Well, at least he’s jittery about it too. Means I was right about him and he actually does have a heart. Feels bad for leading me on and then shooting me down.
‘Hi.’ I smile back at him, attempting to ease his nerves. I realise it's ridiculous for me to feel like I need to make him feel better, but it’s just how I am.
He moves for me to walk in and I go past him, desperately trying not to inhale his delicious scent. Too late. Damn he smells good.
I sit myself down on the brown leather sofa hoping he sits on the chair across from me. Nope. He sits right down next to me. This is going to be painful.
I force myself to look around the flat so as not to be forced to face him. The whole place is decorated in white, grey and black. Very stereotypical bachelor pad.
‘Nadine...’
I can’t bear it. Him fumbling over his words, trying to find a nice way to let me down gently. Better I just take over and get it over with quickly.
‘Look, it’s okay,’ I interrupt. 'I know what you’re going to say.’
He frowns. ‘You do?’
I nod. ‘Of course, I do. I get it. It was a crazy day yesterday, and you were emotional after the crash. It only makes sense that you needed comfort from someone and with Clara being away, I just ended up being a fill in. Don’t worry, I get it.’
He glares back at me. ‘No actually, you don’t get it at all.’
I stare back at him dumbly. Did I piss him off? What the hell could he be talking about?
‘Huh?’
He unleashes the full, devastating effect of his eyes on me. There’s no option of me looking away. I feel my body start to tremble, the last shred of resistance starting to drip out of my body.
‘I don’t think yesterday was a mistake at all.’
My mouth drops open of its own accord. I’m so baffled, my brain’s in danger of overheating.
‘You... don’t?’
Am I reading this wrong right now? Imagining the way he keeps glancing down at my lips as if he wants another taste?
‘I think it was bound to happen sooner or later,’ he carries on. My mouth practically hits the floor. ‘Nadine, I’ve been attracted to you from the moment we met. Of course, at first, I tried to ignore it, but it’s like I feel this insane pull towards you that I can’t describe.’
So, he feels it too?
His eyes skim along the contours of my face as if he finds every detail interesting. ‘And now I’ve got to know you for the sweet, caring woman you are. Well, I’m crazy about you.’
‘You...’ I gulp, begging my tongue to stop quivering long enough to talk. ‘You... are?’
He nods, giving me the cutest lazy smile. ‘I am.’
‘What about Clara?’ I can’t help but ask. This all results in bullshit if he doesn’t plan on leaving her. Not that I should be encouraging him to leave her. Jesus, I’m a bad person. I’m so going to hell.
‘I broke up with her earlier today.’
My eyes widen to twice the size. He broke up with her? He’s single right now?
‘Cheating isn’t who I am, Nadine,’ he explains, taking my hand. ‘I’m disgusted with myself that we did what we did last night while I was still officially engaged, but if I’m honest I haven’t been present in that relationship for a long while.’
‘Are you doing this just because you met me?’
Because I can’t break up a relationship, and a big part of me wonders if I hadn’t come along would he have just gone through with marrying her? Eventually learnt to be happy.
He takes my hand. ‘Nadine, although I’m falling for you hard right now, this isn’t because of you. You’ve just given me the push I needed, the one I was looking for to get out of an already dead relationship.’
I can’t process this. He’s broken up with Clara. He’s free and single.
Hugh is going to kill me. I try really hard to care, but with him looking at me like I’m the answer to everything right now it’s hard to give one iota of a shit.
‘So, you’re...’ I feel ridiculous saying this, ‘available?’
He snorts a laugh before pulling me closer to him. ‘I’m free as a bird.’
He plants a quick kiss on my lips, a cheery smile on his. I smile back, still in shock, the blood pumping round my body so furiously I’m surprised he can’t hear it.
Then his hands are delving into my hair, grasping and pulling me urgently while his lips attack mine, the hunger in them clear. I let him hold me in place and smother me with kisses, giving in to the immense freedom of letting go. Of letting him kiss me and not feel the crushing guilt normally present on my chest.
