of the apartment had on a light-blue robe held loosely together by a belt, but allowing me to see her cleavage and her slender legs. Somehow I couldn’t believe in my luck. I had spent the night with the most beautiful girl I had ever known and unlike the guys I had been with, she had not kicked me out of her fancy apartment, but had cooked me a breakfast.
We were sitting on the bar stools at the kitchen counter and ate our breakfast. Suddenly I remembered something.
“What are you going to do about Martin?” I asked her.
“Martin? I don’t know. What do you think I should do?”
“Maybe listen to his voicemail first?” I suggested.
“That’s a great idea,” she answered with a laugh.
She switched her phone to speaker so I could hear Martin’s message and my stomach clenched as I heard my best friend’s voice. I knew him so well and I could tell from his tone how much it had cost him to make this call. His message said that he was so happy to have Sherinia in the band and that he wanted to talk with her about a private matter.
My eyes were on her while listening. For the tiniest of moments I noticed the corners of her mouth twitch.
Why is this so ridiculous for her?
“What do you think?” Sherinia asked.
“He has a crush on you.”
“Yes, but what do you want me to do? Shall I tell him I’m a lesbian and slept with his best female friend?”
I was terrified. “Oh God, no! Please don’t,” I yelled in a panic.
Again I noticed this derisive grin on her face.
“What else do you want me to tell him then?”
I was at a loss.
“Please don’t hurt him and please don’t hurt me,” was the only answer that came to my mind.
Sherinia reached over the counter and took my hand.
“I will not hurt you, honey, but we need to come up with an idea of how to go about it on Fridays – you remember band rehearsal?”
I hadn’t thought about this. What would Martin, Robin, and Marlon say if they knew we were lesbians? The thought of it gave me the creeps. The band was my life and I could not afford to lose them.
“We need to keep this a secret at any cost,” I blurted out.
Sherinia’s beautiful eyes rested on me for what seemed like an eternity.
“I get it - you are not ready to come out yet, are you?”
“Not now, there are so many open questions I need to solve first.”
“Okay, I understand that, but some day you will have to decide. And I won’t go back into the closet.”
“It’s going to be hard next Friday.”
“Yep. So what do you want me to tell your friend Martin?”
“Maybe it would be best if you told him that you are in a relationship and can’t date him. No need to tell him we are dating.”
She smiled her brilliant smile and patted my hand again.
“If that’s your wish I can do that.”
+++
I lay on my bed, listening to some pieces of classic music Sherinia had forwarded to me. It was Sunday night, I was tired, exhausted, and had a headache, yet I could not sleep. There were so many things that needed to be considered.
Sherinia. After our night of passion and our breakfast discussion she had insisted on driving me home. She wouldn’t let me go by bus. When she stopped her SUV in front of the apartment house, I hugged her and briefly kissed her on her cheeks; I was too afraid somebody from the neighborhood would see us.
As I entered our apartment and the usual wave of smoke and stale air hit me, my brother Chris came out of his room.
“Hey sis, who was that cool chick with the BMW?”
“Hello to you, too. That was Sherinia, the new singer of our band.” I was too exhausted to argue with him.
“Wow, she’s cute. Does she have a boyfriend?”
At that I had to laugh though.
“Forget it, you jerk. She’s much older than you.”
“I don’t mind if she’s older.”
I locked the door of my bedroom and dropped on my bed. I dozed off for a while, but since it was only afternoon I could not go to bed yet. I tried to read but did not understand anything of what I read. So I checked my emails. There was a message from Emilia.
Dear Jenny,
I haven’t heard from you for a while. Please let me know that you are okay. I’m fine. Jane is like a sister for me and Jason is a very nice guy. We are having a lot of fun.
How are things at your end? How are Martin and the rest of the band? Why don’t we skype again? I’d love to hear from you.
Cheers
Emilia
P.S. I miss you
I didn’t want to answer her email now. I didn’t want to think about her, I didn’t want to think about Sherinia, I didn’t want to think about Martin and the band. I should have felt happy after my night with the most beautiful girl I knew, but I didn’t. I felt tired and exhausted and I needed to rest.
At some point I sneaked out of my room to the kitchen, prepared a sandwich and took a bottle of beer out of the fridge. My mother was nowhere to be seen and I felt relieved.
I locked my bedroom door again, put my pajamas on and lay down on my bed. I put on my headphones and listened to the classic music, hoping it would calm me down. It didn’t.
What was wrong with me?
I got up and sat down at my desk. I took my notepad and began to write down the questions I needed to answer.
· Am I a lesbian?
· If yes, do I love Sherinia? Does she love me back?
· What does Emilia mean to me?
· Do I want to come out and how and when?
· How will my mother, brother, and my dad react?
· What does this mean for me as a member of the band?
· What about school?
· What am I going to do with my life after graduation?
After I had finished my list I went back to bed and passed out immediately.
+++
On Monday morning I dragged myself to school. I felt as if the Cain’s mark was written on my forehead ‘Lesbian’. Couldn’t
they all see that I had eaten from the forbidden fruit? But nobody seemed to care, business as usual. Only Britzinger seemed to study me more intensely than usual and asked me to see him after class.
Jesus Christ, what does that mean?
When class was over, I slowly packed my backpack and waited until the other students had left the room. I waited for Britzinger to address me.
“Ms. Meyer, how are you?”
“I’m fine,” I stammered, not knowing what else to say.
“Good. You are a good student and what I hear from other teachers you do quite well in your other subjects. I was wondering if you have already made up your mind what you’re going to do after graduation?”
“I, uh, I don’t know yet, graduation is my main objective.”
“You seem to have an interest in history and I thought that maybe you would consider to study history?”
It had never dawned on me up to now that history might be an option for me.
“Oh, well, I really don’t know yet. And what options would I have, if I studied history except for becoming a teacher?”
“You could become a teacher that’s right and I strongly believe you have the capabilities for that profession. Or you could go for an academic career. I just wanted you to think about these possibilities.”
“Okay, I will do, thank you Mr.Britzinger.”
I left the classroom to head to my next class when my phone beeped. I rummaged about my backpack, found my phone, and looked at the display. My heart jumped – it was a message from Sherinia.
Hi honey, how are you? I can still feel your mouth and hands on me. You were wonderful. I miss you and would love to see you. Kisses. Sherinia
During the break after my next class I texted back.
Hi sweetheart, I can still feel you too. I really can’t wait to see you. I’ll call you later. Love you. Jenny
+++
“Do you want to try to play cello?” Sherinia asked me.
It was in the evening of the next day and we were in Sherinia’s fancy apartment. I had been anxious to see her since I had called her the day before. She looked gorgeous in her gray sweat pants and a long-sleeved blue t-shirt.
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