“Come in,” I called.
Jen poked her head in. “Hey, need any—”
Before she could finish, she started laughing. My trunk was overflowing as I sat on top of it trying to lock it, obviously with no luck, and looking pretty ridiculous.
“Here,” Jen said as she came in. “You might need a little help with this.” She sat on the trunk with me. With our combined weight, we both heard the trunk clasp grab. She hopped off.
“See?”
“Do you have any idea how long I’ve been sitting on top of that thing trying to close it?”
“Not a clue…I can only imagine. It looks like you’ve got most of your stuff together, well, other than all the things still left on the floor.”
“I couldn’t decide what to take. We have to leave tonight and I haven’t got a clue when the rest of my things are coming. So, anything I couldn’t fit into the trunk—you see where it all is. Mom usually helped me pack. She was way more organized,” I said.
“Let’s go through all this stuff and see if there’s anything you think you’re going to need. We can put it in a couple of these.” She’d brought up three huge boxes. For the next hour we packed everything I owned and held dear. In the end, the room not only looked bare but felt it. Once done, we sat on the edge of my bed and took in my room’s complete transformation.
“Do you think we missed anything?” Jen asked.
“Nope, and if we did, it will be at my Aunt’s in the next week once the movers go through the house. I don’t think I have room for anything else.”
“I hope you have room for at least one more thing.” She got up and went into the hallway outside of my room and came back holding a book.
“Is this what I think it is?” I asked.
“It wasn’t as hard to find it as I thought,” Jen said.
The book—the one which I’d been not so secretly waiting for. It was beautiful. The jacket was deep rusty brown leather and covered in etched markings. I stared at them, transfixed for a moment.
They bore striking similarities to all of the markings on my ceiling. The only differences I could make out were the ones on the cover were each in a different place than the ones on my ceiling. The title of the book was ‘Awakening.’
“It’s beautiful. Thanks, Jen.” I got up and hugged her.
“No problem. But I have to ask you a few things,” she declared.
“Of course, anything.”
“Jacey, I need the book back when you’re finished. I need you to make sure you don’t misplace it or show it to anyone.”
“I thought you were going to ask for something I couldn’t do. Of course I’ll be careful with it. I won’t tell anyone you gave it to me. When I’m done, I was thinking a good way to get it back to you was for you to come and visit me.”
“While we’re on that topic, would you mind if I came up with you guys tonight? I already asked my parents and Hudson offered to drive me back on Sunday. It gives me four days to help you unpack and explore Nevaeh. What do you think?”
I was speechless. I thought when I was gone, she’d forget all about me. Asking to come with me for my first couple of days made me realize I wasn’t ever going to lose her.
“I’d love that. I have to ask Aunt Grace, but I’m sure she won’t have a problem with it.” I ran out of the room without another word and flew downstairs.
“Aunt Grace,” I called out.
“I’m under here,” I heard her say in a muffled voice.
“Where?” She was under the sink, cleaning it out. As I approached she backed out slowly and sat on the floor.
“What’s up?”
“Jen asked her parents if she could help me move into your place and they said yes. Could she come with us for a couple of days? She said Hudson was willing to drive her back on Sunday.”
“Of course she can.”
“Thanks!”
“I have to get back to cleaning out this mess. I never thought about how many things we shove under our sink. When I get home, I’ll be cleaning mine out.” She slid back under the sink.
I ran up the stairs to my room. Jen was sitting back on my bed staring up at my ceiling.
“Aunt Grace said yes,” I called out as I jumped on my bed, almost knocking Jen off.
“I don’t think I’m as excited to go as you seem to be,” Jen said, catching me off guard.
“Why, what’s wrong?”
“I saw the mess you had when I got here. I’m afraid to see the mess we’re going to make when we get there,” she said, laughing.
“I know it’s nothing we can’t handle together,” I replied.
Each of us grabbed an end of my trunk and took it downstairs. We dropped it off on the front stoop then went to get the rest.