He trails his fingertips down my arm causing a shiver of excitement to run up my spine. To counteract the cold, heat rises within me setting my heart racing. My blood pumps around my body quickly, my chest restricted from the lack of oxygen.
I force myself to break away from his lips to grab a breath. He uses the opportunity to push my head back and expose my neck to his peppered kisses. He nips my earlobe, causing me to buck against him. Jesus, I’ve never been an earlobe kind of girl, but I could get used to this.
He untucks my shirt from my jeans and lifts it up over my head. I pull my bra down so it’s still covering me, which I realise too late is a ridiculous thing to do, considering we plan on getting naked. I’m assuming so anyway.
He’s unhooked my bra and is pulling it down my arms before I have a chance to feel anymore self-conscious. I still have tiny silver stretch marks on the sides of my boobs from when I was pregnant. It’s weird how my stomach got away with it, but my boobs just exploded one night. Thanks to that I’m left with my stretchies. I’ve never been bothered about them before, but then I haven’t been naked with anyone else since me and Joshua broke up. Now I’m suddenly aware of how repulsed a person could find them.
But he doesn’t even seem to notice. He’s too busy kissing me again, caressing them gently. He moves his kisses back down my neck until he’s at my breasts. I wait for the sharp intake of breath. For the shock and disgust, but it never comes. Instead he takes one in his mouth and sucks hard. Fuck, that feels amazing. I throw my head back in ecstasy. I’ve forgotten what it feels like.
I feel like I should be doing something, so I take the hem of his t-shirt and pull it up, forcing him to stop what he’s so fabulously doing, for me to yank it up over his head. Not so sexily, I must add.
I pull back to take in the view of his chest. His subtly bronzed, six pack of a chest. Fuck me, he must train hard. I have no idea how he finds the time between teaching, plays and tending to every need of Clara’s. I trace my hands over his pecs, unable to comprehend that this absolute hunk wants little old me. It’s crazy.
He takes my hand and leads me towards his bedroom while I’m still in a daze of disbelief. He pushes me gently back on the bed before stopping to take off his jeans and his boxers. His erect dick springs free. Holy mama! Well, if that isn’t the most perfect dick I’ve ever seen.
I lift onto my elbows in an attempt to scoot further up the bed, but he stops me by pulling my thighs open. Then his mouth is on me. Holy fuck, this man has mad skills. No wonder Clara wanted the dude to marry her. No, no, stop thinking of her. And how you’ve ruined her life. I won’t let her ruin this for me.
He licks me, slow and deliberate before sucking on my clit.
‘My God, you’re soaking,’ he says proudly, looking up to give me a wink.
I can’t help but blush. Then he’s towering over me, kissing me again as he lines himself up and thrusts into me. With my arse on the edge of the bed and my legs clung round him he’s able to go deeper than anyone ever has.
I scream at every thrust, the feeling of fullness combined with the emotion of feeling cherished too much for my soul to bear. He rides me hard and relentlessly, his teeth gritting in the effort, but that doesn’t stop him from caressing my cheek, pushing strands of hair from my face, kissing me gently. Small acts that show me this isn’t just some dirty hook-up. This i
s real.
Before I know what’s happening I’m coming, squeezing my legs so tight around his arse he actually grunts in pain. It’s amazing and unbearable. Intense and too much. As he finds his last final thrusts and his own release I can’t help but lie there, sated, and wonder what the hell have I got myself into?
Chapter Fifteen
Monday 29th January
I still can’t believe it. I slept with Hartley! I woke up next to his gorgeous face and then remembered that he was mine now. I know I should probably feel terrible for Clara, but for once I’m trying to just worry about myself. And the fact that if Hugh finds out, I’m not only fired, but I’ll seriously piss off my best friend. Well, once she finds out what a risky mess Hugh has put them in.
I go to unlock the door to the pub when I find it open. That’s weird. Have we been broken into? I look around for a potential weapon, but the only thing out here is some potted plants. I try to lift one up, but it must be the weight of a baby elephant. There’s no way I’m getting that above my waist. Damn it.
