He held it out to us. “The wishes of your parents were very clear. They left no room for questioning what they wanted for themselves. I’m both honored and humbled that your parents chose to entrust themselves and their final words to me. They were people of courage, love, and integrity. If there’s anything more we can do for you, now or in the future, please let us know.”
He then returned our parents to us. Hudson was stoic. I, on the other hand, reached out, grabbed the urn, and pulled it into my chest. It was heavy and cold. The metal shimmered in the light from the lone window in the room.
Aunt Grace stood between Hudson and I. She put one hand on each of our shoulders and said, “I’d be honored if you chose me to share the rest of your lives with. I love you both as though you were my own.” She paused to compose herself.
Both Hudson and I looked up at her. Sincerity rang from each and every word she’d spoken. There was no doubt she had spoken from her heart. I was certain now Hudson and I would go with Aunt Grace
“Thank you, Aunt Grace. Thank you for loving us and for being here…now and forever.” I barely whispered. Hudson didn’t say a word—he only shook his head in agreement.
All three of us embraced. Jen sat watching us without a word. I went over to her and she hugged me.
“I’ll always be here for you, Jacey. No matter where you are. All you have to do is ask and I’ll be there.” I knew she meant every word. I felt it in my heart and soul. Jen was more than a friend, she was family.
“I know—thank you for being here,” I replied.
I took one last look at the pond and bushes outside the office window. I was comforted by the thought of my parents choosing this place for their final goodbye to us. I could picture them here—loving, carefree, and committed. I turned to walk out, when suddenly, standing there, hand in hand outside of the picture window, was my parents. They stood, smiling directly at me.
I took a quick look around to see if anyone else was seeing what I was and knew they weren’t—I was the only one having this break from reality. I must be losing my mind… who sees their dead parents and doesn’t freak? Well, that would be me—I wasn’t disturbed by their presence whatsoever. I smiled back at them and they slowly faded away into the lush greenery.
The ride home was quiet and thought filled. I hadn’t let go of my parents since they were returned to me. I studied the markings on the urn the whole way home. They resembled the ones on the ceiling in my room. An old worry came back, invading my thoughts while I examined the markings. We were going to have to move—again.
I knew Aunt Grace would want us to move to her home in Nevaeh. I’d never been there—well, not that I could remember. It started to feel a little like the air was being sucked out of the car as we reached our driveway. Hudson parked and everyone got out except for me. I needed to take three deep breaths to steady myself so I didn’t pass out. When I was able to breathe a little easier, I got out.
“Jacey, you okay?” Hudson asked.
“Yeah,” I replied, knowing I was the worst liar ever. Not only were my parents dead and gone, now, I’d lose the only place I’ve ever lived in that felt like home, too. Hudson, on the other hand, would be fine. He’d pick up and start over without any problems. He’s always fit in no matter where we ended up. He’s the jock extraordinaire who’s never had any problems making friends. He’s what Mom and Dad called easy.
I could be described as neurotic, shy, self-conscious. I got more introverted with every move we made. The main difference with this move was my uncertainty, I’d have to deal with my issues by myself this time.
My epiphany came to light in the short walk from the car to the house. It wasn’t this house which made my pulse beat in my eyes and my heart feel like it was in my throat, the dilemma with this particular move was knowing this was the last place we, meaning Mom, Dad Hudson and I, had called home.
“Jacey, I have to get home, but call me and I’ll come over as soon as you want some company,” Jen said, bringing my attention back to everyone outside the house.
“Thanks. Thanks for coming, Jen.” I held my parents in my right hand and semi-hugged her with my left arm. I watched as she went down the driveway. I was feeling envious—an emotion I wasn’t used to having. I realized it was because Jen was able to go home. A home where she could see her parents, go to bed, wake up, and have them there with her the whole time. I would never be able to do any of that ever again.
Aunt Grace interrupted my pity session. “Jacey, let’s go in.” She put her arm around me. With her other one, she reached over and stroked my parents’ urn.
