Marrying Mr Valentine

by Laura Barnard

‘They don’t care. They’ve said I’m too young and the baby should be given to a responsible couple who desperately want a baby. And in a way, I can’t disagree with them. If they kick me out I have nothing and no-one.’

  I can’t imagine feeling that desperate and alone. I may have been through shit, but I always knew that I had Florence and my family who would do anything to help me, regardless of the situation.

  ‘Well actually...’ We both look up to see Mum leaning into the room, having just said that. Has she been listening? ‘You do have options.’ She sits down at the table with us.

  Anna raises her eyebrows at me.

  ‘So, you’ve been listening then, Mother?’ I laugh, unable to hide me being pissed at the intrusion of privacy. I’m trying to get Anna to trust me. ‘And what would your magic solution be?’

  She shrugs. ‘Move in here. We can help out.’

  My mouth drops open. ‘Mum, are you serious? I don’t think you should be offering things to Anna that you’re not one hundred percent sure about.’

  What the hell is she doing offering this to her without even talking to me first?

  ‘I’m sure,’ she nods confidently. ‘How could I live with myself knowing this girl wants her baby but is being forced to give it away?’

  ‘I don’t even know you,’ Anna says warily. ‘But you’d just take me in?’

  She nods, a kind smile on her lips. ‘Every child is a blessing, Anna. We have a spare bedroom and I can tell just by Nadine’s face that she’s taken with you. Let us help you.’

  She bursts into tears. ‘How can you be so nice when my own parents treat me like a stupid child?’

  I rub her back. ‘Because my mum is pretty amazing. I think they broke the mould when they made her.’ She smiles back at me, wiping at her tear-stained face. ‘Why don’t we arrange to see your parents and have a chat with them? I’m still not completely convinced that they’ll kick you out.’

  ‘And if they do?’ she asks, fear settling in her eyes.

  I look to Mum. She nods confidently. ‘Then we pack a bag and get you out of there.’

  I just hope to God Dad’s on board with the random pregnant teenager potentially moving in.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Tuesday 30th January

  I don’t want to go into work today. I can’t face any happy couples when I know I’ve helped split one up. Maybe I shouldn’t be allowed near them with my groom stealing abilities.

  I’d quite happily wallow in bed and my own self-pity for the day, but not only do I have work, but my younger sister Lydia is coming around today, fresh from her honeymoon.

  A normal sister would be excited about a sibling’s news from their honeymoon, but not me. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have any bad feelings towards her. I actually feel sorry for her after her disastrous wedding. It just burns a little that she’s three years younger than me and already has her happily ever after. Especially when I’m so intent on ruining others.

  My one chance at love and it comes hand in hand with crushing guilt at having sacrificed someone else’s happiness for my own.

  I force myself out of bed and shower quickly, hearing the front door go while I’m drying my hair. I throw a pair of flannel pyjamas on, wanting to at least be cosy, and head downstairs, plastering on my fake smile.

  Lydia’s at the kitchen table with Mum, already having a cuppa.

  ‘Hey, Nads,’ she says jumping up to hug me. ‘I’m so glad you’re finally here.’

  Jeez, God forbid I take a shower. I force myself not to sigh out loud.

  ‘I have some exciting news,’ she beams, sitting down to look between me and Mum.

  She must have got her wedding photos back. From her excitement I’m guessing they managed to take some where she doesn’t look stoned. I’ve become more jaded from dealing with her wedding than I have from a whole year of dealing with demanding brides at work.

  ‘I’m expecting!’ she gushes, jumping up to standing again, to jump on the spot.

  My mouth drops open. ‘Expecting... some more photos back from the photographer or...?’ I don’t want to offer the alternative.

  I can’t think of the alternative.

  Mum’s eyebrows are quirked in anticipation, glancing to me every half a second to sense my reaction.

  ‘Expecting, as in I’m pregnant!’ she says in triumph, her grin so large I’m scared it’s going to split her face in two.

  My stomach feels like I just swallowed a brick. She’s pregnant? My baby sister is having a baby.

  ‘Wow,’ Mum says, seemingly as taken aback as me. ‘Congratulations, love.’ She stands up and brings her into a slow hug, eyeing me as she does.