The only thing I have in my bag is my phone. I take it out and look back at the door. Should I call the police? But what if it’s nothing and they tell me off for placing a prank call? No, I can’t do that. I hate being told off.
Instead I dial 999 just in case I need to call them quickly and hold it above my head, reasoning with myself that I can use it as a weapon. Desperate times and all that.
I creep in, making sure every little footstep is placed on the floor delicately to make as little noise as possible. This old pub creaks when the bloody wind blows.
I walk slowly in to find the cleaner stood behind Clara. Holy fuck. She knows.
‘Hiya, Nadine,’ the cleaner says cheerily. ‘I hope you don’t mind, but I let in Miss Blumenkrantz for your appointment.’
‘Oh... that’s fine.’ You just signed my death certificate, you silly cow.
Now that I look at her, she doesn’t actually look how I imagined. If I’d just been dumped by my fiancé, I’d no doubt have big red-rimmed eyes and bags under them from crying my eyes out all night. But she looks... normal. Impassive. She’s not even got the hard stare of someone about to kill somebody, which is what I can only assume she wants to do to me.
‘Clara, hi.’ I put my handbag down and twiddle with my rings to stop myself from having to look her in the eye. Actually, maybe I should have kept the handbag as a weapon. Crap, I knew I should have gone with Mia to those self-defence classes. But you never think you’re going to be viciously attacked, do you? You also never think you’re going to steal someone else’s fiancé, but that ship has definitely sailed.
‘Did you forget we had a meeting planned this morning to go through the flowers?’ she asks, seemingly oblivious to what’s happening to her.
Oblivious to the fact that I just spent the night with Hartley. There’s no way on this earth she can know about us. In the midst of the passion last night I actually forgot to ask him what he said to her. Whether I was mentioned at all. I bloody hope not.
Maybe she’s lulling me into a false sense of security before she pounces and rips my hair out. But either way she must know the wedding is cancelled. Right? She must be in shock. Complete and utter denial. Poor bitch.
‘Um, no, I didn’t forget. I just...’ I can’t make on like I know. Then she’ll know I’ve spoken to Hartley. ‘Yeah, I actually did forget. Sorry, few too many wines last night.’ I fake a laugh. It sounds so unnatural and squeaky. I hate myself.
I go to my desk and start to shuffle a few papers, playing for time. How can she be acting like normal? She doesn’t look like someone on the brink of a nervous breakdown. Her hair isn’t bedraggled, instead its blow dried to perfection. He did break up with her, right? He didn’t just tell me all of that yesterday, so I’d sleep with him? Get one last shag in before saying I do. The idea has me feeling dizzy.
Should I say something? Try to find out if she does know and is just being crazy. Ah, I know.
I start clicking around on my computer. I flinch my head back slightly, like I’ve just seen something that shocks me.
‘Oh, this is strange.’
She frowns, pouting her lips. ‘What is it?’
I grimace. ‘Uh, I’ve got an email here from Mr Valentine saying that the wedding has been cancelled.’ I tilt my head to the side and purse my lips, an intense silence settling over us.
Her chin wobbles. Oh no, she’s going to cry. I was not ready for this sort of emotion. Rage, yes. Upset, no. She bursts into tears, a bloody river flowing from her eyes.
As if I couldn’t feel worse about myself. This whole thing was far easier when I could think of her as a using monster, but now seeing her as just another woman dumped. Well, it’s got me feeling sick to my stomach.
‘He’s told me it’s over,’ she sobs, her mascara running under her eyes.
Looking at her like this, seeing the devastation I’ve caused first-hand is too much. I didn’t think I could feel any worse, but I was wrong. My chest feels tight, my throat thick.
‘I’m so sorry.’ It’s all I can offer. It doesn’t even come close to how remorseful I feel.
She droops her shoulders and sniffles. ‘I just don’t understand. It was all being sorted.’ Her shoulders jump up and down as more tears fall. ‘And we’ve told everyone. It’s going to be so humiliating having to tell them it’s cancelled.’
I cringe at the thought of it but can’t help but feel better that her biggest concern is people finding out. A normal person would be heartbroken that the person they thought was their soulmate didn’t love them anymore.