“Should I assume there’ll be more?” Aunt Grace questioned as she came into the living room.
“There’s four more in my room. But everything I need for the next week is in here,” I said, pointing to my trunk.
“Let’s get all of this in my car and Hudson’s truck,” Aunt Grace said.
Jen, Aunt Grace and I started to take all of the boxes out of the living room when Hudson pulled up into the driveway.
“Hudson, guess what?” I said.
“What?”
“Jen’s coming to Nevaeh with us,” I said.
“Hope you don’t mind—” Jen said.
“Nope, not at all. I think that’s great—for Jacey,” Hudson called out as he rushed by us into the house.
“What was that all about?” I asked.
“I think he’s got a lot on his mind right now,” Aunt Grace said.
“Whatever,” I replied.
As we finished putting my trunk into Hudson’s truck, he came out carrying a few more boxes.
“It looks like you guys got everything packed up inside,” he said
“Yeah, we did. Did you get your room packed?” I asked.
“Yep, it’s already in my trunk.”
I looked into the bed of his truck and saw my trunk and the ten boxes Jen and I’d packed. There was only one other small box there, which I assumed was his.
“That’s all you have?” I asked.
“That’s it,” he said.
“What a guy. Who’s going with who if we’re going to take two cars?” I asked.
“I’d like it if you came with me, Jacey, and Jen kept Hudson company,” Aunt Grace suggested.
“Sure, as long as Jen can stand Hudson for the next two hours.” I looked over to Jen and caught a look shared between her and Hudson. It was a familiar one. It reminded me of one my parents had shared at breakfast not even a week ago.
“We ready to go then?” Aunt Grace asked with a little more enthusiasm than necessary.
“Jen, do you want to go with Hudson?” I asked.
“Sure, why not?” she replied.
“We’ll follow you guys, then,” Hudson said
“Sounds good. Could you two please take another look around inside to make sure we haven’t missed anything?” Aunt Grace asked.
“I think that’s a good idea. How about you?” I asked Hudson.
“I’ll go through with you.”
Hudson and I went into the house while Jen and Aunt Grace stayed outside on the sidewalk waiting for us.
“Do you feel as weird as I do?” I asked him.
“Yeah,” he sighed.
“I never thought the next time we’d be packing everything up it would be without Mom and Dad. I miss them so much. If I would’ve only…” Before I could finish, Hudson had both hands on my shoulders and turned me around to face him.
“I never want you to finish that thought, Jacey, never. Don’t you get it? Don’t you know? Mom and Dad didn’t die because you left something out of a dream. They died because of something bigger than both of us. You have to stop blaming yourself. Do you think Mom and Dad would want you living, thinking, and breathing every thought covered in the guilt of believing you’re the reason… the reason th
ey’re not here?”
“No, b-but—”
“No more buts, Jacey. That’s it. If we’re going to make it as a family with Aunt Grace and everyone else in our lives to come, you have to stop blaming yourself. You have to let it go and be prepared to move on.”
His talk caught me off guard. I’ve never known him to let his guard down—ever.
“I didn’t think my guilty conscious was having any kind of effect on you. I’m sorry. I do blame myself for Mom and Dad. I know Mom and Dad don’t blame me, but I blame myself.” I paused for a brief second to catch my breath. “But I also know they want us to go with Aunt Grace to Nevaeh and live.”
I stopped talking. I had said it all, but I felt like someone had just punched me in the stomach. My head and heart were aching. There was nowhere to hide from this. The raw emotion and real truth of every word I’d spoken was working overtime on my non-emotional outlets. I was trembling from the inside out at the truth. I looked up to Hudson and he mirrored the expression I was feeling.
We grabbed one another’s hand and started the last journey through the home which was the last one we’d ever know with our parents. The first room we entered was the living room. There were packing boxes all over the floor for the movers next week. All of the pictures of our family which had been up on the walls were packed away and the feel to the room was… bare. We continued through the house, going upstairs to check all of the bedrooms and the bathroom. We both paused outside of Mom and Dad’s room, trying to collectively gather enough courage to go inside.