  I hate that look. The drooped eyelids, the concern on her pursed lips. The look of sympathy. From my own mother.

  But my mum is the only one who understands. I am, after all, her baby and when I hurt, she hurts. I know that better than anyone.

  Taking a deep breath, I give myself a rapid pep talk. This is good news. This is your baby sister sharing her happiness with you. I need to embrace it.

  She takes herself out of Mum’s embrace and comes for me, not a hint of concern in her beaming smile. She’s never been good at thinking about others. I hug her back with as much enthusiasm as I can muster, but it’s as if my whole body has gone numb in its own effort of protecting itself.

  ‘And it's twins.’

  My body goes rigid. She’s having fucking twins? What, one baby isn’t enough for Lydia? Jesus fucking Christ.

  I pull back, showing my teeth in what I hope looks like a smile and not a grimace. ‘Amazing news! Congrats.’

  She frowns briefly. ‘And you’re definitely happy for me? You know, after...’

  ‘Belle,’ I say out loud. ‘You can say her name. After Belle.’

  She nods, her eyes sympathetic.

  ‘Of course, I’m happy for you,’ I say sincerely, because I am really. The fact that I’m also devastated and extremely jealous won’t be mentioned.

  She starts getting scan pictures out and talking to Mum about how it was so unexpected, but how they’re over the moon. Jesus, she wasn’t even trying to get pregnant.

  The room feels like it's closing in on me, my lungs tight as if the oxygen is being sucked out of them. I have to get out of here. I can’t do this right now.

  I start backing away. ‘I’m so sorry. I just remembered I need to do something right now.’

  ‘Really?’ she asks, clearly crushed that I don’t want to see my nieces or nephews.

  ‘Yeah, I’m so sorry, but I said I’d...’ Quickly Nadine, think of something. ‘Feed Kelly’s cats this weekend.’

  Really Nadine? That’s all your brain can come up with? Feeding some bloody cats!

  ‘Surely that’s not an emergency?’ she asks with an outraged snort.

  Of course, she’s right.

  ‘Oh, but it is,’ I stutter, walking backwards out of the room. ‘I haven’t fed them since Friday. I just hope I don’t find them starved to death.’

  Grabbing my coat, keys, and bag, I leave before I burst into tears in front of them. It's only as I’m walking to the car that I realise I’m still in my flannel pyjamas. I consider turning back, but I’d only have to answer more questions that I can’t face right now.

  I get in the car and start driving, unsure of my destination. My first thought is to go around Flo’s, but what if Hugh is there? She has a husband now. I can’t just drop around. I don’t want to breakdown in front of him. I know Kelly and Mia will be at work. That leaves... oh, that’s right, no-one.

  Instead I find myself parking outside a Tesco extra in a part of town I’m not familiar with. I’ve no concept of how long I’ve been driving or where I am. My body’s just been on autopilot.

  I lean my head against the steering wheel and force myself to take a deep breath.

  This is fine. Nothing is happening that you didn’t expect after Lydia getting married. I mean, sure, it’s a hell of a lot faster than I was antic
ipating, and I didn’t expect twins—but I still shouldn’t feel this shaken to my core.

  It just seems that everywhere I look there are pregnant women in my life. Babies that are going to be born that I’ll have to watch grow up. Grow up and get to do everything that my Belle never had a chance to do.

  Chocolate. I need chocolate. I do my coat up as best I can and decide to brave Tesco. With me not knowing exactly where I am hopefully I won’t see anyone I know.

  I walk in quickly heading straight towards the chocolate aisle. I grab the largest packet of Dairy Milk and head for the till. There’s a queue so I have to pause and deal with the funny looks from judgy customers.

  Yeah, yeah, I’m in my pyjamas. Get over it.

  ‘Nadine?’

  I freeze, scared to turn around and find who it is that knows me.

  I slowly pivot round until I’m face to face with Hartley. Just seeing his gorgeous face creased in concern makes me crumble. I break down in tears, the weight of everything heavy on my shoulders. Breaking up a relationship, putting my career in danger, and now finding out my own sister is going to have not one, but two babies. My life is a disaster, and I know it.