I swallow down the guilt, begging my quaking tongue to calm long enough for me to say something reassuring.
‘The right people will stick by you,’ I offer weakly.
‘Not my bloody fiancé!’ She throws her hand to her chest and rubs it as if having a heart attack. Probably just heartburn. ‘He’s off having some kind of quarter-life crisis!’
I really don’t know what she wants me to say to her. I’m awful in situations like this, especially when it’s my fault.
‘If it helps at all I can give you your full deposit back?’ I know it’s a pathetic offer when her life is crumbling around her, but I feel like I want to offer her something. I should really have checked with Hugh first, but I’m sure Flo can talk him round if I get her a pretty cupcake.
She sniffs, staring down at her hands. ‘It’s not about the money. I just...’ she looks up to the ceiling, her eyes glassy with yet more tears. ‘I had this future all planned out and now I feel as if it’s been ripped out from underneath me.’
Yeah, and I’m the carpet ripper. I have to speak to Hartley. I can’t be the cause of this woman’s misery.
When I get home, I’m surprised to find Anna waiting outside my door. How the hell did she know where I lived?
‘Anna?’ I ask tentatively in case she’s not here and the stress of the day has me hallucinating.
‘Hi.’ She smiles timidly, tucking her hair behind her ear.
‘What are you doing here? How did you even know where I live?’ Oops, I hope I didn’t sound too unfriendly.
‘Oh, I stalked you on Facebook. Yeah, you should really look into your privacy settings.’
‘Are you serious?’
She rolls her eyes. ‘Of course, I am.’
I walk past her to put the key in the door. ‘Well, let me boil the kettle and you can help me with it.’
‘Hiya, love,’ Mum shouts from the kitchen. Ah, she’s home. How the hell am I going to explain Anna?
I turn back to Anna who’s still stood sheepishly on the doorstep. ‘Well, come in then.’
She nods, swallows and follows me into the kitchen.
‘I’ve got a brew on,’ Mum says, turning to see us both. ‘Oh, I didn’t realise you were bringing a guest.’
I’m guessing she would have preferred Hartley, not a teenage girl.
‘Yeah, Mum, this is Anna. She’s from the school I’ve
been helping at.’
Recognition registers on her face. ‘I see. Nice to meet you, Anna.’ She looks between the two of us. ‘Are you girls still working on something for the play?’
‘Err... no, actually,’ Anna admits, scratching nervously at her neck. ‘Nadine’s been helping me with something else. Something a bit more... personal.’
‘Ah,’ Mum says with a grimace. ‘Well in that case I’ll leave you to make the tea for us and I’ll go wait in the lounge.’
I smile back gratefully. ‘Thanks, Mum.’
As soon as she’s gone, Anna sits down at the table and smiles. ‘Your mum seems really nice.’
‘Oh, she is, bless her.’ Sometimes I take for granted how lucky I am to have her and Dad. ‘So anyway, what’s up?’
‘So, I told my parents,’ she explains, biting her lip.
I flinch. ‘How did they take it?’
She shakes her head comically from side to side. ‘To say they took it badly is kind of an understatement.’
I raise my eyebrows. ‘I’m gonna need a bit more than that.’
She sighs. ‘They’ve told me I’m to have the baby adopted. Otherwise I’m on my own.’
‘What do you mean, on your own?’ She can’t mean truly on her own, right?
‘As in they’ll kick me out,’ she clarifies, her head dropping slowly onto the table.
I scoff. ‘They can’t be serious. That must be an empty threat, surely?’
To give their daughter an ultimatum like that when talking about something as serious as a child. It blows my mind how heartless some people can be.
She shakes her head. ‘No, they’re very serious. They even want me to go stay with my aunt and uncle in Italy until I’ve had the baby. Don’t want the shame of everyone seeing.’
Jesus, what kind of parents are these? Some people don’t deserve the title.
‘But haven’t you told them you want to keep it?’
Papa Don’t Preach comes shooting into my head. I try to ignore it but find myself humming it ever so slightly anyway.
Marrying Mr Valentine Page 14