As we were about to open the door, we both noticed a light coming from underneath it. We entered the room, closing the door behind us. The room was covered in beautiful radiant colors ranging from soft, fluffy warming ones to cozy earth tones. I looked around the room to see where the light was coming from and my gaze settled on my parents’ dresser. There, positioned in the center, was their urn. The symbols were glowing as they had glowed in my hands in the kitchen.
I walked towards the urn, compelled to hold on to it. Right before I touched it, I heard Hudson take in a swift breath. I turned to look at him. It was then my breath caught. Hudson was fully embraced by both my parents, standing in front of me. Carefully, I walked towards them. Both of my parents then turned to me. They were beautiful. They were glimmering in the light from the urn.
“Hello, little one,” Mom said.
“Mom…” I couldn’t finish my thought. Thrilled… I reached out. Mom’s touch was like a gentle squeeze on my heart. They seemed so real.
“Your father and I wanted to be here for you both in any form we could. We want you both to live, be happy, and move on.” She looked directly into my eyes and placed her hand to her right temple.
“I’ll see you in your dreams. I love you, and that love doesn’t go away just because we can no longer be here physically.” A warmth erupted in the center of my being.
It was as though Mom was able to reach into the most secretive cavern of my soul and touch the part which had been eating away at me since they’d died. It was the place which held my guilt and self-loathing.
With her words, all of the negative, hurtful, guilt-riddled feelings I’d been giving refuge to in my soul were gone. It was the most liberating, loving thing I’d ever felt.
“It’s time for us to go. We are needed to venture to the places which have been waiting for each one of us,” my father said. “At first we may seem to be worlds apart, but in time you will both see your Mom and I. We’re closer than you think.”
The light in the room faded away, and with it so did my parents. Hudson and I looked at their urn and noticed its symbols slowly returning to their coal black colors. We stood there for a minute, looking at the urn like something else miraculous might happen. Aunt Grace’s voice brought us back to present.
“Kids, are you ready?” she called up the stairs.
“We’ll be down in a minute,” Hudson replied.
He took the urn off the dresser and handed it to me.
“Jacey, you and I should keep this to ourselves…” He didn’t need to explain any further. I took the urn from him and embraced it.
“Hudson, you’re right. I feel like this is just the beginning. The scariest part for me…I’m relieved.” Inappropriate, maybe, but there it was.
Hudson put his arm around my shoulders and squeezed me gently.
“We have lots of good things to look forward to, Jacey,” Hudson said. Together we went downstairs and met Aunt Grace and Jen.
Hudson went to his truck and jumped into the driver’s seat while Jen got in the passenger side. Aunt Grace and I got inside her car. Without so much as a glance back, Hudson, Jen, Aunt Grace, and I left our home.
“Did everything go all right inside?” Aunt Grace asked.
“Yeah, it did…” I said, clutching my parents’ urn closer to my chest.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Nevaeh
A long road home
New relations unfold.
I thought I’d be heartsick when we left, but I wasn’t. I think most people, when they leave a place they’ve considered to be home, usually feel some kind of connectedness. For me, it was different. It was the first place in my entire life I’d felt some kind of kinship. It was that feeling, not wanting to leave this place, which was my main reason for not telling my parents about the blackness dream. I didn’t want things to change. But the specter visit from my parents and the cleansing of my mind allowed me to feel cautiously optimistic about moving to Nevaeh. It was early afternoon when we left.
Instead of wasting time wondering why I hadn’t been told about my parents by my parents, I was looking forward to seeing, feeling, and touching some of the same things my parents had when they were my age. I’d never been sentimental, but I found myself looking forward to experiencing everything new and old. While I was lost in thought, Aunt Grace interjected.
“A penny for your thoughts.”
“I’m thinking about how I got here and what’s going to happen when we get to Nevaeh. And how lucky Hudson and I are to have you,” I said with a smile.