  He pulls me into his chest, wrapping his arms around me tightly. ‘Oh babe, what’s happened?’

  I sob, my shoulders shaking a ridiculous amount. ‘I’m fine,’ I insist weakly.

  He scoffs, his chest rumbling beneath me. ‘Yeah, you look fine.’

  He takes my Dairy Milk from me, puts down a fiver at the till and then walks me out of the shop.

  ‘You’re coming back to mine,’ he insists, guiding me towards his car.

  I try to protest, but I know he won’t have it and I don’t have the energy to fight anyone right now. It’s easier to just go along with it.

  I sit in the car in silence, looking out the window at the grey and dreary day. What a mess I’ve made of my life.

  I know before he even pulls up that I have to end things with him. I have to let him go, let him marry Clara, who he was destined to marry all along. Before I fell into his life and fucked everything up. I’m just a bitter woman who deep down only wants to make people as miserable as me.

  He puts the key into the door and leads me, hand on my back, into his flat.

  ‘I can’t do this, Hartley,’ I blurt out to him as soon as I’m inside.

  He frowns. ‘Huh?’

  I walk into the sitting room, not bothering to take my coat off. ‘Clara came into work yesterday crying her eyes out. I can’t do it. I can’t be responsible for ruining a relationship.’

  He takes my shaking hands. ‘Nadine, I keep telling you, the relationship wasn’t going anywhere for a while.’

  ‘So you keep telling me,’ I snap. ‘But be honest, can you say hand on heart, that if you hadn’t met me you would have still broken up with her?’

  He looks at the floor. It’s enough to tell me he’d have carried on with it. Or at least considered it if I’d not come along.

  ‘That’s enough of an answer for me.’ I turn and head for the door.

  He grabs my hand and pulls me back into him. ‘Stop! I can’t lose you.’ His eyes are desperate, pleading with me more than his words ever can.

  I force myself to break away from them. ‘I’m sorry, Hartley, but don’t you see? Me and you were never meant to be. You were never mine to lose. It’s wrong.’

  He cups my face with his hands, staring into my soul. ‘How can something that feels so right be wrong?’

  I gulp, my eyes stinging from all the tears. ‘Because you’re a cheater.’

  ‘Am I?’ he asks, his forehead pinched. ‘I broke up with her before sleeping with you. Doesn’t that count for something?’

  I shake my head, my chest aching. ‘It doesn’t matter. Once the story gets out, it’ll be that we were having a fully-fledged affair. It will ruin my whole career. Hugh will fire me and no-one’s going to want to employ the wedding planner that stole the groom.’

  He starts manically pacing, wringing his hands. ‘No-one will care. Who cares about a career?’ He stops to take my hands, his eyes pleading with me. ‘Surely happiness is more important?’

  I push him away using all my energy and cross my arms, turning away from him to wipe my weepy nose. If I keep looking into his eyes, I know he’ll hypnotise me into staying and I’ll be naked again in less than twenty minutes. I have to push him away instead.

  ‘So, you’re just dismissing my career like it's nothing? What if it was you being fired?’

  He frowns. ‘Why would I be fired?’

  I have to make him see what it would be like for the situation to be reversed. ‘What if I was one of your students? Then you’d be fired for sure.’

  ‘Then it would be totally inappropriate,’ he snaps, like I’m insane, arms crossed over his chest. ‘Of course, it would.’

  ‘And this isn’t?’ He stares back at me, his eyes begging me to come back to him. ‘I’m sorry, Hartley, but I’ve dropped everything for a man before and look how that worked out.’

  He pinches his lips together. ‘I wouldn’t know, because you don’t share anything with me. You’re a closed book, Nadine. Why won’t you open up to me?’

  My chest aches from everything I haven’t told him. Everything I should and never will.

  ‘Some wounds are better left alone.’

  I turn and run.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Wednesday 31st January

  I wake up to twenty-two missed calls from him. Bless him, you can’t say he's not bothered. He just needs to realise that this is for the best. That it’s going to hurt at first, but in the long run he’ll thank me. Not that it makes me feel much better. Who knew that my already broken heart could be shattered into mere smithereens?