I went looking for Hudson when we got in. He wasn’t in the living room or the kitchen. I figured he was in his room. He needed some time to himself, but I wanted him here with me. For what seemed like the hundredth time in only two days, I felt alone and scared.
“Hudson… Hudson,” I called out as I walked into the basement, hoping he was there. I found him on the phone.
“Yeah, okay, when will you know? Okay. When should we expect to hear from you again?” Hudson looked my way and walked past me up the stairs into the kitchen. I waited a second then followed.
“Where’d he go? Who’s he talking to?” I asked Aunt Grace.
“I don’t know.” She stopped and went over to the sink. She was staring out into our backyard when I slipped out of the kitchen and into the living room. I wanted to eavesdrop on his conversation but he was nowhere to be found.
“Where’d he go now?” I murmured to myself as I re-entered the kitchen.
“He needed some air. I saw him leave out the back,” Aunt Grace answered, walking away from the window. She was avoiding eye contact with me. She was as bad, if not worse, than Hudson when it came to hiding her emotions. Her eyes were red-rimmed and puffy, and she had a tissue up to her nose. I tried to give her some semblance of privacy and acted as if I hadn’t noticed her tear-streaked cheeks.
I still had Mom and Dad’s urn in my hands. I went and put them on the kitchenette and took a seat on one of the bar stools around it. I sat staring at the symbols and shapes on it. I’d been in a semi-slouched position when the smell of hot chocolate wafted over me, motivating me to sit up. When I moved, the stiffness in my back told me I’d been staring at the symbols for quite some time. Aunt Grace sat down beside me and placed a steaming cup of hot chocolate in front of me.
“Why do these look so familiar?” I said out loud.
“Take a closer look, Jacey,” Aunt Grace answered.
I picked up the urn and turned it round and round in my hands, staring at them until I went cross-eyed. I finally put it back on the table top.
“Wait a minute. That’s Taerw and Rife,” I announced.
“Yes, what else do you see?”
I picked it back up and turned it over and saw Ria and Hearte, Nidw and Kawaneing. “I see them. I see them all. I don’t get it. Why are they all here?”
I turned it slowly inspecting every inch of it now. I kept doing it until the symbols began to glow—literally. The colors flowing from it were so bright they were almost blinding.
I looked over at Aunt Grace. She was looking at me yet again, reverently. I put the urn back down on the countertop and it stopped glowing.
“What…was that?”
I thought Aunt Grace would’ve been freaked out as much as I was at the moment, but no… nothing. She was calmer than calm.
“Jacey, do you believe when we die we move on to another place?” she asked.
“Yeah.”
“So do I and so did your parents. I think they’re still very much here.” She waved a hand around. “And very much here.” She placed her hand over my heart.
“The energy your parents had, not only individually, but together, was the most amazing mix of love, chemistry, and commitment I’ve ever seen. If any two people could come back to us in any way, shape, or form, I believe your parents would be the ones to do it. I think they set the urn up to make sure both you and Hudson nev
er forgot where you came from and who you both truly are.”
“Where we came from, who we are… what does that even mean?”
“All of these signs and symbols have meaning. They’re all independent of one another yet also quite interdependent. They symbolize life from the beginning. They’re the symbols of how and where we all come from. They’re the basic elemental guides to our origins. I know it sounds complicated right now, but once we’re in Nevaeh I know you’ll come to understand. Ria and I used to stare up at these same symbols when we were kids.”
“You did?”
“Yes, we always wondered how they came to be, so your Mom and I used to make up stories about them. Like this one.” She pointed to Rife.
“We would imagine a place of warmth and beauty. We’d think about lying on a beach and feeling the heat from the sun on our skin, all toasty-like. We’d imagine red waves of warmth wrap themselves all around us.” Aunt Grace closed her eyes as she spoke.