“Jacey, I’m the lucky one. Having you and Hudson come home with me is a dream. The only things missing are Ria and Hearte,” Aunt Grace said.
“But they’re not missing. They’re here.” I held Mom and Dad’s urn out for Aunt Grace to see.
Aunt Grace nodded, sadly. “Yes, they’ll always be with us no matter what.”
We sat in silence as the miles passed, watching as the lights of the city became a blur on the horizon and the evergreen trees lining the rock-faced roadway took over.
“Do you think Jen’s doing all right with Hudson? She’s probably ready to jump out of the truck while it’s moving.” I laughed. I envisioned Jen trying to pull some kind of conversation out of Hudson and Hudson grunting answers back at her.
“This is the perfect opportunity for them to get to know each other. When Jen comes to visit, Hudson will be the one to drive her home,” Aunt Grace said.
“You’re probably right,” I replied.
“Do you want to stop up ahead to get some snacks and a coffee?” Aunt Grace asked.
“Sounds good, I could use some chocolate.” I called Jen on my cell phone.
She answered on the third ring. “How’s the ride?”
“Good. We’re ten minutes behind you guys,” she said
“We’re stopping at the McDonald’s off of exit seven. There’s a gas station there with a Tim’s, so Aunt Grace can get a coffee. You guys want to meet us there?”
Jen covered the mouthpiece of her phone. I could hear her asking Hudson.
“Sounds good, we’ll see you there.”
“See y—” Before I could finish, I heard Jen giggle and the phone go dead.
“Hmmm,” I mumbled.
“Hmmm, what?”
“Ah, nothing. Jen and Hudson are going to meet us at the gas station.”
We pulled into the gas station. Aunt Grace got out and filled the car
with gas.
“I have to go to the washroom. I’ll meet you inside the restaurant,” I said
“Sure, I’ll just be a minute.”
As I walked through the main doors of the service station, it reminded me of a mini mall. To my right was the gas station attendant, a teenage boy behind the counter watching television. The television volume was low, but I could still make out the sound of the hockey announcer.
“Unbelievable, Motteau with a hat trick.”
The guy was so into the hockey game he hadn’t noticed two people who’d walked in right behind me waiting to pay for their gas.
“Hey,” the man said, trying to get the attendant’s attention.
“Oh, sorry, man…”
I chuckled to myself and caught a glimpse of the couple attempting to pay for gas. The man looked to be thirty. Next to him stood a girl about my age or little older. She had long black hair down to her waist and her face was dramatically pale. She reminded me of a character fromThe Matrix.
She wore a long black leather jacket which only accentuated how skinny she was. She was staring at me openly. Her gaze caught me off guard. Why was she staring at me? I turned to see if maybe she was looking past me at someone else, but there was no one there—she was definitely staring at me. I turned away and made my way to the washroom. Before I entered, I felt compelled to look behind me. I turned back to look at her. Her eyes were abnormally huge, jolting me again.
Her eyes were polished black onyx. Normally, I’d think ‘hey, pretty cool,’ but there was a coldness to them which I felt in the pit of my gut. She wasn’t just looking at me—it felt like she was looking directly into my soul. Weird, I know. But that wasn’t what initiated my fight or flight reaction. I, of course, chose flight.
Looking back at her, I saw red sparks of light shooting around within the center of her eyes. That was enough for me—I turned and ran through the shop to the doorless girls’ washroom.
Once inside, I headed directly to the sinks. The washroom was large with ten stalls in all. In the center of the room there were three large sinks with mirrors hanging over them.
I turned on the cold water faucet and filled my hands with ice cold water. I splashed it all over my face. I did it a couple of times and then looked into the mirror. In the hollow of my stomach a dreadful eeriness crawled up into the back of my throat, giving me the heebie-jeebies. I was afraid to look into the mirror. Afraid of who or what may be behind me in the reflection. When I looked, all there was in the mirror was my own reflection. Nothing was behind me. A tidal wave of relief instantly swept through me.
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