  When I get to work, I find Clara sat outside on the bench. Not this again! When is she going to realise that it's over? Well, unless he’s already changed his mind, cut his losses and agreed to marry her again. Wow, that idea hurts more than I thought it would.

  She spots me as I walk over, her eyes protruding out of their sockets. ‘You bitch!’ she screams jumping to her feet.

  I look behind me, wondering if she was shouting at someone else.

  But it’s me she’s looking at, while she shakes with rage. ‘You little fucking whore! What kind of wedding planner steals the groom, huh?!’

  The world starts spinning around me. She knows. How the hell can she know?

  ‘Err... what are you talking about?’ I ask, attempting to play dumb. It’s not hard. I have no idea how she could have known. Did someone see us kissing after the float crash? Grass us up?

  ‘I’m talking about you, home-wrecker.’ She stands right in front of me, jabbing a pointy, perfectly manicured finger into my chest. ‘Getting into my fiancé’s bed, and his mind, for that matter. Convincing him that he shouldn’t marry me.’

  ‘I didn’t! I swear!’ I back away, noting how she’s baring her teeth like a dog. I wouldn’t put it past her to physically attack me. Not that I don’t deserve it.

  She leans on one leg, her hand resting on her hip. ‘So, you’re trying to tell me you never hooked-up?’ She lowers her head to study my reaction.

  ‘Err...’ I look from side to side, my eyes rapidly blinking of their own accord. ‘Look, whatever happened between us happened after he’d finished with you.’

  Like that sounds any better. I hate myself.

  ‘What?’ she snarls, laughing cruelly, an edge to it that spreads goosepimples over my arms. ‘You mean Sunday? Mere hours after he’d decided to dump me? Pretty fucking coincidental isn’t it?’

  She’s got me there.

  ‘I... I...’ my words stammer out, my throat choosing this moment to close in on itself. ‘I didn’t mean for this to happen.’

  ‘You bitch!’

  Before I can register what’s happening, she’s launched herself at me like some kind of manic spider monkey. I fall to the floor as she attempts to pull my hair out from the roots.
/>   ‘Aaarrgh!’ I scream, the sting unbearable. ‘Leave me alone, you crazy bitch!’

  She slaps me round the face manically. I hold my hands up over my face, attempting to shield myself. The worst thing is that I feel I should just take it, lower my hands and let her beat me. I know I deserve it.

  ‘Get off her,’ someone yells. I still daren't move my hands in case she takes the opportunity to gouge an eye out.

  When she’s finally off me, I quickly scramble to my feet. Hugh is holding her back, his face tense from trying to restrain her.

  ‘What the hell is going on here?’ he demands, looking between the both of us.

  ‘She…’ Clara roars, pointing at me, her eyes ablaze. ‘stole my fucking fiancé!’

  Hugh almost laughs as if the very idea is ridiculous. ‘I’m sure that’s not right.’ He looks to me, rolling his eyes. Then he stills, taking in what I’m guessing must be my guilty expression. ‘Right, Nadine?’

  ‘Um...’ I look down at the floor with a wince. Why do I find it so hard to lie to people’s faces? It’s really not a good quality for a groom stealing bitch. I’ll have to work on that.

  ‘What?’ He releases her, the shock consuming him. She attempts to lunge for me again. He thankfully catches her just in time. ‘Calm down, Clara, or I’ll have to call the police.’

  She takes a deep breath as if to try to calm herself. ‘Fine. You know what? Fuck you. You’re not even worth it. Hartley will come back when he’s sick of your whorish pussy. You know what they say, sometimes they have steak at home, but they still fancy a quick burger.’

  Did she just call me a burger? I’ve never been so offended on behalf of my vagina in my life.

  ‘You better persuade him to find his lost mind again,’ she continues, her face getting red and blotchy. ‘I will be marrying him. Unless you want the whole of London to hear about the groom stealing whore of a wedding planner, I suggest you start working on it!’

  She flounces off towards her car while I sigh in relief, pleased for the release of the immediate danger.

  Hugh looks at me, his mouth slack, his eyes wide. ‘Tell me this is bullshit. Tell me it’s not true?’