“Of course your mom was much more of a dreamer than I ever was. When we were together, it was like her energy and her fervor for life was infectious. Because of her I was able to go into my own thoughts and explore places I never could’ve by myself. She wasn’t just my sister—she was my best friend, and oh, do I miss her. She was always someone I could count on. Someone I knew who’d always have my back and be there for me no matter what.”
“I feel like that about Hudson. I’ve always been able to count on him. I never thought I’d ever find anyone else I could count on like that until I met Jen. I’ve never been able to explain why, but since the first day I met her she’s always felt more like family. Doesn’t really make sense, does it?”
“Of course it does. Back at home, my best friend Eve is to me what your friend Jen is to you. I think everyone comes into our lives for a reason. I believe each and every one of them serves a purpose. I know I’m the luckiest Aunt in the world to have both you and Hudson in my life.” She hugged me lightly and then went back to her seat.
On nights when Mom wasn’t working or I wasn’t doing homework, Mom and I would have our ‘girl’ time in my room. We would sit there staring up at my ceiling for what seemed like hours and do the same thing she and Aunt Grace used to do.
For a brief moment while I was remembering my ‘girl’ time with Mom, I became jealous of Aunt Grace. I knew I was never going to be able to have those times with my Mom again. I was jealous because Aunt Grace had so much more time with her than I’d ever had—silly, I know.
I thought of leaving Hewfawe and everything it entailed. I wouldn’t go back to Donnelly High. I was going to be the new girl again. I hated that thought. Why couldn’t I just fit in like everyone else? The only person I’d ever met in all our traveling, the only person who’d ever made me feel like I didn’t have to try, was Jen. As scary as the thought of being the new kid again was, I found it even more unbearable when I realized I’d have to come to terms with no longer being able to just call her up and ask her if she wanted to come over, or vice versa. How was I supposed to get the book she’d promised me with all these symbols in it if I wasn’t here? That was also pretty disturbing.
I had to figure a way out of this. Not the moving thing—of course that was inevitable, but the no-Jen, no-book part.
“Do you think Jen could come and visit us?”
“Of course, Jacey, she’s more than welcome to come and stay with us anytime. It’s not like we’re going to be living in another country. It is only a two hour drive north of here,” Aunt Grace said. “Hey, didn’t you say earlier Jen had a book she was going to drop off to you that had some of these in it?” She pointed to the symbols on my parents’ urn.
“Yeah, she said she would try to find it and bring it over.” I slanted my head slightly to the right, staring at Aunt Grace. Here was a perfect example of how she had an uncanny ability to know what I was thinking without me having to say a word.
She changed the topic, or so I thought.
“Your parents set things up with Mr. Silverman. They chose every detail for their final good-bye to us. They wanted to make sure no matter where you go or where you end up, you know they’ll always be watching over the two of you.” She paused for a minute. “Your Mom didn’t make up the markings on the urn or the ones in your room. They’re all real. If you let me, I’d like to help you learn all about them.” She smiled at me and it felt like she’d reached into my soul and somehow made it feel a little better.
“Silverman, the engravings, you coming when we needed you most—Mom set it all up?”
“Yes, she did,” she replied, hugging me. I hugged her back a little and then grabbed onto my hot chocolate.
“What’s Nevaeh like?”
“I think you’ll love it. It’s quite a bit smaller than Hewfawe. However, what it lacks in population, it makes up for in charm.” She smiled a knowing smile to herself.
“There’s a fresh food market called Will’s. My friend Eve and her family run it. There’s a book store called Sample’s. It’s connected to the coffee shop in town called The Six—that’s where I work. The Six is more of a comfy hole in the wall to read a book in while sipping a nice cup of cocoa.” She paused, taking a sip from her own.
“From the front window of The Six, you can see the beautiful park in the middle of town. It’s full of huge knotted oaks and elm trees which have been there for as long as I can remember. Some of their trunks are twisted in strange and wonderful ways and most are covered in leaves the size of my head. Right in the middle of the park is a maze. At night, it lights up. It’s the perfect place for you to go and get lost for as long as you need. Depends on why you want to get lost or who you want to get lost with.” She nudged me gently with her elbow.
“I know it’s not what you guys are used to, but it has a way of growing on you. I’ll try to give you what Ria and Hearte gave you here. A safe place to grow and a home full of unconditional love. I’m not delusional by any means and I know it won’t be the same. Sometimes you’re going wish you’d never heard of Nevaeh. Sometimes I wish I’d never heard of it, but no matter what, I will always be here for you.”
I got up went over and hugged her—hard. I was feeling guilty. In all the time I’d been wallowing in my own grief, I hadn’t thought of the loss and pain she was going through. Not only did she lose her sister, she also lost a part of herself when Mom died.
“I know you love us, I’ve always known. We’ve always loved you and you’ve always felt like home to all of us. I’m going to miss Hewfawe, and not because of the city itself. More because it was the first place I’ve felt like my family made a home. But, like Mom always said, ‘home is where your family is.’ You’re my family,” I stated, now openly crying.
During the middle of my sob session, Hudson came into the kitchen and broke it up. He looked like he’d come from a crying session of his own. His eyes were puffy and red and his cheeks were streaked with the remnants of tears I knew I would never see.
“So, what’d I miss?” he asked, wiping his sleeve over his eyes.
Before I could stop myself I was laughing. Yes, laughing. Yet another perfect example of how I shut down. It must have been infectious, because Hudson and Aunt Grace both started laughing along with me. We laughed so hard and for so long it caused my sides and belly to cramp up in painful knots.
“Okay, we need to stop, I feel like my stomach is going to burst,” I begged through fits of laughter. I took in three deep hiccupping breaths and calmed not only myself, but it seemed to have the same effect on everyone else in the room.
“Jacey, it’s getting late. We should make it an early night so we can get up first thing in the morning to start packing up,” Aunt Grace said.
“Yeah, it is going to take a while—especially Jacey’s room,” Hudson said without any humor.
“How are we going to pack everything up? There’s so much here. I want to make sure we don’t leave anything behind and…”
“Jacey, breathe. You’re going to explod
e if you don’t. We’ll take our time. We have some movers coming in to get the heavy furniture and stuff. All of the other stuff, we can pack,” he said, putting his hand on my shoulder.
“Everything’s happening so fast. Do we have to pack and move everything tomorrow? Why do we have to go so fast? Maybe we could stay here until we get everything settled and then move to Aunt Grace’s. What do you think? Maybe we could even finish out the semester here and—”
I caught a look between Aunt Grace and Hudson. A sick feeling swept over me. From the look alone, it signified moving on with the loss of my parents wasn’t the only dilemma I was going to be facing in the near future—I had an undeniable gut-wrenching sense more was going to be revealed and it was going to show losing my parents had merely been the start of my newfound troubles.
CHAPTER SEVEN
Realities of Change
Fate is at hand
Thankful for unexpected blessings
My throat felt bitterly dry but I managed to raise my voice. “What am I missing? Is there something I need to know?” I stared at both of them.
“There is something…” Hudson paused. “The car crash Mom and Dad were in wasn’t an accident.”
“What! Wasn’t an accident…?” I said turning away from them.
“The police think someone or something else was involved.”
“What does that even mean? Someone, something…”
“They aren’t sure, but on the surface it initially looked as though Hearte lost control of the car and went over a guard rail. It was overlooking a fifty foot gorge. By the time the police were able to gather all the information, they realized there was more to it than your Dad losing control of the car.”
“More to it?” I asked stressing the last word.
“They think it had something to do with Dad’s work, Jacey.” I could see the pulse in Hudson’s temples. That was never a good sign.
“Who would want to hurt Mom and Dad? This doesn’t make any sense. Mom’s into green initiatives and Dad’s—well, Dad’s …” At that moment I realized I never really knew specifically what my Dad did for a living. I knew he worked in an office. I knew he took work home a lot of the time. I also knew he could pick up and go at anytime and find the same job pretty much anywhere. Just exactly what his job was, I didn’t know.
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